Mums: how to 'enjoy' a family holiday more?

[oooshlapoosh]

My post appears very cynical so I apologise for this, but I genuinely have trouble enjoying many aspects of a family holiday (on the whole). Of course, there are many elements I do enjoy, but if I'm honest, in some ways, I find them a chore.

I'm a mother of two young DCs, quite introvert and enjoy time to myself, which is difficult to achieve at the best of times, so how do I achieve this on a family holiday when you're all together constantly?

Also, by the time I've made a list, washed dryed clothes, packed the cases- I'm feeling worn out before the holiday has even begun.

Then there's the journey, the extra planned in stops, the masses of unpacking when you arrive, the lack of sleep because DCs wake several times during the night when in unfamiliar surroundings. Then the last day is spent repacking it all, trying to locate everything etc etc.

DH tries to help but we had a huge argument during our last holiday when he started loading the cases into the car before I'd had chance to finish packing them! We're always snappy by the end of the holiday because we've spent too much time around each other.

I'm relatively new to holidaying with children and really want some tips on how to cope, how to lighten the load, perhaps how to organise myself and DH better too!

Before I had DCS, I'd pack the night before and all would be fine! Now I find myself making lists a week in advance and packing for 2-3 days well into the evenings! I'm sure we're all in the same boat here, but are there ways to make it easier? Where's the fun for me?

During our last family holiday, I overheard an argument between a family and the mother walked off in a huff- she was trying to explain why the family needed to return to the accommodation earlier as there were things to do. The teenage daughter then asked her father "why does mum have to cast a shadow over our fun every time we go on holiday" the father looked to the floor and sighed, giving the impression he was thinking the same. I remember thinking: I don't want to be the one throwing shadows over family holidays, but I can see this bring the case.

Any tips to make them easier, more organised and me, less of a stressed out nag?

That sounds like a really rotten "holiday" BaskingTrout. Maybe you could just develop a strange twinge the day before you go and DD can stay home with you as well. Sounds like it would be a lot more fun to entertain her at home.
Either that or put her in the crèche for a bit - they do wonderful outdoor activities in the snow that I'm sure she would love.

Holidays are much better now DS is older and DS and DH both like their adventure sports. In Canada I had a couple of days shopping and a trip to the spa whilst they zip wired, mountain biked and paddled through the rapids and I got to have sushi for lunch as DS who only eats plain, boring or battered wasn't there.

Oh yes and when we go to Tenerife it's also been mutually agreed that I am rubbish at waterparks and therefore I get to stay at the apartment. Bliss. I usually encourage them to take advantage of the much reduced prices for 2nd visit on your stay.

Especially don't bother to take shampoo or toothpaste or suntan lotion - a waste of space.
I'd be wary of that advice after getting stung buying sun lotion. Last year a regular brand cost €18. It was on offer in Tesco before I left for a fiver!!

For me, the secret to enjoying family holidays is to have non-family ones too in the same year -eg day where you both book a day off work and go for a spa and posh lunch, odd cheeky weekend away on a city break. I think that way it is easier to accept family holidays for what they are.

I also find it better NOT to go to places where you would have gone and had a better time without the kids. It is gutting walking through a city with a screaming toddler and young child who has announced they need a desperate poo, passing the galleries you'd have dropped into and the shops you'd have browsed and the cocktail bars you'd have had a drink in.

My best experiences have been in CenterParcs, posh family friendly hotels -places that provide childcare and the odd bit of luxury. Mixed experience of shared house holidays with family (me and my husband have ended up doing a massive proportion of the cooking, organising etc even though we were the ones with children).

I started a thread like this once and was accused of being a misery! Lots more sympathy on this one.

for me, the killer is the terrible snoring. I don't enjoy anything when i am sleep deprived because I have to share with dp. We've shared with other families and the benefit of having them helping with our young dcs is completely negated by sharing with dp, not sleeping, trying to drink myself into oblivion, and feeling like crap the whole time.

I have tried to look online at interesting air b n b places where we could all go and have a good time, even in the rain (lots of space basically and enough room to cook without wanting to scream). dcs are 4 and 6 now so needn't be knackering in and of themselves, like the baby / toddler years. dp keeps pulling up adorable little quirky places where you will all be in one room on top of each other as the rain lashes outside and we all try to stop dd2 kicking our coffee over, trying to re-heat beans in a microwave that is adorably perched on the bedhead of someone's bunk bed, me hollow eyed and sobbing from 5 nights lying staring into the dark listening to someone murdering a cow beside me. and then huffing when I don't want to go to them.

