DRY 11

[TeapotDictator]

Time for a shiny new thread.

Old thread here

Hi all. Thankyou for your kind thoughts and words. This is the third time posting this today....actually tried twice this morning but the Wifi went a bit iffy!!
OK, firstly I want to say that I'm sorry about that post last night. It was terribly self indulgent of me but I kind of feel accountable to you all...???? Weirdly....
Anyway, I had already decided when I went to bed that I wouldn't be partaking again. Thankfully I didn't get totally hammered but I did wake at 5 am with a hangover thirst. (gob like the Sahara Desert)

3 different decent wines all tasted vile. All I could taste was the alcohol. Is that what happens?? It's very interesting if it's "normal"

Here's what I have learned. The "romantic" notion of sharing a bottle of wine with DH over a delicious dinner whilst on holiday is (for me) a load of bollocks

Also, since abstaining since 28th December albeit with two slips (so that's about 13/14 weeks) I've been very conscious of watching my sugar intake and have been wary of sober treats that are higher in sugar. I don't like Coke and other similar soft drinks and I don't like cordial. I drink water and tea. Whilst on hols I've also had AF beer. I never drank beer, ever. Only wine and it appears that there is no AF wine in Spain. So today I have had a wonderful strawberry and banana smoothie with lunch and I'll have something similar with dinner. I'm on holiday, it's allowed to have these types of sober treats and I
think that's where I've cocked up.

Right, enough about me. Howbad enjoy your downtime in bed....lovely snugly bed. You deserve it. Please don't believe what your OH is saying. If he thinks you're boring that's actually his problem. It's also probably a reflection of himself, do you think??

Teapot congrats on the new job. Fabulous news and they sound like great employers.
Matron I'm glad you're back. I PMd you a couple of days ago actually
Please just move on from the blip. Beating yourself up only makes you feel worse. You stopped. That's good. It's brilliant!

Lily Thankyou. I'm not going to start again. Cheers for having my back.

Finally, I agree with the more experienced posters views. Whilst everyone is welcome, triggery posts should be avoided.....if possible.

Hurricane so good to hear from you! I too feel accountable. Thank you so much for the PM I hadn't read it sadly I was too drunk 2 days ago. But I have now and it's full of support. Thank you. Enjoy your holiday and don't worry about the post nothing to be worried about there.

yellow I have only just read your message too thanks so much it has really lifted me.

I find the group effect so powerful. Onwards we go!!!

teapot I've blethered my way posting all day without sending you the congratulations you deserve. May your star shine

Waaay! matron! hiya! well done on hauling yourself back on the saddle. It's tough aint it? Big pat on the back for coming back.
howbad hope you're ok. My marriage also isn't great and I also took the day off work last week as was tearful and upset. Didn't really care. I felt that putting me first was a priority. If my kids were grown I'd leave my husband but I can't put them through the upset. I know I'd manage though. Am independent and have a good job so don't need him for anything (just as well really as I don't get much lol).
lou I felt brave babes is for folk like me when I was in denial. This thread feels like the next stage of acceptance iyswim. I have slipped 8 days out of 9 weeks and 4 days but still consider myself to be non drinking (or aiming to be). (no way am I going back to day 1 when I slip matron that feels like a punishment. Self love baby

howbad / toast HI !!!!!

Yes I was there - I am / was Sorcha1966 ... Thank you for stating that thread - although I am still working on my AF life, that thread was a big big influence on me and really helped me so much in my first 'go' at being dry. ....

yellow I am so excited to be back I feel high on the thought of being in the fold and marching with people who know me. It is really tough to stop a slip turning into more. I guess that's why I feel it's a lucky escape.

You are very strong matron and hurricane - to get back in the sober path quickly take guts, commitment and determination ...

for you both x

lily thank you. I'm a prolific poster as I find it keeps my thoughts on the right track. The information I read from those further down the process and the happiness they feel at living a sober life keeps me going.

Hi Lily / Sorcha!!!!
I feel like this is a college reunion or something. In a good way!

