Financial control - Part 2

[AngryMo]

Just starting new thread. Hopefully can kickstart it with details of my CAB meeting.

I've been lurking since your first thread.

I can't quite believe his latest stunt. Except I can really.

He has already left you. He left you months ago. He left the family home and set up. This overseas post played right into his hands. He has been paying bare minimum. He is getting on with his life. You are back at home looking after the children on a pittance while he swans around living the life of a singe man.

The house is the bloody least you deserve!

I would not be able to hold back now. I would be letting everyone know just what a shitty father and partner he is. I would definitely let his parents know. Tears. Worry for the children. They miss him and you are struggling financially while he is on holiday.

Let's face it unless he is bloody whathisface up in space he can get home for Easter. I've been an expat and known many guys who were overseas on a 'single' contract although they were married and had children. Even those who weren't officially married would go home for Xmas and Easter and whenever they could.

Hopefully Mo is either

A- drank one of his expensive wines at is under the table

B- had mates over to celebrate and is under the table

C- crashed out in pjs after watching bedtime hour on CBeebies :)

at whatsisface up in space - actually I don't think Tim Peake could be such a controlling twat from space even if he wanted to (which I am sure he doesn't, and I'm sure he misses his family terribly like any normal person would). He's being monitored all the time so would have to be prepared to be denying money to his family whilst NASA listened in.

I would prepared for extreme emotional blackmail from the PIL as this will not suit their world view at all. I would assume it will be the usual:

• how can you destroy your children's lives?
• how dare you turn on him when he has financially supported you throughout the marriage? (even though that wasn't true when Mo was working and is barely true now given the grudging crumbs he bestows)
• how can you possibly give your children the opportunities and lifestyle they deserve as a single mother? (again skirting over the fact they're being denied basic opportunities now like clubs and days out).
• if you want to be treated as an equal in the marriage it's your responsibility to go and get a job.
• we would manage all the childcare to allow this to happen, you are being spoilt and wilful expecting to be able to stay at home and have access to unlimited money
• you won't be able to support yourself and your children because you can't manage money
• he works hard blah blah blah deserves to be waited on hand and foot and to go on holiday whilst ostensibly working.

I would just say "with respect, I don't have to explain my decision to you and I don't intend to". Don't be drawn in to defending yourself.

Have you told your parents? What about friends?

He clearly does not GET it. Would you like to know his response?

What did he say........?

I wouldn't get into a discussion with him about it.

Go on then Mo.

I tell you what, you could make a fortune if you turned your marriage into a script

Go on...

Yes yes

Come on Mo. I have to leave soon

What you mean he doesn't get that you would DARE to leave him because he is such a wonderful catch and you can't do better?

Or doesn't get that paying a little jaunt to the beach trumps going home to see his kids ?

not

He probably doesn't get that he is the dumpee and not the dumper

Sorry! I fell asleep.
Right: (in response to me telling him I know where he is and re-sending my message) 'Just a few days away with X. I'll be home soon so we can chat then. To be clear though, that is not what I want'.

Does it matter to you what he wants...?

Well, this is quite good as you won't be wasting emotional energy on defending yourself to him. I wouldn't bother replying - obviously it's not what he wants, because he prefers having you around to look after his children and abuse you financially. That's a given. He will leave his parents to do the bullying as they can do it in person.

So, what next? Start telling more people and then engage a solicitor after the weekend? Was he going to bother his arse to Skype his children this weekend?

No it fucking doesn't! He's even trying to control the way I leave him. Or refuse to accept that I could even contemplate such a thing. I've just said I don't want you any more, and he's saying he doesn't want that? It's not about that he wants, it's about listening to what I've just said.
Anyhow I replied again just to make it abundantly clear that I do not want to be in a relationship with him and that is that.

Time to change all your Facebook settings, new email address, new phone number and so on that way you do not have to have anything to do with him unless you decide to check for messages.

I would decide when it works for you that he can Skype the DC and inform him when that is, although it seems that he isn't bothered about that anyway?

You didn't want the type of marriage you had but you had no control over his attitude to your marriage, just like he has no control over you ending it.

Well he has basically said "I'm going to stall you."

You've become accustomed to working away on the split on your own. I suggest you quite simply ignore him and keep at it. Valuation etc.

At least now your curiosity is satisfied as to how he would respond - as always, as if you were an employee who was being headhunted elsewhere.

that is not what I want
well, actually no one is asking him
it IS what you want, & guess what you exist more than a floor mop

please be aware, that he will now try & real you back in
for God's sake resist.

Yes, you can expect, anger, tears, threats, pleading, all manner of behaviour from him now.
Normal though, this has, after all come as a bolt from the blue for him and he really doesn't understand his ways are not on, or why you would be unhappy.

Love the way he will come home and you can have a 'chat'
Have his parents responded? I wondered if they are likely to have eggs for the children?

Wow could his response lack any more care or compassion??!! It's like someone from UK office has emailed him yea we thinking of painting the male toilets green with white strips "this is not want I want, talk when I'm back"

Not his wife is going through at least some emotional crisis (even if he deluded self you were all happy before) why can't he ring you now and talk? He's busy away so no!!!

Going look great to a solister yea he refused to even talk to me until he was ready. Well matey to late now. Imagine he's working out if he comes home as grand master and bequests you an extra £50 week all will be well. What he didn't realise is even if you had 50/50 access to earnings you don't want to be an uncaring and loveless marriage!

Well said Akire

How he can carry on with his break and make you wait isn't surprising and is a perfect example as to why you want to break away from him.

If my DH thought I was upset, he'd drop everything to come back and reassure and support me...and that's just if I was very upset, not even telling him I was ending the marriage!

I moved our communication to messenger so that I can see exactly when he's online, if he's read a message and when he's offline again.
So after I sent my reply-to his reply, I can see that after a few hours he has gone back in, read it, and then signed out again with no further acknowledgement.
Will the message get through as I worded it much more strongly?
Last chance for a reaction. If he doesn't get back to me by - say tomorrow - then I'll decide what steps to take.
But I am definitely preparing myself to get moving or to engage a solicitor.