Do men fall in love?

[Custardcreamssummerdreams]

Or at least in the same women do?

Just reflecting on life really now I am older.

They appear to be able to move on quicker?

Wow. I've found some of the posts on here completely shocking.

If you don't think men fall in love in the same way as women perhaps you just hang around the wrong men?

And as for women being more maternal and softer...what an absolute load of bollocks.

This thread encapsulates the worst sexism I've seen in a while. How can you possibly reduce 'men' to the point that we're discussing them like they're all the same?

Yes...Is it so hard for some of the posters here to imagine that individual men have as many differences in what they feel and how they act as individual women do?

And I second Trills...what is this 'way that women fall in love'?

I'm pretty sure we each fall in love differently...some of us are very emotional, some of us are extremely logical. Some women are very soft and some are very hard. Some women are maternal and other women would say that they don't have a maternal bone in their body.

I agree with last two posters.

What does interest me is why some people really lap up stereotyping of men and women. It's like they need to hear really sexist shit about their own and the 'opposite' sex.
Weird.

Human beings categorise to save brain space - stereotypes mean we don't have to save too many unique details about other people.

Most studies indicate we can store details for roughly 180 individuals. In a world where we regularly encounter many more our brains struggle to do more than stereotype. Having other people validate our stereotypes increases our sense of mental comfort.

But it makes me mentally uncomfortable!

No, of course men don't fall in love the same way that women do.

I mean, all they want from a relationship after all is someone to provide sex and housework. When you boil it down to its core.

I don't really love DP. I'm a woman, and so I don't understand DIY and finances the same way that he does. If anything happened to him, I'd probably move on to someone else quite quickly because I'd miss having someone do all that incomprehensible paperwork stuff. Oh, and the gardening. I can't do that very well either, on account of being a woman.

Anyone who doesn't understand that having a vagina makes you more emotional, and having a penis makes you less capable of feeling things deeply, clearly hasn't lived in the real world.

My XH has been married, and divorced, three times (i was the 2nd marriage). He is 39 now, and engaged again .

Some people are in love with the idea of what a loving relationship must feel like, without realising you have to make efforts to make it work. I genuinely don't believe he has ever loved any woman.

I agree with a PP that women are expected to grieve more and for longer.

I hope i explain this in the right way but i think the reason in the case of women that some do seem to move on more quickly is for economic reasons.

Its mostly women in low paid jobs and careers VERY low paid in many cases and they simply cant afford to live on their own.

Helena I get what you mean I think, but that makes me very sad and cynical.

Makes it more of a transaction than a desire, people getting into relationships because they can't afford to be single isn't a good prospect for either party

And I have to say, it's a personal choice generally what job you go for, so on that basis it also saddens me that because of that choice some women are essentially using men for their money. It could be argued that the jobs should be more well paid but generally speaking you enter a job knowing and accepting the salary.

It happens with both genders though, it does make me sad though that people do get with others just for convenience and not for actually liking that person.

And with the cost of living it's no doubt on the increase

Filling how the fuck did you come to that conclusion from what ive written.

Youve obviously never signed on. I once had the choice between workfare or a job in a sex chatline office. I took the latter in case you were wondering.

Choice does not come into it for a lot of women further down the socio economic scale. Its ppl in this situ im talking about I thought i had made that clear. Obviously not.

A lot of ppl would be humming a different tune if e.g. care workers excercised the choice you seem to think they have and refused to do the job for such a low wage and then you would have to take time off work to wipe your elderly relatives arse because of it.

I think my ex is unable to love..
Now I might get stick for saying this but I don't think he feels love!

I think he is in love the the idea of love but I don't think he can actually love anyone that's including his children!

He would tell me on a daily basis how much he loved me and and how I was his world then when things got tuff (20 weeks pregnant with our son he left me for someone else and 32 weeks pregnant again left me for someone else this time hasn't came back) he used the whole I love you but not in love with you!
He has ended every relationship like this he has never had a relationship longer than 3 years and everyone he has ended and jumped straight into a relationship with someone else!
But when I think about it his family are not a loving family like they do the tell each other that the love them. His.parents as kids never showed affection and I believe this could be why he is the way he is.

No one would give you stick for saying that your ex knows nothing about love. Your ex is a terrible twat.

What you might get stick for is if you said that all men are like your ex.

I definitely don't think all men are the same my ex previous to this one loved me more than anything! He was devoted 100% to me and treated me great but he was brought up in a very loving family with lots of woman in his family who he worked to provide for. I do believe it depends on how the man was raised depends on whether they are able to love

Its easier for men to just like women for sex and companionship. Women are so critical of men these days. Its easier to hear constant characterisation and criticism from someone you are only loosely connected to. It hurts far too much to have someone who has complete control of your heart run you down and complain about you in public.

Not all men are passive aggressive twats, fortunately

Helena you said

I hope i explain this in the right way but i think the reason in the case of women that some do seem to move on more quickly is for economic reasons.

Its mostly women in low paid jobs and careers VERY low paid in many cases and they simply cant afford to live on their own.

And I said I get what you mean I think

So obviously I didn't get what you meant, you didn't write it clearly or both.

With you saying they can't afford to live on their own, that's why they move on quickly lends to the thinking that they rush into relationships and progress them to cohabiting quicker, at least to me.

1. no I have never signed on, but I don't see why that's important.

2. I would argue care workers dont do the job and in something like that I think it's a good thing, do I think they should get paid more? Yes but if you actively choose (and have a choice ) to do that job for that wage then I don't see how you can complain. But this is a whole different subject in which im not getting into.

3. unfortunately due to a horrible series of events I have no elder relatives as they all died 10 years ago in my mid teens.

Also I think women fall in love in a 'licking a finger and wiping your face' kind of way, whereas men fall in love in a 'which mountain can I climb to get to you' sort of way. Sometimes whilst they are climbing the mountain, the women asks her envious friends what they think of his motives, so while the man who loves her is climbing the mountain she marries Barry from accounts who only really loves his mother.

Women are critical of men????

Really. The sort of man i am attracted to is one who looks a bit "lived in"

How many men say the same.

And thats why i refused to sign the gender pay gap petition. Because it didnt include ALL women.

Lanark2 why does he take so long climbing the mountain? Is it becuase he married Sheila from admin?

This is no longer a discussion, its now a childish squabble that has wandered far away from the original thread.

There is a good series of books about nations in love, published by Penguin. Its quite interesting as it looks at how differently love is experienced and explained in France, England and Spain. I think the thing that's missing is what the OP means by 'loving like a woman' I guess.

I have been reading this thread from beginning to end but have no idea what Lanarks banging on about now?