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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DRY 11

999 replies

TeapotDictator · 04/03/2016 12:08

Time for a shiny new thread.

Old thread here

OP posts:
Boodles84 · 17/04/2016 15:08

*isn't directly to do with alcohol but wouldn't be possible if you were drinking

Lilybetsey · 17/04/2016 21:05

boodles enjoy looking better - I a, are you do. Several people have said to be the last couple of weeks that I look really well, or very healthy. This is partly because I am taking more care with my general appearance ( not bring hungover EVERY morning helps with that) but I have also list a lot of 'puffiness' round my eyes ...

Enjoy it ! The compliments are well deserved

beginner I agree this is the most dangerous time , I'm very impressed you have negotiated a holiday etc - I don't know why at the 3/4/5 month mark there is a dip, it's like the sheer effort to get that far has faded a bit and you need something to take the place if all the time you spent drinking - is there anything you fancy doing Patchwork/ jewellery making /knitting / painting ? Anything to fill the time and your brain...

journey write down the past memories so where private, this is to read when you decide one day that you 'have exaggerated' and 'can moderate' .... The put them behind you. You can't change the past and the guilt just takes away energy from focus sing and supporting yourself in your new AF life ....

Hi fuzzy vxa howbad & cheesy ... I'm a bit worried about flossie and matron ... Anyone heard anything ?please come back guys ... We can help support you xxxx

donajimena · 17/04/2016 21:15

I'm just checking in very quickly so I haven't had a proper catch up of the thread so apologies for my random input...
I'm watching embarrassing bodies and they are watching a lads holiday in Magaluf.
it's like soddom and gomorrah (sp). I absolutely hate hate hate 'our' drink culture.
I'm feeling quite sad. Not judgy as I have been there! Do you think we can change as a society?
I hope you are all ok. Keep strong sober warriors. I have had the most amazing weekend sans booze. My life has changed so much for the better since starting this new way of living.

misscookie · 17/04/2016 22:49

Beginner I am at the same stage as you and around 108 days sober. I also feel like I've hit a brick wall - really grumpy with my family - horrible in-fact - threw a complete hissy fit last night and said I wanted a divorce etc etc ugh!

All I wanted to do to cope with feeling rubbish was go an get pissed. I'm fine when I'm happy, but feeling upset is a trigger for sure.

misscookie · 17/04/2016 22:49

Beginner I am at the same stage as you and around 108 days sober. I also feel like I've hit a brick wall - really grumpy with my family - horrible in-fact - threw a complete hissy fit last night and said I wanted a divorce etc etc ugh!

All I wanted to do to cope with feeling rubbish was go an get pissed. I'm fine when I'm happy, but feeling upset is a trigger for sure.

misscookie · 17/04/2016 22:49

Beginner I am at the same stage as you and around 108 days sober. I also feel like I've hit a brick wall - really grumpy with my family - horrible in-fact - threw a complete hissy fit last night and said I wanted a divorce etc etc ugh!

All I wanted to do to cope with feeling rubbish was go an get pissed. I'm fine when I'm happy, but feeling upset is a trigger for sure.

gladistopped · 17/04/2016 23:09

Hello all
been very busy working ( sober - more time to pitch for/get/do work :)
Been away for lovely weekend - in past would have been v boosy but not this time :)
Challenging drive home ( car problems made it twice as long as normal )

Now 135 days sober :) KOKO lovely Sober Warrior fellow friends :)

AbsoluteBeginner · 18/04/2016 09:14

Thanks everyone for your support and helpful suggestions. I don't want to be negative and bring everyone down. I will try to set some fitness oriented targets and aim for 6 months AF. I am not going to have a drink. I am much less weepy since stopping, and lots of other good things. Love to all Flowers

vxa2 · 18/04/2016 10:19

beginner a lot of the stuff I have read has said that you need to replace alcohol with something else - almost develop a new addiction although I'm not sure about thinking of it that way. I am going to try and get back to yoga or swimming or just going on my exercise bike but it could be a new hobby or some new learning, I think it's a bit early for me to think about that. You are doing so well.

