Mums: how to 'enjoy' a family holiday more?

[oooshlapoosh]

My post appears very cynical so I apologise for this, but I genuinely have trouble enjoying many aspects of a family holiday (on the whole). Of course, there are many elements I do enjoy, but if I'm honest, in some ways, I find them a chore.

I'm a mother of two young DCs, quite introvert and enjoy time to myself, which is difficult to achieve at the best of times, so how do I achieve this on a family holiday when you're all together constantly?

Also, by the time I've made a list, washed dryed clothes, packed the cases- I'm feeling worn out before the holiday has even begun.

Then there's the journey, the extra planned in stops, the masses of unpacking when you arrive, the lack of sleep because DCs wake several times during the night when in unfamiliar surroundings. Then the last day is spent repacking it all, trying to locate everything etc etc.

DH tries to help but we had a huge argument during our last holiday when he started loading the cases into the car before I'd had chance to finish packing them! We're always snappy by the end of the holiday because we've spent too much time around each other.

I'm relatively new to holidaying with children and really want some tips on how to cope, how to lighten the load, perhaps how to organise myself and DH better too!

Before I had DCS, I'd pack the night before and all would be fine! Now I find myself making lists a week in advance and packing for 2-3 days well into the evenings! I'm sure we're all in the same boat here, but are there ways to make it easier? Where's the fun for me?

During our last family holiday, I overheard an argument between a family and the mother walked off in a huff- she was trying to explain why the family needed to return to the accommodation earlier as there were things to do. The teenage daughter then asked her father "why does mum have to cast a shadow over our fun every time we go on holiday" the father looked to the floor and sighed, giving the impression he was thinking the same. I remember thinking: I don't want to be the one throwing shadows over family holidays, but I can see this bring the case.

Any tips to make them easier, more organised and me, less of a stressed out nag?

Lower your standards. Don't pack alone. Pack less stuff. When you get there, everyone empties their own stuff into their own drawers. Go all inclusive if you can. If not, take washing up liquid and a sponge. Eat out/picnics with low effort. Share the burden of shopping and laundry and cleaning with dh.

Stop packing half your house to take with you - soaps, jars of washing up liquid, cereals, sauces, easy meals etc

Share shampoos or shower gel so you only pack one. Unless someone has dry skin etc then you can all share the kids shampoo for a week, for example. Everything else can be bought when you get there, or better still, arrange for a delivery. Yes, you seem like you're paying more upfront but then you get to bring it home with you at the end, so it's not like you are throwing it away.

We turn up, OH goes to the supermarket, I sort the house out.

Takeaways and eating out, a lot.

If it's got a washing machine, you only need to pack half the clothes you think you'll need.

People have told me to take grandparents, so that's what we're going to do. We've done it for a week before, and it worked pretty well - but in the summer we're going for three weeks with the other set of grandparents and nieces and nephews.

I'm happy because:

6 sets of adult eyes watching 3 children around a swimming pool instead of just 2 sets of adult eyes watching 1. No need to be 100% vigilant the whole time (which to me = a bit of a break), other children to give our one some company, so we don't have to play the whole time.

Only having to wash up one night every three. Washing up is the reason we've been avoiding booking a holiday for ages - sounds ridiculous, but my partner is the cook, so it's all the pans used and all the washing up for me.

If we weren't going with grandparents, I'd be only going away if it was to a hotel.

Lunches out, dinners at home in self catering, lots of wine.

Day trips but not really full day trips, keep it leisurely. Anything with animals there normally wins. Mixture between that, beaches and the very odd town one.

Pray for it to not rain.

Wine.

Going with grandparents would probably do me in. That's a massive no for me.

Here are some things I have found useful:

Save packing lists on the computer for everyone, then you just have to do minor editing and print it out before each holiday.

Go to places you have been to before.

Go somewhere with a washing machine and a DVD player.

Take grandparents.

Lower your expectations

I am definitely not a glass half full person and I LOVE family holidays. Am trying to think why/how.

Usually we get a big house to stay in (big by our standards - we're in London so we don't have to try hard!) so the kids love having space to run around in.

I take charge of all the packing and organising (am SAHM though) except DH's stuff which he does himself and is none of my business - I might generally have washed his stuff if it was sorted correctly. I pack the car too because I'm a control freak and I do all the driving because DH can't - but that means he's in charge of in-car whining, toilet stops, sick cleaning up etc and sorting out tea when we get there.

Honestly? We don't really unpack per se...we live out of bags, stuff it all back in at the end of the holiday and then it goes straight from bags into the wash.

We do self catering and eat out a lot - and always get a house with a dishwasher. If we don't eat out we eat really easy stuff like pizza and pasta & sauce.

