Someone called the police for DV

[DragonsCanHop]

"D"H exploded last night in front of the children over something really stupid (DDs) phone going off when we were sleeping.

He slammed doors and shouted at the children making them all scream and cry, I jumped up to defend them, told him he can't slam doors and talk to them like that. I got in between him and the bedroom door frame and he pulled me out of the way.

He was up in my face sneering at me, he called me all sorts of names and threatened to push me down the stairs, he was yelling at the top of his voice and I was telling him he had to go down stairs at least so I could settle the DC.

Eventually he did but only after yet more name calling with a look of disgust on his face.

I settled the youngest easily (told her it was a bad dream) and eldest came in with me and it all calmed down.

Next thing I know there are 2 policeman at the door, someone had heard him and called 999.

They wanted to arrest him but as it's not happened before and I'm still not sure why he did it I told them he didn't hurt me and I didn't tell them about him threatening me. They said they would log it as a disturbance after completing a DV log sheet.

He messaged our daughter this morning after leaving for work and asked if she called the police. We didn't reply.

I messaged him and told him to find somewhere to stay, we need time apart he replied no and then asked if I was throwing him out over a stupid call on our DDS phone.

I haven't replied and I've left my mobile at home, he keeps calling my work phone.

Please tell me I'm not making too much of this, I feel like I can't make a choice of what to do from now but I know he can't be happy and I've not been happy for a while either but never expected anything like this, he hates me.

Income does have to be quite low to qualify for HB and CT reduction (other than the single person rebate of 25% which you will be entitled to), most full time wages would cancel it out. It's worth putting a child and working tax credit claim in though if you haven't already, you're more likely to be entitled to those. You really do need to see a solicitor OP, start getting the financials sorted out, I honestly don't know where you'll stand with the house, you need some proper advice. There will be child maintenance to sort out as well, I suspect you might be better going through CMS (new version of CSA) for that but speak to a solicitor first and take it from there. Nothing you can do on a Sunday though, might be an idea to try to relax as much as you can today, recharge your batteries for the week to come. Think your priorities are going to be getting the injunction sorted and finding a decent solicitor this week, think WA usually have a list of recommended solicitors so worth asking them. Try and rest today though, it's going to feel like an uphill struggle while you get all this sorted out and it all needs to be done at the worst possible time, when you're dealing with the emotional effects of what's happened but you've done so well this past week it's obvious you are strong and resourceful enough to do it. You won't always feel like you are and that's when you lean on the people who care about you, we're here as well as your RL friends

I will Fern I'm going to do my very best no matter how hard it is.

I can't believe I haven't had a drink all weekend, so proud of myself, he really had me believing I had a problem with alcohol but he was the problem!

Working tax benefit is looking a bit more hopefull as well so I'm going to do that today and I have several solicitor numbers from WA as well.

Indeed he was the problem.

You know, to a certain extent, I think we can always make the 'best of things'. My BFF lost the marital home to foreclosure during her divorce as her scumbag ex 'squatted' in it and refused to pay the mortgage. She had to leave because of DV and couldn't afford rent + keeping the mortgage up. She ended up with nothing, other than part of his debt and child support of $50.00 usd per month (which he basically never paid). Sure, she was upset for a while but in the end she said that it was up to her to make a life for herself and her son. They never had much, but as she said, what they had was hers and hers alone.

So you fight. Fight hard. But remember that in the end, even if you don't end up with all that you want, what you do have belongs to you and you can take pride in that!

Hello dragons.

One thing you may not know about tax credits is that they use the previous years income, which would be yours and your "d"h's, to work out your entitlement, but as soon as the new tax year starts they will be able to use an estimation of your earnings alone for the year to come. So you could be entitled then even if you don't qualify for much right now.

Your doing great by the way. I grew up in a home with a lot of threatened violence and occasionally very real violence. I can't tell you how frightening that was as a child having to listen to it and never knowing how bad it would get. You are very brave to tackle this situation and prevent your girls from having to go through that. I wish my mum could have.

Continue being strong. Xxx

When my XH left, I had to start a new claim in my name and my tax credits were based on my estimated sole income for that current year. They have to take current year changes into account. I went from getting £10 a week on a joint claim to over £100 a week on a sole claim, but I was on a low income then.

They should be able to advise what you are entitled to.

Hope the police came round today. They have seen it all before and will be very familiar with the script so nothing you say will shock them and they will have a good idea of your concerns and also confusion about the process.
Do talk to the DDs schools - sounds as if eldest will need treating very gently and once again schools will be familiar with this stuff.

I didnt get a police visit today but I had a call at 10.30pm asking for his car reg, making sure I'm all locked in tight tonight and they gave me a new ref number higher than the one they gave me this morning and said if he comes any where near the house I'm to dial 999 and quote the new ref number.