I am going to try and getting my eating a bit more under control. I have been eating a lot of carbs since I stopped drinking and I know I shouldn't.

How is everyone today. Sounds like some really good booze free weekends Smile

lilybetsy · 18/04/2016 11:00

beginner you are not being negative, and def not bringing ME down - I think hearing about others blips / struggles and difficulties at different stages along the road is realy useful and helpful to know that others feels the same as we do.

I am earlier than you ( 38 days today) and still a bit pink cloudish .... although I know from past experience you can never take sobriety or granted ..

have a good day x

HowBadIsThisPlease · 18/04/2016 11:10

Hi
Please don't anyone feel like you need to apologise for saying how it is on this thread. I really feel like here of all places you can just come and let us know what's wearing you down (or what's great too!)

I think this idea that it is burdensome to our friends to put our real selves out there has a lot to do with the initial dive into the bottle in the first place. (I think it's connected to the legendary alcoholic perfectionist streak - DOING SOCIALISING RIGHT) I know you can't just suddenly decide not to care what effect you are having on other people, but please believe us when we tell you" we can take it. just come here and tell us, whenever you want.

I've got SIL and BIL over later. Typically associated with lots of booze. BUT at least one of them will be driving; it's a Monday night; I've got a fridge full of fizzy water and becks blue; I can do this. Tell me I can do this!

Have a great day everyone. or at least hang in there x

vxa2 · 18/04/2016 12:53

I could do with a bit of quick advice. I have epilepsy which is fully controlled with medication (seizure free for 7 years). I was due to have my regular neurology appt on Friday but they have just called and asked if I can come today instead which I have agreed to.

The thing is I don't know whether to tell the neurologist about the drinking and the fact that I have self referred to the alcohol support service. I still feel embarrassed and ashamed. Would you tell him ?

HowBadIsThisPlease · 18/04/2016 12:56

vxa - do you think it is relevant? Can you tell the physical facts without the social facts (e.g. "I used to drink alcohol, perhaps more than I should have, but I have recently stopped")?

Its ok to tell medical professionals stuff like this though. you probably should, if only because you are worrying about it, and a worry is often a thing to get through to feel better (rather than a thing to avoid and continue to feel bad about)

LikeaHurricane · 18/04/2016 13:19

vxa2 I'm in no way speaking from an educated perspective but if it was me I would definitely tell them as it is possibly a significant factor that they should take into consideration as part of the sort of "whole approach to health" type of thing......and it won't do any harm for them to know......but with regards to feeling embarrassed and ashamed, please, please try not to. Instead, please try to feel very proud of yourself because you have made a very brave decision in deciding to admit you've got a problem with alcohol, asking for help to deal with it and you have been immensely strong in remaining AF since then.

I'm not being all twee and patronising when I say that, it's the truth. The strength we have to have as a person, to do what we are doing is incredible and there are a lot of other people out there who will be secretly admiring us (if they know) and who probably should do it too but they can't.

Admitting to having a problem with alcohol should not be something to be ashamed of, it doesn't make anyone less of a person. (and if anyone thinks it does, that's their problem and says so much more about them)
It makes you brave and special and positive. Flowers

lilybetsy · 18/04/2016 13:28

I used to drink alcohol, perhaps more than I should have, but I have recently stopped

This. Is all you need to a hosp consultant. and remember Doctors as a group have one of the highest rates of alcohol problems in society. I should know. I am one of them

donajimena · 18/04/2016 13:45

vxa I have developed a new addiction since I quit which is dance based exercise its a bit like zumba but much more fun! I do sometimes think that I am only sober because of it which is why I really struggled when her class was cancelled.
Definitely mention the alcohol. We are the 'good' ones.. we all took it upon ourselves to change for the better.
As lily suggests keep it simple. No need for a full on share Wink

vxa2 · 18/04/2016 13:58

Thank you lily, dona, howbad and like, I think I will probably say something but keep it brief. I get upset when I talk about it and I've already got to tell him about the Sertraline I am taking for anxiety. He's a lovely man by the way.

