Mums: how to 'enjoy' a family holiday more?

[oooshlapoosh]

My post appears very cynical so I apologise for this, but I genuinely have trouble enjoying many aspects of a family holiday (on the whole). Of course, there are many elements I do enjoy, but if I'm honest, in some ways, I find them a chore.

I'm a mother of two young DCs, quite introvert and enjoy time to myself, which is difficult to achieve at the best of times, so how do I achieve this on a family holiday when you're all together constantly?

Also, by the time I've made a list, washed dryed clothes, packed the cases- I'm feeling worn out before the holiday has even begun.

Then there's the journey, the extra planned in stops, the masses of unpacking when you arrive, the lack of sleep because DCs wake several times during the night when in unfamiliar surroundings. Then the last day is spent repacking it all, trying to locate everything etc etc.

DH tries to help but we had a huge argument during our last holiday when he started loading the cases into the car before I'd had chance to finish packing them! We're always snappy by the end of the holiday because we've spent too much time around each other.

I'm relatively new to holidaying with children and really want some tips on how to cope, how to lighten the load, perhaps how to organise myself and DH better too!

Before I had DCS, I'd pack the night before and all would be fine! Now I find myself making lists a week in advance and packing for 2-3 days well into the evenings! I'm sure we're all in the same boat here, but are there ways to make it easier? Where's the fun for me?

During our last family holiday, I overheard an argument between a family and the mother walked off in a huff- she was trying to explain why the family needed to return to the accommodation earlier as there were things to do. The teenage daughter then asked her father "why does mum have to cast a shadow over our fun every time we go on holiday" the father looked to the floor and sighed, giving the impression he was thinking the same. I remember thinking: I don't want to be the one throwing shadows over family holidays, but I can see this bring the case.

Any tips to make them easier, more organised and me, less of a stressed out nag?

Buy clothes that do not need ironing

Some people like self cater, some people like to eat out

The travel there and back is part of the holiday

Expect nothing (think of a blank page) so when you get to the holiday it is great
Similarly expect rain, so if the weather is good, the holiday will be enjoyed more

Do some things you would not normally do eg if you like to swim do this

Explore

Make a list of things to take - if you forget anything most things can be purchased at your destination (unless it is prescription medication, but there are ways around this)

Take lots of photos, memories

I think sometimes you just have to let things go a bit....... so the packing and re-packing doesn't have to take that long. Once they get to 8 ish they can pack themselves with a bit of help. Creased stuff doesn't matter does it?? If you're going somewhere hot some t shirts/ shorts and swimming gear. On the way back you just throw everything in a case don't you.... then a quick sweep round to check you've not forgotten anything? And r.e. food.... well cereal and milk will suit everyone in the morning. Then ready meals/ takeaway/ pizza every night for a week wont kill anyone.

I think sometimes we strive so hard to make everything "perfect with lists and timetables and obsessing that we ( and I'm guilty of this too) actually suck all the life/ fun/ adventure out of the holiday.

I'm an introvert too..... plan in an early morning walk for bread/ cup of tea before anyone gets up/ time with a book and a glass of wine in the evening..... that makes it all more bearable.

Oh and two wishes and a dream.

Everyone (adults included) gets to specify two wishes and a dream, "it would be a good day/holiday if I got to do..... It would be a really great day/holiday if I also got to do...... it would be an awesome day/holiday if I also got to do.....".

We then try and do everyone's first choice, followed by their second choice etc. It's a great way of teaching kids that you do things for other people even if they aren't your favourite thing to do. But also to deal positively with disappointment, "well your first choice might not have worked put but the second and third did"

And the end of the day it's a great talking point to review what everyone wished for and what you were able to do. It has got less formal as the kids have got older but we still very much do this

If your dc are tiny holidays are tiring. But it gets much easier once they areschool age, sleep properly and don't need any equipment.

Go somewhere easy. For us that was was a seaside town with a nice beach and some wet weathet options a couple of hours from our house. We stopped going to the Highlands because the kids were too young for hillwalking. Have a day off each per week to do your own thing. I used to meet friends in a nearby city and it was such a treat.

