Step right up, it's dating thread 97

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

We don't half get through these at speed!

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now)

My recent MrAttached used to go pretty much radio silence at weekends, big weekday texter then barely 2 at the weekend, obviously when his girlfriend was over at his.

He would always refer to "his mate" who came up to his most weekends and he went to see once a month in London.

That with the few feminine products in his bathroom and the fact he was going on a cruise with this so called "mate" (2 straight men don't go on a cruise together) led me to believe he has a girlf. Of course he completely denied the fact.

Folk sorry I missed the two grey ticks. Bloody whatsapp. I am so glad tinder has removed the last active time stamp thing it used to have otherwise that would be another thing for me to overanalyse.

Waving I've not blocked my match yet as he is still texting, he just sent a message about his day, asking about me etc. He's just doing enough to make me think he's still possibly interested but the frequency of texting has changed, you know the feeling that you can't quite put your finger on? Maybe he is just massively as busy as he says he is. I'm going to remain calm, stay with the thread and just see what happens. I feel like I'm getting my original 'not that bothered' position again and maybe that will help me to rein myself back in.

Luckily I've not come across any attached men - yet!

Ocelot no I am not in Yorkshire or anywhere near so they are all yours, haha! Re MrMusic, who cares if he did not want a relationship at all or one with you, he is just unavailable - trying to decipher what was on his mind is just going to make you feel shit about yourself. Don't go there!

Born I have run out of likes!! Clearly I am spending too much time on Tinder.. . Glad to hear you feel ok after this event, nicely handled!

Super you are right, trouble is that it seems I cannot find the middle ground between completely uninterested bitch and overly keen wedding planning nutcase. Looks like I may need to grow into a decent human being first before I find one.

Tanya no idea what could have gone through that man's head. Bullet dodged here!

Hi bit of a lurker but joining for moral support for the strange world of OLD....

Met someone on pof before Christmas and thought it was developing into a relationship but found he's still been dating... Not the end of the world I know but a bit rotten... So onwards and upwards

lol at going on a cruise with his 'mate'

Honest to god 314, he must have thought I came down in the last shower! I've been in the travel industry since I left school at 16, so 20 years. In all that time I've never ever known two straight men go cruising together. It's laughable

Yeh, even my mum's friend finally figured out her son was gay when he went on a cruise with his 'friend'. This was 15 years ago.

From personal experience I have found guys that don't message at weekends (but are texting all the time during the week) are generally in a relationship with someone else.
I dated a guy who was obviously in a relationship but I never realised until the red flags hit me full blown in the face when a friend pointed out that he never messaged me at weekends. I then did some digging on Facebook and found his profile.... yep he had a girlfriend.
Arsehole.

We only matched on Thursday, more messaging during day than evenings, but plausible reasons given (pub when rugby was on). Fair bit of messaging this morning and throughout yesterday, so I hadn't suspected. Feeling a bit done with the whole process - you can't help but internalise and think "am I so hideous / uninteresting that I can't attract ONE decent bloke?"

I tried FB stalking but his profile is so tight I couldn't uncover anything on him.

It was the bottle of feminine shower gel, John Freida frizeze hair masque and hairspray that was a bit of a giveaway. I asked him and he denied it, twice! I think it was a long distance relationship though and he has a daughter he has 3 weekends a month. So pretty sure the girlf lives in London and comes up north at weekends and he goes down to her on his weekend off.

I just fucking wish the lying shit would just have said "yes, I'm a wanker and have a girlf" instead his niceness and it's a shame Rolandrat as you are wrong then has you doubting yourself even when your gut feeling is probably right.

tanyadm I think we've all felt a bit frustrated at it all. I never knew dating could be so bloody hard if I'm totally honest.
At least you found out now though before you became too involved with him.

I know Tanya it is a bit demoralising this OLD business isn't it!

Hmmm, MrEloquent claims not to know why his profile pic and last seen have disappeared but he must have done something with his settings, right? Ah well, I'm leaving it now. Quite glad he didn't block me though.

Tanya Sorry to hear about Horse but I suppose good that you found out now? Well done with the sleuthing!

Roland A "Mate" that came to stay every weekend and who he's going on a cruise with and he expected you to believe that he didn't have a girlfriend?! Hahah!

Men are just awful aren't they? I'm coming to the conclusion that some are, yes. ExP, when he cheated on me, said that he was "compartmentalising" so that what he was doing with OW had nothing to do with me or DS I just can't get that way of thinking. Not saying all men do that but maybe they can do it more than women?

The messaging at weekends thing is a useful red flag to have though.

Sandy Welcome! And sorry about your experience.

As Shirley Valentine quite rightly puts it "Aren't men full of shit"

Fandango I don't have too many notes to compare yet, but I can tell you one guy on tinder to avoid!

I matched with someone on tinder last night, and he messaged me immediately. Spent a couple of hours sending back and forth messages, then swapped numbers (his request).

Thing is, I dated him for a couple of weeks 7 years ago.

He hasn't realised, and if he has, he isn't saying anything. Would you say, 'don't you remember that we had sex then?!'.

Anyway, the reason it didn't work out last time was because he didn't think someone with a child was for him. Which is fine. Ended with no bad feelings at all.

But now I've got 3 children! I did mention this within the first 10-15 messages. He asked if I was over my ex (hell yes) and if he was involved in their lives (no!). He was fine with it. So fuck knows.

He was good in bed. At least I already know that.

Men are just awful aren't they? I can't think there's ever a situation where I'd think it's ok to pretend to be single.

One of mine did that to me. I found out later that he was cheating on a gf and I felt sick.

Detective that sounds really exciting, good in bed and hopefully right for you after 7 years!

Detective- surely he must have realised he's slept with you before, I'd be a bit like if someone hadn't mentioned it. Anyway at least you know what to expect if you do get down to business with him does he have kids now?

So-how long did it take until you fathomed out he was a cheating rat, and how did you find out? Can't you tell I'm obsessing about MrAttached

Not caught up with the thread fully, but Saturday went well - met with him at 4.45 pm yesterday, and am in the train home, in yesterday's clothes, no make up and a blissed out look on my face. Don't judge me ...!

Off to read the full thread.

Batshit-doing the walk of shame good for you!

If he does know, he isn't letting on!

I've told him my location, my job, ages of my children, length of previous relationships.

We have a mutual friend on Facebook, so I already knew it was him when we matched. I'd seen him popping up on my friends status' now and then, as I remembered his name (and face!).

He doesn't have any children now. He said he has been single for a year. Which rings true, as I clicked on his Facebook a while back and saw he was in a relationship. Now it shows him as single.

Haven't heard anything today after saying goodnight last night, so I'm not holding my breath. He seemed keen last night.

I know we got on really well in the past. He's a nice guy. And was up front with me previously. So hopefully I will hear from him again. I don't do chasing, so I'll wait for him to message me first.

Quick question: deal breakers... What are yours? Mine are must have permanent employment (or self employed) and not be in and out of jobs. Must have had experience living away from home (ie. Not used to mummy and daddy running around after them!). No smokers. If they have children, they must be in regular contact with them and support them financially.

I did have must have a car on the list. But this guy doesn't. That is a sticking point. What do others think? I feel driving is something really important.