Step right up, it's dating thread 97

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

We don't half get through these at speed!

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now)

I did Google MHussey but can't find a PDF and I am way over monthly budget limit for self help books if anyone can find it, please post!

The other read that was suggested on that thread (how to screw up your relationships or something like that) is great too. It is fun and makes interesting points

I think it was me who mentioned Matthew Hussey. He is fun to listen to, I get his podcasts and listen to them when I'm walking the dog!!

314 I'm totally like you with the security and empathy thing. That's why I know Cufflinks is bad bad news for me.

Beth loving your date news - excellent! He sounds into you!

Matthew Hussey is brilliant - I've got his book.

Hello to all - will come and catch up later, am leaving for my first OLD in 15 minutes ...

Long time lurker and been OLD on and off for 2 years! Started chatting to a guy on Sunday we exchanged numbers and texted away. Thursday had chat on the phone that lasted 2 hours Anyway we met last night and went to a few pubs and got on really well. There was kissing and it was really good kissing! So when we went to the taxi rank we had another kiss and then the taxi came and I took his hand to come in same taxi. He said are we going to yours? I said no yours? He said my house is a mess if I knew you were coming I would have tidied. All embarrassing now thinking about it...I just went home in taxi on my own. He's been texting away this morning and we arranged to see each other again but I just feel a bit mortified as I don't normally do things like that on a first date Should I tell him that or just leave it and just go with the flow?

Im listening to him now. Very good.

OMG ladylambkin sounds exciting and passionate! Will be all the better for waiting too - deffo go with flow!!!! If the chemistry and the gut feeling says yes then don't overthink!!!!!!!! woop!

Over thinking is my middle name

Beth and ladylambkin, they sound like really good dates! Hope they both lead to equally good second dates.

After meeting Mr Goa last night and realising he wasn't for me, I now have zero irons! I'm on POF now but am struggling to find even one man to message. Where are all the nice men?

Hey 314 after reading your comment on the other thread I retook the MBTI test and wow it explains a lot when it comes to my relationships (on 16personalities.com they have a specific dating analysis). I am an ENTP, aka the PITA that sees room for improvement literally everywhere...as if was not already clear enough from my posts..
Conclusion: I think I need to be more firm on my standards because if don't it is bound to go sideways anyway. That also makes me think that MrTheatre is probably quite a good match.

Ok so, if a man says 'I want to treat my girlfriend like the most special person in the whole world' it means they are 1) immature 2) closet misogynists - discuss.......

Just pondering this guy who has messaged me and has this in his profile. It puts me right off not surprising I have no irons

Well, handy it could be that he is expressing a nice thought very badly. Or it could be that he is all caught up in that idolisation followed by devaluation bullshit. I'd put it to him that what you would like is a man who'd recognise that you were his equal. See what kind of discussion comes out of it!

Jolly yes, I find it really helpful! I'm an ESFJ and so I know that I like to have things planned. It said that in the blurb too. ie, The next date! H did actually always do this because he was also J rather than P. so the worst people for me to date in the early stages would be any personality type that is dominant in perceiving rather than judging. Like you Jolly!! let's not date! Let's just hang out and chat, lol I think it helps you know yourself, and it helps take things less personally too. So doubly helpful imo.

''argue tirelessly for things they don't believe in'' You're a lawyer aren't you Jolly
Well, have you picked the right profession!? you can pick the right man too!

Loo update : nice bloke, but no spark at all.

I will stop shouting about WhatsApp notifications now.... It's just really helped for me. For example, OldFashioned has just messaged me, I've read it and I'll reply when I can be bothered to and he's got no idea of that. It pleases me. But other people are probably better at not angsting as much as I do about these things!

So, yeah OldFashioned has been messaging. He's alright. Seems very "decent" which is refreshing. But perhaps a bit on the dull side but I'll give him a chance.

And little bit of communication from MrEloquent. I'm still trying to ascertain what his T&Cs are...My best friend (the hard-nosed bitch with the heart of gold) was trying to tell me that if he would just meet me, he would instantly fall in love and all would be perfect! I told her that if he doesn't want a relationship, then he doesn't want a relationship and I'd be stupid to try to change him knowing that. Bless her, she is a total romantic and really wants me to find someone lovely...I think she finds my dating harder than I do!

Handy...hmmm... not sure about the "treating my girlfriend like the most special person on the world" thing. It's a bit sickening and defo has misogynistic overtones...but at least he didn't say "princess". Chat to him and see.

314 We sound similar. I am definitely a planner. I like to have the next date booked in so I know where I stand. Have fun on your date with Delbald tonight.

lambkin Sounds like a fun date! Go with the flow. If he's texting and arranged a second date it clearly didn't put him off and on your next date you could drop it into conversation that you are not normally so forward on first dates, if it feels appropriate.

Beth glad your date went well too!

Moonie that is a great story! I hope you feel ok about it now. If the number is right, he may well respond, it's really not been that long. Did you work out if you go to the same gym? You might bump into him again if so.

Waving Good positive thinking today!

Haha 314 cheers to that

Waving funny we are both lawyers, apparently it is the natural work path for our type, yay! Looks like we are also on the right track when it comes to finding someone compatible with having standards AND enforcing them, according to this: "ENTPs can be prone to mistaking relational harmony for relational health. Since their natural mode is one of adaptation, they may assume they can adapt their way out of nearly any relational difficulty. While some degree of compromise is helpful and necessary in any relationship, some ENTPs may do so excessively. This tendency relates not only to their status as P-types, but to their tertiary Fe, which strives to maintain peace and harmony in relationships. Consequently, ENTPs can end up digging themselves a relational hole by adapting to the point of losing themselves. This can lead them to resent their partner and act out in passive-aggressive ways. It is therefore important for ENTPs to adopt a policy of openness and honesty in their relationships, ensuring that their grievances and preferences are being openly aired and discussed."

Right, back to the thread:

Good job Beth and lambkins!

Sorry Bat, no spark sucks but it also means there are some nice guys out there

Handy TBH I would run for the hills if I had a message like that: if he feels the need to say he will be treating you well, it sounds as if he usually does not!! You know, just like "I do not want to hurt you (but I am going to anyways)"

Checking in. J1 went home this morning
Feeling a bit hmmm about it, but it's far too personal to go into on here.

MrBH might be a keeper, I mentioned I fancied cake and he drove over, delivered cake, had a cup of tea and went home again. Don't tell me it's creepy, I think it's really sweet and I don't want anyone telling me different.

Waving I love watching Matthew Hussey videos - not just for the content, he's nice to look at! I also do that 'adapting to what the other person wants' thing - hallmark of having been in an EA relationship, I think. I'm getting better at stating what I want (I want someone who is available at the weekend sometimes, for example, not endless after work dates), but I still feel a bit .... odd, I suppose , for asking for what I want.

Gast oh dear, that doesn't sound good, that you feel hmmm ... and I think Mr BH sounds sweet, doing that.

Glad your dates went well, Beth and lambkins.

My date today was with Running Man - he was quite a sweet bloke, but I wasn't attracted to him at all. He texted me about 3 minutes after we parted company, and said he really wanted to see me again . Just composing my 'lovely to meet you, but I don't think we're suited' message - would that be a kind enough thing to say? That I 'don't think we're suited'?

IIRC, Matthew Hussey is not a fan of OLD ... he thinks it's artificial.