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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband photographing me while asleep

574 replies

Lollyz02 · 10/02/2016 09:41

Ok I have seen this posted here before so I thought there may be some useful tips out there for me.
I have been with my husband for over 13 years. For as long as I can remember he has always had a high sex drive. Caught him looking at porn a few times and constantly saying we don't do it enough. About a year ago he took photos of me while I was sleeping. My breasts and my downstairs area. He also touched me down there and masturbated. I pretended out of shock to stay asleep for most of it. I "woke up" eventually and confronted him and he was very apologetic. Saying he doesn't know why he did it blah blah blah. Since then it has happened a few more times. I have got mad at him over and over again but he is always so down and apologetic I always let it go. Over the last 6 months I have had an increase in my sex drive (I went off contraceptives for medical reasons, we are using condoms). So we have been having sex more often and being a bit more adventurous. The other night he did it again! This time videoing me! Also I noticed he joined up a website looking for a threesome! I thought once we were having sex more often these tendencies would end :(

OP posts:
PosieReturningParker · 11/02/2016 14:00

Unless the OP's H got some serious counselling and help with his abusive behaviours, he will not change. He's ceased this behaviour, as far as OP knows, before and restarted and so I'm in no doubt that he will revert to abusing again and again.

I hope you've reached out to some support agency OP.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 11/02/2016 14:08

He's ceased this behaviour, as far as OP knows, before and restarted

Actually, I wonder if it can be considered "ceasing" or if it's just been a time between incidents. A rapist can go months between rapes but he hasn't ceased raping, IYSWIM. I don't think he ever had any intention of stopping because he doesn't see what's wrong about it (despite the fake sobbing and blubbering).

PosieReturningParker · 11/02/2016 14:14

I meant she thinks he's ceased and restarted, but I probably mean stopped for a bit. Smile

goodnightdarthvader1 · 11/02/2016 14:19

Oh, I see :) Wasn't disagreeing with you as such, I just think it's interesting there's 2 ways to think about it.

OhShutUpThomas · 11/02/2016 14:49

I don't disagree with you that this is a case of sexual abuse.

Has he sexually abused her? Yes

Well make your mind up.
It is incredibly damaging to suggest to a victim of sexual abuse that what they've suffered isn't actually sexual abuse - even on an anonymous internet post.

OhShutUpThomas · 11/02/2016 14:50

Oh ignore me I read that as 'I don't agree with you' sorry.

Iamdobby63 · 11/02/2016 15:06

No worries Thomas, it happens. At least your original comment to me makes sense now! Lol

LovelyFriend · 11/02/2016 15:11

chipped challenge them by all means but there is no need to have a big argument. People have different opinions and even on threads like this you will get some people saying things you disagree with. The OP
is in a different time zone and is now going to return to a thread full of squabbling. Which can be very off putting, and negative.

I think we should be all sensitive, make the point/challenge by all means and then leave the OP to make her own way through all the many comments. There is no winning opinion. Shouting at a poster over and over won't make them agree with you. (I'm not talking about Chipped here.)

As I see it the OP is sharing life changing stuff on this thread she has no other outlet for. And it would be a real shame if she is put off returning by the thread descending into a shouting match/bun fight and drowning out all the mainly solid advice and support she is getting.

All I am saying is we should get over any need for "winning" arguments and respect the OP.

LineyReborn · 11/02/2016 15:15

I think it's easy to mistype and misread on threads where people care very much about what is happening to the OP, ie they give a shit.

Btw thanks for all the helpful links posted on the thread. I just read the Shark Cage article - really, really helpful.

And OP, this must be so hard for you. Please know that you are cared about. Flowers

ScarletBegonias · 11/02/2016 16:01

I think we should be all sensitive, make the point/challenge by all means and then leave the OP to make her own way through all the many comments. There is no winning opinion. Shouting at a poster over and over won't make them agree with you. - Lovely

I think that's right. This is a very worrying thread, however you look at it. As darth said, it's somebody's real life, and people are bound to have strong feelings about what the OP should do.

But I was starting to feel uneasy not just because of posters arguing with each other but because of posts which seemed to suggest that the OP was disappointing people - first by not reacting to advice she was being given, and then by not following it. I'm sure it wasn't meant like that but that's how it looked to me.