Since having dcs our only holidays have been self catering or haven caravan parks. Dc1 turns 9 this week, so we may have to up our game and have to upgrade to center parcs. 'Twas never my cup of tea before, but suddenly you see your dcs running around for an hour doing sports etc... And you can SIT ON A BENCH agreed, my expectations lowered greatly! They love the swimming pool, they love sitting in the cabaret bar for kids club 6-730pm, love the play park area and just getting old enough the last few times to enjoy crazy golf, rope climbing etc. dc3 is 15mo so suspect this year will be less relaxing (wherever we book!), but I take books and magazines, bubble bath nice candle and chill out for an hour or two in the evening. When staying in a caravan (I admit we book the posher ones ), if raining, the dcs have just loved playing in the different rooms!!!

When self catering, we take breakfast essentials, then I book an online shop for any household stuff, lunches, and a few easy meals as pps have said (eg pizza, finest lasagne, Jkt pot beans cheese salad, barbq and salad, Fishfingers oven chips, pasta and sauce and salad), usually plan to eat out 3-4 times for a week away, and just buy plenty of fruit / smoothies if on offer to make up for the lack of veg for dcs when eating out.

Also I accept I will do a couple of trips to the site launderette (which I really class as a break, as once the load is on I sit back and chill with a magazine!) which helps reduce how much we take and reduces the mountains of washing when we get home. Dcs have always had mini cases (fave characters), and have loved writing lists and ticking things off as they pack. I too have kept the lists from each year, to add to / remove items.

I make it sound like I find it a breeze. I am stress city before a holiday! But the above does help somewhat!

My phrase is: "If we forget something we can always buy it!".

Our family holidays have been short haul, usually SC, and lots with Ryanair handluggage only. I've found some ways to lessen the stress.

1. Don't plan trips every single day. Three our four important outings a week with lazy days in between is enough for small kids. Mine have great memories of what I thought would be less interesting stuff like helping out with lambing on a working farm. Research beforehand to get online tickets and know the closing times of attractions.

1. Cook simple things and eat out on the last night to keep the kitchen clean. I take dried packets of risotto for the night we arrive, just to have something available.

1. Instead of buying new clothes for the trip, take stuff that's ready to be thrown away. That means no mountains of washing when you get home and more room in the suitcase for souvenirs!

1. For cooler destinations, low rise "puffy" jackets are great for warmth and double up as travel pillows. I take one of those fleece tubes (is it a hat or a scarf?) and gloves for each person.

1. Water soluble detergent sheets for hand and machine washing avoid taking pods or suspicious white powder from home. I take small toothpastes, hotel mini soaps and shampoo and buy one normal size on the first day.

1. A multi-socket extension lead fitted with a converter plug means all phones etc. charge in one place.

1. When DC were small we had a portable DVD player which also plugged into the TV. It was definitely worth taking on holiday (abroad) along with a few films out of their boxes. A storybook to read together about the place you're visiting is a lovely idea. Mini pencil case and "travel journal" when they're older.

I am a completely single mum to 3 year old DS and just had a brilliant holiday with him in Kerala. I agree with pp who said it doesn't wreck it if you are a glass half full sort of person. It wasn't brilliant in the way a holiday would have been before he was born, but I had a great time with him building on the beach and jumping in the sea and eating curry watching the sunset. I also took him camping last summer and loved it, despite having to do everything myself - including packing setting up in the rain.
I wish I could take him snowboarding, but that is hard to do as a single parent. And got no money now.
I wonder if it might almost be easier as a single parent as you know you have to do everything so there is nobody to resent for not pulling their weight... Sort of joking, but I do wonder that!

Oh yes I always took a new set of colours to share, new colouring and sticker book and new story book each. Also allowed three fave DVDS, although more likely to stream something now so that helps.

We only have DS (3.5), so it makes it possible for us to take turns with him so we can both get some mooching around alone time.

DP has been responsible for holiday arrangements and packing since our first longhaul holiday long before DS came along. If he is completely responsible, Mr Organised suddenly comes out and he does a grand job. If we try to share organisation we inevitably end up arguing in the middle of an airport because we both assumed the other would pack the phone charger.

