Someone called the police for DV

[DragonsCanHop]

"D"H exploded last night in front of the children over something really stupid (DDs) phone going off when we were sleeping.

He slammed doors and shouted at the children making them all scream and cry, I jumped up to defend them, told him he can't slam doors and talk to them like that. I got in between him and the bedroom door frame and he pulled me out of the way.

He was up in my face sneering at me, he called me all sorts of names and threatened to push me down the stairs, he was yelling at the top of his voice and I was telling him he had to go down stairs at least so I could settle the DC.

Eventually he did but only after yet more name calling with a look of disgust on his face.

I settled the youngest easily (told her it was a bad dream) and eldest came in with me and it all calmed down.

Next thing I know there are 2 policeman at the door, someone had heard him and called 999.

They wanted to arrest him but as it's not happened before and I'm still not sure why he did it I told them he didn't hurt me and I didn't tell them about him threatening me. They said they would log it as a disturbance after completing a DV log sheet.

He messaged our daughter this morning after leaving for work and asked if she called the police. We didn't reply.

I messaged him and told him to find somewhere to stay, we need time apart he replied no and then asked if I was throwing him out over a stupid call on our DDS phone.

I haven't replied and I've left my mobile at home, he keeps calling my work phone.

Please tell me I'm not making too much of this, I feel like I can't make a choice of what to do from now but I know he can't be happy and I've not been happy for a while either but never expected anything like this, he hates me.

Yayy! That looks way more civilised than I expected, if you know what I mean. Yep, that works perfectly! Does it make you feel better immediately?

It looks fine :) Nice work.

If the police haven't spoken to him yet, because they couldn't find him, you could let them know that he'll be coming to pick some things up and ask if someone would wait with you. They will, especially because they'll get to tick something off their to-do list too! They'll at least have someone nearby ready to come round. It might make you feel safer knowing they are on alert?

You're doing so well. I know it doesn't feel like it, when you're busy holding everything together, but you're doing great.

Dragon you are a really amazing woman!! I'm stunned by the level of ressources you have :)

If the money is back on the account, does it mean you can now pay for the non molestation order?

And could you move some money on your account so you have a bit on the side and pay for expenses from that account rather than the common one? (Then he doesn't get to see what you are buying!)

That's great dragon least you can relax now!

Did you say your income was tI high for tax credits? I don't think that's th case as you have 3 children. Double check. Do you pay any childcare?

well done. make sure you have money transferred to your account.
ask police for security advice.

tell DC they having a break from seeing dad, it wont hurt to set yourself say three weeks - gives you a reasonable time to collect your thoughts and for them to let it sink in - before you work with them to see if they want contact and how you want it eg supervised.

have a calm weekend.
switch off phone or block his number.

be ready to call 999 if he comes by and scares you

You've had a busy day by the look of it! I know it's all overwhelming and hard at the moment but it does calm down and get easier. You're doing so well though.

Have the outreach people been in touch yet? They may be able to help find someone to make sure the back gate and everything else is secure.

Just wanted to add that you are doing a fantastic job and your daughters must be super impressed and proud at how strong, resourceful and determined you are being.

i don't often comment on threads like these because i grew up in a household where my dad was incredibly violent and abusive and it took my mother YEARS to get rid and move on. I prayed for years she would get rid and even know i still suffer from the effects of growing up like that.

well done you!

You are doing fantastically well Dragon bloody well done getting so organised with the GP and bank etc.

If he keeps texting the DCs then get them new numbers.

Pathetically typical to contact the youngest child first I've been that child, well done for letting her decide about responding.

Do you have food you can pick at? Anything easy, cheese and crackers, biscuits, fruit, yoghurt, cake, anything to give you some energy with minimal effort.

Have just caught up. Will pm you dragons

You're doing amazing!!

Just to add to the comments to say well done. Keep finding the strength and know there's so much support on here for you.

You are really doing so well. One thing I will say is that as the bank account is in your name, please change the passwords.

You shouldn't need to, but you have children to provide for. You can transfer him money if he needs it.

Get the cards he had cancelled, or a low daily limit imposed if possible.

Above all, you've done nothing wrong. If you need help, please talk to people, don't keep his secrets, you will be astonished how much others will help you, and how you aren't alone.

And there's us here too. Mumsnet is awesome

Just caught up. You are brilliant and have taken control. Well done.

Now. Check the turn to us website and put in all your details for any financial help you can get.

Make an application to CMS and make clear it's a DV case so they need to do the communicating. Give them his place of work as a contact address.

Do talk to your work. They need to know so that they can make sure he can't harrass you at work and also give you support.

Do look at getting your dds support. Talk to their schools and inform them and WA offer support which can be done in school.

Victim support can do a house check, fit security lights and extra locks. There are also some councils who do this, even if you own your house.

Some police forces issue panic alarms which does vary from area to area but it's worth asking.

Get a solicitor ASAP and get yourself protected financially.

I know this is a lot to think about but having been in your position, it needs to be got through.

www.ebay.co.uk/bhp/french-door-locks

There are a selection of extra locks on that link which suit French Doors Dragon.

You'll feel much better with the windows covered, but if you did want some additional security, there are some options which aren't too costly.

just quietly cheering you on OP.

you are doing great. hang in there and see it through. no more taking him back then repeat in 5 or 7 years time.

time to be free of this and build on solid foundations.

I hope the meds and your efforts today help you sleep a bit better tonight. You're doing such a great job.

Well done, Dragons. You have achieved so much in such a short time and you're setting a great example to your DCs.

Just joining the thread to say well done Dragons and keep going.

Also please keep looking after yourself - make sure you're eating and drinking even if you don't feel like it. Adrenaline and stress do weird things to our systems but you can only run on empty for so long!

You are all so lovely. I'm feeling very tired but loving my new curtains!

Hissy I have sent you a very garbled message about my past threads, I think I need to contact MNHQ and see if I can get into my account and try to find out my old usernames etc.

I must say I am very proud of how I handled him collecting the last of his things from the garage.

DD1 has gone to stay at friends for the evening DD2 was at her dance class & DD3 was with enjoying doing a puzzle we bought with the charity curtains refund, and I parked my car two streets away.

He text to say he was on his way so I turned all the lights out, had a friend on the phone who had her mobile ready on 999, told DD we had a power cut and went and sat on my bed. I watched him collect all his stuff and drive away, phew

Now to get that gate fixed and he won't be able to gain entry to the back of the house ever again.

Out reach lady called, we were on the phone for ages, it was great to put a time line together but oh so sad, I've wasted 14yrs of my life in this

They are going to assign a worker and they will be in touch and I have lots of new numbers to try so I can rush the injunction as it happened in the last 7 days and some solicitor and charity numbers.

I've eaten and I'm comfortably in the fuzzy zone, just going to tidy up and then that is another day done.

Well done!

Well done dragon! I'm so glad you have some RL support too.

You are doing brilliantly.

You haven't wasted a second as you have 3 lovely daughters to show for it. It's important to talk about it as much as you need to, and you might find a journal /notebook to keep tabs on how you're feeling now as well as give voice to previous frustrations could be helpful.

This is when you'll see that many women have trod the path before you. I also had a lady in the bank tell me she'd been there and her life was much better now. You'll also experience the kindness of strangers. It restores your faith in humanity at a time you really need it.

One day at a time.

How can 3 daughters be a waste?

I hope you get some rest this weekend.