IWentThroughThis · 11/02/2016 16:04

OP, I don't wish to frighten you but in my case there unfortunately was a link with paedophilia. My ex partner filmed sexual acts without my consent, committed voyeurism etc. Turned out he did have a large collection of child porn on his laptop. Now I'm not saying this is the case with your husband but I do think in instances of sexually creepy/abusive behaviour then it is more likely. There was nothing at all to suggest he was interested in children whatsoever and he hadn't actually taken any photos himself, it was all downloaded stuff. It's just something worth keeping in the back of your mind though.

I'd be wary if he's a computer/techie type. Because even if the photos/videos appear to be deleted they can still be on the computer somewhere or he could be using the dark web, which I wouldn't have a clue how to access. I was "lucky" in that nothing of me had been uploaded, which the police confirmed for me as they used proper software to check. I think unless you're a computer expert or get the police involved, which I know you don't want, there is no 100 per cent way of knowing for sure.

I do understand how you feel. I stayed with my ex for far too long because he was apologetic about filming me, had many good qualities, was a loving, caring partner the rest of the time and I still loved him despite what he'd done to me. When the child porn stuff came out it was then much easier to leave but I wasn't married to him or had children so I appreciate in your circumstances it's even harder. I don't blame you for staying at all - it took me months to get my head around it all but please keep yourself safe by sleeping in separate bedrooms and making sure he genuinely wants to change.

I found this website which helped me at the time - www.aphroditewounded.org It's an organisation based in Australia, so even more relevant for you, for women who have experienced sexual assaults and violence by their partners. There is a message board and there is a section for women who choose to stay with no judgement. BUT they do recommend that couples counselling only happens once your partner has fully taken responsibility for what he's done, has stopped the behaviour and has undergone counselling himself. I do think it's important that he at least attends some kind of therapy for himself. Because if he doesn't know why he does this to you then that is quite alarming. It's all very well being apologetic but he has to want to change himself. If he was genuinely remorseful he would be disgusted with himself and be willing to do anything to stop. If he doesn't know why he does it, and doesn't seem to be able to stop himself, that sounds dangerous and he needs help to work out why before his behaviour escalates even more. If he can't acknowledge that he is seriously hurting you with his behaviour then I do think it would be in your best interests to leave. Him crying could be construed as being emotionally manipulative - my ex used to do that a lot and it changes all the focus onto him and how hard done by he is, when he should be listening to YOU and trying to appease you, not the other way round. He's got to work very hard to prove that he's worth you sticking by him. If he isn't willing to make a serious effort to stop, then it shows that he doesn't love or respect you enough.

Don't beat yourself up for staying for now. I completely understand why the others are saying leave now but I know from experience how hard it is to acknowledge you've been sexually assaulted by someone who's supposed to love you, never mind thinking about leaving them. No-one wants to think of their partner as a sexual abuser. But remember, the onus is on him in this situation. You've done nothing wrong despite what your mother may think. HE'S the one who is committing sexual crimes against you, HE'S the one who has to change, HE'S the one who's willing to throw his marriage away over sexual thrills and HE'S the one who's got to change to give it a chance of working.

Good luck and keep strong. Flowers

Chippednailvarnish · 11/02/2016 16:05

Lovely stopping being so condescending. If people give advice that is plainly dangerous and wrong, posters will quite rightly challenge them on it.
Or would you prefer if we all pretended to agree Hmm

goodnightdarthvader1 · 11/02/2016 16:31

Shouting at a poster over and over won't make them agree with you. (I'm not talking about Chipped here.)

Lovely, if you're talking about me, say so, please. If you're not singling out a specific poster then don't go "Oh, but I don't mean YOU."

I have no wish to squabble with other posters, but as chipped said, there is no way I'm going to let dangerous badly-worded advice stand without challenging it. I did it earlier in the thread too. I'm not having the OP reading a load of victim-blaming minimising crap and the part of her brain that WANTS to believe that going "Yes, ok, that sounds sensible". We make our own realities and tend to agree with what we want to believe. That's dangerous for people in an abuse situation.

And yes, I am disappointed that the OP has fallen for his nonsense yet again. I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings or make her feel bad, but it's frustrating reading about a woman in an abuse situation thousands of miles away and not being able to get her out of it. It is absolutely her decision, but all too often women make the wrong decision, and they suffer, their children suffer, and the bloke gets to carry on having a whale of a time. She has voluntarily posted asking for opinions on her situation, and my opinion is that she should run like the wind. I can't make her do that, but I also can't plaster on a smile and say "Good for you, hope therapy works!" about a man who should be IN JAIL.

