DRY 11

[TeapotDictator]

Time for a shiny new thread.

Old thread here

Hurricane, how are you feeling about drinking? Do you want to stop now? You can just stop right now and not start again tomorrow.
Holidays are hard. It's really hard to go on holiday with a drinker and not drink.
How are you?

Morning all. Hurricane hope you're feeling okay today. I haven't had a sober holiday yet, but used to hate the cycle of drinking I'd get into on holiday... permanently horrible hungover feeling in the morning by the pool/beach.. sunglasses essential, then a bit of wine with lunch which would make things a bit fuzzy, tired and slouchy in the afternoon by the pool and then start up the drinking again into the evening. And oh yes all because I deserve it and I'm on holiday etc etc. I'd come back feeling bloated and puffy and would have ALWAYS overeaten at the breakfast buffets due to hangovers!

Yes the wine makes you feel nice in that moment - otherwise why would anybody do it? - it's what comes afterwards, for me... that just makes it not worth it.

I have awful awful flu here, as do my DC, it's been a wipeout week so far. Although I did have very good news in that I got this job that I was interviewed for, found out yesterday - it will be a complete game changer for me after 6 years out of the workplace! It's almost full-time as well... waah! Just what I needed though in terms of a confidence boost, I was feeling almost unemployable and this is a "returnship" programme with a big company, focused on helping women return after having had children so lots of flexibility etc. I can't wait.

lily - I remember you as Sorcha back in the day when I was just lurking on this thread and thinking "ooh isn't it interesting reading about people who NEED to stop drinking, unlike me who doesn't need to stop at all..." in other words in complete denial Really glad you've come back to the fold, so to speak. How are you doing?

HowBad - you are doing so brilliantly to stick to the non-drinking in the face of relationship stress. I can't speak directly of that problem because it took for my dysfunctional relationship to end before I had the strength to make the change. I have realised however that my need to drink in a dysfunctional way was probably related in some way to having got myself into a relationship I shouldn't have been in. I agree with Lucy in that once you stop drinking lots of things are brought into sharp focus. The good news (in my opinion) is that so much is possible when you stop drinking. Nothing has to change straight away, keep it in the present moment and just deal with that. It may be in time that you decide to end the relationship, but try to avoid worrying about that right now and focus on staying sober because with that basis, you can make decent rational decisions which are you in your self-interest. Day 17 for you today - excellent stuff.

Morning all, sorry I haven't been around, it's been one of those weeks so far. how bad I agree with hurricane your partner is being downright rude and I hope he will realise it! On a practical note, perhaps a separate holiday is just what you need - some rest and something to look forward to?

hurricane 10 weeks is great and a slip is just a slip, it doesn't have to be any more than that. How do you feel today?

teapot sorry about the 'flu, you don't need that on top of everything else!! Hope you are feeling better.

Looking at a stressful weekend here - going to parents in law, mother in law currently in hospital after a fall this week. Their relationship makes me so sad and is unfortunately an example of what happens when a man is utterly dismissive of his partner over many years. He was apparently publicly berating her in the hospital carpark yesterday when she fell again and left her to be helped up by strangers. Not the first time. My own dad has been in hospital this week too - breathing difficulties and is now at home but on oxygen. I can't do anything to help as they are 9 hours away .

It's going to be a difficult few days...

Morning all day 1 for me.

Drank solidly for 5 days, first day was fun, second was subdued thoughtful briefly relaxing, third day was an anxious drink with a couple of misspelt very direct e-mails sent to senior management at my firm (sent at midnight from my phone oh joy!). 4th&5th day heavy, sad, morose, drinking.

My drinking cycle is now super efficient I can get from just the one for some fun to mental exhaustion in 5 days.

Hurricane if you are wondering if you might as well drink for the holiday and start over on your return don't bother.

Thanks so much to everyone's support for me. It is a significant reason that I am back in the saddle. Yellow I should have got my arse back a lot sooner

jojo sorry to read about your dad and your poor MIL. Make sure to keep yourself strong

howbad the relationship advice from teapot is so good I am going to take it! What a good idea just to do nothing for now, take no action for the time being until we are strongly sober. After all we have all been in our relationships for years what's another few months until we get strong.

Incidentally my feelings towards DH change wildly and regularly. It's too early for me to tell if it's getting sober causing it or a real relationship problem (not that drinking isn't a relationship problem)

Hurricane how are you feeling today? X

Hi all [waves]. Can I ask an honest opinion from you please on whether I am allowed/should be on this thread or should I join the Brave Babes thread? I know this one was set up for those who want to abstain completely rather than those that want to do controlled drinking and I have followed by for a number of years and relate to both threads. However I feel that you guys on here are more "me". However I can't say that I am completely dry - far from it. My intentions are good and I have made a lot more headway this year than I have ever made but I know it is going to be a long road for me to change completely so I am just rolling with that for now. I already have 33 days sober under my belt this year which is over a third which is AMAZING considering every other year I would be at 0 days at this point.

