Husband photographing me while asleep

[Lollyz02]

Ok I have seen this posted here before so I thought there may be some useful tips out there for me.
I have been with my husband for over 13 years. For as long as I can remember he has always had a high sex drive. Caught him looking at porn a few times and constantly saying we don't do it enough. About a year ago he took photos of me while I was sleeping. My breasts and my downstairs area. He also touched me down there and masturbated. I pretended out of shock to stay asleep for most of it. I "woke up" eventually and confronted him and he was very apologetic. Saying he doesn't know why he did it blah blah blah. Since then it has happened a few more times. I have got mad at him over and over again but he is always so down and apologetic I always let it go. Over the last 6 months I have had an increase in my sex drive (I went off contraceptives for medical reasons, we are using condoms). So we have been having sex more often and being a bit more adventurous. The other night he did it again! This time videoing me! Also I noticed he joined up a website looking for a threesome! I thought once we were having sex more often these tendencies would end :(

Honestly, wish I hadn't read it. Photographing your breasts and vagina whilst your sleeping. Or pretending to be asleep. It's so perverse and creepy. Honestly, I'd divorce that. I genuinely would. 🤑

Have you actually said the words 'you are sexually abusing me' to him?

Why are you still there?

Oh god. Reading all these comments make me feel sick. I know I'm choosing the immediate easy path and it won't necessarily be easy in the long run.
He did relapse one other time back in about October. It's been months in between. I know it is not going to stop. I do see that now.
Both my sister and his brother are newly separated. Watching our family hurt this much (especially my mum and my husbands parents) has been difficult. It affects so many people. How can I ever tell them. They believe all is well. It will destroy his parents especially. His mum will never stop till she finds out the reason. Then when she eventually finds out, she will fall apart. I love my mum and his parents so much. It breaks my heart at the thought of breaking theirs.
I can almost see the comments now saying that I need to think of myself and my children's and you are right. However it is easier said than done.

How do I do this... :( I have no money......

This man is one sick fuck. My skin is crawling reading your op, and the updates just get worse and worse. Please don't stay with this pervert!

You need to think of YOU and your DCs, not your DH, he's been given enough chances and hasn't proved to you that this IS the kind of man he is. Your DB and SIL breaking up is bad timing but you should have left DH months ago. Think of 2017 as a new start for your whole family and for gods sake LTB.

Any pain that this causes the rest of your family is not your responsibility. It's his for repeatedly abusing you.

*has proved to you! Not hasn't!

How could you even consider staying with a man who sexually abuses you
It's not a 'relapse' she is a pervert who will continue to use you against your permission for his own kicks whilst your children sleep on another room, how you stayed even beyond the first time is shocking

He is on his way home now. Half of me wants to greet him with "what do you want for dinner" and the other half wants to suprise him with a suitcase full of his clothes..... maybe I should just have a shower, clear my head.

This is horrendous. Please consider going to the police and start putting protection in place for you and your children. I kno we how hard it is to reconcile the 'nice man' with the abuser. I'm in Aust too. Xan you ring CASA or 1800Respect?they're a 24 hour DV and sexual assault hotline and they can help you through it and give referrals. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. This is not your fault.

he is actually the nicest person you would ever know. Everybody who knows him just can't speak highly enough of him. A kind, highly intelligent, quiet man.

Sorry but no he isn't. I am married to a kind, quiet, intelligent man. He has NEVER sexually assaulted me whilst I've been asleep.

It's rough to hear but it IS assault. He is sexually touching you when you cannot consent. Those are NOT the actions of a kind loving husband.

You mention that you have started having sex more hoping he would stop but he hasn't. He has not just carried on but escalated by taking photos/video and making moves to try as involve you in other sexual acts (threesome) without asking you.

He is in a place where only his pleasure matters and your consent is totally irrelevant. This is NOT a safe place. If you are confronting him and he is carrying on he is either unable to control himself or he won't. Either way it is not a safe environment for
You.

Please take steps to get away from this man. He needs help and counselling at the very least. You need to be away from him when he is like this. You aren't safe.

