Mums: how to 'enjoy' a family holiday more?

[oooshlapoosh]

My post appears very cynical so I apologise for this, but I genuinely have trouble enjoying many aspects of a family holiday (on the whole). Of course, there are many elements I do enjoy, but if I'm honest, in some ways, I find them a chore.

I'm a mother of two young DCs, quite introvert and enjoy time to myself, which is difficult to achieve at the best of times, so how do I achieve this on a family holiday when you're all together constantly?

Also, by the time I've made a list, washed dryed clothes, packed the cases- I'm feeling worn out before the holiday has even begun.

Then there's the journey, the extra planned in stops, the masses of unpacking when you arrive, the lack of sleep because DCs wake several times during the night when in unfamiliar surroundings. Then the last day is spent repacking it all, trying to locate everything etc etc.

DH tries to help but we had a huge argument during our last holiday when he started loading the cases into the car before I'd had chance to finish packing them! We're always snappy by the end of the holiday because we've spent too much time around each other.

I'm relatively new to holidaying with children and really want some tips on how to cope, how to lighten the load, perhaps how to organise myself and DH better too!

Before I had DCS, I'd pack the night before and all would be fine! Now I find myself making lists a week in advance and packing for 2-3 days well into the evenings! I'm sure we're all in the same boat here, but are there ways to make it easier? Where's the fun for me?

During our last family holiday, I overheard an argument between a family and the mother walked off in a huff- she was trying to explain why the family needed to return to the accommodation earlier as there were things to do. The teenage daughter then asked her father "why does mum have to cast a shadow over our fun every time we go on holiday" the father looked to the floor and sighed, giving the impression he was thinking the same. I remember thinking: I don't want to be the one throwing shadows over family holidays, but I can see this bring the case.

Any tips to make them easier, more organised and me, less of a stressed out nag?

Tips:

If you holiday in the uk, check out your local destination supermarket and organise a click and collect shop

Clothes: don't get in a pickle, make sure all laundry is done then the day before you leave go into dc 1 bedroom, pick outfit 1, outfit 2, outfit 3 and so on, then do the same with the other dc

This literally takes ten minutes.

When I holiday in the uk I only pack four changes of clothes and I always take soap powder with me so I can wash once I run out of clean clothes.

I only take two pairs of pjs for the Dc

family holiday is an oxymoron

alcohol helps

or save up all year and just go to centerparcs

Holidays with small children are hard work.

I'm often found to be yelling ' It's my holiday too!'

Try to not ' sweat the small stuff' and enjoy.
As poster above says these times will soon pass, and all you have are the memories.

Never holiday anywhere without a washing machine. Easy.

A few years ago I had to tell DH that I would relax a lot more on holiday if he relaxed a lot less. He got the message pretty well, and hasn't needed too much reminding since then.

Well for me...
I always plan a me day into the holiday.
Where ever we go it is either somewhere for me to go alone or a special treat activity for the kids to do with daddy.
We plan most days activities ahead of time even if it is a planned down day.
We try to have an activity day and a hanging out day alternately so we have time to ignore each other reading books.

I have overtime become firmer with dh about him taking his children to give me a break.

We only go where there are kids clubs, or we go with my parents to have an extra pair of hands.

However at home we share the childcare evenly (actually DH might do slightly more) so there isn't any of this "mum having a shit holiday looking after kids while dad carries on as normal doing no childcare and reading his book"

You'd have to be a mug to let that happen!! (not you, OP!)

Holiday where the weather is better than the UK. For me even camping in the south of France with 2 under fives was far more fun than sitting in a soft play area in Cornwall waiting for the rain to stop. lower your expectations too. Does it matter if kids don't bath everyday or wear the same t shirt?

Last year, whilst on holiday in Devon, met a family where each member of the family chose what activity to do on 'their' day. I quite liked that idea.

So go to a zoo if dc1 loves zoos, and the beach for dc2. Dh may prefer a steam train on his day, and you may like to go shopping on your day.

Also, relax your rules. Therefore, if dc's go,to bed late one day, it doesn't matter.

I always buy oven chips and pizza as then you'll always have an instant meal if you need it. If you have time, time some bolognese and some pasta, another instant meal.

Also, if you are self catering, take,your kids favourite cereals, and must-haves such as tomato sauce etc.

Oh god. The holidays!
We always go to the same places. I have a routine.
Stuff like 'let's explore' is a big nono. We ain't exploring anything. Daddy and you will explore. Mummy doesn't do exploring. Mummy doesn't do: let's see where this path/road takes us. That's special time between the father and his child, that is.

It has to have sun and a beach, some sort of water, I'll settle for a lake, a swimming pool, something, but it has to have water.

The first and last night we're eating out. Shopping for the holidays is done on the first morning we get there, the cereal and the coffee come with us, next to the passports. I actually check: keys, passports, tickets, map, coffee, breakfast stuff. We're mainly going on the continent, so it's bread and cheese and some jam.

I always have a haircut and a massage when I'm away. Indulgent? Nope. Needed. It's my holiday too. Besides, it's much cheaper abroad.

Books. We have a holiday book box. I buy 2-3 books for each of us as a surprise. Then we open the holiday book box and get on with it. It's a given we'll all read.

We all decide on a thing we really really really want to do/see when away. Be it the same animal farm we've visited for the past 12 years every single friggin' year, or an exhibition, or going to X place.

I agree with the "make peace with the fact it will be different from holidays you had before you had dc" train of thought.

