Roll up, roll up, it's dating thread 96

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches, and take from it what you will

Gast enjoy your date!

Born yes I had a quick glance but the men who'd messaged me were all very unappealing.

Jolly thanks so much. Luckily for my sanity I don't think I did anything wrong either. You know when he dropped these little hints about things that could be possibilities in the future, I took it with a pinch of salt. I thought, lets see if we get to the end of March... so I wasn't naive enough to take everything he said as gospel, but I did read it that it meant he liked me a lot for now (even though he was a poor communicator) but actually now I look back, it was 50% about how he saw himself through my eyes. He liked me thinking so well of him. He liked that as much as he liked me.

I can't dislike him though. He was such great company. A great kisser. He should come with a warning though.

Self-love, yes 314, I need to do more of that too. Your flowers are lovely, I am definitely stopping by the market tomorrow and get some for myself, thank you for the idea!
Re FutureFaker, Popcorn did a lot of that with me and it worked like a charm. Then he complained I projected too much on him. Go figure.

Gast - I remember how full on those primary-age birthday parties were! A shower and a drink should perk you up. Have you decided what you're wearing?

314 - yes, buy yourself something bloody lovely. Sometimes you just can't help believing what they say, because you want to, however much you've learned from reading Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl!

Jolly Mr Handcuffs sounds very interesting ...

Folk I'm a bit in agreement with your friend - if it's meant to be, the universe will sort it, but you have to be open to it I know I sound bonkers

MrM is my second iron (back with the golf ...!) - the first one who offered a date I declined because I didn't like his dismissive attitude, it felt very business like. I'm working on my boundaries still, but I didn't feel particularly wooed by him, and he should be making a bloody effort, so he was a no.

MrM is good at the wooing . I've spoken to him on the phone, and we chatted away quite naturally, and he is messaging me relatively regularly. He was very keen to meet last week, but I had a lot of things going on, so he seems thrilled we've fixed a date.

Folk, MrHandcuffs is the guy who works in my exact field, has the same hobbies as me and seems to be looking for a LTR. His two earlier messages were really lovely. It seemed all too perfect to be true so I had a proper look at his profile and realized 1) he is rather short (5'8 minus the missing inches you discover when you meet) and 2) he said 'yes' to the following question: "have you ever been in a slave/master relationship?" (Definitely "master" from the rest of the quiz). So I never replied to his sweet messages because I am not usually into that kind of things. And in a moment of weakness lust today I caved in. If this goes further I think I am going to have to rename him MrGrey

No Jolly, you're going to have to name him TinyMrGrey!...

Loo update...acceptably looking, think the really hot photo he posted is a few years old. We've chatted lots, no awkward silences and he's made me laugh which is a biggie. Watch this space!

Oooh, have you asked him about the master/slave thing? Maybe he used to be into it and is no longer. I lol'd at TinyMrGrey!

I have another potential iron! Messaging a guy on Tinder now. So far, so good.

oooh, go gast!

Hahahaha yes TinyMrGrey it is then, cheers Tanya

Nope Folk I have not asked yet.. Not sure how to bring this up.. "Uh, so you, well, uh, like..uh.. Going to the cinema? " totally me

Wooohoo, nice Gast!

Ha, yes, tricky one to work into conversation I suppose! But sounds like there's enough there to give him a chance.

We're in another bar. There's been snogging. He has a lovely mouth. I'm pissed!

Yay,Gast!

Haha gast, sounds like you had a good evening.

And aw waving, Soho is being very attentive.

I'll see if I can do the Mr2015 story in as brief a way as possible....We "met" on match in Jan of last year. He was the first guy that messaged me that I actually like, the first guy I chatted with and the first guy that I'd been on a date with since exP (together 12 years) had an affair and left me. So, it was a fairly major deal for me.

Anyway, we had two dates, really hit it off, messaging loads, many unicorns and rainbows. Then I found out that he has bi-polar disorder. We did talk about it a little bit but essentially I kind of stuck my head in the sand about it...just didn't want to think about it. He was open to me asking questions but I kind of think that he was doing the same as me and pretending that everything would be fine.

After about 3 months, the inevitable happened and he became depressed. Too depressed to do anything other than work and see his kids. He couldn't see me. Messaging dropped off initially though we did stay in contact. I always hoped that we could get through it and continue a relationship. He knew this but he was just not capable of having a relationship at that point, or making any decisions about the future.

It was a horrible, crappy, stressful awful time. I was really worried about him and couldn't do anything other than message him. When he didn't respond I would get even more stressed and this is where my anxiety really started up in earnest. Everything was just totally in limbo. I didn't know if we were together or not, what would happen when he was better etc. People kept telling me to walk away but I just couldn't...I was still hopeful things could work out and I wanted to support him. Also I knew that I couldn't leave things unresolved.

So we had about 3 months of that, then he did get "better". We met up and he basically said that he was not ready for a relationship. He'd only recently split from his wife when we met. He was in a manic phase then and so not making the best decisions. He really needed to focus on managing his condition and sorting his life out in general before committing to a relationship, which made total sense to me, though it hurt like hell. I know he also felt very guilty about what he'd put me through.

That was Aug. Since then, we've stayed in contact and met up a couple of times, which has been lovely. He's been manic again since then, just coming down from that now I think, which makes him very charming, sociable etc. He's on PoF and Tinder so clearly seeking some kind of a relationship again...but not with me... But still, having some contact with him is better than not seeing him at all. He's an incredible person and I just want to keep him in my life in some way. And yeah, I guess I am still hoping that he will change his mind, though I know that a relationship with him would never be easy.

God, sorry, that was not brief at all! Not an easy one to explain quickly though.

Hi yall, Good morning!