Yes yes Matron and Hurricane, it's how long you let it get to you that's the thing... it's so nice to see you both back.

I was out this afternoon but am now back in bed. Going to get out again for long enough to have a shower and make a cup of tea (another cup of tea!) and that's it.

dp doesn't know what is going on. I sent a fake 2 line nice email to him today having not seen him since he was so nasty last night. I can't be arsed with him and I can't be arsed with him knowing how upset I am because all he does is punish me for it. he doesn't know I didn't go to work and he doesn't know anything else about anything and he probably doesn't even know that this is a pitiful excuse for a relationship and right now I am planning to get out of it.

HowBad I hope today is a better day. What strategies have you got for leaving? Do you need to get copies of important documents, etc? Do you have access to any autonomous funds? I have a sort of 'running away' account that I started some years ago when things were very bad for us. It is now a 'holiday' account but only I have access to it and it makes me feel a sense of security if the worst happened.

You were toast?! Hi!!!!

(Anyone know where BigglesFliesUndone went? She changed to Marry but I have been thinking bout her.... she was so brave and outed herself to a magazine and everything and I hope she is still okay).

Morning all, well I'm an idiot. Got into a right spin yesterday at having to leave my little sober bubble that I've been living in and ended up with some wine. Which I drank. Not a lot but enough to give me a terrible nights sleep and a further anxiety attack. Stupid!! Am now exhausted but I guess I'm doubly determined not to drink over the weekend now. I can't be like that in someone else's house . I like the idea of the sobriety pack thank you howbad - although a pebble might be more of a weapon in my current mood!! I suppose it's meant to be a physical reminder/calming thing. I can take my ipod and various other bits and bobs. Won't be able to post though for most of the time which is really concerning me. Sorry to have let you all down - can't believe I crumbled at my first real challenge - and I haven't even done it yet!! Sigh.

Slim Biggles posts on another board I'm on and she's doing good last time I saw her post :)
JoJo anticipatory anxiety can be a massive trigger if we are prone to anxiety so don't be too hard on yourself. You'll know to have plans to manage it next time it happens

Jojo you're not an idiot please don't say that, it's just a slip.
Matron and Hurricane, thank you for coming back to us!
I have to face my first sober sunshine holiday soon, will be looking for tips and support from you all. Sunshine just says a glass of rose to me, so I know I'll struggle. Day 86 here. Hurricane, I feel we're buddies cos we quit on the same day, Dec 28 - is that right?

jojo I am understanding that a slip is a rights of passage thing in this process. You are the complete opposite of an idiot, you are brave and strong for going sober. I think a clever and kind person is behind your posts

Good luck this weekend. We are here if you can post if not come and off load Monday x

jojo really relate to how you felt re worry of something that hasn't happened yet! Counsellor told me that tomorrow doesn't exist - only in our imaginations. I find it hard to not think of tomorrow/next week/xmas...! but I try!
matron you're doing so well. Am proud of you. You're an inspiration to me. slim mmm, that's a good idea re escape account. Might look into something I can't dip into cos I would when am skint!
You're sounding strong howbad the less I drink the stronger I feel. (also worry about DH holding drink against me if we split). Good work likeaH remind self of that shitty sleep if you feel yourself talking yourself into the 'well I AM on hols ' feeling.
strength thoughts to lily and lucy
If I've missed anyone out am sorry. It's nice to get a wee name check I think and know that others are thinking of you and quietly supporting you.
Here's to another day feeling calmer, more peaceful and contented.

