Roll up, roll up, it's dating thread 96

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches, and take from it what you will

Oh, waving that is shit. To put a positive spin on it, maybe you were just both too tired, drunk and feeling ill so he thought staying over wouldn't be a good idea and you read too much into it due to the tired/drunk/ill? But then I also agree with 314 that it's a bit bloody rich of him to expect you to be all supportive while he was having his mid life crisis in Thailand and then be funny about you staying over. Give him a chance to respond though, he may well still do that. I had a brief look at that thread you linked and then backed away, so depressing. Probably a lot of truth there but not easy reading...

red bless you with you besottedness! So lovely.

Handy Sorry about your date with MrIT. Don't beat yourself up about Cufflinks though, but do be careful.

Lady would you see your guy again? What's the story with MrHR?

Catty haha at your porn star! Do they really think we are that stupid?!

So, I have been exchanging a few, slightly slilted messages with *MrEloquent" but he said last night that its nice to see me again and then again today that it's lovely to hear from me. So, on the one hand I am all unicornsandrainbows but on the other hand, he's had my details all this time, he knew I was open to hearing from him and he didn't get in touch. And I still don't know too much about him, other than last time we spoke he wasn't looking for a relationship. So, my guard is fully up but I am also grinning away to myself. I still can't believe he actually responded.

Omg, first date on Friday. Terrified!!

Hounded

That's a bit pants? He's super hot and cold. And confused? If it were me I would not contact him now till after the weekend.

Poor you waving

Sorry Waving, Soho is behaving ridiculously. He is horribly up and down with you, no wonder it's making you anxious. Take care of you. Xx

waving it's not you, it's him. We're all bloody busy but the least he owes you is a quick reply to a message, especially if he was calling you his girlfriend last night.

Hounded???!!!!
I agree with Tanya and handy
Id do nothing now,sit on your hands,dont message him...see what happens

Argh Waving I would be fuming too! So he has thrown you out in the middle of the night after calling you his girlfriend? Surely girlfriends stay over, especially when they ask to? Otherwise it is casual dating in my book. And sod that insomnia excuse, seems very selfish to be prioritizing his own sleep.

Add that to leaning on you whenever he feels like shit and I would be ripping his head off too. You are not his Shrink With Benefits.

Red I thought the other thread is actually interesting. We all know those "golden rules" but having them sink in is another matter haha. Re the sex or not sex dilemma, I think the bottom line is "do whatever you feel like but do not use sex as a means to lead men in a relationship because it does not work". I am ok with having sex early on but I try postponing it while biting my nails whenever 1) I think there is a chance he walks out on me afterwards (= casual sex red flags) and 2) I would feel used if he did (= I want a relationship with him)

On the other hand, making a guy work hard before you have sex with him (which is quite a recurring piece of advice) could really backfire I think. The harder he works at it, the more likely you are to believe this is actually a relationship. And somehow I reckon that if he did not want a relationship with you in the first place, the chasing you down will not have made him change his mind. All that matters is whether he is still there the morning after and the following days. What do you think?

Handy sorry you had a bad date with MrIT but I am impressed at you managing to get out of it in less than an hour! Last time it happened to me I got stuck for 2h30, trying to convince myself his high pitched voice was not so bad it was. Complete downer.

I am mostly ironless again. Rural is boring me, and totally self absorbed. Arty may still be a possible but is away until next week.

Added to the fact that my work held me to my one week notice period when I told them I was struggling to juggle a demanding full time job and being a lone parent, so I am jobless as of Friday. Not my year so far!

Oh no Tanya..im sorry
That must be so hard
Things can only get better
That's what I keep telling myself

Thanks, Dee, quite stressed, but my eldest is away with her dad at her grandparents, so at least I have only had one small person to look after this week. And she has been SO well behaved and adorable without her big sister!

The irony of my employers being a large, respected mental health/support charity does not escape me...

Oh tanya sorry about the job news.

Plus I agree with Jolly that making men wait until dtd can only serve to make them feel more pleased with themselves when they finally get into your pants. Then naff off anyway.... As I am telling myself now with regard to Cufflinks.

Hi all,

Can i join in?
I'm new to OLD, I'm on Tinder and POF. Had my first date with a guy via Tinder last Thursday. I don't know what to make of it. He paid me zero compliments, (not even, "you look great!") and just didn't seem interested in me in that way at all. Maybe he's just looking for friends but it's all a bit odd. He messaged when I got home saying lovely to meet you etc and I replied saying likewise. Thought I'd hear nothing else but he text again last night asking how my weekend was I replied, which he didn't read til 12 hours later. No reply (yet). Is this odd behaviour?

Hi honey, welcome. For a first date, I am not sure I would find it that odd, because it is more about discovering who you are than about engaging in obvious flirting. But then if he does not do it by date#2 it would definitely be odd to me.

That's really shit Tanya Sorry.

I agree Jolly "making them wait" can make sex seem like a prize. It dosn't mean they are going to hang around. If they don't want a relationship, they don't want a relationship.

Tanya that's crap

Waving for Soho's 'hounding' comment, I wouldn't bother to get in touch again, and see what happened. And actually, I'd be pretty unimpressed with this sort of wankery.

Date in 4 and a half hour's time ...

Ouch waving
It is like he engineered a row to create distance. Permission to go back in his cave.

Sorry to hear about the job tanya

jolly for me, waiting isnt only about making them wait. It is waiting until I really want to!! It has the added bonus of scaring off some but not all of the players.

MrCanceller sent me a message offering options a), b) or c). B is dinner so im going to say b of course. But i think it will just be dinner and a catch up. I dont think it will lead to anything as im not detecting any urgency to meet up whatsoever. He doesnt care if we meet tomorrow or next month!

Waving...its shocking behaviour.
I'm sorry..wether he is ill or not he does owe you an explanation..but you may not get one.
Me personally..i wouldn't contact him,but I'm getting harder
You're worth more Than this