Roll up, roll up, it's dating thread 96

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches, and take from it what you will

Oh, that's a relief, Folk

Yes, just a breakdown. I know, I'm withholding judgement on him at the moment. doesn't help that he's really attractive

I now have a tea and cake date for the weekend after next, with Running Man, who popped back up out of nowhere.

Folk what a relief - how was the gym?

Another avid Headspace user here.

Am considering seeing if MrIT is free for a date this weekend. I was going to suggest Sun because Mon is a day off - but just realised that's V day - very very unwise I think! But I think after a short hiatus and lots of early nights my mojo might be coming back.....

Another over-analysing mindfulness-practioner here.

Well done to gast, Sassy and other daters.

I think MrF and I are past the dating stage now

Sorry to all the fab OLD dating folk, that I don't log in enough😗. Work is mental (literally no time at all 😔). waving I think you're doing good with Soho re 'don't let you're guard drop'.. But.. Is he playing the same game? Maybe, keep it light & easy & time will tell (outside of that, tell him to 'up the anti' or change tactics- i.e someone else, lol).

I do watch all of the updates on this thread, but I can't keep up! I'm out with Mr Diamond again & have nothing bad to report. I've have moments of anxiety re contact (my shite to deal with) but then he does something daft/nice by playing a tune from a band that's not his thing, via WhatsApp tonight (AKA Abba)😃.

It's only 6/7 weeks, so I'm hedging my emotional bets- but if all goes wrong, he is a 'nice guy'. Sooo relieved to find a man that is honest in comparison to ex!

That's my update.

Toosassy go you! I still don't see myself outside of the dating side...😀

A week after being dumped and you know what my regret is? that when H told me he couldn't go out with a woman with children, I didn't reply breezily with ''it's fine, you know what, I didn't feel the closeness I'd expect growing here, but you're 'fun'.

Instead I was quiet and dejected and looked upset. Grrrr. That's what I'm kicking myself over. So I suppose I'm ok if it's only my dignity that's injured.

The next time somebody dumps me, I promise myself, I am going to respond instantly with "that's OK because..........{you're not what I'm looking for}" . No way am I going to sit there like a dignified wet lettuce. Even if I feel upset. I'll have my doubt about them ready to serve back. Is this really petty?

I've sent a few replies to men on POF, so I can just about squeeze in at the back of this thread, perhaps. I'm being very passive atm. I'll see who messages me. I'm not going out fishing. Or even baiting.

Yeah it is only a day but everyone and his wife will be out. And men are simple creatures and it could just seem so loaded (and not perhaps is a good way for you two). Best avoided I reckon?

Just a very quick message to say that after being inspired by you all, I have for the first time ever dipped my toe in OLD this eve! Exchanging messages with a pleasant guy. Trying not to be naive but so far so good. I really enjoy reading your life experiences and it helps a lot so thanks for sharing!

As in I've looked before but not actually spoke to anyone - woohoo!

Morning all

waving I'm glad you're not cancelling. You'll have fun! These things are always quite funny.

tulip whoop whoop! Welcome to OLD!

I'm with handy on V day. A gf of mine is about 4 dates in with a guy and suggested they do something this weekend. He sent her war and peace saying he was happy to see her but didn't want her to get any wrong ideas about their future. V day it appears scares the living bejesus out of men. My advice is to avoid unless they ask....(and not a new iron who wants to show off their romantic side)

314 you know what I disagree with you. A little.
What if a guy says that to you, having gotten freaked out. Then a month later (for example) thinks, wow she was amazing, I was a dickhead. If you've been honest about how you feel then he knows where he stands. If your response is the one you say, it's basically a 'screw you' response. Which they don't believe anyway if they've been the first one to pull the trigger. (I don't believe it).
Now they may never regret their decision and if they do come back you may not be interested. But you've been honest. I would (and have) said. 'That's a shame, I do like you. But I wish you all the best'.

Oooo red. Are you in love? Getting there?

Welcome back lacoba

born huge relief!

velour so will you guys still have something casual? How have you left it?

right off to start my day ladies! Have a good one.

