Roll up, roll up, it's dating thread 96

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches, and take from it what you will

Red awww, that's so lovely.

Folk good for you. Wish I had time for the gym - work and commuting mean I'm out of the house 11 hours a day, I'd never have time to date if I added in the gym!

velour that's so sad, I really hope you can find a way.

I'm not against open relationships, I just don't want to be involved in one. And I worry that it might only be open for the bloke, and some poor wife/girlfriend is trying to be okay with it, because otherwise she'll lose him

Hi all – I’ve been on mumsnet on and off and have been following the thread recently, love it, good to see that I’m not the only one confused by flaky guys on OLD! Been on the sites for quite a while, had various dodgy dates, but am determined to build up a few irons! I don’t often give my number out to guys straight away and like to message on the apps for a while, but recently matched on Tinder with a guy who seemed really nice, messaged quite a bit, said he’d love to take me out to dinner, gave me his number, so we started texting. He popped up in my whatsapp as I had his number in my contacts and I could see that he was ALWAYS on there (alarm bells ringing, serial dater?!) Messaging the other night he said he’d feel really lucky if he could go on a date with me, liked my pics etc etc, has come out of an 8 year engagement, now single. At end of conversation he said he hoped we could speak soon etc, sweet dreams, blah blah. So 3 days later hadn’t heard from him so I just sent a quick message last night to ask how his week was, he responded twice and then stopped, but I could see later that he was on whatsapp – God I hate that app, turns you into a stalker, lol! So am guessing he’s chatting to others too and I’m the “unlucky” one, ha ha! Just can’t be doing with these guys that are all over you one minute and then disappear off the face of the earth the next! Makes it even worse that its Valentine’s Day on Sunday and everyone will be posting their bouquets of flowers on Facebook, aggghhhh!!

Welcome Denton and TURN OFF WhatsApp notifications/last seen! Seriously, I did it earlier in the week and I am sooo glad I did. I have stalkerish tendencies that I really need to keep in check...
Also, I live on WhatsApp and at the moment, I have one iron (actually, barely that!) who I last messaged yesterday lunchtime. Since then, I had a long chat with two friends yesterday evening, made weekend plans with a different two friends, messaged my brother a couple of times and replied to a school mum about a birthday party DS was invited to. So, I've been really active but none of it to do with dating. Although I do use it a lot when I do actually have irons!

But, it is really irriating and even hurtful when you are chatting away to someone, thinking you are getting on well and they just vanish. Could just be he was busy last night, and will get back in touch soon?

I am pretending that Valentines Day just isn't happening.

I am in awe of those of you using online dating.

Anyone who posts pics of their bouquets needs to be hidden from yr timeline at the very least Denton

Red you are fortunate not to have to be OLDing I am very happy for you... I hate it - for the wasted time & effort & the disappointing one-date-wonders :( - & would much prefer RL but it just doesn't seem to happen...

Well done Folk for arranging stuff for the w/end ...most of my friends are in couples & I really struggle to get them to do anything! Sometimes I get sick of suggesting stuff to do...

If I had a bf, I'd want him to be affectionate and respectful and generous (time, energy) all the time. Not once a year. Asking too much?! I hate valentine's day! I asked my friend over on sunday forgetting it's valentines' day but he must have forgotten too, and he's coming. We're all going out, mehim and my 2 dc.

Sassy, interesting to read your take there, and yes,if somebody just panicked, and felt just overwhelmed by a new relationship when they weren't used to it, then serving your own doubts about them back to them, in a volley, would prevent them coming back to you if they calmed down later. But H was never going to do that. His feelings if they were feelings, disappeared like a bubble bursting. It was a projection. Not feelings. I'm glad I see that as it makes it less personal.

Anyway, this weekend will be spent with DC and my friend. no other plans. No irons.

Hope you get some irons for next weekend waving!
Red, I can't believe you're in a proper R-word!

Gast, have a good time tonight!

tanyadm yes, avoid the one who turned moody like The Plague

Hi Waving yes - I'm a social animal - I was okay spending time a!one till MrMusic finished with me - now I find it hard but despite my efforts(!) just can't manage to be out & busy all the time...even my 92yo aunt turned me down this w/end! V day doesn't really mean anything to me but its so in yr face & I fear I will spend too much of it thinking of him & what might have been :( weather permitting I will p!ay tennis on sunday- the banter & running around is great!

You're all so correct about the notifications, I deffo need to turn off the last seen timings etc, I too could have stalkerish tendencies lol!
Born to thanks, you're right, he could be chatting to any number of people on whatsapp, who knows, although he never suggested chatting on there to me. Anyway will give him the benefit of the doubt, he did ask what I was up to this weekend and I said going up north and then said "how about you?" and I said its valentines this weekend, ha ha, and perhaps that made him run a mile, as he didn't reply to that! I am definitely going to hide from my timeline pics of flowers and chocs ocelot! Never really been a fan of 14th Feb, its the same as the whole "Christmas" thing where happy couples and families post their happy lives all over FB! But a lot of it is probably exaggerated! Waving I hope you get to go out with your friend tonight! I'm off to my parents for weekend, retail therapy tomorrow with my Mum followed by pizza and wine, and probably do some exercise on Sunday and avoid FB lol!

Waving if its anything like as cold as here just wear boots instead - & a cardi!
You CAN fight that urge as you have to get ready & go out :)

Hello Ladies, it's been a couple years since I've been here but I'm back! I'm just starting to see a lovely Gabon-born French man. I am an American living in Texas, and having never personally known any French people, I wonder if there are cultural etc. differences that I'm going to muck up because I don't know them.

