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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Someone called the police for DV

889 replies

DragonsCanHop · 04/02/2016 11:09

"D"H exploded last night in front of the children over something really stupid (DDs) phone going off when we were sleeping.

He slammed doors and shouted at the children making them all scream and cry, I jumped up to defend them, told him he can't slam doors and talk to them like that. I got in between him and the bedroom door frame and he pulled me out of the way.

He was up in my face sneering at me, he called me all sorts of names and threatened to push me down the stairs, he was yelling at the top of his voice and I was telling him he had to go down stairs at least so I could settle the DC.

Eventually he did but only after yet more name calling with a look of disgust on his face.

I settled the youngest easily (told her it was a bad dream) and eldest came in with me and it all calmed down.

Next thing I know there are 2 policeman at the door, someone had heard him and called 999.

They wanted to arrest him but as it's not happened before and I'm still not sure why he did it I told them he didn't hurt me and I didn't tell them about him threatening me. They said they would log it as a disturbance after completing a DV log sheet.

He messaged our daughter this morning after leaving for work and asked if she called the police. We didn't reply.

I messaged him and told him to find somewhere to stay, we need time apart he replied no and then asked if I was throwing him out over a stupid call on our DDS phone.

I haven't replied and I've left my mobile at home, he keeps calling my work phone.

Please tell me I'm not making too much of this, I feel like I can't make a choice of what to do from now but I know he can't be happy and I've not been happy for a while either but never expected anything like this, he hates me.

OP posts:
GiddyOnZackHunt · 05/02/2016 00:09

I'd turn dd2's phone off between 9pm and 8am as of tomorrow and possibly send him a short text reminding him that they are children who must not be given guilt trips over contact.
Go check the doors and windows. Make yourself a nest on the sofa or in bed, put the radio on low and try to rest. If you sleep that's great but be cosy. Keep a phone close and be safe. You can do this.

ohtheholidays · 05/02/2016 00:12

Oh OP you and your poor DD's have gone through so much in one day.But you are being amazing,take it from someone who's been where you are now.

I agree with other posters switch the phones of and if he trys messaging your DD like that again tomorrow I'd block his number.

And tell whoever you need to tell for yourself,don't think it's your job to protect him or his reputation OP,you don't owe him anything.

Like others have said contact womens aid tomorrow www.womensaid.org.uk/ they are really good,the CAB are really good as well,they're help is also free and they usually have they're own solicitors working with them and they'll know all the benefits your be entitled to and other places that you can access help as well.
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

I hope you manage to get some sleep tonight.

CalleighDoodle · 05/02/2016 00:13

Block his number on their phones. Children should not have to deal with that.

tipsytrifle · 05/02/2016 00:14

The support you need is here for sure, Dragons. One day you'll fly and not hop. You're starting to think about breathing fire; a lot of shit stuff to get through though, so hone it til you know it well enough to use. But I'll repeat it - we're here for you! What music did you listen to?

AcrossthePond55 · 05/02/2016 00:18

You're doing marvelously well.

I do think you need to sort out the banking. You don't want your pay deposit going to that account and him swiping the lot. And I would talk to the bank about him clearing out the account.

Change all banking passwords and open a new separate account for your deposit, preferably at a different bank.

AndYourBirdCanSing · 05/02/2016 00:19

You are doing amazingly well snd should be bloody proud of yourself. I hope you and your girls manage some decent sleep

FeralBeryl · 05/02/2016 00:27

Oh sweets, you are far, far stronger than you're feeling. You'll look back on this one day and realise you were She-Ra and Wonder Woman all rolled into one. But until then, we are here, your friend is around, and you'll do this. You are doing it. Hope you're listening to something nice. Have you eaten today ?

ThatsNotMyRabbit · 05/02/2016 00:32

You're doing brilliantly. Just brilliantly.

gruffaloshmuffalo · 05/02/2016 00:35

You are doing brilliantly

gladistopped · 05/02/2016 00:54

Well done! You are doing so well xxx

GarlicBake · 05/02/2016 00:56

I'm horrified at what you've revealed in this thread, Dragons. Don't think I've read your previous ones but, my god - jealousy, not being allowed out on your own, what looks very much like financial abuse, threats of violence and now harassment! What you're doing now is very hard, not least because of the shock and disorientation - but I feel completely sure it is the only right thing, for you and for your children Flowers

I'm so tired I'm finding it hard to type, but wanted you to know yet another MNer is by your side in spirit. Lean on posters in different time zones as needed. I've messaged Hissy and hope she'll see your thread soon.

