Roll up, roll up, it's dating thread 96

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches, and take from it what you will

Waving one of my regrets with H is that I wasnt more assertive. I know we never argued but i wish id said (the evening he finished it), that his lack of communication between dates was offputting. It is history now but it would help me now looking back on it to know that i didnt just sit there faking "i'm cool with never hearing from you between dates". I wish id made it clear that he also disappointed me with his feeling.

So i would calmly reasonably tell soho that he has not behaved logically. Men respond to that! ;-)

"Your behaviour is illogical" hits home harder than "when u say one thing and do another, i feel upset".

I saw the other dating thread too and i agree with it but of course, none of us would get to a second date EVER if we followed it to the letter.
Should i stop messaging mrcanceller for example? Or should i acknowledge that i too sometimes need time to decide if it might be a slow burner or not.

Definitely walk away, Waving, he doesn't know his own mind and you deserve much more than that.

WAVING OMG

So weird how it can go from good to bad in a split second.

Think about your reply carefully. But something along the lines of "this illogical behaviour is not what im looking for so goodbye and good luck" would be good enough for him.

He will perhaps he see you again, will he now?! So, he thinks he was reasonable last night??? He just pulled that argument out of thin air so he can go back to his cave. He knows you did nothing wrong.

314 is very wise, I think I'd send her text.

H managed to break it off with me assuming that he was than man of MY dreams and i do wish now that id said "perfect, there is no emotional connection here and i didnt know how long to wait to see if one grew, so, good bye and good luck to you too".

I take toosassy's comment on board, that that comment leaves no room for a u turn, but there was no u turn on the cards

Why is he freaked out?! He had a good date with a lovely woman. He should be thanking his lucky stars, not behaving like a twat. Dating is supposed to be fun, he should enjoy spending time with you. If he doesn't, then what's the point? And equally, it should not be causing you to be stressed out.

I wouldn't respond at all today. Let the dust settle, get over your hangover and then see. I'm not saying that you shouldn't call it off, cos I really think you should...just do it when you are ready to do it.

Well, things have gone from stilted to steamy very quickly with MrEloquent He is fully living up to his name and being utterly charming about how fantastic I am and how he's had to stop himself messaging me. Which I kind of want to believe...I feel that way about him after all BUT I am looking for a relationship and he's not (or at least he wasn't 3 months ago).
I need to bit the bullet and ask him if anything has changed for him but to be honest, I am really enjoying the attention and flattery (and smut...)

I dont get the freaking out either,how old is this man?
Alcohol can make us do and say things we don't mean..its quite dangerous actually,the things I've done under the influence
And then in the cold light of day..panic,has this happened with Soho?

Born...lovely at mr eloquent,enjoy it...slowly,I'm crossing everything for you

It's weird how having a great date can be the trigger for this shit. the saturday night before H woke up in my house and decided he ''couldn't do it'' was a great night! we were chatting and laughing and getting on like a house on fire. We only stopped talking to kiss and in one bar, I thought, we'll be asked to leave. Then sunday morning he wakes up and thinks ''i can't do this''. Whatever it is he believes ''this'' was. I think my interepretation of ''this'' was actually more fluid than his. But, is it a predictable pattern?? GREAT date, maybe the best, the most relaxing, and then............... back in to their cave, fabricating an argument, ''i can't do this''.

Age has nothing to do with it deedee47 you can bet when they were married they were the same. If I was making a reasonable point to my x, he'd disappear off on his motorbike for six hours (equivalent of cave). If I wanted him to make a concession he didn't want to make, he'd fabricate an argument with some counter accusation to prevent me asking for anything. Married men can have all sorts of arrows in their quiver to prevent their wives from communicating with them.

Actually waving looking back on the run up to my being dumped, we'd spent thursday night together, saturday night together and then he didn't leave that early on sunday morning, so I think he'd had too much of me, even though it had been enjoyable at the time. Is it like alcohol? Or cream cakes?

