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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Someone called the police for DV

889 replies

DragonsCanHop · 04/02/2016 11:09

"D"H exploded last night in front of the children over something really stupid (DDs) phone going off when we were sleeping.

He slammed doors and shouted at the children making them all scream and cry, I jumped up to defend them, told him he can't slam doors and talk to them like that. I got in between him and the bedroom door frame and he pulled me out of the way.

He was up in my face sneering at me, he called me all sorts of names and threatened to push me down the stairs, he was yelling at the top of his voice and I was telling him he had to go down stairs at least so I could settle the DC.

Eventually he did but only after yet more name calling with a look of disgust on his face.

I settled the youngest easily (told her it was a bad dream) and eldest came in with me and it all calmed down.

Next thing I know there are 2 policeman at the door, someone had heard him and called 999.

They wanted to arrest him but as it's not happened before and I'm still not sure why he did it I told them he didn't hurt me and I didn't tell them about him threatening me. They said they would log it as a disturbance after completing a DV log sheet.

He messaged our daughter this morning after leaving for work and asked if she called the police. We didn't reply.

I messaged him and told him to find somewhere to stay, we need time apart he replied no and then asked if I was throwing him out over a stupid call on our DDS phone.

I haven't replied and I've left my mobile at home, he keeps calling my work phone.

Please tell me I'm not making too much of this, I feel like I can't make a choice of what to do from now but I know he can't be happy and I've not been happy for a while either but never expected anything like this, he hates me.

OP posts:
WhatTheActualFugg · 04/02/2016 22:55

Very sad. It is very difficult not to be a product of your upbringing. That takes great resolve and self awareness.

Original poster
DragonsCanHop · 04/02/2016 22:57

And he has jus texted DD2 again, her phone is on the landing and made me jump so I creeped upstairs and Dd2 is crouched in the hall "he text again mum" he sent "no reply DDs name?"

I told her she really needs to sleep especially as he had us all up last night poor DDnithing to me, nothing to DD1 but let's aim at an 11yr old.

I'm so cross I can't sleep, he really knows how to get to me doesn't he.

OP posts:
Original poster
DragonsCanHop · 04/02/2016 22:58

Talk about targeting the weakest of my bunch.

Fucking coward

OP posts:
WhatTheActualFugg · 04/02/2016 23:00

Oh, this is heart breaking. Poor DD2.

You need to get them new numbers. A good night text is one thing, I thought it was nice perhaps it was trying to salvage some parent-child relationship. But, no, he's just trying to find someone else to hound and harass.

Dontlaugh · 04/02/2016 23:03

Not much of an asset to the family, is he "DragonsCanHop"?
No help in a crisis, tends to cause the crises in question, and then leans on everyone else to "fix" it.
Aside from the emotional shite, if a neighbour called police on my OH, that would be enough for me. Why ask here anymore? You've had excellent advice. Stop engaging with this fool.
Protect your children, mind yourself, remove this individual from your lives.

MoominPie22 · 04/02/2016 23:04

Can you get his no. barred on their phones? Or take their phones off them so that he can´t get to them and incase they´re manipulated into texting back?

Hope you all get some rest. Flowers I hope this is the worst part and it is short-lived. He sounds like a total waste of space. Do you ring the police if he turns up at the house again?

Lweji · 04/02/2016 23:06

Yes, at this point it's probably best to turn the phones down until you can change their numbers or block his number. At least so that they can rest at night.

I hope you can sleep. Be safe too.

Samaritan1 · 04/02/2016 23:11

This just sounds awful op, but I'm so glad you stayed strong and called the police.

My first thought was for you to open your own bank account if you don't have one and get your salary paid there. Sounds like he shouldn't have control of the money if he is happy to leave you with nothing.

Original poster
DragonsCanHop · 04/02/2016 23:18

dontlaugh I'm not engaged with him at all! I sent 1 text this morning to stay away and then another when he was trying to break in at 2.30 to get his stuff, my text told him his stuff was in my car, I called the police because I was and am scared.

why ask here?

I'm scared and on my own and trying to do the right thing and this whole thread has helped me today apart from your post.

Should I just stop, I thought I'd posted too much, I'm too scared to sleep

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 04/02/2016 23:28

Keep posting op.
You doing fine.
Turn the phones off .

