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Original poster

Contacted by someone claiming to be DH OW

424 replies

Glitterunicorn · 21/02/2016 09:50

A woman has been contacting me over the last month on Facebook messenger telling me how my husband has been cheating me.

Everytime I have received the messages I seem to get immediately blocked or the profile gets deleted so I can't message back. I thought it was just someone messing about.

She has been really quite vague but I have managed to message this person this morning and get a response. She has sent a copied and pasted version of Facebook messages from my husband to her. It seems that he has been chasing her to meet up.

My husband is at work until this afternoon so I will speak to him when he comes back.
I wanted screen shots but she won't send them to me. Should I confront my husband without proper proof?

My husband does work away and the messages do correspond with when he was away last before Xmas.

OP posts:
Buzzardbird · 21/02/2016 14:00

Naaaah! She's a fake. No proof, no reality.

SoThatHappened · 21/02/2016 14:01

I dunno, same reasons people troll the pregnancy and bereavement boards on here.

it is anonymous here though.

actually trying to meddle in someones life for real?

Maybe. But You'd have to be a sick individual.

tealoveryum · 21/02/2016 14:01

It seems a bit suspect to me that she keeps contacting you but not actually giving you any evidence. My sister has done the sending a message to the unknowing gf over facebook thing, she sent two messages one saying how sorry she was (she hadn't known) and offering evidence. The second supplied to evidence. This woman seems to be enjoying the drama of contacting you OP, giving you worry and concern but not actually any evidence that would put you in certainty and allow you to confront your DH.

That seems very off to me. If you had been the OW you would have soem kind of evidence, why wouldn't you send it over so the OP could confront her DH? The DHs number, screen shots, dates...

I think it is rarer for it to be lies but I do know something similar happen to a friend, he was accused of cheating and he and his gf were happy to hear the evidence. All the evidence of sex and encounters she claimed he had something else going on at the time- either with his gf or his hobby which involved competitions so his gf was cheering him on. It turned out that he had turned this woman down and when she kept persisting he told her to fuck off which pissed her off and led to the lies.

I do think it is rarer, but some people are malicious.

I hope it turns out that way for you OP, especially if he's not given you reason but do keep eye contact for his reaction. I think there's a script somewhere that my sister once was sent on this site when her ex was cheating, it's worth looking it out because cheaters do seem to follow it.

ghostoftheMNchicken · 21/02/2016 14:01

I mean I can understand the reasoning that an affair is more likely than the OP being trolled, but there are just soooo many discrepancies here. I cannot understand the motivation of an OW who wants to confess but not give any actual evidence or even any concrete details...

WickedWax · 21/02/2016 14:04

it is anonymous here though

It's anonymous on FB, if you don't know the people, they're just pictures on a screen.

GruntledOne · 21/02/2016 14:07

Maybe. But You'd have to be a sick individual.

There are some incredibly sick individuals around. Look at the people who send sick messages in relation to people who have died tragically.

Katenka · 21/02/2016 14:09

I do think it is rarer, but some people are malicious.

totally agree with this

WorraLiberty · 21/02/2016 14:12

There are some very bitter and twisted people out there, so it should come as no surprise that someone on FB, might be bitter and twisted enough to try to cause trouble in a marriage.

A friend of mine had similar-ish trouble from a FB troll.

Her 'crime' was to post 'too many' pics and status updates, showing how happy her family life was.

Her DH bought her an expensive diamond ring for Christmas, she posted a pic and that was enough to finally tip the troll over the edge.

It turned out to be someone she'd actually never met, but her profile was set to 'friends of friends'.

SoThatHappened · 21/02/2016 14:13

yeah you're right.

Maybe it is a good thing I can't fathom it. Cant imagine what sort of person would do that.

PushingThru · 21/02/2016 14:18

If it's fake, how did she send you copy & pasted messages to her from your husband?

ghostoftheMNchicken · 21/02/2016 14:21

If it's fake, how did she send you copy & pasted messages to her from your husband?

By making them up and writing them out.

WorraLiberty · 21/02/2016 14:23

Copy and pasted messages can be altered.

All she had to do was send him a normal message, wait for his reply and then she has his name in her inbox to C&P....whilst adding her own words to 'his' message.

Like this....

PushingThru Sun 21-Feb-16 14:18:34
Oooh Worra, give us kiss Wink

PushingThru · 21/02/2016 14:23

Oh his name isn't actually there as the sender, then? Ok.

Katenka · 21/02/2016 14:24

When I was engaged to dh, a friend of his ex called my work (a hotel) to tell me she was shagging him. She pretended her name was something else. I had never met her

She knew dh worked evenings and I worked during the day. So said she met up with him during the day.

The only problem was that dh had picked up day shifts in my hotel and was weird everyday I had. The dates she gave me as proof he was at work. It was a fairly small hotel so I had seen him several times, yet she claimed he was 15 miles away at her house.

The ex didn't know he had picked up extra shifts as they were no longer in contact. Dh had split with the ex 6 months before we met (they only went out for 3 months) and hadn't spoken to her since.

I wasn't a OW, didn't know her or her friend at all and hadn't done anything to them. We only found out because the switchboard recorded her number. My boss rang it and asked who it was and she was dumb enough to answer.

We have no idea if the ex knew. We assume so but We didn't want to give her the satisfaction of some drama. My boss threaten to all the police and that was the last we heard. This was about 13 years ago.

Some people are malicious and don't care who try hurt, they just get their jollies out of this sort of thing.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 21/02/2016 14:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WickedWax · 21/02/2016 14:25

Or she could literally have typed them out in a 'copy and paste format', like this...

PushingThru Sun 21-Feb-16 14:18:34
Ooh Worra, give us a kiss

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 21/02/2016 14:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Abed · 21/02/2016 14:30

Anything can be faked.

The fact that the person has refused to send a screen shot of the messages rather than copying and pasting the text is enough for me to think bullshit.

And that's before you think about the refusal to give OP the phone number etc.

PushingThru · 21/02/2016 14:31

Stunning profile pic, a few friends: mostly male, little activity, easily contrived evidence, unwilling to provide proper proof - looks like a troll - probably a 20 stone trucker called Dwayne who lives in Utah.

PushingThru · 21/02/2016 14:32

You should call your husband over to the laptop this evening or whenever & casually say "look at this crap I've been getting over Facebook".

iwuddarryl · 21/02/2016 14:47

I'm amused that so many posters think that it's more likely that some random stranger has decided to destroy this marriage, than that DH is chasing after another woman.

I think we all want to believe that our OH's will never cheat and that all OW are 'unhinged', 'crazy' and 'vindictive random strangers' out to ruin our marriages.

It's easy to label the OW as a crazy/stalker type.

CityMole · 21/02/2016 14:49

Hearts yes, you are spot on- I had missed that part in amongst the rest of the silliness. thank goodness.

iwuddarryl · 21/02/2016 14:54

I can't help thinking that if this woman was some random troll who is doing it for kicks, she would have got the message by now and moved onto an easier target/victim - someone who isn't giving her the 3rd degree (like OP is)

The fact she is being so persistent, even though OP keeps knocking her back, makes me think is there something to it?

I hope I'm wrong. But nevertheless Hmm

iwuddarryl · 21/02/2016 14:57

But then, if she's for real, why not give proof? Confused

It's a strange one.

WorraLiberty · 21/02/2016 15:00

Maybe her gripe is with the OP or her DH and that's why she didn't move to an easier target/victim?

My friend's FB troll didn't. Yet her only gripe was that she was jealous of her lifestyle and relationship, even though she'd never met her.