Thankyou for being so honest in your post...you are not alone. Everyone loves our family holidays..except me. I'm shattered just getting ready to go. IMHO self catering/camping is just the same as a regular life but with less comfort and less timesaving equipment. I'm regularly too tired to enjoy a game of whatever it is because picnic lunches dont make themselves and air beds need pumping up and pans need handwashing..oh and theres no milk and the site shop is shut.
So you have two choices... Staycation..money saved on travel/ accomm can be spent on days out, merlin passes and eating out. Or hotels where it is full board or all inclusive and theres a kids club. Good luck to all those hearty types who trek with 4 year olds across India. Well done you and you have time to photograph and blog your experience too. I just want to drag my weary carcass from the buffet breakfast to a comfy chair to recharge my batteries and read a chapter of a book without being asked for swimwear sun lotion goggles, lost toys etc etc.
I took the time to actually explain this to dh. He was so shocked..it just hadnt honestly occurred to him how miserable it made me. Now we try to plan a break for each other in the day " stop bothering your mum for stuff..I'm on duty this afternoon" and dont panic. Your dp will parent differently to you, and wont remember sun cream and zacs attachment to his blue hat..but you know..they get through the afternoon..and you have to let them do it. No helicoptering. You need to be honest and have that talk tho..most partners truely just dont see the work we do nor that we get ground down by it whilst they are enjoying the frisbee game or waterpark trip whilst you juggle shopping and laundry. Sorry for the epic post !
I will say that as my ds and dd got older they were given their own backpacks and packed lunches to carry..and I hear them say ' pick that towel up..mums on holiday too..she doesnt have to pick up after you'..so there is hope...Dont be a silent martyr.

Abroad - if at all possible all inclusive, kids club and pool/good beach
British - cottage or similar, CP if you wish a(nd bumsex is your thing), the thought of the place gives me the fear. Maybe called self catering but under no circumstances cook, that's not a holiday. YY to click and collect or supermarket delivery full of crap cereals, croissants, ready meals, pizza, etc and eat out or takeaways if you can afford to
IT IS MUMS HOLIDAY TOO

Make a list for each person tick off as you pack take dinner night 1 juice tea coffee WINE breakfast cereal and snacks on holiday pick things to do have a rest day and dont go for more than a week

One word

CHILDCARE.

We holiday with grandparents, and when we ski use a company with nannies. Means I get a rest too, it is worth every single penny.

Before anyone starts bewailing my awfulness, we still spend loads of time with the kids

Cook as little as poss stick in the oven saladsand take away is what we did/do

I remember feeling like this when DS was a baby but this thread has made me realise that I don't feel it any more. So I'm feeling both smug and grateful
DS has got older but I think the other changes that have made a difference are:

1. self catering
2. an extra bedroom so if DP is snoring then there is another room to sleep in
3. childcare or/and activities - breaks up the days with minimum effort needed by me
4. take aways and simple evening meals

I love going on holiday.

No amount of childcare on this earth would have made holidaying with the grandparents seem like an attractive option to me .

I'm with you showme.
I loved the holidays when the boys were tiny ( and not so tiny). Even the early teen years were gret fun.
I first took Ds1 abroad when he was 9 months old and Then when DS2 came along he was 6months for his trip to Mallorca. I tried to get as many trips in as I could including weekend breaks and at times ( when we were a bit skint) we have stayed overnight in Travel Lodges on Motorway services so that we could have a cheap city break.

I really don't get the stress of packing. It's not a big deal to me at all.

The only time I found it a bit stressful was one year when we booked to go to France and our accomadation didn't start until Saturday. We planned to get a motel or something once we made it across the Channel but unbeknown to us there was a massive event on and we couldn't get accomadation anywhere so we slept in the car in a lay bay. DSs' was 4 and 1 We just had breakfast in the services and carried on next day!

Oh that happened to us 1 year going to france sailed on the friday going to stop overnight meh no rooms anywhere we slept in the car

A mult-socket extension lead and one adaptor is a genius tip.

