Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Contacted by someone claiming to be DH OW

424 replies

Glitterunicorn · 21/02/2016 09:50

A woman has been contacting me over the last month on Facebook messenger telling me how my husband has been cheating me.

Everytime I have received the messages I seem to get immediately blocked or the profile gets deleted so I can't message back. I thought it was just someone messing about.

She has been really quite vague but I have managed to message this person this morning and get a response. She has sent a copied and pasted version of Facebook messages from my husband to her. It seems that he has been chasing her to meet up.

My husband is at work until this afternoon so I will speak to him when he comes back.
I wanted screen shots but she won't send them to me. Should I confront my husband without proper proof?

My husband does work away and the messages do correspond with when he was away last before Xmas.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 21/02/2016 16:36

Has no one else picked up on the fact that his colleague is a mutual friend of hers? Why is the colleague 'friends' with this woman if he doesn't know her?

Have you never seen the people on FB who have upwards of 1000 friends?

Some people will add anyone.

Neverm1nd · 21/02/2016 16:42

After you block someone, if you then unblock them you are automatically unfriended. So I assume the husband would only be able to see the basic profile once he had unblocked this lady?

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 21/02/2016 16:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JurgenKlopp · 21/02/2016 16:46

Do you think there's a chance that the friend is the troll? Some weird kind of 'joke', perhaps?

Buzzardbird · 21/02/2016 16:48

It's nothing OP (apart from a crazy work colleague) I would leave it there. Your DH can sort the rest

ghostoftheMNchicken · 21/02/2016 16:48

OP, you are happy with your husband's explanation. That's all that matters. Also, you are there and able to see his expressions and hear his tone of voice. We are not.

This, basically.

If you do decide to investigate it further (and I personally would continue to dig, because I would want to get to the bottom of shit like this), I suggest framing it as investigating who might have been responsible and whether you have any legal recourse (harassment? Defamation?) rather than 'checking up on his story.'

It's bloody creepy tbh.

WorraLiberty · 21/02/2016 16:49

It could be one of the bar staff for all anyone knows.

No idea why. Just thought I'd put that out there Grin

Buzzardbird · 21/02/2016 16:58

Worra only if she asked the men their full names so she could stalk them on FB Grin

goodnightdarthvader1 · 21/02/2016 17:02

Buzzard, if OP's DH paid for his drinks by credit or debit card, it could very well have had his full name on it.

wonkylampshade · 21/02/2016 17:04

Another one who blocks randoms here!

It does definitely sound like someone your DH knows is doing the trolling though - very odd.

Original poster
Glitterunicorn · 21/02/2016 17:16

I've spoken to dh about it. I do trust him but I have one niggle that doesn't add up. He refuses to believe it's someone from work. The copied and pasted messages do seem to be fake unless he deleted everything bar the first couple of messages.

But the dates on the copied messages I can't get past as he was away with work when this "exchange" took place.

Now if it was someone messing about from work, then would of known he was away. We don't post much on there. The odd pic of the children but we aren't really into posting much as were quite private.

So it's either someone from work, or maybe it did happen. I don't think it did, but I'm starting to doubt myself.

So I've suggested I contact the gf so there is no doubt in my mind later on down the line and hopefully we can put all this behind us.

DH has said he is innocent so to go ahead but he will just text his friend so he is aware as he works in close contact with him every day.

That's fine with me, I don't want to go behind there backs as it will all come out in the wash tomorrow

OP posts:
Katenka · 21/02/2016 17:20

If I were him I would be contacting HR to tell them two workers and their partners have been targeted by this person. It suggests it is someone at work.

I wouldn't want to believe someone at work could do this. Maybe that's how he is thinking. But the link is there and he should at least report it. If he is telling the truth I doubt they are the only people this person is targeting and the employer should want to know.

Buzzardbird · 21/02/2016 17:22

goodnight works do though, probably company credit card. Wink

ghostoftheMNchicken · 21/02/2016 17:32

But the dates on the copied messages I can't get past as he was away with work when this "exchange" took place.

Is that really significant though? Does he go away a lot, because if so the chances of it being a coincidence go up. Do the messages refer to him being away or are they generic?

And if the assumption is that he's meeting up with her while away, why the need to use Facebook?

Crazypetlady · 21/02/2016 17:40

He said he was going to message his friend to let him know what is going on just be careful he isn't messaging to see if he can get on her account to answer. If you believe him great but as she said it is me from the pub could it be a drunken night he is trying to forget

PaperDollChain · 21/02/2016 17:52

You can report fake profiles to facebook and they should delete it if that's the case.

