DRY 11

[TeapotDictator]

Time for a shiny new thread.

Old thread here

yellow have you given any thought to what has prompted you to slip? Something stressful that happened or an occasion perhaps? You don't have to answer (one thing I've noticed here is that people don't ask too many direct questions probably because none of us would really want to share our own horror stories!) Seriously though, for instance me yesterday, it would have been the easiest thing in the world to just join in with my friends and end up drinking myself to a standstill. As you can see above, I managed not to but it really took it out of me so spending time with drinkers in the pub is something I'm going to have to be careful about in future.

Picking up on teapot's point for yellow - you are likely to be feeling very down because of the alcohol so can you think of some treats for yourself today to lift your spirits? Bath, rest, nice food, good book, film night? Make a plan for today that doesn't involve any alcohol. Exercise if you are feeling up to it? Get rid of any alcohol in the house. If you can have a break today and a rest, you will be stronger tomorrow to say no then.
60 days is great and you can get back on track!

matron am sure bubbles will be my downfall too at some point!

I slipped during Dry Jan and had some prosecco - and it was such a let down because it tasted all wrong and didn't make me giggle which is actually what I was craving for. I guess these slips can be useful as long as they don't turn into landslides.

notgrumpy perhaps it will be easier in the pub if you are actually there to watch something rather than just seeing people get drunk!

Sorry yellow I missed your post. You're doing so well, even if it doesn't feel like it. Keep going. There are plenty of people with years of sobriety under their belt who had loads of slips before it finally clicked. I really like these two blog posts by Laura McKowan on the subject here and particularly this one here.

How is everyone doing? I am thinking wistfully of wine in the sense of a mental escape. Kids behaving badly, DH and I narky with each other, stressful teatime ahead.

Am not in danger of having any alcohol (I KNOW I can't) but my Saturdays are sooo tedious!! Roll on this evening...nothing exciting planned but at least it will be quiet.

i am not going to post until next weekend. I want to deal with last night and come back next weekend with dry days under my belt again. If this is the beginning of the slippery slope for me the last thing I want to do is post about drinking or lie and detract any of you from your resolve.

yellow I will come back and post next weekend hopefully with 6 sober days to my name. I am going back to 1 day at a time try that with me X x

Hi yellow , please don't get discouraged, and please don't let a few lapses / bad week derail you permenantly. Remember why you wanted to get AF in the first place ? Those reasons still exist right? Do you know why you have slipped this week ? Jus draw a line under it, focus on now and be proud of what you have achieved ...

Hi matron, sorry you slipped - do you know why specifically ? Just too much temptation ?

Hope the day has been OK for you not, I like your plan A and plan B do what is right for you.

Day 8 for me. Took the dog for a good walk this morning, slobbed about watching rugby and have not drunk. Spent a lot of the day reading "mummy was a secret drinker" , and one or two other blogs... Also found out that you now have to pay to join sberistas, which is irritating as I was a member previously ,( for free) but unsubscribed when the emails made me feel too guilty about my non sober status .

lily I still pay for my Soberistas membership but I think it's something like £13 for 3 months so pretty cheap. I found it invaluable for the first 2-3 months and in the early days sat in the chat room most evenings to distract me from wanting to drink. I also blogged quite a lot back then on there. I really do/did think it was worth the outlay, if only for the instant gratification of the chat room to see me through any cravings.

Good luck matron will keep an eye out for you

Just had a bit of a spat with DP and feeling pretty low. DS kicked off earlier and I had a migraine this afternoon which DP managed to mistake for me being in a huff with him because he got up with a black eye (thinks he must have banged his head on something in the pub but can't remember what). Sent him to watch the rugby. I've made myself a brew and I've got cereal and milk at all four corners because I'm sorely tempted but I know that's what has got us both in this mess in the first place and I and determined to get out with or without him. I don't want his kind of happy (ie pissed and oblivious). It doesn't make me happy. I'm not happy.

*I am determined

[cuppa] Notgrumpy - you're doing an amazing thing to stay AF with a drinking OH being grumpy/difficult around it all.

Must be something in the air today! I went to get some bits from the supermarket after tea (the joy of being able to drive as have not been drinking, it was deserted too!) and while I was out, DH lost his temper with the kids over tidying things up and it was all kicking off when I got back. Oh well, lounge tidy and kids in bed early!!

Stick to your guns not you sound in control!

That's tough not .. Is it too personal to ask whether you think your relationship will survive you being long term AF and him not changing ? How old is DS ?

Hi everyone
Well done not
Don't worry Matron, yellow

Really pissed off here. I feel both bored and exhausted... I feel too exhausted to do anything, and bored of doing nothing. I worked till around 11pm last night and today I've been ratty and short with the girls all day as I just feel wobbly and tired. I slept ok - midnight to around 7.30 - but I am just a person who needs a lot of downtime and I'm sick of being such a lightweight.

I don't feel like I have things to look forward to, because the things that I should look forward to (e.g. summer holidays) are so boring and exhausting. I want to go on holiday without sharing a room with DP because I don't want to drink and I do want to sleep. I always hate our holidays, exhausted and drinking too much. (he snores, we don't share at home)

Feeling sad and tired and fat. have online shopping which I don't even like enough to try on, I'm just going to send it back. My hair is awful, got it cut a couple of weeks ago by a lady who usually does a great job and it's dorky and shit. maybe this is just how I look now.

Sorry to come on here and moan. everything is fine and god knows these aren't real problems but I just feel so sad and down and lonely. I don't see my friends because Im shattered all the time and now I feel like I don't have any. More and more these days I feel like I have just made a mess of my life.

Work is really draining. I don't want to talk about it here because a. it's boring (for you) and b. it's boring (for me) but god it;s really leaving me feeling quite intimately battered these days. So I go home and cocoon and then get into a cycle where I just don't see anyone or do anything that I really want to do and feel more and more empty and dull.