I woke up Friday and the first thing I thought feeling so sad was ''H dumped me'' then Saturday morning I woke up and I thought ''something bad happened, what was it again? oh yeh, H dumped me, ''

Well this morning I woke up and I thought, what time is it, it's very bright, oh yeh, H dumped me, well of course he did, he's an alpha male and I'm not cut out for that''.

So I think I'm ok now. The only problem is the slim pickings out there. I am messaging that one guy from ages ago. But I'm going to have to be even more cautious than before. No that's not right, not more cautious, more BRAVE, raising the questions I have.

I need another iron. One isn't enough

I'm a former "member" of this thread & when I came back recently I saw that everyone I knew had gone but have been enjoying yr dating stories & am in awe of yr resilience 314, Tanya & Gast!
3 months on from being dumped I'm still brokenhearted & seemingly unable to get back out there...

Morning all!

Playing catch up.

gast update please!

waving you and soho are lovely! Is this a relationship? You sound happy and that's all that matters!

314
Listen, I understand the knock you feel. It's inevitable. The tree situation really set me back. I realise now it wasn't him per se. I hadn't spent enough time with him. It was the knocking of my faith. I didn't need it. What I've done though is to adapt my response to red flags. If I see it, I either call is or walk away. Irrespective of what they may say...talk really is cheap. I've had to make sure I didn't let it knock my faith in other people.
Were there any red flags you can look back and see?

born honestly? He did well to walk away until he stabilises. A good friend of mine suffers from bi-polar and he was told to stop dating when he wasn't in a great place. The potential downward impact if something bad happens isn't great but also, you can form unhealthy attachments whilst in a downward spiral. He may well still be on dating websites but I doubt he's looking for LTR as opposed to some form of another high.
I'd stay well away in your shoes until he's a) levelled out and b) comes back for you.

jolly lol at tinymrgrey.
Please explain more about my having a cool head? I'm just me. Happy to share, but not entirely sure what it is you'd like me to share

Update for me.
french is messaging. He's going to be a slow burner
scot has gone quiet this weekend which I reckon means he's with another laydee. Ball is in his court to message and I predict a late today/ Monday morning message. Fine.

New irons
american not entirely sure he's my type. But he's messaging and works near me so we shall arrange a drink thing
photographer something about this guy in his photos. We're trying to find a time tmrw for a meet up. I'm hoping he's just as sexy in the flesh
fun is absolutely brilliant banter and again we are planning to set something up. He actually asked me what I was doing for valentines as a total piss take opener, so he's on my wave length humour wise.

There's about another 5-10 I am messaging with via the apps who haven't flipped to whatsapp.
I carve out 20 mins in morning and same in evening to stay on top of it. Could easily become a second full time job!

to everyone else on thread. Happy Sunday!

I dodged a bullet last night with a bloke who doesn't understand that no is a compete sentence.

Then he had the ordasity to text me this morning asking when date #2 is!!?

toosassy yes, now when I think of it, the second date we went on he said ''oh, I know what to get you for your birthday now!''. I thought, well, that's ten weeks away. I wasn't naive enough to think he was signing a contract to be around in ten weeks, a contract that I could hold him to!, but I did infer from the comment that he was keen. Perhaps I should have said "it's lovely to know you're keen right now but we're only getting to know each other''. Would that have been a good response?

The night he came over for dinner, he wanted to know where I'd never been, and we came up with Lisbon, a place neither of us had ever been. Now when I think of it, that was his wanderlust. He loves going places. I asked him if he'd ever move home and he said that he likes having two worlds to move between. But talking about mini city breaks in hot places didn't seem quite so inappropriate, as that was our 7th date. We hadn't slept together though.

And I've always thought, because it's been my experience, that you can't make plans until after you've slept with a man and he's still there. I did have that feeling. That, it was nice we were taking it slowly, but yes, tom me the plans sounded hollow because they were being made before we'd had sex and survived that transition!

You know that rule ''It's all bullshit until...." I feel for me that even when you follow the rules, it's all bullshit until you've slept with them and they're still there a week later and you've slept with them again and they haven't panicked and disappeared and they seem comfortable. Until you've slept with them and they haven't panicked and pressed eject, reset, only then is it NOT all bullshit!! Only then can you say oh well ''lisbon!'' or ''Tom Ford or Marc Jacobs"

But I feel ok. I've learnt something. I feel that I'll be braver raising my own doubts next time.

waving I think you and soho have something real now! Need croissants and orange juice with those coffees. Enjoy it!

gast you have no shortage of candidates! I hope you sprinkle a bit of that in my direction!

ocelot maybe this experience will put a natural break on me next time I go on a date. On the inside, I think I was like a labrador puppy wagging her tail happily when I went out with H. I need to channel Siamese Cat next time.

What did Soho do for you that was the equivalent of a mix tape!? (aw,so sweet) I looked back and can't see. I know what you mean about being a bit less keen now you know he's not perfect.

I must do some exercise tonight. I woke up with a cold, a sore throat and my period the day after I was dumped though, so not even Jillian Michaels herself, in my kitchen, could have made me exercise. Who am I kidding? She would have made me! So, tonight it is. I might do circuits 2,4,5,5&7 of NMTZ. Leave out 1&3. I like to focus on butt & gut.

Mr Canceller has messaged me in response to my reply this morning. I'm surprised he's answered so quickly as he sent me a message at 3am early Saturday and I didn't reply to it so he sent another last night. I'm not trying to play games with him making him send two in order to get a response. I'm just trying to slow the pace down. I went out with this guy once already in August and we got on very well. But no second date materialised. Now I hear from him again. What does he want.... to message me, go out with me. I find that I'm not in that big a hurry to find out. When I'm ready to find out, then I'll ask him to clarify.

Lunch with parents, brother, cousins etc now, better mooooooove.