Financial control - Part 2

[AngryMo]

Just starting new thread. Hopefully can kickstart it with details of my CAB meeting.

Akire it's no laughing matter but your toilet stripes analogy make me chuckle.

It's what you want that matters here.

Mo he said that you can chat when he comes home....is he under the illusion that he will be staying in the house with you, that you will cook/wash/clean for him? He probably thinks that he'll come back and you will fall back into place....him being the boss and you the help.

If his parents visit and try to discuss your split bully you into submission, personally, I would tell them that it isn't up for discussion and its frankly none of their business.

As an aside...I quite like that it happens to be the Easter weekend that I've chosen to do this. Rebirth and all. The Rebirth of AngryMo. Just call me FreeMo.
Fucking hell forgive me, I'm a but delirious still!

I like free Mo

FreeMo it is and your right about the weekend all about death and new hope. Every year you can look back and think this is where it got better X

phoenix is right.
He needs to be told he is not coming back to the house. at which point he will say its his house, to which you reply, he deserted the household & left you all in penury & indifference. he is not entering the house as you are in separated. Should he desire to see the children he will have to organise in advance when, & the times of pick up & return.

re no reply. Maybe he is considering how he feels & what to say. but he is on holiday, i t's not as though he is in the office under pressure;
Why hasn't he got immediately on the phone?
if he does phone, do NOT get angry or cry. tell him he has had 3 months of not giving a shit & leaving you below the level of poverty, no phone calls, no support & certainly no love. he clearly has checked out of the relationship, so you are doing him a favour. He has treated you worse than an unpaid slave.
The last holiday (subterfuge ) was the final slap in the face.
at this point all he needs to do & say what he proposes re finance, & house sale. if you agree then that will save you both money if not you will take him to court.
Emotional & financial abuse & coercion are illegal the UK now.

(this is so clearly EA, can't you get legal aid.)

Tell him that the last x months since you gave up work and he's taken away your financial independence and expected you to feed you family on less than the cost of a school dinner "wasn't what you wanted either"

Lurker here

Unlurking to say I LOVE FreeMo!

Go FreeMo

Mo when is he due back? Have you any idea?

The fear of course is that he just lets himself into the house and plonks down his bags and its back to business as usual. Its not as if you can change the locks.

I am certainly of the opinion that you need to leave the house and force a sale sooner rather than later. He will never ever ever do it with you and you've been in limbo so long.

mo whilst I know that it's what you expected, it must still actually be a shock to have it confirmed how emotionless he is towards you and your family. His indifference is astounding

Make sure you do some nice things just for you, you are worth so much more than this man deserves

You

He is irrevocably a cunt.

Take steps asap to keep him out of the house. You can't change the locks, but you can keep the front door bolted from inside, change the lock on the back door (it broke, yer honour/I lost the key) and always use that.

PS, I think you are supposed to provide a copy of the new key to him, but you can delay getting it cut, you can get it cut badly so it doesn't fit, you can post it to him at the slowest possible rate etc. All delays until he's returned abroad, when you'll have plenty of time to either move or secure whatever order you need to keep him out legally and change the locks.

A little update: he replied again with a very long, apologetic message, insisting he doesn't want us to split up.
I only read it once and when I get home later I will re-read it. However my gut reaction was I don't believe a single falsely apologetic word because he hasn't actually apologised for the things he knows would have hurt me the most and is blaming his behaviour on stress.
Anyhow I'll dissect it and will offload again later.

stress? A beach holiday does that to you!

Yes he really is stressed.....not!

He is only doing this to put you back in place and to also save face with his friends/colleagues.

When he realises that him grovelling/giving half arsed apologies won't sway you, he'll begin to blame you and try and paint himself to be the injured party.

Thing is, an apology only means something if a person knows what they have done wrong, accept it and change it/not do it again. I have to wonder what he was apologising for in his reply? His fundamental belief is that he earns so he is boss.

I wanted to add FreeMo ()

Remember that actions speak louder than words......so far his actions have been deplorable, unkind, thoughtless and downright mean. Not only to you but to your children.

I'd imagine as a show of contrition he's put a grand on that pre-paid card, given you the passwords for his current account and is sending Easter eggs to be delivered to his children on Sunday?

I think the implication of stress is which you wouldn't understand, freeloading at home as you do.

I think the implication of stress is which you wouldn't understand, freeloading at home as you do.

Yes I would agree with that, that is his thinking. After all you only raise 3 children on your own and keep them fed and clothed on the crumbs he kindly throws you (as long as you can justify the expense of course) Poor lamb, drinking beer on the beach must be grinding him down.

I hope you feel as calm as you can this evening, I prescribe wine and lots of chocolate. KOKO Mo.

All of his financial decisions and control have been going on for months, if not years. They haven't been done under the stress of his current job.

What current stress has he got - he is looking after himself, you are doing all the stressful stuff!

Well done FreeMo

Not at all surprised to hear his response to 'I'm leaving you' is basically, 'no that's not my plan.'

Arse.

Um, I'd be very suspicious of the long message, because it sounds to me as though he might have discussed it with a sensible person who said FGS you can't behave like that. But I'm prob overthinking.

Orlanda - I had exactly the same thought. His mother probably.

Sorry but my DH reckons he has someone else out where he is as well (unless he is in a male only no chance of shagging around place).

Thing is his Mum actually thinks the way he is behaving is okay surely as she put up with it and sees it as "normal"