I feel like getting absolutely wrecked but I know I would regret it. I wish I could just drink like a normal person but I know I can't. The thought of just blocking it all out for a bit is very tempting but I'm NOT going to do it. Just writing down the thought here rather than having it go endlessly around in my head helps. Thank you all for being so kind. X

vxa2 · 18/04/2016 13:58

Thank you lily, dona, howbad and like, I think I will probably say something but keep it brief. I get upset when I talk about it and I've already got to tell him about the Sertraline I am taking for anxiety. He's a lovely man by the way.

I feel like getting absolutely wrecked but I know I would regret it. I wish I could just drink like a normal person but I know I can't. The thought of just blocking it all out for a bit is very tempting but I'm NOT going to do it. Just writing down the thought here rather than having it go endlessly around in my head helps. Thank you all for being so kind. X

Boodles84 · 18/04/2016 19:47

How did it go vxa? I know what you mean about the eating too, I am definitely substituting with chocolate although trying not to go too mad in it.
howbad you can do it!!! Flowers

journeyon · 18/04/2016 20:10

vxa hope you are okay and Howbad* hope the night went to plan. Day 7 AF here, this time last week downed 4 tins of lager very quickly, then felt like absolute rubbish as it was due to be my first day AF. At the moment am so self obsessed that have felt little energy to do my hobby, I quilt and love it. Hope my energy returns. But nice to be so relaxed on a Monday night the night I normally really feel like rubbish. Thank you all

Lucy2610 · 18/04/2016 20:32

absolute at 100 days I just moved the goalpost to 180 days :) Major milestones can be a trigger in themselves. Us addicts think yeah well done me I'll celebrate with a drink! Confused So buy yourself a big sober treat to celebrate your achievement and onwards Grin
vxa agree with all the other advice given and hope your hosp appt went okay?

HowBadIsThisPlease · 18/04/2016 22:24

hello.
So lovely to be gently clearing up after a sociable dinner without being completely shitfaced. We had 10 people at the table, 7 adults, and between us we barely finished one bottle of wine - I was certainly not the only one not interested in booze.
It's horrible though to think that on an occasion like that in the past we might have drunk at least 3 bottles with 2 of them drunk by me and DP. I must surely have been oddly shitfaced when no one else was. Oh well. Don't think about that now.

No hangover tomorrow and I've already made two packed lunches Halo

vxa, I know what you mean about just wanting a mini holiday from everything. I guess a really good book wouldn't help? no I guess not.

journeyon, 7 days! woo!

Lilybetsey · 18/04/2016 22:28

journey the first week to 14 days are hell physically. Even if you were ( as most of us were) a functioning alcoholic, your body had got so used to alcohol that the physical effects of withdrawal are really awful...

I was exhausted, grumpy, agitated, restless, obsessed with drinking / not drinking/ shovelling down enormous amounts of chocolate. It was a shit time, I was very lucky as my GP (a colleague) gave me a few Valium - only 2 Mgs and only 14 - but it helped a lot when I was really agitated ...

Thus is why we all bang on about being kind to yourself etc - you are ILL, and you really need it ...just keep going one day at a time and after the first 10- 14 days it does get better

vxa hope your appt went ok

howbad really hope you managed this evening ok xxx

Lilybetsey · 18/04/2016 22:31

I have just declined a dinner invite with DP to a curry on Thursday - normally I would have gone but I know I can't cope with everyone drinking around me - they are nice people but I don't know them well and would generally have got pissed to cover my social anxiety ... So I said no thanks ... And I feel 100% better for the decision

vxa2 · 19/04/2016 06:50

You are doing brilliantly journey. Don't worry about the quilting at the moment - you will come back to that soon enough. For now just focus on YOU and give yourself a big pat on the back for how far you've come already. Star

lily sounds like the right decision. It's interesting how many of us seem to have some kind of social anxiety.

howbad Glad you had a good evening.

Appt was ok but the clinic was 90 mins behind so by the time I got in I really wanted to go home and so did the consultant so I didn't say anything. I have to have some routine blood tests though and I have been trying to avoid that as I'm worried about the liver results