Waving better to start again from scratch than to keep beating a dead horse. Give yourself some time before you tell him anything, you will have a clearer view on the situation and how to deal with it. Maybe he will even realize that he has been a complete asshole to you, though I am not sure taking him back on should be an option at all.

314 re the waiting for sex, i think you are right, that is a time that I too need to figure out whether I want to take things further, but it is also the reason why I am a bit on the fence with it because I am more likely to develop feelings.

I have way too much time on my hands today so I am going with a tentative pros/cons list..

So more time means:

• less players
• clearer head
• more likely to be into you / you are a prize

• or to be into the "chase"
• you develop more feelings => more heartache

Less time means:

• finding out whether you are sexually compatible which does mean a lot in terms of relationship compatibility
• less feelings => less heartache
• less time wasted if he turns out to be a dick

• delivering the moose burger before he actually figures out he is into that moose and looking like a slutty moose
• more players and time-wasters

Oh well, you can't win, can you?

Whoop too many x-posts.

314 I think you are onto something with the Great Date Then Dump/Ghost pattern, I had the same with Popcorn. Had a great evening, then first time sex then great breakfast. He was very affectionate, protective, paid me lots of compliments. An hour later he announced out of the blue "that (this 36h trip) it all did not mean anything". behaved a lot more coolly the rest of the trip and then did not message for 3 days. I was the one calling for a break but looking back I think he would have ghosted me otherwise (too much of a coward to call it quits)

I would leave it now Waving. At least promise yourself no more contact until Friday when you will reconsider.

I don't think waiting 10 dates really makes a difference from 3 or 4 - because if they're going to run they'll run anyway.

Totally agree. And agree with Jolly too that you can't win. If they are going to walk, they'll walk. I slept with Mr2015 on the 3rd date which was totally right for me. He didn't walk immediately but we did have limited time (though I didn't realise at the time) but waiting to have sex wouldn't have changed that, so I'm glad we made the most of the time we did have!

Things got so steamy with MrEloquent that I had to tell him to go away so I could focus on work... so in the space of a day I've gone from moping after "the one that got away" to ghosting him!

yes, the key to not giving as much of a shit as you do right now is to get some more irons waving
It's helped me. I only had mr renewable energy v briefly. But it was me that let that slide. Delboy and MrCanceller have definitely helped me move on.

Sorry Waving about Soho...so hard when you really like them but you suspect they will not change.... :( I know MrMusic has a history of running away/panicking - I guess I hoped he'd have grown out of it by the time he was 54!

I thought Real on that other thread is very wise for her years, Robinson too...not that I agree verbatim...

I went to a match singles night last night & I was useless at it - just made ne pine more & wish i didnt have to do that sort of thing :( - too many people & just couldn't bring myself to mingle....

Aw waving that really sucks. Even though you're not after a serious relationship, his behaviour is crappy. There isn't even a sliver of common courtesy in there and if he's constantly up and down, he doesn't sound like he's worth keeping around even for a bit of fun. I agree with 314's approach. I'd ignore for a few days for a cooling period but ultimately I'd tell him straight that his behaviour was illogical and cut him loose.

My exh was like this...god only knows why I put up with it for as long as I did.

tanya sorry to hear about your job

Good luck on your date Friday cleo! Relax and enjoy yourself...we'll be waiting for the update

honey I wouldn't be too worried about the lack of compliments on the first date...I don't think it means anything as it is just a 'get to know each other/feel it out' thing on the first meet. I had a first date (midday coffee) on Thursday and we just chatted the entire time...we didn't compliment each other. Unfortunately I didn't feel a connection with this one and did tell him when he followed up...and that's when he said that he was disappointed as he did find me attractive. So the fact that nothing was said during the date doesn't mean that he didn't think you looked great. I'd expect some compliments in the future though if you meet a few more times. If he can't say a simple "you look great" a few dates in, then that's probably odd.

Just read your most recent comment waving...agree that you should lay out your expectations for him for sure, if he's going to be around