Last holiday was lovely except for the bit where DS had a massive screaming overtired tantrum on the plane and refused to be strapped in, to the point where the cabin crew were telling us that last time this happened they kicked the family off the plane. Fortunately he fell asleep shortly after.

Funnily enough bibbity I was about to suggest that the best way to enjoy a holiday with young DCs is to have a really shit and/or stressful job.

I LOVE my holiday every year. I dream of it for months before, and I always have an amazing time. I just love not being in work (and all the shit it brings), not rushing around taking DCs places, not worrying about the housework, and not working til God knows when in the evening.

My top tips:

1. find a place which has a great kids playground with a bar next to it (and preferably a restaurant).
2. Ensure you don't share a bedroom with DCs (and preferably that they don't share with each other).
3. Don't worry about bedtime routines.
4. When DCs are little, go for long afternoon drives to beautiful scenery. DCs fall asleep in car, and you and DH can actually have a conversation.
5. In car DVD players!

I accept that this won't work for everyone but our holiday plans generally involve:

A hotel. If people are hungry they can order room service, not my problem. Or we'll be about to go out anyway

We eat out mostly on holiday (generally don't do self catering though)

We plan things to do, we've done walking tours in Rome, Venice etc and things like boat trips, fishing and art galleries (eg in Paris) and we always book in advance so there are no / smaller queues

The children pack for themselves, so does Dh, I'm not their housekeeper.(since they were about 7+ anyway)

It gets a LOT easier when they're not littlies any more but equally, it's good to find somewhere everyone will enjoy

It absolutely is my holiday too!

Oh and DH absolutely pulls his weight and did so when they were small too.

That makes a huge difference

Top tips: Only bring a few outfits for the kids. E.g., if going for 5 days take 3 outfits. You can always wash bits or buy if really stuck. Get them a wet suit - they can wear this loads. Go to a town walking distance from beach / lake / anywhere you regularly go. Each child to have a rucksack that contains their entertainment - e.g., bedtime book, cuddly, cars, a tablet. Take a few extras for family things that you like. I love Trivial Pursuit and always take it with me. Kids now love it. I love drawing with kids so take a notepad in my handbag. I go places that I like and just ensure that they do too.

I do loads of extra wife work before hand. Then it's mainly done. Also OH is in charge of packing the kids clothes, it frequently results in missing things but we just make do. He packs the car. I pack food and stuff.

The biggest tips I have are
Prepare a meal for dinner in your first night home even a ready meal, a pint if milk and loaf of bread in the freezer.
Clean the house the morning you leave. As OH is packing I vacumn but would swap roles quite easily. It does mean the first 5 minutes in the car are a bit tense but coming home to a clean house knowing there is food takes so much stress out of the last day.

And the other thing is trying to take at least one moment each day which is enjoyable adult time. A recent camping trip saw us in a tent in 2 inch rain, 20 mile winds. A small bottle if brandy and some "posh" mixes after the kids went to bed turned horrible into kind if fun.

My other suggestion would be to hire a cottage or apartment wit your own rooms ( not the living room being a bed room) I find it more relaxing and spacious than being in a hotel and has all the home comforts.

Agree with coming home to a clean home. At least when the fun's over you have a fresh start.

I wonder if it might almost be easier as a single parent as you know you have to do everything so there is nobody to resent for not pulling their weight...

I think that is a very valid point PollyIndia! Plus there's no one packing the car before you had finished putting vital items in the bags you're taking with you

I do enjoy our family holidays but most of my enjoyment comes from being somewhere new. I like novelty. Otherwise I agree the conversations, activities and boring domestic drudgery are just the same as they are at home (we can't afford A I or maid service).....

Not sweating the small stuff...

To the poster above who stressed that DH did a shit job of packing his own stuff. I was you. I could feel the rage rising on your behalf as I read your post. Our best was 2 pairs of pants and no fucking swimming trunks for a beach holiday. Wtf.

It was then I thought fuck it. He's a grown up. I don't even look at what he packs anymore.

