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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

When a married ex wants to meet up?

170 replies

chickentikkasarnie · 03/03/2016 09:14

Bit of a blast from the past, not seen for many years and was never a serious relationship. Have messaged here and there over FB but just very brief hellos and we're not really friends as such.

He wanted to meet for a drink and catch up and I just wanted to check there's nothing wrong with that is there?

I do go for drinks with married men sometimes but usually I know their wives /girlfriends and they are people I am close friends or colleagues with?

OP posts:
Heatherjayne1972 · 04/03/2016 16:09

Take your oh along too Then you will know if old flame is 'looking for more' or if it's innocent.

My guess is he will make his excuses but don't go alone

Halftruth · 04/03/2016 16:10

I know it s not the op fault i really do ... She just got me extremely frustrate ... As it seem's i did her too ...

Kelsoooo · 04/03/2016 16:12

You frustrated her halftruth* because of your vile, bile filled rants.

motherinferior · 04/03/2016 16:14

You didn't get her 'frustrated' - you got her angry and upset. Calling someone names tends to have that effect.

Halftruth · 04/03/2016 16:17

Can you remember the pain... He inflicked on you ... Would you really want someone else to feel that ... If you wrote a post about him ... I would of lite a fire under his arse too ... And told you how much more you were worth ... It' great that you have moved on from this ... I would just keep away from creep's on facebook ... Your obviously social enough to find a fresh new relationship with some one with no string's...

Halftruth · 04/03/2016 16:21

I don't think they were vile just my oppion. .. I never directly called her anything either ...

Jan45 · 04/03/2016 16:22

Halftruth: grow up! You have projected your own crap onto the OP,

You've just came across as bitter, vindictive and extremely dim.

Halftruth · 04/03/2016 16:23

Thanxs

nowyoucmo · 04/03/2016 16:24
Confused
TheGhostOfTroubledJoe · 04/03/2016 16:29

It's obviously pushed some buttons for you Halftruth which is understandable. You're obviously angry about your friends situation and perhaps that's rather colored your view of this threads question?

gazsm · 04/03/2016 16:33

Oh my goodness. Some of you are so rude. Im a dad on mumsnet. (Shock) i meet with exs for drinks, playdates, dinner. Sometimes with the wife sometimes without. Sometimes she knows and sometimes she doesnt.

Not every man is out to bed everyone or to have an affair. You are just being plain offensive. Maybe youve had a bad experience and maybe you are insecure and untrusting. But it sure looks like you have the problem. This is no reason to be so bloody rude.

nowyoucmo · 04/03/2016 16:37

"the wife" - yuck!
Grin

AnyFucker · 04/03/2016 16:42

With the benefit of hindsight I think your thread title set too much of a "a significant ex of mine who is now married and wants to meet up, why could that be?" vibe

If you had said "an old school friend that I had a brief, youthful, meaningless dalliance with is suggesting a quick pint after work to catch up" even the initial replies might have been quite different

all's well that ends well, anyway

personally, I wouldn't have done it (can't be arsed to meet people in my precious spare time that I have very little interest in....if I was that interested I would have kept in touch the whole time). Also, I would find it pretty boring to listen to him drone on about his perfect wife and perfect kids etc but I am a bit of a short tempered ole battle axe, tbh

I can see that people do though, and you have done nothing wrong. Aklthough, it has to be said, if this was my husband I would be giving the Hmm face. It's not my husband is it ? Smile

Halftruth · 04/03/2016 16:42

Definatley...maybe i should of explained earlier ...but it was like de ja vu... The ghost of troubled joe... It really wasn't my intention to cause offence ...but like you said i did take it a bit personally sorry

AnyFucker · 04/03/2016 16:43

Does he look like Al Pacino with a beard ?

gazsm · 04/03/2016 16:43

She calls me ' the husband. ' its our nicknames. Sorry you don't like them.

AnyFucker · 04/03/2016 16:44

Interesting nickname, gazsm. Did you join MN today ?

BlueEyesAndDarkChocolate · 04/03/2016 16:45

I think it's very odd, to ask someone out for a drink, when you dated 15 years ago. I personally wouldn't go.

Having said that, there are some dreadful accusations being made to the Op here. I suspect by someone who has been cheated on and who blames the OW, when the blame should lie squarely on the shoulders of her DH. It also explains the User Name.

nowyoucmo · 04/03/2016 16:46

How romantic Wink

Original poster
chickentikkasarnie · 04/03/2016 16:49

I don't know what else I could have titled it. If I'd titled it "old mate wants to meet up" I'd have been equally flamed for that with peope saying I was trying to hide he was an ex. I tried to be as open and frank in the OP as I could to show it wasn't a significant ex lover. I think it's just a touchy subject on mumsnet.

As i said though, whether I'd had a brief relationship or not I'd loved to have met up with him as we had a lot of fun history and shared friends etc.

Appreciate the apology halftruth.

I just think, experience has taught me that you also can't presume everyone is bad just because bad people have done bad things before. If i believed that, I'd have jumped off the roof long ago.

This thread really brought home to me that my only problem with it is what others would think. I knew there was nothing in it for me, but people do get suspicious and there is a belief that men and women can't be friends or go for an innocent drink, not sure how I feel about it but maybe the world is just not that ideal.

OP posts:
gazsm · 04/03/2016 16:50

Been a member for about 7 months

nowyoucmo · 04/03/2016 16:53

All friends again and just in time for the weekend Wine

Halftruth · 04/03/2016 16:58

Chickentikka i'm actually proud that you didn't sleep with him ... Gives me a little bit of faith ....

AnyFucker · 04/03/2016 17:05

half, did you really think that op might have leapt straight into bed with him on a first meeting ?

nowyoucmo · 04/03/2016 17:06

Oh, I spoke too soon! FFS

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