One of those suckery black-out blinds is a godsend even if your kids don't have black out blinds at home. Just let 'em try being awake all night in the pitch darkness! Our kids always share a room otherwise get two!

I think I like it because being a SAHM gets quite lonely (I'm looking for a job now) and it's nice to hang out with another adult for a week or so!

My commiserations, it is hard work.

My only suggestion is not to stress too much about the packing. At the end of the day, you can pack for every eventuality but the children will insist in wearing the same stuff over and over, so most packed stuff will return home unused.

I start a list a couple of weeks before the holidays, skim it down a week before and then put everything in the bags three days later.

Time to myself during the holiday? [hollow laugh]. I think things are much easier since I accepted I was not going to have much of it at all.

This thread has made me wonder why insist in having holidays when I NEVER have so much work to do, as when I am away of my blessed office desk...

nothing really to contribute, just want to vent!!
I am going on holiday in a couple of weeks - skiing, with DH, DD PIL's and SIL/BIL and DN. I hate skiing anyway, but seeing as i'm 15 weeks pregnant, at least I wont have to do it.
so i'll be stuck in a chalet somewhere, basically not able to go anywhere in the day, with a toddler, SIL/BIL and their 6 month old. they are nice people but extremely PFB and a bit tiresome.
and I'll probably be expected to cook because SIL/BIL (who will probably both be there most of the time because it takes 2 parents to look after 1 6 month old, at all times ) cant possibly do that and look after DN. and DH, MIL and FIL will be off having lots of fun in the snow.
FIL just booked it all without really asking and presented it to us as a done deal (that we had to pay for).
can you tell I'm not exactly super excited?

Make one really good packing list on the computer
Print it out and tweak it each holiday.
Saves loads of thinking before each holiday.

Packing - stick the kids infront of the TV and pack. Clothes for whole family should take < 2hrs. Suitcase in one DC room, bung all their stuff into half a case. Carry to other DC room, fill other half. Close and lock.

Takeaways / Eating out

DH take the kids out, you curl up with a book or whatever

The have a stressful job so you look forward to the holiday tip is so, so true.

We do a mix of self catering and hotel holidays. Definitely better to have separate bedrooms to the kids. Pick somewhere nice to stay which is set up for holidays with kids.

For us, with a toddler and two primary school kids, our needs are washing machine if possible, wifi (youtube kids is a lifesaver for rainy days), other kids around to play with, outdoor space, pool if possible and a beach somewhere nearby for the summer holiday and good food and wine (breakfast we tend to do as bread, good coffee, juice and yoghurt as is minimal fuss). We tend to eat one meal out a day if self catering (often lunch) and go for minimal fuss meals in the evening with local produce.

Best holidays for me and my 4 kids are the ones where we were within 5 hours traveling and we went all inclusive, creche, childcare etc. I always wash and repack my holiday stuff the day we come home so I am good to go straight away. I do a big clothes shop on sportsdirect for my kids, Tshirts for £1.50 and shorts for £3-4 each so I spend £100 for the 3 of them ad they have a clean tshirt and shorts every day. The eldest gets £40 in primark for vests and shorts. It all goes right in the case with some old beach towels. Throw in some soap, a dry shampoo bar and sun block and its done. If you bargain hunt then it is perfectly easy to get an all inclusive holiday for less than a self catering caravan holiday in the Uk. We are off to Corfu in May and its costing £700 for 4 flights, transfers and a week in a 4 star all inclusive hotel with unlimited waterpark access. BARGAIN and my kids will all be busy while I relax and watch them have a good time.

Don't pack for your DH, I pack for the kids and me and many times DH has forgotten half of his things but that's not my problem ;-)

MAke sure you have a bottle of wine and or beer for first night!

Don't feel you have to do lots of things, most oft he time the kids remember the most mundane things about a holiday whereas you'd think they would be remembering the super expensive aqua land...

We just had our first family holiday with DD and I was so stressed beforehand that I honestly didn't want to go!

I was anxious about such a long car journey - timing it rounds feeds and naps etc. Dreading trying to settle her in a strange place and worried her routine would fall to pieces. She is only 6 months so still needed bottles, steriliser, all kinds of equipment etc.

But my dh really stepped up to the mark! He made sure I didn't have the "same shit, different day" feeling by taking it in turns for a lie-in, sharing parenting fairly, sharing driving and navigating etc. Yes it was his week off work but he is still a parent and I need a rest too!

We self catered but just took tea, coffee and cereal with us. We ate out and had a takeaway one evening. Extravagant but only for a few days and meant minimal dishes etc.

Paper cups and plates - really??

