Roll up, roll up, it's dating thread 96

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches, and take from it what you will

Thx for the welcome everyone!

The waggy-tailed puppy is exactly me 314 ! I am also channeling Siamese cat now...

Contrary to all RL advice I emailed (lets call him) MrMusic last night...my justification was it echoed a significant event when we got together (rugby!) but my message was resolutely upbeat & talking about fun stuff I've been doing (nothing about 'us') as want him to remember me that way rather than the shocked,clingy person he last saw/heard...

PS MrMusic made me lots of mix cd's...I thought it was so sweet... From the first time we met to giving me the last one the night he dumped me!

Yeah, he definitely did the right thing to walk away when he did. The whole time he was depressed, even though I desperately wanted to see him and wanted a relationship, I kept thinking that if I was a friend of his, I would tell him to walk away, sort his life out and then think about relationships.

I am pretty stepped back now, compared to where I was anyway! We have the occasional chat via messages but it's just friendly (well, sometimes a bit flirty..) and I'm not obsessively checking whether he's read my messages etc. We're in quite a good place now. And he seems happy and settled in lots of ways, which is great to see.

And I know that if anything is going to happen then it will be because he really wants it to, because frankly, he's the one with the issues. But I can't wait around for him, even if he is very much the yardstick by which all men are being measured....

Sassy That is a LOT of irons! How do you do it?!

ocelot hello!

Hi Folk :)

MrMusic also has various issues & I am trying - or at least intending - to do the same as you & wait for him to come back (if at all...) But its the comparison thing which stops me dating as it all seems so 2-dimensional compared to the connection we had... :( I have been on 2 dates since but I knew I couldn't bear for them to touch me (like - even on the arm ) so have withdrawn from the fray for now...

Sorry for the late check in. Feeling a bit hmmm about it all today. Firstly the comparison thing is there...he's no Teach even though he was a lying bastard.

London was nice, but this is going to make me sound horribly shallow, but today he was wearing these godawful glasses which really didn't suit him. Maybe I'm thinking too much but today he wouldn't sit near me (I have 2 sofas in my living room and he consistently sat on the opposite one from me) and even though he knew I was child-free until 6 it seemed like he couldn't wait to get away. Seeing as we'd originally planned to meet up today rather than last night I'm sure he didn't have plans.

I will probably see him again if he wants to, but I'm actually not that bothered if it was just a ONS. I certainly will be keeping my other irons and don't intend to cancel any to see him. Does that make me sound callous? But he didn't mention meeting up again so I'm half expecting a thanks but no thanks message.

I'll have to get busy, I have no more dates lined up. I'm pretty sure I won't hear from Sparks again, when I messaged him after he cancelled on Friday I gave him my mobile number and I haven't heard from him so I guess that's that.

Hi everyone, is there room for one more?

I have been out of the dating scene for 10yrs, just joined POF not sure how to navigate it all.

Im daunted and excited about getting back into dating, I hear things have moved on considerably!

Any tips to prepare a newby?

Hello to gateacre and ocelot. I've only been OLD for a week, so I'm here for advice too!

Folk I think Sassy is right - you did the right thing in leaving him until he stabilises. But such a difficult situation, though.

Waving ahh, Soho sounds lovely. And I see it as a positive thing that you don't think he's perfect.

Sassy good for you, that's loads of irons. Serious question, how do you remember them all?!

Gast not at all callous, you had fun (hopefully you did enjoy it?!) but you aren't that bothered - it's right out of the WMLB play book ...

I have two other irons now - I am useless in thinking of names for them! Let's call the first one Mr P -we're planning a daytime date for sometime next weekend. And Mr T (not the actual Mr T showing my age there !), who is 18 years younger than me but who is great at the chat. Not sure if a date is on the cards with him ...

I just had a man message me asking me to be his 'keyholder' for some male chastity fetish thing ... That's my signal to log off and watch The Good Wife, I think!

Waving we left it after the first date that we'd meet up again but at the time, he was so busy. Before we'd even met, he'd tried to cancel the very first date because of work!, but I'd said, "oh go on, I'll have had two interviews this week by Friday, so I will be looking forward to a nice relaxing blind date". He changed his mind because I twisted his arm basically! We got on very well (I thought) and we'd arranged the second date, but then he cancelled it because of work.

So he liked me well enough but I didn't blow him away or anything. When he cancelled that second date, I just thought, ofgs, and then that was that. We never contacted each other again. You can see why I call him MrCanceller Then six months later I hear from him. He mentioned that he only has one job now.