Once you've done that, then you can start from a different mindset.

We always self catered (for the first 15 or 16 yrs of having dc) but not like we were cooking at home. We'd do a mix of throwing a jar of sauce at some pasta / going for a pub meal / fish 'n' chips on the front / takeaways , and there was no stress about that.
Packing - again, I can't see why that is so difficult - go in their room, pick shorts/t-shirt / pants / socks for each day, add PJs, swimming things, wellies, sandals, slippers, trainers, some jumpers and a cag. and you're away. Send them off to the shed/garage to look for the buckets and spades / cricket things / windbreak. Most self catering places have a washing machine, or access to one if you have a disaster / forget something it's not the end of the world.

I have to assume that the Mumsnetters who are bitterly disappointed by family holidays are not SAHMS .

A few years ago I had to tell DH that I would relax a lot more on holiday if he relaxed a lot less.

Genius! 😆

Oh, and I always have a mummy holiday fund. A couple of hundred euros for a shopping trip. I have a post office euro card that I trickle into throughout the year. £10, £15 there, it all adds up. Then I treat myself in quirky boutiques. Or buy shoes. On the continent they make shoes for walking. Thoroughly recommended :)

Correct Bibbity... I'm not a SAHM. I think the preparation can be stressful regardless, but less time in the home before a holiday is less preparation time. I teach all day, come home, cook, eat, DCS bedtime, then begin the packing 2-3 evenings beforehand.

I think my packing is probably more difficult than it perhaps needs to be as I tend to pack in lots of household stuff ie soaps, jars of washing up liquid, cereals, sauces, easy meals etc just so that we don't have to rush to a supermarket as soon as we arrive. It makes the packing more of a chore, but atleast we're well equipped when we arrive. .. plus it saves money. I literally took 3 large bags of household stuff the last 2 times we went away.

Holidays where it is undiluted family time shouldn't last longer than a week. I like seeing other people on holiday - it's great to see friends when we have endless time to hang out. Go where your friends are and where your DC have friends and it will all be a lot more relaxed.

P.s I agree with bathtime! Liked that comment too. DH has been reminded that holidays are for the both of us! He's great with the DCS though... very hands on. Just less so domestically!

If you can afford all inclusive, then yes, I think that can help a lot. My pet peeve with my OH is him sleeping in when we are away leaving us hanging around to wait for him - if we are in a hotel with a pool and breakfast, we can just bugger off and do that stuff until he is ready to join the world. I don't mind not getting a lie in as long as I don't feel trapped that we can't do anything 'cause he's not up yet.

If all inclusive is not possible, self-catering is good but again, I make sure there is something easy - generally swimming - nearby so we can clear off and do that without having to make it an expedition.

My kids (7 and 5) actually help pack their own stuff now so I don't sweat over packing. It's a bit of a pain but night before or 2 nights before does it.

Hmm I do know what you mean op. I've drastically revised my ideas and expectations a lot. Dds are 2 and 4.

We can't afford abroad Ai otherwise I'd go for that. Instead we rent a friend's holiday home in the southwest and we've been 4 years running. It's sometimes difficult when the weather's bad.

My tips would be

Take short cuts with meals

Research lots of local attractions before you go

Take some new toys and dvds for rainy days

Take wine and coffee!

I think specificing what kind of holiday will work is a bit pointless. Everyones idea of an ideal family holiday destination is different.

Holidays for us can be swimming everyday but our favourite holiday doesn't involve swimming at all.

I can do self catering but I much prefer not cooking anything at all. A washing machine is great but really isn't the deciding factor in where I holiday (even if I do end up handwashing the odd bedsheets or item of clothing)

Backpacking and trying new things might be incredible for some families but for us with DS with autism and physical difficulties, it would be a bloody nightmare!

Foreign holidays for us are way less appealing than the UK. The UK there is no concerns over language, travel insurance (incredibly expensive for DS) or medical provision. As i don't like it too hot I prefer the climate. I don't spend time at indoor play because I don't like it, even if it is raining.

What makes a good family holiday for me is completely different from other people.

The main thing kids want to see is their parent/parents/carer having fun. Working out what you will find fun and enjoyable is the first step in any enjoyable family holiday whether it is a caravan in Bognor or a safari in the serengeti.

It's is also worth remembering that the odd tiff doesn't have to ruin a holiday. I dont think there has been a holiday ever that my mum hasn't thrown a strop over something on leaving day, I don't remember them all now but I remember the awesome holidays

Packing shouldn't be a huge chore as everything is washed and ironed and in wardrobes here. It's just a matter of folding it away in cases.

We don't self cater so we both get the time off cooking and its a proper break.

Oh yes and we often stop off to see friends on the way there or back, and see friends who are localish.

Things get better when you put your foot down and do what you actually like. Holidays are not compulsory. Stay at home and do a few day trips, plus a babysitter so you can go out a couple of times. Or leave them all at home and go walking in the hills by yourself for a couple of days.

I see someone suggested self catering. It's great if you eat out or buy take aways every meal. And buy maid service. Centre parcs do that, and also serviced apartments. There's no way in hell I'll cook and clean during a holiday. Otherwise go AI.

Book somewhere with laundry service. I need to do a load every other day. My two generates so much laundry it's unbelivable.

Don't drive to the airport. Book a taxi service. I tried once to save money and ended up really stressed because I can't find the cheap heathrow parking I've booked! It wasn't where the sat nav said it was.