He has been assaulting you. He is posting the vids/pics online - oh yes he is! Wake up and leave

Can I also just clarify (not as an excuse but just so that it is out there)... he touched me on New Years, he did not take photos.

Op, you are fooling yourself

These are not "relapses" ...he has never stopped sexually assaulting you

Staying together for the sake of other family members is madness. They are not the ones getting fingered in the night by your perverted husbabd

he was very apologetic. Saying he doesn't know why he did it ... I have got mad at him over and over again but he is always so down and apologetic I always let it go.

He's manipulating you right there - as well as sexually abusing you.

He doesn't know why he does it?? He can't be that sorry if he keeps doing it. Can he control his impules at work, walking down the street, everywhere else? Then he should be able to do the same with you, his wife.

Off to RTFT.

How Chou possibly know that OP? He could have taken photos many many times without you waking up. Surely you're more likely to wake if he's physically touching you not filming/photographing you? He could upload them to some god awful porn site to share/look at in a hidden browser later then delete the file on his phone- bingo no evidence and no paper trail.
You sound like you've been a bit brain washed to be honest, and are minimising to protect yourself from the reality, because the reality is that this is pretty horrific.

It's not your responsibility to keep quite and stay for his or your parents. You are being sexually assaulted again and again and again. You have been physically assaulted you are worn down i understand that but please you need to get out. Your children are growing up with this all around them do you want them to think this is OK? It's not ok he's a fucking abusive cunt and you can be free. Ring for support reach out and people WILL help you.

Am shocked you are still in this situation, he will not change because he doesn't need to as you are accepting his abusive behaviour.

Some people on here we can't help and those of us who've been through either the same or similar situations and now recognise the beast (the abuser) for what they are are in a place where we've come to realisation and are out the other side and obviously the OP is not in that place yet. She may never be, we don't know.

When the OPs abuser shoved her against the kitchen wall he effectively shut down OP and that is why a long period of time has gone by and she is still with him. His actions were considered, manipulative in the extreme and designed to shut down any attempts by the OP to deal with the current situation whilst at the same time effectively hamstringing her and making her think twice before raising the issue again. So it's total and complete manipulation.

It's been months since the sexual abuse whilst asleep but I guarantee one thing OP, the frequency will increase over time and he'll keep on doing it and doing it more often then he'll start posting again, then he'll want to introduce others again.

What you need to understand is that each of these times he reduces the frequency of the attacks (what you call 'stops' but which isn't stopping) it is not because he's seeing the light or the situation is improving.

It is 100% pure manipulation so that he retains access to his victim (you) so he can continue, unrestricted, his vile sexual assaults on you. Plus all the other manipulative and controlling things he does even if they are 'only' that you don't have a secure personal financial situation that you could fall back on. I'd also go so far as to say that the fact that he is a 'nice' man who provides for you at all other times when he's not sexually abusing you, is also a very deliberate and well constructed manifestion of control and abuse - all designed to position you for the overnight gropings and vileness that he wishes to continue subjecting you to.

It will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever get better.

Never.

I'm so sorry OP.
I was hoping to see that the counselling had worked and you were heading in the right direction to get this 'put to bed' for want of a better phrase.
But.... he's done it again, more than once!
And he's properly assaulted you and given you bruises.
As you will see from my previous posts, I do try to be objective but now.....!???
No way. You need to get out and away from him.
He's not learnt a thing. He really hasn't.
It's still all about him and his gratification.
Get things in place to understand where you would stand if you were to separate.
Speak to a solicitor to understand your legal position.
Although YOU don't have any money, there of course is family money.
He will have to support his children.
Could you go back to work?

*manifestation

i've never heard of a 'nice pervert' before, i really must get online and better educate myself more, perhaps fb would be a good start.

Would you want your DC to stay in a relationship like this when they are older, to avoid hurting you?? I think you know what you need to do. It may take you some time to get there, but I really hope you do eventually leave. He will not stop, and is likely to get worse.

*referring to op's last lines ] opening post