But I don't know, maybe he's only chit chatting. It could be that he knows I'm not what he wants. After all, you don't cancel a second date with somebody if you really like them. I went out in hurricane Desmond (I think it was) to meet H for our second date. He said a bit of rain didn't scare of him. We were like drowned rats meeting up but neither of us wanted to cancel. But look where that level of enthusiasm got me

I have to be open to things growing more gradually than that instant attraction.

ocelot what was the story with MrMusic? Did he reply to your email?

gateacre Read the rules at the top of thread. Though I prefer to think of them more as guidelines... Key things for me are to have a thick skin and remember it's a numbers game and that if someone is chatting to you, they are most likely chatting to a number of people. But enjoy it, it can be great fun! Trust your instincts.

I've had my first actual interaction on Happn! He's very local, with a child, looks nice in his photos.

Evening all

314 I agree about those being red flags. I think anyone talking about plans that far out and so early on are trying to force an intimacy that is premature. Potentially just to get laid.

waving did you get any work done?
I'm intrigued about your comment re soho and having gone off him a bit. Can you put your finger on what it is?
Re the valentines night, is there a dress code? Where is it? I'd say jeans, heels and a nice top would work well.

Welcome ocelot and gateacre
My tips to dating echo the rules of the thread. Grow a skin. It is a numbers game. Don't ignore red flags. Have fun!

gast how you feeling tonight?

lol at my number of irons!!! batshit there's the messaging history and there aren't that many. The 5 on whatsapp all have pics and it's not that hard. I'm not close to doing anything physical with any of them so I reckon all bets are off right now! Bumble has gotten busy this weekend. I think loads of people stayed in because of the shitty weather.

Sorry to anyone else I haven't replied to!

You know that rule ''It's all bullshit until...." I feel for me that even when you follow the rules, it's all bullshit until you've slept with them and they're still there a week later and you've slept with them again and they haven't panicked and disappeared and they seem comfortable. Until you've slept with them and they haven't panicked and pressed eject, reset, only then is it NOT all bullshit!!

I'm not even convinced by that, remember what happened with Teach we slept together a week apart, were making plans for following weeks...and it was still all bullshit. Maybe once you're married/cohabiting/whatever your goals are you can say 'Lisbon'

gast

and for you. This dating lark is bloody hard work. You know one of the reasons I have so many irons? So I don't become prematurely vested in anyone. I'm also going to move at my pace physically and if any of them fall by the wayside because I'm not moving fast enough, then I dodged a bullet.
I couldn't sleep with anyone right now because I think it would hurt too much to be let down.
But at which point do you take the risk? Who bloody knows

Aargh!! Why do all the messages I get seem to be from sex pests! Got chatting to a guy yesterday evening who had said on his profile that he was looking for a relationship etc then after a couple of messages asks when he can come round to mine to get his rocks off he tried again today and when I said that my 7 year old would not be impressed he tried to get me to ship DS off to a friend for a couple of hours! Needless to say the conversation got deleted swiftly

If it's not that then it is guys from the nearby British forces base who want you to go pick them up for a quickie in the car!

I give up at the minute

MrHappn has asked me for a drink

Hi all not been on for a while and I sorry to drop all my crap after an absence. Teacher has finished with me, I saw him Friday all fine we were talking about going out Valentine's Day he wants to go to the cinema again that's what all our dates have been so yesterday I suggested doing something different to make things a bit more interesting he asked if I was bored I said not but it'd be fun tondo something different rather than the same old stuff and then today he messages with some stuff about him being commitment phobic and he didn't want to lead me on. I didn't even argue the fact I don't want commitment just a bit of excitement I just said ok I hope you'll be happy. I'm a bit wtf tonight tho

I have had a few sex pests, plus chastity guy, a naked slave and someone who wanted me to walk on him. Also had two married guys approach me. I'm older than Waving. Must be something about me :-/

Waving - yes, I did. He's worth watching ...

I don't get many sex pest messages. I think I'm too old. But my profile says I'm looking for a relationship. Maybe that's why. I did get one hilarious message from somebody called legoverlad, his picture was himself beside his ford mondeo, and he wanted to know if I wanted to go camping in his two man tent or "are you like the rest of the prudes on here"

Sorry Catty I think it must be something to do with teachers

I'm 41 but I still get sex pests. So I have a date with Happn a week on Tuesday and possibly one with J the Friday of that week.

Still unsure about London I honestly don't know if he wants to see me again and I don't either, we've been messaging tonight but it's all been about sex on his side. I'll see how he is this week.

What series TGW is this? I'm watching series 6 on netflix. Kalinda has just had to go underground. I hope she comes back. As if worrying about my own love life isn't stressful enough, I'd like to see her and Cary get together properly.