I disagree with those who say self cater. I find SC holidays as much work as being at home because someone still has to stock the fridge/plan food etc - even if you eat out in the eves. Our best holidays with our kids age 2 and 5 have been those with kids club/babysitters and plenty of space.... No all sharing the same room... Apartments or something. Also places where they do kids dinner early... So you can have a sitter or pop the little ones in the evening crèche whilst you eat. Scott Dunn have some great set ups for families with kids and I can provide some recommendations in France, Caribbean, canaries, Italy, skiing, South Africa if anyone wants any tips.

I love family holidays especially as it's now just me and dc. With xp I got to organise everything while he seethed resentment and then he would lie in every day, apart from the couple of days I would lie in - on those days he would get up, make fuckloads of mess and then seethe and twitch until I got up. At which point he'd go back to bed for hours.

I now go glamping.
Get supermarket delivery - lots of fancy, easy to prepare food. Lots of nice snacks and wine.
Letting the DC run themselves a bit feral means they sleep really well , as do I.

I do lists too - help keeps the head quiet.
I've become really good at just letting go. Which is why I like glamping. Lovely bed, different scene, stars.

Though my next holiday is a week in European city at Easter. Flying. Me and 2 kids and one suitcase. That will be a challenge re packing esp as we need party/city clothes rather than running around in a field clothes.

Key things are:
Don't expect post-kids holidays to be the same as pre-kids; and
Lower your expectations.

We each have our own bags, 3 changes of clothes, nothing needing ironing, live out of the bags when we get there - no unpacking. Takes less than an hour to pack for me and 4 kids, DH does his own.

I like my own space so we always do self-catering, preferably with 3 br, so we can get away from each other. Hotel all-in-together family rooms are my idea of hell. All meals eaten out is too expensive with 4 kids - we often do cereal/toast for breakfast, lunch out, ready meal or pasta with jar sauce etc for dinner.

It is a hassle getting away but worth it and the kids love having both parents around, and just love the different routines.

I was reminded of this by an exchange on our most recent holiday. We were in the supermarket not long after arriving, in the freezer aisle.
Kid: "Mum wait, you've gone past the frozen pizza and oven chips"
Me: "So?"
Them: "We ALWAYS have frozen pizza and oven chips when we're away, it's a family tradition!"

Made me realise kids can make special memories and "traditions" out of the most unlikely and (to me) mundane things!

1. Don't overpack. Honestly, what are you all taking that takes days and days to pack? It just increases the stress because you have too much to carry and too much to keep track of while you are there. You don't NEED it all. It's easy to do a wash on holiday if necessary. Likewise, kids don't need a billion toys that you have to keep track of. Finding stuff to play with while you are there is fun.

2. refusing to allow male partner to take responsibility for 50% of stuff and then getting in a seething piss because he hasn't taken responsibility for stuff /hasn't done things the way you want = recipe for stress. Calmly decide in advance what needs doing, divvy up the tasks, be forgiving if some stuff inevitably gets missed - guess what, they have shops on holiday.

3. no way of avoiding the fact that looking after small children in an unfamiliar place takes extra effort, but there are upsides to it. We find it works to take turns eg I'll play with the toddler on the beach, you can go off snorkelling for an hour, then we will swap.

4. be adaptable and don't flap about everything being different /not how you imagined it. Novelty and surprise are part of the joy of travel.

Control freakery, over planning and stress ruin other people's holidays.

one rule I have and that is NO cooking! I refuse to do that when I am on holiday.

I never thought I would say this but I enjoy the fact that we have been to the same place 3 years in a row. It definitely reduces the stress of not knowing where things are, how long the shop is open etc etc. We go to a high end camp site in Spain, we stay in our own tent but then just falls in to a routine. Lunch on the beach which we take it in turns to do, pool in the afternoon, cooking is shared and sometimes it's take away (which the oldest child can now get) and sometimes eating out. The chores like washing up are shared and I don't mind that, you usually meet someone interesting to have a chat with anyway ;-)

Go all inclusive!! I insist on this otherwise you are just doing exactly the same in different surroundings making it harder.

It may seem more expensive when booking it but in the long run it's not much different. The kids and you can have what you want when you want. We spend hardly any money and everyone is happy, no moaning when they want an ice cream, drink or snack, they just go and get it. No clearing up, no cooking, it's total bliss.

Actually yes, Yoko, we've gone to the same town three times now, and will be going back again this summer and that does make a difference - when you know the nice restaurants and where the park is and what shops are good for lunch, it does make life a bit easier.