Step right up, it's dating thread 97

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

We don't half get through these at speed!

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now)

MrTall not used to having to work too hard at his conversation skills! "I'm tall" is enough for him usually!

I read the text. It's good morning, how are you? what are you doing?

I could answer. Put it would already prolong any misunderstanding wouldn't it. I said or did nothing that would make him think I fancied him. We didn't talk about meeting up again. I have already told him that he was good company, and he was. So I think it's ok to just ignore that last text.

Better go and make sunday lunch for six now.

Do people always wait to be contacted by Tinder matches? I quite often do the first message...is that bad? I am just too impatient I think...
Two matches yesterday and I messaged both this am. old fashioned is boring me already. I am starting to get a worried about myself actually, once a decent guy starts showing interest in me I back off. But if they ignore me, or say they don't want a relationship I go crazy for them!

Never tried tinder Born...so cant help
314 He could of been the nervous type..
But no spark..best leaving alone
I'm sounding very snobby and shallow re Mr smoker/bad speller,he seems a lovely guy,messages me often,working class,10 years younger Than me,2 young children,smokes,his spelling isent good,but said id love to take you for coffee,so I've agreed,he has been very patient with me..not sure when yet,as it would have to be a weekend.
But also going to meet my potential Fwb next month,been chatting to him since December and he is so lovely.
Match,affinity and e harmony are a total waste of money!!

Right, I've had a coffee and I am no longer worried! If OldFashioned is boring, then that's no my fault. I've looked back over his messages and he's not done much to keep the conversation going, not asked many questions about me etc. So, it's not me, it's him.

I sent the message to MrEloquent last night. He hasn't been online since (yeah, I turned "last seen" back on...) so hasn't read it yet. I am pretty much convinced he's going to tell me to go away (in a nice way!)

314 Oh dear. You are not shallow or a bad person. You just didn't fancy him...that is allowed, you know!

waving I think you are always going to over-think Soho. See how it goes on Tuesday but you are doing the right thing by setting your own standards.

314 I think if the spark isn't there then you can't make it, don't worry you are not being shallow. I love a geek/nerd though, I find a little bit of awkwardness/shyness cute (am I weird?)

Waving I think you're beginning to know what you want - this is progress! And it's not wrong to say to Soho - this is what I want, this is what I am happy with, and I don't want to waste time with you if they are things you don't want. Then he can step up or ship out

314 I agree with Born, it's perfectly okay not to fancy him. I didn't fancy Running Man, he was too soft and 'nice' and ineffectual, there was no flirty edge, nothing at all. And yes, I couldn't imagine kissing him if he were the last man on earth ...!

Born some people are very dull to chat with - I don't like being asked lots of questions, as I feel like I'm being interviewed, but I like the conversation to flow and for questions to come up naturally. It's not your fault if OldFashioned is borning, you can't have a brilliant on your own!

I'm only on OKC, and have messaged first sometimes, I've never really thought it was 'wrong' in some way.

Oh and don't waste your money with E-Harmony, I got a birthday deal with them and I have honestly yet to see a nice looking guy on there, it is truly dire. Matches from 60-100 miles away, way out of age ranges, and most importantly you can't specify height range!

I'm on OKCUPID and Bumble. Back from hols now so I can do some iron searching.

314, as others have said, it's not wrong not to fancy someone. I didn't fancy Mr Goa, and when he leant over to touch my arm once or twice, I felt like moving further away - definitely not a good sign! I'm like Prizey, though, in that I quite like a geek/nerd (as long as they're not too nerdy!)

I was thinking of rejoining Match, but it seems the general opinion is that it's not worth it. Is OKC worth a try?

OKC is free so definitely worth a try! Actually I think it might be my favourite of the free sites, easy to navigate and most features are available for free. And I like the questions, they can really throw up some red flags or things that you have in common.

No word from MrBH today, he always messages quite early so I guess that's that.

Got a couple of potentials but I'm just feeling a bit disillusioned by it all right now.