It's very liberating

Plus he's learned to be a little more thorough.

I can't help other than to agree that a holiday which involves waking 3 times a night and no lie in for 2 weeks straight (or ever, thinking about it), with the added pressure of people watching and judging everything you do, plus unbearable heat and constant worry of skin cancer, is NOT a holiday. It's bloody hard work.

I had great holidays with ds when the two of us went abroad every year when he was little and I was a single parent.

the problems on these threads seem to be the husbands

Id book self catering but just to get more space and a fridge. The most cooking I did was to peel a banana. We went out for all our meals, which yes meant pretty much a week of sausages and chips for him but his diet at home was very healthy so it was a compromise I was willing to make.

We did child friendly stuff like play by the pool and the beach/go on boat/fun train trips/waterparks.

Great fun!

In the evenings I'd let him stay up with me in the family bars that do kid friendly entertaininnwnt til 11ish then we'd go off to bed. He'd siesta in the afternoon which would be my only break as I was on my own.

We both have great memories of those holidays and they were dirt cheap- last min deals.

I think you're going on the wrong kind of holiday.

Mine are teens now but I decided years ago that self catering was the only way to go and that we should take minimal clothes (I always choose somewhere with a washer and dryer). If we can't squeeze everything for the four of us into two carryon size bags and a rucksack we have too much stuff.

Also agree that if you are in the UK book a supermarket delivery to the cottage - so much easier. Increasingly we only go away in the UK. The children don't care and I CBA with all the down time and hassle of airports. Plus I like to think that they get a chance to appreciate all the beautiful regions of the UK.

Having a fridge means you can just do really easy food like cereal for breakfast and anyone who wants a drink can have one without paying a fortune for it. I tend to do a disposable barbie in the evenings with a salad or pasta.

I always try and book somewhere with some linked activity like a swimming pool complex or a nearby leisure centre so there is an easy default setting.

We all like a lot of "me" time so cottages work well, allowing us all time to lurk in our rooms. My idea of hell is family rooms in hotels where you are all bundled in together and if one of you is awake then you are all awake. never again!

I do empathise with you, I'm in a similar positionand it's hard work. I pack the day before, along with an entertainment bag for Ds 3 and 5, pens, books, DVDs, snacks etc. Pack enough food for breakfast and first meal along with toilet paper, washing powder, milk, coffee so you don't have to rush to the supermarket on arrival. We go self catering and pay for the final cleaning so I don't have to juggle kids,bags, packing and cleaning. I also try and book a house with a DVD player and washing machine.

As someone said upthread, dh packs the car while I hoover/tidy up before leaving, it's so much nicer to come back to a clean house!

However the most important, and helpful thing for me, is the Gin. With lots of ice, lime and tonic. On the balcony with tapas while dh puts the kids to bed.

Never try to pack socks or pants. Go straight to a big supermarket, and buy new socks and pants for everyone. This isn't an extravagance if you never buy them the rest of the year. It's just life's too short to find enough socks for everyone when you're packing. (That's 98 socks for my family for just one week :O Would be ok if they all stayed neatly together, but they just won't behave in my house and seem to scatter themselves everywhere.)

Don't pack too much stuff - especially if you're going somewhere where clothes easily dry - pack half of what you need and just put a couple of quick washes on while there. T shirts/shorts just need to be refreshed. I find it's the neverending packing which sucks joy out.

If self catering in the UK book an online shop to be delivered once you get there with key stuff - nappies, wipes, toothpaste etc. breakfast foods etc.

I think it helps that I slightly relish organising things but we do try to make things easy on ourselves by going places that are familiar to us (so France, to different places, but to large campsites which all have a familiar set up) and/or not too far away. The furthest we have been with DS (2.4) is the Vendee and we took the ferry from Plymouth and spit the drive across two days.

We're going to Center Parcs in April and the format will be similar to the campsites we go to in France - designed for kids, good on site facilities and we will take plenty of ready meals and easy dinners.

Sadly, we're also going to France this year and I am pg (will be 7 months by the time we return) and that is going to be tough staying off the rosé