WickedWax · 21/02/2016 18:01

DH's company credit card has his own full name on. We could go on and on to the nth degree with what ifs and explanations. Grin

Just how well do you know the workmates girlfriend? Be careful what info you give away to her.

It's all a bit fishy but I mean that in terms of a workmate (or their partner?) having some kind of grudge, I honestly do believe that your DH story sounds plausible.

sykadelic · 21/02/2016 18:21

I'm a little surprised there are so many people thinking he's cheating when it simply doesn't add up. If you've got the balls to tell the wife, then you're going to give her as much information as you can to help her find out more (that is a decent person would).

1st fake flag: You've been receiving messages from someone and it's always the same one line.

2nd fake flag: You ask for evidence/more information and get radio silence:

3rd fake flag: They "can't screen shot" from their phone... ALL phones now that can use FB or FB messenger have the ability to screenshot (they're smart phones), so I'd ask for her phone model and you'll find a "help" guide for her.

4th fake flag: She "can't/won't" give you his phone number so I'd ask "okay well if you won't give it to me, can you at least tell me if it ends in [fake last 5 digits or whatever]? Bet she either doesn't confirm or deny.

The blocking her thing is not unusual at all. I'm constantly getting messages from weirdos. I not only block them, I also report them.

You said it kind of works out around the time he was gone for Christmas... not only his work colleagues would know this, so would your friends and family as well as his.

I'm not convinced it's someone from work. It could be someone who was cheated on and your DH did talk to her, she felt flattered and has convinced herself there's a love connection. It could be someone who's jealous of you (that you know) and is trying to make your life difficult.

The only thing that's making me think work colleague is that his work colleague is also involved. I would check with a few other (married) work colleagues if they've heard of X. I would have your DH's work colleague unfriend her on FB and ask whether anyone knows X or has been receiving weird messages "because you think her profile was hacked" (just in case people do know her).

When you did the reverse image search, did you use: images.google.com/ ? Download her profile photo and upload it into that if you haven't.

I honestly think your DH is telling the truth about this woman, but I would be curious how many people have been affected (and then I'd report/block the profile).

APlaceOnTheCouch · 21/02/2016 18:25

The part that I find odd is the friend messaging DH after having a conversation with him about it. It seems as though they both had a vocal conversation presumably in earshot of you and his gf - about the fb woman being a troll who has randomly targeted them both. . . but then, once the call was finished, your DH's friend texted in private to find out how he had linked them together (or did he mean how you had linked them together). That seems fishy . . .

Original poster
Glitterunicorn · 21/02/2016 18:53

Yes how we linked her to DH friend. He seemed suprised after the call had taken place.

How well do I know the gf? I don't, I've never met her. I've never met his work colleague either as he travels a hour each way to work so doesn't live by us. He spends time with my DH at work and when they go away for work between 2/3 times a year. The longest he has been away was 4/5 days when he drove to south of France.

I have messaged the gf and just said I'm DHs wife who works with your bf. Hope you don't mind me messaging you but I've been getting messages from someone called fake troll and my DH says you've also had a run in with her in the past?

OP posts:
Original poster
Glitterunicorn · 21/02/2016 18:56

I can't even report the profile as Its dissapered again. I don't think I'm being blocked but that it's being deactivated as when DH unlocked her it said you can't block again for 48 hours.

OP posts:
SoThatHappened · 21/02/2016 18:57

The part that I find odd is the friend messaging DH after having a conversation with him about it. It seems as though they both had a vocal conversation presumably in earshot of you and his gf - about the fb woman being a troll who has randomly targeted them both

Oscar worthy performance.

iwuddarryl · 21/02/2016 19:36

The part I find really odd (sorry OP) but this is bothering me,
is the fact that your DH didn't seem at all bothered at involving his friend and gf.

Most people would be mortified at dragging their friends into a domestic 'issue' and would do anything to not involve them in any way.
People are usually very private.
Yet, he doesn't seem to mind? Confused and was on the phone to them in a flash.

But that could just be me and my suspicious mind. So ignore if you feel otherwise.

iwuddarryl · 21/02/2016 19:38

I've never met his work colleague either as he travels a hour each way to work so doesn't live by us

Maybe 'he's' a 'she'.
How would you even know? You've never met him/her. Hmm

WickedWax · 21/02/2016 19:42

Let's be honest, the DH can't win here with some people, can he?

Straight onto the friend, then that's odd as most people would be mortified to involve others.

Had he refused to involve the friend then OP would be getting told that reassuring her should be the most important thing and he should put his embarrassment aside, what's he got to hide, blah, blah. Hmm