I've got to say it. I'm sure he must have his likeable qualities, but he sounds like an utter cunt. No charm, wit or DIY skills could make up for who he really is.

xxx Brew Cake Chocolate

Fooshufflewickbannanapants · 05/02/2016 06:07

Hope you manage some sleep dragon you are being incredibly brave like. I bought it's not very mumsnetty but

Fooshufflewickbannanapants · 05/02/2016 06:08

Like? Don't know how that sneaked in.

PhoenixReisling · 05/02/2016 07:27

I hope you slept a little last night.

You are doing so well and this all must be very upsetting and frightening.

I would suggest that you block his number on your daughters phones (like others have said it can always be unblocked later), to stop his continual drip drip text messages at silly times of the night done to unnerve them and make them feel guilty.

If you work together, do you receive your own payslips electronically? If you do, then this maybe why you cannot find them. I would contact CAB/WA and if he pounds at the door again phone the police again.

Flowers
Goingtobeawesome · 05/02/2016 07:37

Dragons, you are doing great.

Post every minute if you want. There will always be someone willing to respond, support and advise.

I would implement a give phones to mummy at 8:55 rule and then turn them off fully.

Put yours on silent so it doesn't make you jump but you can still see messages or on do not disturb between set times. I did that when I was getting texts at 11pm and 3am.

Reassure your children they can text or not, it is up to them. But the minute he hassles them again I'd be considering blocking him.

CalleighDoodle · 05/02/2016 07:43

The other time zones thing is a good idea! But i find theres always someone on MN! I joined an american site in the middle of the night when i was left.

EBearhug · 05/02/2016 08:04

Let the police know he is texting, particularly if they can't find him - they mght be able to trace the mobile phone signal.

Wishing you strength, Dragons.

CheesyWeez · 05/02/2016 08:07

Texting your 11yo at 11pm! Clearing the bank account! That is so low. So sorry OP. Take it easy on yourself and I'm sending a hug.

I'm so glad your neighbour called the police. She's probably been watching him trying to break in yesterday and you not letting him and she's pleased for you. As are all of us, you are doing so brilliantly. Star 🐲

LadyLuck81 · 05/02/2016 08:07

I've just read your thread. You may not feel like you're being strong but oh my god you are. Your determination to keep your girls safe and deal with this head in is amazing.

I'm sure it doesn't feel like it but you are doing just great I hope you managed some sleep last night.

FantasticButtocks · 05/02/2016 08:31

how sad that he is repeating his childhood by terrorising his own family. I think whoever reported to the police has done you and your daughters a favour. He had to be stopped.

The words your Dd overheard are chilling.

Wishing you strength Thanks

ohtheholidays · 05/02/2016 08:58

Morning Dragon,I hope you and your DD's are doing okay this morning.Flowers

Original poster
DragonsCanHop · 05/02/2016 09:17

My anxiety is through the roof, I'm literally having to consentrate on breathing.

I had an awful night and ended up in a duvet against the front door so I could hear for cars better.

I've taken DD1 to school, been and booked an emergency doctors app for 11am (don't know why but I just want to talk face to face) and called WA, the lady is contacting the out reach team and promised they would call back.

He called DD1 twice this morning but she didn't feel like answering even though I said she could if she wanted to.

He text me asking if this was it with no further discussion so I text back "yes, rent on the credit card and we divorce as soon as I can" I've turned my phone off.

I'm hanging on a thread here

OP posts:
FantasticButtocks · 05/02/2016 09:24

Well done, you're doing well. Thanks Keep breathing....

How dare he frighten his daughters. Unforgivable.

lincolnshirelassy · 05/02/2016 09:25

I don't have anything further to add Dragons as I think you've done everything right to protect you and your Dd's. Take it a day at a time, or if that seems too much, an hour at a time. I've been where you are but 11 years on my Dd's and I are happy, I'm remarried with a Ds and we all have a calm and settled home. I just wanted to tell you that so you know it is possible to come out the other side. There's a saying I like for these times 'when you're going through hell, keep going.' It can and will get better for you. Thinking of you xxx

doineedhelp · 05/02/2016 09:25

What a git...
Stay strong Dragon, you are doing incredibly well