I hope some of you lot are having a better time than me. Sorry to bring you all down.

About 10 years ago my brother had a party and I went to it in the car. I remember this clearly because I was such a piss-head it was unusual for me to be sober. I drive a long way across town because I knew it would be a nightmare to get back otherwise. His friends were / are all lovely and they played great music. I danced with a bunch of his friends feeling really relaxed and happy and (thank god it was dark) I actually found myself tearing up in the group because I was so overwhelmed and surprised to be having such an innocent and happy good time, to feel so trusting and unthreatened, to be enjoying the music and getting on easily with people. I feel like I need a moment like that. I feel like I just make everything really awfully hard work for me and everyone around me and I just don't know how to live or enjoy anything.

Day 13

HowBad... and breathe...! No wonder you're tired, you sound like you have loads on!! You should be so proud of yourself, I think it would really help to try to separate out all the stuff that is whirring round your brain (future tripping, catastrophising, being hard on yourself) and keep it to TODAY. Today you have not drunk for 13 days. That is massive.

You have not drunk for 13 days in the midst of feeling like shite. That is also huge. Pat yourself on the back if you have not done so.

A lot of what you say resonates with me and how I feel about my life. My problems are different but a lot of the feelings are the same (eg. having made a mess of my life...). Just take it one day at a time and make a pact that you'll worry about all of that stuff another time. What can you do to make some 'you time' tomorrow, to make tomorrow easier to deal with?

HowBad I feel the same too as you and Teapot so go easy on yourself as you need to be kind and gentle with yourself. Not drinking for 13 days - bloody well done! means sometimes all these things come sharply into focus and we can give ourselves a real kicking when we need it least

I could write exactly the same sometimes howbad - I also struggle with DH's snoring and holidays!! We don't share a bed at home either because it's unbearable and I'm such a light sleeper. Add on the pregnancies, broken nights, early years and the fact that they are both early risers - I felt like I didn't sleep for 8 years!! My boys are now 8 and 4 and it's only in the last few months that I feel I am getting proper sleep again and it's a major factor in not drinking for me as any alcohol stops me sleeping completely. Tiredness is utterly draining and affects everything. Are you getting enough vitamins and iron? I find berroca daily is very good and an iron drink called Spatone (from Boots recommended to me by my midwife 8 years ago). Try to carve out some time for yourself to do something you love on a weekly basis - I didn't manage this for a long time but it's important. Relaxation and/or positive thinking apps could help? Not drinking will definitely help. Some of your tiredness may be your body recovering - I was utterly shattered for my first two weeks sober despite sleeping well but it has got better.

Sorry for typing with my mouth full but this Alpen granola stuff is bloody delicious.

DS is 20 and a fully entitled pita.

I'm feeling better now DP's gone out. I don't know if we could survive if he carries on, that's what the argument was about - him telling his mates what I get up to in my sleep after a skin full isn't funny it's humiliating. Yes I laughed along every time he gave them the latest installment, what am I like, me? Get myself in a right pickle! Haha! But really I was embarrassed. What else was I supposed to do, get upset with him in front of them?

How we live his life, we do what he wants, every time something happens good bad or indifferent let's get pissed. We're bored, nothing on the telly, let's go to the pub. Let's drink ourselves to a standstill, that'll be fun! How difficult this week has been for me even without him daily trying to get me to go to the pub or offering me booze in the house (it's not always quite as bad as this, but we've both been off work this week).

How I am actually serious about this. How waking up in my own piss on Sunday morning was the final straw.

How I have talked and talked about what I want - pay his our debts off, decorate the house, sort the garden out, go for a drive or a walk when the weather is good, book a holiday, he always says that's a good idea, never happens. Etc etc etc.

He says he will change, pull himself together. I'll believe it when I see it.

Lots struggling here today, to jojo, not, howbad, yellow and anyone else who needs some care today.

Matron if you're dry, then post! No sense in denying yourself the support you need. You are beating yourself up because you slipped - and that is not just pointless but possibly even actively damaging to your future plans for sobriety. Doesn't matter if you have been dry for 6 minutes, 6 hours or 6 days, if you would benefit from the support of the thread then get on it!

Notgrumpy you're not the only one on this thread to have done that so you are not alone. My DH and I were as bad as each other and we knew it was getting worse so we stopped together. Is there any possibility of that for you too?

Thanks for the support. I appreciate it

Blimey we're all getting some stuff off our chests tonight! I've managed to stay sober long enough for it to all hit me in the face I think.

How I think you and me need to take fuzzy and jojo's advice and start looking after ourselves a bit.

matron yes, please keep posting! You've done so well. Last night you just had a blip. Forgive yourself. You've been so supportive of all our efforts. Stay with us.

Lucy I'd like to think DP can see some sense in what I'm saying. Atm he still seems to want me to believe that there's nothing wrong with us drinking as much as we do, with all its ramifications (me in the past tense now for as long as I can keep it up). I think that's because he doesn't want to change so he convinces himself that it's ok because it's 'what we do'. I doubt I'd be posting on here if I thought my (our) relationship with alcohol was healthy rather than an ongoing mission. He needs to make some decisions fairly sharpish though otherwise we'll never get to spend any time together and he does always say that's what he wants. I just hadn't noticed that look in his eyes until yesterday so it might be easier said than done.

Nearly bed time and one full week sober for me. The longest time in many years.

How, matron I hope you're both feeling better today. I'm trying to coax myself into a bit of gardening but somehow can't be arsed. Tbh I'm cherishing the sheer novelty of a Sunday morning without a sore head! Plus I was able to tighten my jeans belt by a notch this morning which has cheered me up no end.