Onwards and Upwards!

[Hushabyemountain98]

Good morning. Welcome to my new thread. I hope that all my MN friends will join me and maybe a few new ones!xx

Good Morning Chicon,
I just wanted to ask if you are okay?
How is life for you at the moment in Brussels?
Thinking of you and the people of Brussels xxx

morning, yes yes to all us getting that contact thing.
Hush I always have a giant toilet roll by my keyboard, hope you've dried your tears?

Morning pizza,
Glad you get the contact thing.
I normally have a kitchen roll by my lap top.
I had to dry my tears as had to take the dogs out.
How are you feeling today?xx

Good afternoon all - we are awash in tears today with our sadness..
I think it's helpful to understand how much we crave contact with someone who has hurt us so much. It took me a year before I stopped minimising, excusing, understanding and craving his attention. It took one phone call where he phoned to moan at me about something and that was it - my anger was unleashed and I finally really told him what I thought of him. It was one of those 'f... off for ever and DO NOT EVER CONTACT ME AGAIN!' rants... and it worked.
But it took me so long to get there. I wish I had been on Mumsnet then as I would have understood far more about what was happening sooner.
My tears today are for my wee dog who is currently under anaesthetic to remove something lodged in his throat. He picks up and chews everything - I'm just hoping that the vet can easily remove it. Fingers crossed.

I have just read all your text and I understand too , but after yesterday I thought you are one selfish man! You don't care about me at all , you say you love your kids but words are nothing actions are everything and there are none !!! Contact with him has become ridiculous all mind games with other selfish intention behind it all . Now he has text can't end it with her today blah blah blah , I need to talk to my kids first ! Procrastination again , told him I don't care anymore if he loses those kids like you all know they have consequences for abandoning their families , their choice , their journey. Hush I want to wrap you up with your tears and help you turn the corner , but it is like the bear hunt you have to go through it , the tears are good you are letting go , I still don't know how you are coping without antidepressants though xxxx

Good Afternoon Louisa,
I am sorry to hear about your wee dog. I hope that the vet removes the blockage from his throat and that he will be fine. We get so attached to our pets and they show us so much loyalty!
I hope I get past this feeling soon as it is horrid. I need to get angry as he has treated me so badly and continues to do so.
I really hope all goes well for your doggie. Thinking of you with fingers crossed xx

Good afternoon Kirk.
With these men words are cheap!
They are so selfish!
I went through to our local centre earlier and I was just praying that I would not see anyone I knew as I wouldn't have been able to hold it together.
Thank you for your kind thoughts. It means a lot.
xxx

I think it's helpful to understand how much we crave contact with someone who has hurt us so much

We do it because we need to prove to ourselves that we're not as bad as they want us to believe. But I think a big part of it is also about us needing to see and feel that they're not so bad after all. That we had a bit of contact and it was re-assuring in the they weren't as horrible as they'd been up to the bit of contact. But dont forget if they are all we know or have experienced in life its hardly surprising we're going to miss them, and all they entail, when its taken away from us. But one day down the line we do actually realise that what we had wasnt healthy or good or anything like a loving relationship should have been and we know that this situation is better for us. We know because we've experienced something else and we can tell the difference.

Hello notonyur.
I know what you are saying. But is is just so hard and so lonely I really loved him and I miss him terribly xx

But is is just so hard and so lonely I really loved him and I miss him terribly

I know Husha. I know. And Im really sorry you're hurting so much. xxxxxxxx

Wise words notonyur.
The wee dog is OK - an expensive trip to the vet and he's very woozy after the anaesthetic but they removed the blockage and he's no longer choking. Will head for bed soon as was up most of last night !
Hush - you will get there. Do be gentle on yourself this weekend. Seek out a tiny nice thing to do - a hot bath, light a scented candle, try some new make up - and keep remembering that although you are hurting terribly you are a good and kind person and that is highly valued and valuable to others.
xxx

Thank you notonyur for your kind message xxxx

Hi Louisa,
Glad your wee dog is okay.
I know all about expensive trips to the Vet.
But what else can you do?
I hope you manage to catch up on your sleep.
I do not have a bath in this house anymore only showers!
I will try to find something else that is nice for me.
I was hoping both my sons would be home for Easter but now it seems that is not the case.
xxx

Hello, I'm here! I'm having a better day as I said I would, onwards and upwards!!