LineyReborn · 11/02/2016 16:35

IWentThroughThis I just want to say how strong you sound, and how much I admire you for posting that for the OP.

MoominPie22 · 11/02/2016 16:36

Iwentthru That was a great post and very helpful to the OP I think, BUT....I just have to have a mini-rant cos of something you said;

I really, really have a problem with people who refer to child sex abuse as ¨Child Porn¨. Porn is something done between consenting adults. Children and animals cannot consent. This is sexual abuse, simple as that!

I think referring to the sexual abuse of kids as ¨porn¨ minimizes and normalizes the suffering and permanent damage caused. And it is sick!! Would any survivors of sexual abuse like to be told that they were infact ¨Porn Stars¨?

Would any parents who have had their kids abused by some sick fucker like to be informed their kids were partaking in Child Porn? Like they had any bloody say in the matter???Shock Angry

There is a distinction between the 2 as far as I´m concerned and I find the term Child Porn very insulting. It really pisses me off when I even hear it referred to as that on TV/News. Is it named that because that´s how it is marketed to the Sickos? Confused

Anyways, rant over. It´s just words but it matters and is important to some. Child Sex Abuse gets filmed therefore it becomes ¨Porn¨? Really??

And breeaaathe.........OK, as you were Smile Sorry for de-railing the thread, it´s just an emotive subject, that´s all.

Iamdobby63 · 11/02/2016 16:48

For the sake of the thread I'm choosing to ignore certain comments.

I just hope the OP comes back for continued support whilst she goes through the route she has chosen.

Iamdobby63 · 11/02/2016 16:54

@IwentThroughThis Thank you for sharing your experience for the OP, and also the Australian website should be very helpful for her.

teddyroll · 11/02/2016 19:55

So much good advice here I just wanted to say three things

  1. I'm so sorry for what you're going through OP and I hope you know NONE of this is your fault - it's nothing to do with sex drive, adventurousness etc.

  2. couples counselling with an abuser doesn't work. You need to talk about what has happened to you without fear of repurcussions in a safe environment, you can't achieve that with an abuser present

  3. even if this behaviour stops you can't go on with this man. You might think hes changed, you obviously love him and he may act decently in other aspects of life but this is a man who finds enjoyment in sexual activity with A LIFELESS WOMAN. there's something wrong with this man. Why did we think ched Evans behaviour was reprehensible - because the woman couldn't consent. The same thing is going on here. The mindset of a man who gets off on a woman who is lying there incapable of consent or participation is severely damaged. No matter how long it takes you need to leave. It may sound harsh and uncaring but it's from a position of concern. You cannot have a happy or normal life with a man who has this deviant mindset. YOU MUST LEAVE FOR YOUR OWN AND YOUR CHILDREN'S WELLBEING

I wish you all the very best

Lollyz02 · 11/02/2016 20:44

Well it is morning here and I have had a lot to read over. Some very helpful posts here. I chose to stay in the same bed as him. He offered to sleep elsewhere but I don't think we can push past if he is not here with me. Also if he is to do it again, I can confidently leave knowing he knows how much I hate it. In a way I'm laying next to him as bait. I know that will give a lot of outcry but for me I feel it is the best way to know if he will do it again. he said he would fall asleep first if it made me feel better, so he did.
Long way off perfect I know.

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 11/02/2016 20:45
Confused
AnyFucker · 11/02/2016 20:49

< sigh >

goodnightdarthvader1 · 11/02/2016 20:50

Because you've made it clear now that you hate it in a way you didn't before? How so, OP?

Also, you have no idea how many times he's done it and you haven't woken up. So unless you're filming yourselves and reviewing the footage daily, as an experiment this is pretty unscientific.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 11/02/2016 20:50

Lollyz - I can understand where you're at. It's hard to dismantle your whole life and marriage over 'one thing' - even when that 'thing' is sexual abuse while you're sleeping.

Please, please make sure that this is his "one last chance" - after all, he's had chances before hasn't he? You have complained to him, screamed at him etc, but he did do it again. My instinct tells me he will wait a period of time - and then do it again Sad

I hope you'll at least take mine and other poster's advice about having counselling alone.

All the best.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 11/02/2016 20:52

Also he said he would fall asleep first if it made me feel better, so he did

Yup, asleep. Honest.

MoominPie22 · 11/02/2016 20:54

So you´re saying you´ll leave the next time he does it? OK well at least saying it on here means you´re making yourself accountable so we´ll hold you to that. Smile