Dontlaugh · 04/02/2016 23:34

I am so so sorry I have upset you, please know that what not what I meant at all. I hope you are all safe. I know you are doing your very best to protect your family.
He is not worth your precious time any more.
Turn the phones off or block his number. He does not deserve such a lovely family.

tipsytrifle · 04/02/2016 23:35

You've probably already sorted this but please make sure he can't access your wage. This will probably involve starting a new a/c in your own name asap.

tipsytrifle · 04/02/2016 23:41

and as a not so by the way - you're awesome! Chocolate

Dontlaugh · 04/02/2016 23:49

Please keep posting, there are many on here who have been through this and will have better advice.

readyforno2 · 04/02/2016 23:54

Don't stop posting op, nobody should have to go through shit like this.
Hope you all get some sleep x

Original poster
DragonsCanHop · 04/02/2016 23:55

Sorry, I bit, and took it out on the first person that got my back up.

I'm a mess, the Dc are asleep and I canjust let it all out

I'm so scared, I should log off but I have nothing tonight more than here, it feels like I'm being thawed out of the shock.

Fucking hell

Fucking hell

I can't do this

OP posts:
FeralBeryl · 04/02/2016 23:57

why ask here? Hmm

You ask away! You're doing amazingly well. It's clear that you are strong enough to remain in control here, although you feel hellawobbly.
The need to protect your girls from being exposed to this ever again will keep you going.
Glad you've managed a bit of RL support too, all these things tend to click into place after the event-the isolating, encouraging you not to socialise without him etc.
It is important that you don't waste your energies kicking yourself up the arse for not realising these minutae sooner. Have you got any solicitor recommendations from people? And would you feel able to speak to one of your neighbours about being 'visible' if they see him lurking around? I know you're going to sleep with one eye open regardless but it may help to know someone else is keeping an eye out.
You take care and try and rest FlowersStar

FeralBeryl · 04/02/2016 23:59

Cross posted sorry everyone

Dontlaugh · 05/02/2016 00:00

You can do this, and you are, you bit no one (certainly not me (Smile). Don't ever apologise. You are amazing, and minding your babies. Keep posting here, there will be other replies. You are not alone.
If you feel in immediate danger, call the police. Mind yourself and keep posting.

WhatTheActualFugg · 05/02/2016 00:00

Yes you can OP. You've already done it. Your girls are asleep and no one is going in your house is at risk of being yelled at, or pushed down the stairs.

You have done it. You've already really done it. The worst is over. Really.

Get some sleep. Perhaps put classic fm on? Keep your phone/laptop close by in case you need to talk in the night. Someone will be up. But get some sleep.

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 05/02/2016 00:01

Yes you can. Your Transatlantic MN'ers will be logging on for the next few hours. We'll keep you company and proffer virtual gin.

You're doing the right thing and the best thing.

WhatTheActualFugg · 05/02/2016 00:01

See my bloody scrambled post? I need to bloody sleep too. Night all.

dunfightin · 05/02/2016 00:03

Block his number. It's pretty easy to unblock if and when it's necessary. All contact via email. Simply set up a new gmail. At some point (when you've seen a solicitor) you can tell him the email and set boundaries for contact. It's perfectly reasonable and in fact very wise to talk to SS about ways to keep your DCs safe. Parents have a responsibility to ensure safety and last time DCs saw him he certainly wasn't safe to be around.
On his part, if he goes to a solicitor and is honest (highly unlikely) they will tell him do something proactive pronto to prove he can be around his children. He can apply to court for contact and then it's all in the judge's hands.
NCDV can help you get an emergency non molestation order which can be physical or electronic.
Again,police DV unit or WA are best-placed to advise.
I'm sticking by my name - changed after I realised that silence, avoidance and no more attempts to work out why were the best way to deal with abusive ex.
And do keep posting, it's cathartic and MN was my lifeline in the early days

Dontlaugh · 05/02/2016 00:06

FeralBeryl why ask here? hmm
vs why ask here anymore is slightly different. Here is where everything should be asked.

Original poster
DragonsCanHop · 05/02/2016 00:08

I'm so sorry,
Is Hissy still around

I'm going to listen to music and thank my lucky starts our night won't be last night

Story if I come across as strong, Im not, I am terrified and need everything I can get and I also don't want to come across as easy because I will do it anyway but prefer some support Flowers

OP posts:
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