If I can stay maybe I should post when I can, not mention if I am have off days? I don't want to jeopardise anyone's sobriety - I am very very conscious of that so would welcome some thoughts/opinions on this. I also have a very thick skin so if you all would prefer complete abstainers I am very happy to go elsewhere .

I have a holiday coming up, it's going to be interesting to see how I cope with it.

Hello everyone

Good to "see" you again, Matron.

Thank you Teapot and Jojo - yes I am not going to do anything about the relationship now - usually when I get to this point I try to just disengage - but it can be draining. I look at smaller houses, logistics for schools and things, think about secondary schools when there are maybe no school runs, and dream about getting rid of him one day. I also feel sad that I feel that way.

Jojo, that all sounds really, really hard.

I didn't make it to work today. I was going to do some work last night, as I have so much to do.... but got so upset and was posting to you instead... then I was trying to cheer myself up by watching Stuart Lee on iPlayer and browsing airbnb for holiday lets. So I didn't do any work. I woke up early and left the house at 7.30 to try and get some done before the meetings started at work. Never made it. Got to the station in town and couldn't go any further. Couldn't stop crying. I put new make up on the loos twice, then tried again and a woman with flyers outside the station said "are you alright? you don't look alright" and I started crying again. I bought a cup of tea and just sat there with floods of tears and in the end when I had 15 minutes to get to work and not be late realised I wasn't going to stop crying in time and turned round and went home.
I sent my boss a message saying I was ill but she hasn't replied and I am sure she is pissed off with me. We had back to back meetings today on urgent stuff and I have really let everyone down.

I'm still really tearful but going to try and do some work now.

Hi Loubilou - x-posts.

Well done on your 33 days.

I will leave it to the others to answer your question as although I was on DRY threads a long time ago, things evolve and I am only very new back and don't know the dynamic... so I think it's more for the current regulars to say.

Personally, although I feel I have to aim for abstinence right now, I don't have a problem with honest controlled drinking. This is going back a bit now, and I don't know what it's like now, but I found the Brave Babes rife with denial. I was on earlier threads and got a bit over invested and found it very draining to be around a lot of "hunning" while people didn't face up to what was going on in their lives. I know people need support at all times and I don't begrudge those lovely women the emotional support they give each other. As an emotionally supportive chat thread, it's lovely, but as an alcoholic behaviour management thread it makes my teeth itch. It's more a bunch of friends with alcohol problems than a support group to deal with it. But that's a personal opinion and it's working for them, so, fine.

you sound nice though. (resists urge to say "we should have a drink sometime)

Howbad you are doing the single most important thing in your life by abstaining and it is emotional and draining. Be proud of yourself you are doing so well. It's ok to have a good cry. You are not fit for work today and you don't have to give a detailed explanation to your boss or feel guilt for taking care of yourself. You can always make the time up or do your boss a favour another time when you are feeling stronger.

I always need a lot of liquids after a good cry. Have a pint of water and a hot chocolate

Thanks Matron. I'm mainlining tea and it's really helping. I feel a lot better at home in bed; it makes what is happening feel like a mood that might pass rather than a bunch of intractable problems I have to solve all at once.

Hi Loubilou why do you not want to completely abstain? Do you find your drinking pattern detrimental to your life in any way? Do you need/want some cheer leaders to help launch you in to sobriety as we are good at that?

Only you know what you need. It's a difficult call for anyone else to make.

I have found this thread non judgemental and kind.

Howbad excellent idea a retreat to bed. Another idea I am going to take. I'm getting in to bed in an hour. I'm full of a weeks worth of booze and fragile.

Hi Loubilou - I can't speak for anyone else but my "interpretation" (such that it is) is that this thread is for people who are aiming for complete abstention. That doesn't mean that people don't/won't/can't have slips, but more that they have realised that the answer for them is to stop completely rather than to tie themselves in knots endlessly with the inner negotiation battle that is attempting to moderate.

The only other thing that I think has ever come up is that it doesn't sit well to be posting while drinking (although I think that was someone clearly posting rather aggressively having had a skinful rather than eg. what Hurricane did last night).

It's awkward, isn't it, I want everyone to feel welcome but I do feel as though this isn't the kind of place where you can post during a period of continued drinking and say things like "only had two drinks last night, what a success, I really enjoyed it". That would be a bit triggery for me at times, and I'm sure some other people.

In AA (not saying we have to copy them) everyone is welcome but people who have been drinking that day are asked not to share.