Hello pizza. Glad you are having a better day xx

Evening ladies , my day has been ok no drama today just a nice chilled out day st home with my son , looking after my friends cockapoo for Easter , that's me I love dogs and dogs sitting who needs men 🐶❤️

Good Evening Kirk, I am glad you have had a nice chilled out day with your son.
I hope you enjoy looking after your friends cockapoo xxx

Evening hush , always know we are all good enough on this thread , morally , ethically , but most of all nice women who love our children , we must celebrate our kindness and remember we will have a better life to come , we will together get through this heartfelt pain and I know it will make us stronger , our children love every inch of us , the depth of love they have for us is forever and ever . We have made our mark in this world by being the pinnacle of what Mumsnet is all about loving and fighting for the best for our children whatever their ages , ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Morning Hush how are you?

Do you know what? It sounds to me like you're starting to get to the angry stage. Although it might not feel like it, this is a positive step because you've got to go through the stages of grief (and it is grief) before you can come out of the other side.

You'll be fine. We are all here to support you.

Morning all, the sun is shining here and I'm feeling a lot better, I've even managed to drink A CUP OF TEA!!
Little things.
WTAFF I agree with your comments about the grieving stage and the angry stage but do you know how long these stages last and what's the next stage?

Hi Kirk, WTAFF and pizza,

I am ok this morning feeling less upset than yesterday.
The sun is shining here. The dogs have been out.
I am going to pick my youngest son up in a minute. Not sure if he is staying. The eldest is coming for the day on Sunday.
I am glad that you are feeling better today and managed to drink a cup of tea.
Thank you WTAFF. I am not sure what stage I am at I still feel as though I am in that pit. Thank you for your support.

I hope you are having a good day Kirk. Enjoying your sons company and the sunshine.
Bye for now xxx

Hi Hush. Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been trying to avoid the Relationships board because just lately I've found that there are so many threads where people are being advised to walk out on their partners so that they can be truly happy. I know everyone's circumstances are different but if they could see the devastation caused if they don't do everything they can to save their marriages then they may think again. There's one thread at the moment where a poster is asking how he can break up nicely with his partner of 10 years. It isn't going to be nice - it's going to hurt! Anyway rant over.

Also I feel a bit of a fraud posting here as my DH isn't being the bastard that yours all are even though he's now moved in to a room at a friends. He is getting on very well with my DD which is good but also sticks in the throat a bit as I'm the one who's here for her 24 /7 and I get all the flack!

I was feeling a bit better but the Easter weekend is already starting to drag me down.

This thread does seem more positive for you though Hush which is good xx

Hush glad you're feeling a bit more positive today. It is normal to swing between the various stages. Try and have a lovely weekend.

Pizza I really think it varies for everyone. The last time I experienced significant grief I was angry for a long time and it's only now two years later that I feel I am coming out of it a little bit. I'm still not as I was before though and I doubt I ever will be. It's just learning to re-build your life without that person in it.

I hope everyone enjoys the Easter break.

Welcome back madamehooch.
Sorry that some of the threads have disturbed you.
Hopefully mine is more helpful and full of better advice and support.

I can understand how you feel about having mixed feelings about your dh getting on well with your DD but you are the one who is with her and takes all the flack!

I am glad you are feeling a bit better. Sorry that the Easter weekend is started to drag you down. The weekends never seem good for me and this is just an extended version!

Hopefully this thread is a little more positive. We have our moments!

Take care xx

Hello again WTAFF.
I seem to swing a lot!
I will try to have a lovely weekend.
I hope you do too xx