Oh, thanks, I might try that one today. Anything from MrEloquent yet? Did you find out why OldFashioned described himself as old-fashioned? I think that would put me off, as I'd worry he had outdated ideas like women doing all the housework or stuff like that.

Oh Gast, it's really disappointing when that happens. Have you got any plans for today?

Yes Goldfish We were sitting at a table in the bar with a curved soft bench around it, can you picture it. To begin with we were both sitting at the edge nearer the bar and by the time we left we were on the other side because I'd been steadily reversing half an inch every time he leaned towards me.

Gast he sent you mixed signals with the cake. I think he did that for his own sake, which was shabby of him.

Meh his loss. Got the boys back yesterday evening so we're just relaxing at home today.

People were asking about dating sites, OKCupid and POF are ok, they're free. Match and Zoosk, I paid to join and all my matches seem to be at least 100km away which is pointless, I don't seem to be able to filter out distances. I only paid for a month on each and I won't be renewing.

I cant do pof,i work in a large retail store and ive seen people in there that are also on it.....so i just cant go there!!

goldfish that was my first question to him! He talked about treating women with respect and honesty, which is fine with me! He also got points for saying "women" and not "girls" or "ladies". So, we got that cleared up...things have just gone downhill from there.
Nothing from MrEloquent yet which is absolutely fine. I basically offered him moose burgers, cooked to his liking with free sides so I want him to take his time before rejecting them!

I'm not renewing my subscription to ZOOSK because the inability to filter out long distances men just makes the pickings seem even slimmer.

Coming off Match soon, too. Absolutely nothing going on there after 4-5 months. Plenty of people nearby but only 3 incoming messages in total.

eHarmony - heard lots of bad things. Not bothering.

Bumble - I have had lots of message exchanges but they've all died out. One has started up this morning... why are they all on boats and in Thailand? It feels really fake.

Time for another break from OLD for me. I'm going to let my subscriptions expire at the end of the month although ZOOSK won't expire til March 19th so I'll keep messaging my nice sounding pen pal MrFlight.

I wasn't allowed to join e-Harmony because I said I was separated not divorced!

I'm fairly convinced I won't hear from MrBH again, I'm just debating whether to message him and actually make him say it or just leave it.

Don't text him Gast

If he felt 'maybe' about the spark issue he'd have kept his options open by saying nothing. By putting it out there and telling you he didn't think there was a spark, or that he wasn't certain he felt a spark (?) I think he was letting you down and burning that bridge. Had you kissed him? Did you feel there was a spark?

Last night chatting, Bear said something to me which is exasperating me 12 hours on. He said he needed to be careful he didn't fall in to the trap of being in a relationship. He didn't mean with me, he meant, generally, in life. It annoys me that being so determined to avoid relationships, they still come to his doorstep. Here I am longing to have sex with the same person I'm close with and that that person have the chutzpah to call it a relationship. I can't get what I want but HE living in dread of it can get what I want so easily that it's a trap he has to avoid. He needs his wits about him to avoid this trap. It's annoying.

Gast, I'm also feeling a bit fed up of OLD this morning, but my cheerful inner voice is saying 'look, it would have been weird and too convenient if you'd liked the next man after H'.

I tried Bumble but there didn't seem to be many men and those there were I had usually sometimes seen elsewhere anyway. The same went for Bristlr. I have Tinder and OKCupid both free and have found them pretty good (lots of guys must have the same idea as I've seen quite a few on both). I usually just say 'Hi" to any Tinder matches that haven't messaged me so they know I'm happy to chat but I haven't wasted my time composing a message if they don't reply. I also generally delete them if I've not had a reply by the next day!

Thursday night cocktail guy has been a bit quiet since our date so although we arranged to see each other again I'm not counting on it...

The guy who I've had two dates with and sends lovely messages but isn't really at the same stage in life as me has also disappeared...

I still have the guy who lives abroad and is coming home for a holiday in a few weeks, the guy who I matched with in Tinder while he was here on a job interview but lives at the other end of the country and the guy who I'm meeting on Friday so I'm not doing too badly.

It's the last day of half-term so I'm procrastinating catching up on all my work before I go back which has put me in a rather melancholy mood