Typically I was on my way to bed so I've double checked and double checked and now I'm going to sleep downstairs, all the girls are in my bed anyway and I'll feel safer being down here as a barrier for them.

It's pounding with rain outside which isn't helping my anxiety so I've taken a Diazipam and I'm going to snuggle down in front of the TV.

Friends new and old are coming out of the woodwork on Fb and text offering advice and cups of tea so it will be fine.

Repeats it wil be fine [scared]

You will be fine, Dragons you have been so strong so far, that I know you will be. It takes a strong person to admit that they are scared, I hope you have as peaceful a night as storm Imogen allows you.

You will be fine.

You're amazing.

I've followed this thread from the beginning but hadn't any experience to be able to advise.

I wanted to say you're an inspiration - you're a fabulous mum, you're a strong woman and you're going to be just fine

I've PMed you, but just wanted to say, you're doing so well! Take the support that's being given.

Hugs to you and the DDs.

Just remember that it's less likely he'll come out on a really stormy night. I actually love a storm. I hunker down inside knowing that I'm safe and dry and the storm can't 'get me'. Silly, isn't it?

I hope you had a good night.

It's great that you told people, and, as you see the shame is all on him. (For anyone else experiencing abuse)
This will be a busy day for you, I expect, sorting out lots of things, so I'm just posting to wish all goes well and that you stay safe.

All is calm and we had a good nights sleep. Girls are all still snuggled in my bed but will have to get up soon.

Thank you all so much for this thread you have no idea how sane you have kept me, such brilliant advice that my normally muddled brain would have posted to anyone else asking for help.

I'm going to have a busy couple of productive days now but I will promise to come back and update (I'm going to print the thread for my folder)

I'm pleased you had sleep and it sounds like the police are being amazing. Hope today is fine for the children at school.

I'm so glad things are being calm for you all, and that friends are rallying. Please do keep us updated. You've done fantastically and im sure will continue to do so.

Dragons, I've not seen the thread since Friday, you're doing brilliantly, and I'm so pleased you've got some friends helping about a bit too. Keep on going, hope your Monday is productive xx

Hope you have had a good day today Dragon xxx

Isn't it windy outside! I think my weelie bin has fallen and is hitting the house and garage, I'm not going out to check but 3,nights ago that odd banging noise would have me cowering in a corner

I did the whole day at work today without so much as a few "are you ok?"s, meeting went well and as I'd hoped and I've asked for tomorrow off claiming I'm not feeling well and talking to my dr, I have never been off sick so it should be ok for now.

I sent the injunction paperwork off this morning via email and taken the squatters blankets away from the windows. The children are sleeping well and so am I.

I've looked online at working tax credit etc but still don't understand it so I'm going to call cit advice in the morning.

I've not heard from him and he isn't booked into the hotel anymore form what I can see on his email, I've de friended him on Fb, is that enough? Do I need to block as well? Not that I use it much and haven't at all since that horrible night.

I've created a new email solely for when I'm ready for him to enquire about seeing the girls, it will be a week tomorrow DD3 still hasn't mentioned not seeing him home this week and Dd2 is refusing to see him ever again, DD1 is very much like me, she is swaying between hating him and feeling sorry for him, her choice and I've let the senior school know.

I've not had a Diazipam since yesterday evening but I have had a little glass of wine to celebrate making it through that working day to day, I was terrified but saw nothing of him and asked our receptionist to put me on no calls and request to send an email, I then unplugged my office phone!

Another day done

Just caught up with all Of this since I last posted and I think you're amazing!
If others in your position had an ounce of your strength they'd be doing brilliantly..

Well done you, sounds like a day well spent. Are you seeing a solicitor tomorrow?

I still haven't sorted a solicitor, I honestly don't know where to stat. The injunction paperwork said they have instructed in and informed the court but the second paragraph asked who my solicitor is!

I do have a list for WA but there really is only so much I can do in a day and I'm so worried about my own finances, children and petrol for work are a priority, I know, i know.

I will look again tomorrow after contacting cit advice.

I feel so much better being at home on my own. He used to be obsessed with keeping everything in its place that needed ranting and shouting and threatening about. The house is lovely and tidy and I've not felt the need to apologise when police have visited, it looks fine and doenst need the drama.

I posted too soon. I am a little worried about his complete silence, it's so unlike him.

What can he possibly have planned as his attack? The police this morning said the injunction could take a couple of weeks. I'm enjoying a calm before a storm but I can't help worry what his next move is. He can't get in the house, he has the sense not to trouble me at work so what?

I Have written a letter to our HR director and printed it with a date and signature incase I need it.

It's all second guessing, he is never submissive, it's unnerving.

You have so much strength I wish I could be as strong x