My date tonight is confirmed, lots of banter yesterday evening. Tons in common with this one, I can see us staying mates if the chemistry doesn't come through.

at everyone else on thread

314 what Sassy said plus people should know when they've hurt someone & he was thoughtless & careless of yr feelings at best...

It's a good look, Waving, tends to be my go to style.

Assuming I am ironless again. Why do people have to be so weird?!

Hello Tulip.

Gorgeous shoes, Waving, and I think that's a great look.

What happened to designer-guy Tanya ?

Thank you guys :) the list of IRL people I could talk to about this is cut in about half because a) homophobic family, b) my go-to person for relationship woes is having her own crisis right now (with a total bastard - grr) & c) we're supposed to be keeping it on the downlow
Well, yesterday morning we had a serious talk about it and we ran out of time & said that we'd have to talk again about it. I don't think she expects me to say that we should stop seeing each other because we left on this nice warm positive note, but at the same time, I can't see any other option. Neither of us want casual, would just be a bit of a mindfuck really. I also have a ton of uni work & am leaving in the summer so probs best to cut it off. I will have to try not to cry when I tell her! It is the exact opposite to what I want to do. Still hoping she'll have found some other way out. Fucking timing eh
might see if film studies guy is up for some drunken fun as a distraction. :(
off to drown myself in Jstor articles - who would've thought Sartre would turn out to be my solace :-p

Bat – I admire your courage, I much prefer the comfort of a drunken haze :D I have been involved with an alcoholic though so do sympathise. Lol at MrM – at least he apologised and persevered.

Re: ethical non-monogamists. Think I'm sharply swerving from being all 'open relationships are great!' to being more pro:monogamy. Do think it's still totally possible to be poly& ethical, if you're committed to spending a lot of energy on communication & honesty. I had a brief thing with a couple who seemed to manage it very well although they had bumps in the beginning for several reasons. Believing people you haven't yet met who say they are though, that's a different thing...

Red & MrF – congrats! That's lovely :) enjoy! aww

Mag – I think whatever makes you feel better is a plus, really. Maybe don't respond instantly (I'm imagining a bit like a retort which might come across as slightly petty!) & say it lightly, with a smile etc. Also there's no shame in being disappointed or showing it, although it can be a bit humiliating. I've never thought less of anyone for sharing that sort of feeling (unless they try to make you feel guilty & assume responsibility!).

Tulip – yay! Have fun :) fingers crossed for a lovely date

I am in love in sassy and have to stop myself from telling him (he's confessed the same ).

All of my recent irons have been artists/designer types, Ocelot, most recent one turned a bit moody on me yesterday, so not pursuing that!

I haven't posted for a few weeks and am finding OLD a bit demoralising at the moment. I only had one iron, who I met last week. We got on well, but our child-free times were completely different and we'd only have been able to see each other once every few weeks, which really isn't what I want. Plus the attraction wasn't really there.

In the last few days I've favourited people and messaged people but with no response. I've had a few messages and people liking me, but not people I'm interested in. Aaaaaaagh, it's so tricky, isn't it? Just to find someone for a bit of email banter would be ok, but I can't even find that at the moment!

My ex is picking the kids up tonight so Pier has been bumped up from Sunday to tonight...yikes!

Goldfish I think a lot of us are in that situation at the moment. I've had a brief little flurry of matches on Tinder but I don't think any of them will go anywhere. And other than that...nowt! Well, haven't quite given up on Mears yet but he's clearly not boyfriend material.
Maybe people are waiting until after VDay to sign up and there'll be a big influx of new men shortly...maybe...

Handy Gym was good thanks! I just did a class, have my induction proper on Sat pm. I actually felt really good about myself...there were a couple of young women there, must have been about 18-19, looked amazing in all the lycra but had zero confidence and only did about half the class before dissolving into giggles. And there I am, saggy bits galore and bright red in the face and frankly not giving a flying fuck what I look like and pushing myself through the whole class. I bloody love being nearly 40 and having that confidence!

Red AWWW! So, so lovely!

Waving that outfit sounds perfect, have a great time!

Tulip Welcome and well done for snagging yourself an iron..you'll need to think of a name for him...