Howbad I'm in bed now too.

Amazing what 5 short days of drinking can do. My house is a mess, work projects have suffered, had a disagreement with a relative, my eating has been binge quantities, no exercise, my skin is ruddy again and I have bags, sleep has been hard found and disrupted, impulse buying, low mood.

And I used to live my whole life like this! Whoever said slips are for learning from knows they just know.

Hurricane I'm name checking you a lot so that if you are lurking and deciding whether to drink again tonight you know you have support here.

I regret the champagne incident and I've sat myself right back in the cycle. It's when I start to come out of the repenting stage that I repeat the drinking. It's when I truly start to feel physically and mentally well I have a drink

Welcome back Matron so good to see you. :)

HowBad just lots and lots of I hope you are okay.

louI think teapot puts it perfectly about being on the thread. What she wrote is how I feel. I do have slips, but abstaining is the aim. I was wandering through the Brave Babes thread last week and also found it quite triggery, as I want to remove alcohol from my life entirely. The posters there are lovely and supportive,and so honest and real but as many of them are still moderating or trying to manage drinking it kind of feeds my vulnerabilities. This thread feels a bit 'safer' for me. That is how I feel, anyway.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1894820-is-anyone-interested-in-an-alchohol-free-addiction-thread

Above I have posted a link to the first 'Dry' thread - before it was called dry ...

Lou FWIW as I am new back to the thread, I think it's about wanting to be completely abstinent. If you genuinely want to, and intend to not drink, then you are very welcome - and slips and falling off the straight and narrow will be gently challenged and sobriety supported. I find it all too easy to listen to the inner (or outer) voice that tells me I can moderate, I'm not that bad etc, and I would prefer not to read that here.

Hurricane, hope you are ok today. Please don't be like me and throw it all away. I started drinking again after 8 months sober whilst on holiday and it too me almost 2 years to seriously try again ...

matron welcome back, a slip is a slip and you will be more Able to avoid it next time

howbad - I'm sorry your partner is being such a shit, because he is behaving in a really shitty way. He wouldn't talk to anyone else like that, so why should you have to put up with it ? I think it's entirely reasonable to be very very gentle with yourself today, and stay home - you can't work if you can't stop crying. Hope you are feeling a bit better now . When you have more solid time sober under your belt, tacking this issue will seem more manageable ..

Hi to Lucy and jo.

I'm doing ok. Day 12 for me. Fridge is stocked with Diet Coke and fizzy water. Am not too daunted by the family things coming up at the weekend, although there could be some heavy drinking, I will offer to drive so I will neither be tempted, nor have to explain why I am Not drinking ...

teapot, sounds like a hard few days but WELL DONE on the new job, it sounds fantastic .. When do you start ?

Hi Lilybetsy. Do you mind me asking if you were on that first thread in 2013? I was... actually I started it, I was youretoastmildred (I have to tell you don't I, or I can't ask who anyone else is)

It's depressing that I'm kind of in the same place still. Lots of things have happened since then, in a way, but in another way, just not enough.

Agree with Teapot completely about my perception of the premise of the thread - even this far along if caught at a low ebb I find people posting on the thread when drinking triggery. Slips and lapses are part of the journey but anything more I really struggle with personally.
Waves to all :)

Glad to see you matron, it didn't feel quite right without you!

Not much time to post at the moment but I am keeping up. Struggling already with the weekend I have in store. It only really came into focus today and I realised that all my coping strategies are based in my home and there will be triggers everywhere at my parents in law's house. I feel them already and my tension level has gone through the roof. Will try and think it all through more calmly later on.

Hope howbad is feeling better - some days are just meant for staying in bed!!

Hey jojomo, can you pack a sobriety care package thing like Belle does? It's really twee... you might not be into this sort of thing. Belle is "tired of thinking about drinking" (that is the name of her blog) and she suggests packing up things like um, a snack, something nice to hold like - a pebble? - your headphones for music or podcasts, your phone to call someone, something to read I guess.... anyway would that help?

You can tell she doesn't have children though. that's the thing with a lot of these bloggers, they keep advising things that involve being able to do whatever you want

jojo we started at the same time and your progress has been inspirational. I'm glad to be back in time to return the support that you have given me.

Stressful situations are full of triggers so try to recognise them and let them pass. Remember a craving lasts no more than 10mins.

I am regretful that I did not protect my hard earned number and now I am having to go through the really difficult first week thing again. Gah!

Be wary of the hidden triggers. When you don't have a particular craving but end up with a drink in hand through destraction. I like the pebble in hand idea it's a little reminder of your progress.

You can do this 🤗

Oh hello I just posted you some jazz hands in error!

On a practical note it could be difficult to hold a wine glass with a pebble in hand. So that's useful. .