Greetings Sober Warriors :)

Read through the last few pages to catch up. Slips are just that, slips and are valuable learning experiences :) to everyone and and a

Thanks all, have realised what a worrier I am and how much I have used wine to suppress it. My DH has described me as the sort of person who would be so worried about falling out of a hot air balloon basket that I would actually jump out to stop worrying about it!! Which is kind of what I did last night in a way! I now feel quite calm about the stressful weekend ahead...there are no more thoughts of 'maybe I'll be ok to have a glass now' or whatever. I can't have any and I don't want any.
I want to be rested and able to be 'on duty' if you know what I mean - there will be 6 kids at various points and lots to do/sort out so I'll be busy. Am going to tell people that I have insomnia again (a usual thing for me) so hopefully there won't be any pressure to drink. Have bought some Sicilian Sparkling lemonade from Sainsburys which someone recommended as a good substitute. I don't usually bother but thought it might be good in this situation to have a 'special' drink. Am going to try and let the chaos and inevitable family tensions slide over me...will try and post if I can and/or report back on Monday! Hope you all have peaceful, sober weekends too!

ps there are no actual balloon rides planned...probably a good thing...!

jojo I'm not one for special drinks but now I think about it I have been less tempted when I have had one in hand. You sound buoyant and strong

Good luck with that kid

Hey Absolute - 28th December was a great day wasn't it? It feels nice to have a quit buddy!
Hey Yellow, I had a lovely sleep last night and then got up and went for an early morning run. I haven't done that whilst on holiday for a long, long time. On the odd occasion I did, I usually had to back track quickly as I would need the loo . Not today though. Just a short 3 miles in the Andalucian sunshine. It was lovely.

Today I found some AF free wine in a supermarket, it's alright actually and low carb. It must be full of artificial sweetener though as it tastes very sweet. It cost 92 cents
I have also had a raspberry and pineapple smoothie and a Mojito mocktail today. I'm going to be bouncing off the walls with all the sugar but it's helped me and sorted me out whilst on holiday. It's a strategy I can recommend.

Howbad, even though my relationship is now pretty stable I will ALWAYS have a "running away" fund. Always....

Happy Easter everyone...... Jojo be kind to yourself and have some nice treats to get you through. It's where I went wrong.

Thanks for all your kind thoughts and support everyone......I'm sober, dry and happy

HowBad - I'm so glad you started this thread 'back in the day'. I remember when the thread first started, and reading your first post and finding myself checking into the thread daily but not even thinking it was because my drinking needed to be addressed deluded I particularly like the fact that IIRC you didn't want it to be the kind of thread where there were buses or sidecars or some such and I thought YES I'm with you there.

Will be back to write more later. We're all like the walking wounded here having had flu all week... grim.

Still hungover here. 2nd day of drying out. Cracking head, tired and short tempered. I can't do another round of this in the future.

Hey all. Matron hope you are better today. Hurricane you are amazing getting back on track so quickly...... and your mocktails sound gorgeous. Thanks so much for the update about Biggles lucy. I have been thinking about her alot. So glad she is well. HowBad i hope things settle soon and get better. jo I LOVE the balloon analogy. I can SO relate! Teapot hope your flu is better soon. glad

How is everyone? Okay here. Have an AA meeting today which i really need as I am in a danger zone again- triggered by everything. I know I am feeling like how I feel before I slip, so need to be very aware of it. I also think my gym is open today so plan a gym trip. Having people over for dinner tomorrow, and have put on my menu planning things like 'pink grapefruit juice and lemonade mocktail' so that is is locked into my psyche as what I am having. (Although I have also offered to drive our friends home).

My aim for the day...... not drink today. Just get through this itchyety scratchety time for today and Not Drink. Easy. :)

Hi all. Checking in on a beautiful sunny day.

Well my trip to London went well - no real desire to drink, and lots of fun sightseeing making the most of a clear head (I guess previously I have mainly sat worrying about the trip back and mainlining coffee to pass any spare time!).

Have to be quick so sorry not to mention everyone - I've been following the thread the last few days and lots of ups and downs I see. Good to see matron back . Slim do you know what's making you feel triggery?

Fuzzy city trips are fabulous sober. None of that 'I went to Rome and missed the Trevi fountain and Vatican but found a great 24 hour bar!' (Not drawing on own experience at all there) .

It's the real Slim enjoy your meeting. Exercise is a gift for fighting booze isn't it. Beautiful day here I'm in garden and cooking all the Easter goodies and eating chocolate at 9.30am