Contacted by someone claiming to be DH OW

[Glitterunicorn]

A woman has been contacting me over the last month on Facebook messenger telling me how my husband has been cheating me.

Everytime I have received the messages I seem to get immediately blocked or the profile gets deleted so I can't message back. I thought it was just someone messing about.

She has been really quite vague but I have managed to message this person this morning and get a response. She has sent a copied and pasted version of Facebook messages from my husband to her. It seems that he has been chasing her to meet up.

My husband is at work until this afternoon so I will speak to him when he comes back.
I wanted screen shots but she won't send them to me. Should I confront my husband without proper proof?

My husband does work away and the messages do correspond with when he was away last before Xmas.

Maybe next time "OW" contacts you, ask "her" which of your dh's colleagues "she" is. Say that you have a private investigator on the case and will give her £100 if she does indeed turn out the OW, but if not, work will hear about the deed. See if you get any more updates on the "affair" after that, because if genuine it would be lucrative.

I would tend to believe your dh. If his demeanour when telling it does not indicate any red flags, I think I would be inclined to drop this.

It is a long story, but that is what real life is like. If I wanted to lie (or cook up a story in anticipation), I'd probably keep it simpler.

I think he's telling the truth. All the other evidence points to her or him bring a troll. This is someone who knows your husband & his friend & is shit stirring for some reason.

The workmate's girlfriend confirming she received messages will prove this for you & put an end to it. But you'd have to be willing to do that knowing your husband would see that as you not trusting him.

I think i others id believe your dh op. Surprised people questioning the blocking on fb. Ive blocked randoms as dont want repeat requests.

londonrach if I were OP I'd do a bit more snooping if I were her to check and double check the woman and what she's about...

If after all this (and her DH's long story) it comes out he's innocent and she's a nutter then at least she's found out all she needs to know.

To be quite honest I don't know why OP didn't confront her DH a month ago when it all started. Nip in bud then. In the month since then it seems as though it's built up into all this drama with this woman constantly messaging and then playing incognito with OP.

Frankly, you either believe him or you don't. If you do- then forget it and move on. If you don't, the relationship is over anyway.

Like other posters I too block random people who send me a friend request, I did it yesterday actually.

I find the husband's explanation completely plausible.

Strangely enough, one of mine was a guy that swore blind he had met me in a pub. The pub I had heard of but had only been in once, at lunchtime and sat outside with my friend, months before didn't speak to anyone else but I had back then a habit of 'checking in' to where I was. This could have happened with your DH or his work colleague, though I still suspect it is a male work colleague doing it.

This is why I have recently found out how to completely make my FB page watertight with no info or photos showing.

I block random people too. My friend had her fb profile copied by one of the unknowns she added. Mine is locked down tight.

Has no one else picked up on the fact that his colleague is a mutual friend of hers? Why is the colleague 'friends' with this woman if he doesn't know her?

I do believe him. The pub in question I know well. We used to live very close to it I went in on the odd occasion and it is a old mans pub. The others locally were full of youngsters and very rough so if we wanted a quick pint would go there.

It seems genuine, I don't know his friend from work hence not noticing him on her friends list.

He called him when I was in the room and I head a FFS not her again. I don't think it was fabricated.

Husband is adamant it's not someone from his work but he and his friend have only one mutual friend and that's the boss.

He's going to speak to his friend tomorrow and see if he can shed any light as to who it is.

Yes, ask to speak to the colleague's girlfriend.

Also, although I agree it does seem a bit too inconvenient that the same thing happened to his colleague, if you were there and reading over his shoulder when he opened up his messages and went back over the conversations he had with her, then that would be pretty hard for him to fake.

If it was a case of him trying to get rid of her and remove any trace of evidence of wrong doing then a) he'd have deleted it all or b) the conversation would have looked quite different.

I'm on Team Husband. I don't think he's done anything wrong but I wouldn't be surprised if he does know the woman better than he's letting on. Perhaps he's chatted/flirted in the pub a lot and then panicked and snubbed her when she's tried to 'friend' him.

I am surprised the colleague didn't unfriend & block the troll after contacting his girlfriend though?

Although that shouldn't put doubt in your mind, I think your husband is def telling the truth, especially as he wants to find out who it is etc.

Could someone have done that FB thing where they check into that pub, tagging DH and the colleague? The way she's contacted both of them suggests she's got their names from somewhere... And if so has anyone else named in that 'check in' been contacted?

Lazybones I said to my husband the same thing and said it must be him if she's causing problems between him and the gf why is he friends with her.
I was adamant at first it was the friend as let's face it, the evidence fits but they were on a job today and he was driving the friend that is and I've been messaging the troll and he/she has been replying.

I really want him to ask the friend but my husband just wants to leave it for tonight and forget it.

I'd ignore his pleas that you forget it and get in touch with the colleagues girlfriend. I found it all very believable and it looked like your DP was telling the truth until I re read your post and the mutual friends thing stuck out to me. It seems like the colleague has been drafted in as a cover up. Maybe not. It's just worth checking.

I've been pondering that too about the check in and checked DH profile and there is nothing there on that date. No status, no check in!

By talking to the gf please be aware that you'll basically be telling your DH that you don't trust him.

If he's done nothing wrong then he has nothing to worry about though. I would rather my DP checked for himself if he had any suspicions about me. Then it would be the end of it with no lingering doubts to hang over our heads.

Well I can't speak for everyone but if my DP didn't trust me then what's the point?

OP, you are happy with your husband's explanation. That's all that matters.
Also, you are there and able to see his expressions and hear his tone of voice.
We are not.

You can now put this behind you and move on.