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Original poster

When a married ex wants to meet up?

170 replies

chickentikkasarnie · 03/03/2016 09:14

Bit of a blast from the past, not seen for many years and was never a serious relationship. Have messaged here and there over FB but just very brief hellos and we're not really friends as such.

He wanted to meet for a drink and catch up and I just wanted to check there's nothing wrong with that is there?

I do go for drinks with married men sometimes but usually I know their wives /girlfriends and they are people I am close friends or colleagues with?

OP posts:
Kanewreck · 03/03/2016 19:14

I don't think there is anything wrong with going if you would like to.

Halftruth · 03/03/2016 19:37

Some poor women sitting down after she fed her kids and put them to bed ... She talking to her husband as he sit at the computer and she watches the soaps totally oblivious that he's fb some girl from his past trying to hook up ... Nah nothing wrong with it .. Joker

FigMango1 · 03/03/2016 19:45

Nope don't do it. How would you feel if you were the wife and your husband is meeting up with an ex? Can't you see how that's wrong?
What does he want to 'catch up' over? It's not like you are good friends or know each other's family well. Obviously he wants to Suss you out.

WeveGotAHomelessLove · 03/03/2016 19:52

Some poor woman sitting down after she's fed her kids and put them to bed, she's talking to her husband as he sits at the computer and she watches the soaps totally oblivious that he's facebooking some girl from his past trying to hook with her

Halftruth · 03/03/2016 19:56

Thanxs very kindly for your lending your english skill to my post ...feel free to actually post your own orginal material ... You must be intellectually capable ... Wink

WeveGotAHomelessLove · 03/03/2016 19:58

I didnt need to your post said it all (well when i very kindly corrected it for you).

My services are always available to you Wink

houseeveryweekend · 03/03/2016 20:04

If you want to go id go but just be prepared that you might have to leave suddenly if it gets weird or he acts innapropriately.
Id find it a bit odd if you have only been messaging here and there that he suddenly wants to meet now. Their may be some sort of shady motivation behind it like hes had a fight with his wife and wants to hurt her or something.
Of course it may well be perfectly innocent so if you want to go and find out just go. I don't think going in itself is wrong as long as you are prepared to just leave if anything dodgy happens.
xx

crazyhead · 03/03/2016 20:05

If I was going to contact a long lost ex for a drink and catch-up (which under certain circumstances I might - just depends) I'd definitely chat to my husband about it. I would also definitely chat first talk about my husband and kids in my email to Mr Ex in the context of suggesting a meet-up, just to make it clear what the meet-up was and wasn't.

Has this guy done these things with you?

Halftruth · 03/03/2016 20:05

Back on topic .... Just block him .......really

SocksRock · 03/03/2016 20:12

I wouldn't bother. I can't think what meeting up in those circumstances would add to my life, so it isn't worth my time or stress or worrying about.

Liara · 03/03/2016 20:13

Oh god, sometimes I feel like an alien on MN.

It wouldn't cross my mind that it could be a problem. It wouldn't bother me if dh wanted to do it. I would be flabbergasted if dh objected to me doing it.

Recently I was with my sister and she contacted her ex to see him. He came over and we all had a really good catch-up with him, hadn't seen him in years. He's a lovely guy and we were all very fond of him when my sister was with him.

Apparently he hadn't told his wife because she would have been pissed off. We all thought this was very weird and controlling.

There is absolutely zero chance that my sister would have had any intentions whatsoever towards him - it was just catching up with someone she had cared for once and would like to continue to be friends with.

But then I guess we have always done very civilised separations in my family, my mum is still good friends with her ex and is often included in invitations to his house (by his current wife).

WeveGotAHomelessLove · 03/03/2016 20:20

I feel sorry for all the husbands/wifes of these wifes/husbands that are on here saying they would meet up with there exes.

WTF is wrong with you people? what happened to them being an ex for a reason?

Crazy bitches!

Halftruth · 03/03/2016 20:29

I wouldn't go as far as crazy ... But sometimes it does make me wonder why people Get married or committe in anyway at all there are some really devious men and women out there ...

Choceclair123 · 03/03/2016 20:38

Would it work better if you took your partner and he took his wife?

Slowdecrease · 03/03/2016 21:33

Yeo I think suggest taking partners... See what the answer is....I'm going to take a wild guess.......

MagicalHamSandwich · 03/03/2016 21:38

I don't actually see the issue here - I'm still friends with several exes of mine all of whom are now married bar one. I also have drinks with other married friends and co-workers. It's not as though you forfeit your right to socialize with people of the opposite sex upon marriage, surely? Confused

Slowdecrease · 03/03/2016 23:45

Are these exes who you've maintained steady friendships with magical or is it more sporadic and not really a friendship in the real sense of the word, like OP"s situation?

MagicalHamSandwich · 04/03/2016 06:43

Depends. My first 'serious' boyfriend I would consider a really close friend - the type you get drunk with and bitch about your life to. His wife and him are regular dinner guests, too.

Most of the others are more casual. I travel a lot for my job and get bored out of my mind when not traveling with colleagues enjoy catching up with people I know when I'm in town. None of them has ever hit on me - TBH I'm somewhat surprised we still speak seeing as the poor souls endured me as a GF.

Enjoyingthepeace · 04/03/2016 07:02

So it was a few weeks as a teenager. That's it.

Don't you both have better things to do with your time than spend it with having a drink with someone you have a tenuous historical relationship with?

I'm married. If I'm going to have an evening away from my partner, it's with my friends!

AndYourBirdCanSing · 04/03/2016 07:16

Liara I think that's pretty unfair. You have no idea what their relationship is like. Anyway, I think it's safe to assume most women are uncomfortable with their partners/husbands spending time with their ex. Doesn't mean they're 'weird' or controlling. What I do personally find strange is a married man meeting someone behind his wife's back that he KNOWS would make her unhappy.

Halftruth · 04/03/2016 09:52

It's definately a myth these days about the bond of sisterhood ... I just hope when you do settle down with the man you deem worthy enough to marry and have children with ... Some ex does catch his eye ... You should alway's put yourself in the other women's shoe's ... I don't think that i could cope with the knowledge that i was a homewrecker.

Halftruth · 04/03/2016 09:54

Doesn't*

TaurielTest · 04/03/2016 10:00

Enough with the 'homewrecker' crap. We don't know anything about OP's old boyfriend, or whether his wife knows about his intention to meet up with OP, or how she might feel about that. Why not give them both some credit?

If you want to meet him, meet him. If you want to suggest his wife joins you because you actually want to meet her (not as some kind of sleaze-test), go for it. You'll soon find out if he's a decent guy just wanting to catch up with a friend or not.

TaurielTest · 04/03/2016 10:05

(Joins Liara and HamSandwich in "crazy bitch" corner.)

Halftruth · 04/03/2016 10:08

Do you really believe there is no intent ... He would of said why don't we all meet up for a drink have a catch up about the good old day's ...no he want's to meet her on his own ... Anything you feel the need to hide delete or lie about there is bad intention's involved somewhere unless its a surprise .but i'm sure you understand

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