I've really enjoyed all the holidays we've had so far with our little one. We've gone to places with childcare so that both DH and I can do spa and sport activities , but spending time with our son in the swimming pool or taking him out on excursions has always been great fun. Sure, there are no lies ins, but there's equally no rushing around to get to work and nursery, so I don't feel deprived.
Our children are 2 and 0 so don't know about travelling with olders, but we've found the baby go lightly services offered by hotels to be great. certainly takes some of the stress out of packing!

We do AI and self-catering.

We always try to do the simplest thing possible, so no fancy meals which take ages to cook.

We take it in turns to have some "me-time" throughout the day, even if it's just reading a book whilst the other plays with the boys on the beach.

We divide and conquer too - 1 DS each for a while.

My favourite thing is to list everything I need to pack for me and the 2 boys (DH does his stuff) ages in advance. I start my list whilst commuting, sometimes 2 months in advance, and gradually add to it as I think of new things and take away things when I realise I'm overdoing it.

I force myself to be really precise - so not "t-shirts" but "2 long-sleeved t-shirts and 3 short-sleeved t-shirts". That way my brain knows not to worry as I've written everything down and I don't have to think the day before going on holiday.

I positively like doing the washing on holiday. Shove it in when we get up, hang it outside to dry whilst we're out (we live in a flat so usually not possible). No ironing ever.

Plus it means we take fewer clothes with us.

I try to do a load before we go home too so almost nothing to wash when we get home.

I don't think you need to spend ages packing. If you're going somewhere hot in the summer for a week, each child needs three T-shirts and three pairs of shorts and a pair of summer-style shoes. You could go to Tesco's or somewhere the week before and buy everything you need (buy it in a larger size so they can still wear it next year). Sling them all in the case as soon as you get home. They can wear trousers on the plane and take a jumper or cardigan in their hand luggage, so they'll have something warmer with them if needed. No need to wash any of it while you're away if you're only going for a week.

Start a list of things to take about a fortnight before and add to it as you think of things. Then you've only got to whip round the house in half an hour before you go and throw them all in a bag.

Your DH does his own packing. End of story. Not your job. Not even to enquire what he's taking or when he's packing it. If he doesn't have it when he's there, it's not your problem.

Supermarkets in most European resorts are usually well stocked. Whatever you forgot to take with you can be purchased in under five minutes. Especially don't bother to take shampoo or toothpaste or suntan lotion - a waste of space.

Don't unpack. Just pluck the next day's thing out of the suitcase. Take a black sack for the washing, and dump the sack into the empty suitcase when you go home.

More generally:

• Don't go for too long. I much preferred last year when we went for a week in Spain at the beginning of the school holidays and a week in Wales at the end, to the year before when we went for two weeks to France. I got bored of being on holiday, we got on top of each other in the small accommodation and there was Washing.

• go self catering, but to somewhere like a holiday park with lots of takeaways and restaurants. Book a barbecue and encourage DH to get in touch with his inner caveman. Eat with fingers, out of doors, to save on washing up and tidying. (This is not my ideal holiday, but it works very well with young children. Look at Eurocamp for ideas.)

• don't sleep in the same room as your children. Nobody gets a good night's sleep if you're all sharing.

• reserve at least one day for doing something that the Adults want to do. This year we're staying on the Adriatic coast and having a day trip to Venice. Last year it was the Costa Brava and Barcelona.

• cherish the little things. I had so many fascinating conversations with DD last year because I wasn't rushing around doing chores.

We camp and take paper plates too!! Much easier.

Each adult packs their own clothes.
Do a list of clothes for kids as others have said
Kindle
Food on fridge for return
Wine
Lower expectations

The fun for you is seeing the joy on. your dc faces. Children are always the priority on family holiday.

The one and only time we did SC after DD was born I threatened divorce about 5 times. I also kicked DH out for a week when we got back. He was an utter wanker.

There and then I decided it was AI or no holiday. So that's what we do. When DD was small I booked her into the kids club for 2 hours a day. That was my 'lie in the sun and read a book' time (DH thought it was going to be shag time - he was sadly mistaken). We also had a 2 hour siesta every afternoon which meant DD stayed up later at night.

When DD hit 7/8 we looked for hotels with waterparks - now she does that instead of the "They're lame, mum" kids clubs.

I write a detailed list of what we all need. DD and DH get given their lists and are told to get on with it. DD puts everything on her bed, ticked off the list and I pack it. I do mine and the 'joint' stuff (toiletries/medicines - and a bottle of squash because DD can't stand anything fizzy!). DH is responsible for his own and I point and laugh if he forgets anything.

When DD was smaller I would pack 3 or 4 craft type kits from Tesco for quiet time by the pool. Plus colouring books and pens, play dough and comics. Now she is older we have colouring books and pens, kindle and iPad.

Flights would be planned for early out, late back with a hotel stop either end.

In fact, the only stress involved these days is saying goodbye to the dog

They aren't holidays, they are business trips if you are a mum