We met on OKCupid. Talked for about two weeks before I agreed to meet, but he asked several times. We met for dinner in my town on a saturday (he lives an hour away). Dinner was very nice, we decided to go to a local brewery here for a drink and had a great time there. On leaving he walked me to my car and kissed me. A lot. Which was fine, because he's interesting and stunningly attractive (much hotter man than I ever really thought would be interested in me). By the time I got home, I had a text telling me what a wonderful time he had and when could he see me again? We originally decided on the next weekend, but he texted on Monday and asked could he see me Tuesday, because he didn't want to wait. So, we saw a film on Tuesday and then went for dinner afterwards. Again he walked me to my car and kissed me senseless. Hasn't gotten too "handsy" but has made a few subtle moves that made it clear to me he's physically interested. Since kissing me on the first date, he always hold my hand while walking, or puts his arm around my shoulder. And this is all in public. Clearly he doesn't give a fig about PDA.

He texts many times a day. Often just to say good morning, or how's work going, how was your day etc. Wednesday he didn't text for many hours but called me in the evening to tell me that he'd shattered the screen on his phone and couldn't text and wanted to make sure I knew why he hadn't said anything all day. Then got a new phone yesterday and texting like mad again.

He texted just a little while ago and asked to see me again tonight. Said we could meet in the middle or he'd come here.

He's extremely direct, which I'm not used to. He said to me "I really like you a lot. I think we could be very happy together". I am a big woman, 5'6" and 20 stone. He says I am beautiful and sexy, and "you are physically perfect for me". When he hugged me on the second date he kind of whispered "so soft, i love it". I'm totally, totally not used to a guy liking me squishy fatness.

I'm having trouble truly believing that he's real and honest. It seems too good to be true. He's so fit, and strong, and deliciously beautiful. I generally do have a pretty strong self-image. He just seems too pretty for me to get to have.

Now something I'm wondering about; I read online (and you can trust anything you read online, right?) that typically if a French man kisses you, especially an honest to goodness snog, boom. You're in a relationship. In his mind, just like that. It seems like a wild generalization, but could any of you who are french or have dated french people tell me if that's off the mark?

Hi all! Hope everyone is doing well and hiding those horrible bouquets popping up on FB.

Panda right, this might out me, but I am originally from the other side of the Channel. I may be blunt here but what you have read is absolutely not true. I actually find that French guys are the quickest to kiss (proper kiss, not peck on the lips) in the dating world. And it means even less to them than it does to say an American guy. I have dated guys from both countries and I would say that a more accurate way to measure French guys' level of involvement is their willingness to bend over backwards to accommodate you, to make sure you are happy. Being touchy-feely and complimentary is more in their DNA, not really a sign of anything. Hope it helps you!

Panda most people on here would say beware of a man who is too full on too soon.... & that its best if things proceed s!ow!y while you get to know each other.

I'm getting nervous now, and still haven't a clue what to wear. Should I bring out the posh undies?

Gast wear undies that make you feel good - whether anyone else is going to see them or not - so yes! :)

OH my God. As Janis from Friends might say. I was just on POF and I saw that H is in my 'top prospects' I rolled my eyes, but I could see that he's amended his profile a bit and now it says "I'm an extrovert who needs a bit of space!" "I'm totally normal but I'm not at all average", "I'm energetic when I'm active, but oh do I KNOW how to relax.. " There is more too. He has basically stolen pieces of my profile. He always said that he loved my profile and complimented me on how well it described me. I was but I made myself reply to a man I'm chatting to, and then when I tried to go back in to H's profile I couldn't, it had disappeared. So he's copied and pasted pieces of my profile that perfectly describe (so he said!) the woman he doesn't want, and then quickly blocked her.

That has killed any residual affection I have for him. Alpha tosser. He just stood there being tall and confident 'love me, love me'. What did I like about him? Was I so shallow that I liked him because he was tall, attractive, confident and successful? He was easy to talk to, but was that it? Did he have less of a personality than I attributed to him? Did he actually just listen to me and laugh in all the right places?

Anyway, on a more positive note, I am chatting to one man who I will call Mr Renewable Energy, and Mr Canceller and I are emailing each other. I've just told him why I left the other site. (Where I met him). So.... I've met him once and he has seen me but I told him about what I did / got done on Tuesday.

Panda, I went out with a French man in London my late 20s and I didn't notice that the pace of things moved along any differently to be honest. We kissed on our second date I think. Slept together on the 5th. He was nice. Martin. lol. Except he pronounced it MarTANNNN. Such a dreary name. I wouldn't be keen on the PDAs though Panda, I'd hate to think other people were looking at me thinking ''get a room''. I wonder if you could 'pace' him by waiting a bit longer to reply to his texts. If you're enjoying his texts then you don't want him to think you're interested but just leave it that tiny bit longer to reply each time.

Glad you're back Mag and I'm so sorry I didn't reply to your PM. I kept waiting until I had time to read it properly and reply but it never happened.

((( mag )))

Panda what pace would you like to go at?

Thanks Gast! I'm just glad you know why I'm not going to be as pro-active dating in real life. Saying that, I'm messaging two men. One has met me before. I'd go out with him again if he asked. But i am NOT suggesting it.

I'm slack-jawed at the nerve of H, stealing my profile. He also said he'd like to "meet somebody who is like him but not exactly like him". I said that. I said I'd like our differences to compliment each other. I should whatsapp him and tell him he left out that bit.

But it's fine. It's good to feel a bit of reasonable anger isn't it?

I'm going to have a glass of wine now. Watch one episode of Madmen, and then and only then check my email and pof.

Thanks Red! I'm ok honestly. This thread is just the outlet for something like indignation! I decided to have one cup of tea before i hit the wine.