I will confess my marriage was not good before my XH upped and left. About three years previously me and the DCs had been really ill with Swine Flu (it absolutely was the turning point in our marriage). I'd not been happy for a long time before then, but then me and DCs were ill, really ill. Every time I stood up I fainted, the DCs were the same, for five days the three of us lay in my bed drinking a bottle of water I'd got next to the bed and didn't move. I begged and begged XH to come home to look after us, he didn't want to, then at the end of the week he came reluctantly. On that Friday I managed to get downstairs and lie on the sofa, the DCs picked up much faster than me, so they were watching TV and had managed to make themselves cereal and toast to eat - but had left a mess. I remember XH walked into the house that night, criticised me for the mess that the DCs had left in the kitchen and told me all I needed was to get off my backside and get outside and have some fresh air.
He didn't look after me that weekend and I felt so lonely, alone and unloved, it was my rock bottom moment. On the Sunday, I told him I couldn't take it any more and I wanted us to separate. Then he cried and wailed and then told me that if I left him, he couldn't live without me and the DCs and he would kill himself, he begged me not to end the marriage. I was so tired, and run down and depressed, I just thought, what the heck he's never here during the week anyhow, and plodded on for three more years. But from that day forward I subconsciously withdrew from him, I would talk to him, but I didn't want to be with him. It wasn't a good marriage. Which is why I can't understand why he only left when he found someone else and why the hell did he turn so nasty on me. He knew I wanted out, we could have had the friendliest divorce in the world, it was what we both wanted. So why the hell did he do all those things to me?
One thing he said to me, in the middle of our divorce when he was arguing with me about something was, "You didn't even beg me to come back!". It's true I never once asked him, he ended the marriage with a phone call, I saw his Facebook status change (even though he thought he'd blocked me) and I found his OLD profile on Match.com. Within a week I was talking to the solicitor and putting in steps for the divorce - the phone call he'd made that afternoon literally had been a weight off my shoulders, there was no way I was going to hang around waiting for him to change his mind and come back.
So in my eyes, we both wanted to be away from each other. There was no reason for him to try and destroy me and the DCs, we had the same end goal. I think the reason he has been so evil to me is because he can't get over the fact that he wasn't such a great husband and I didn't beg him to come home. He had the divorce all planned in his head, how it was going to happen etc, and I didn't play along with his fantasy. He's just a narcissist and probably for the first time I didn't bow to his whim.