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Original poster

Financial control - Part 2

998 replies

AngryMo · 01/02/2016 08:39

Just starting new thread. Hopefully can kickstart it with details of my CAB meeting.

OP posts:
Original poster
AngryMo · 12/03/2016 12:55

Mix, Clutters, Grumpy, Jux, you are all right and I absolutely agree with every word you've each said. Parting with his precious money is the bit that will sting the most for him. Sad git.

On another note and yes I KNOW this is childish and I should probably be refrain, but after weeks of him putting random rubbish about sports, cars and beers on social media, I can't resist any more and am putting lots of pics of the kids and things they've done well in just so that he knows he is not special any more, he doesn't get to find out first or even first hand, from them or me directly, but along with everyone else. And that will really piss him off. He won't know how to react - if he comments, everyone will know he didn't know before, but he can't ignore it either. Oh what a dilemma for him Hmm

Shame on me Grin

OP posts:
Grumpyoldblonde · 12/03/2016 13:05

Harsh...but fair!

mix56 · 12/03/2016 13:05

oh Mo, that is not detaching !! that is playing a game. God I hate fb.

Original poster
AngryMo · 12/03/2016 13:08

Ha ha Mix! But I am in the process of detaching...so I'm allowed a little messing about now! It's a wee bit pathetic, I know.

OP posts:
TheSilveryPussycat · 12/03/2016 15:04

Ok so it's playing a game a bit. But actually it's what normal FBers (if there is such a thing) do (and possibly what Mo might have liked to do anyway).

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 12/03/2016 15:34

Mix, I get what you're saying. But, mo, I can't disapprove. That's justified bitchiness, that is. Well done! Smile

mix56 · 12/03/2016 15:36

hope it irks the shit out of him :o)

DontMindMe1 · 12/03/2016 15:49

i think your way of fb game playing is healthy mo Smile

and anyway, the stuff you're putting up is normal ...if he has a dysfunctional response to it that's his issue......

i know how it feels to have to reign yourself in when faced with arseholience like that, so sometimes we have to allow ourselves a little innocent fun Wink

RandomMess · 12/03/2016 16:28

I think i'd start posting stuff like

"If you were only allowed to shop at x and had to live of £y per week, what would you menu plan this week for 1 adult and 3 dc?"

"So sad DC2 isn't allowed to take up football/tennis but we just can't afford it Sad"

and so on...

There again I can be a complete cold hearted bitch to someone once I've been crossed

springydaffs · 12/03/2016 18:33

Darling. Get out of the ring NOW.

You're point-scoring. Perfectly understand that, I really do. But you're using the kids. Careful!

You may have to find out the hard way, as I did, how low he will go. It took me a loooong time to admit defeat, to stop sparring, to stop fighting for fairness, equality. They were bloody hard years.

TheSilveryPussycat · 12/03/2016 19:23

Actually, I think I'm persuaded by mix and springy's posts. (Also, don't post much on FB - but see other happy families (my rellies and some friends) posting pix of their kids as they have always done )

RandomMess · 13/03/2016 09:11

TBH with my more rational head on I'd block him from your Facebook so that you can use it how you wish to without a second thought from him.

It's up to you if you want to continue to follow him - do you want to continually see his selfishness, do you feel you need to for evidence - I can't see how it would make a difference to the maintenance he pays for the DC etc.

Joysmum · 13/03/2016 09:30

Hope you slept ok and it bought you done perspective. Make a rule never reply to communication within X hours EVER!

Original poster
AngryMo · 13/03/2016 11:06

Once the deed is done, I will definitely defriend/block, whatever, so I don't get that sinking feeling whenever I see his name pop up. I can't wait to amend my relationship status Grin
Heat of the moment is a crazy thing, and amazing what a few hours to calm down can do. Anyway so I had a little outburst of childishness. I know playing the game is dragging myself down to his pathetic level and I won't be sucked in any longer. However, putting pics of proud moments of my kids is nothing unusual, it's just this time I did it with another motive, to piss him off. In future he won't see them at all.

OP posts:
springydaffs · 13/03/2016 13:16

Not telling you off, Mo. Of itself I'd say go for it, turn the screws, be as nasty /pa as you plain choose and I'd be behind you all the way. It's good to get this shit out [there's a great thread in AIBU of stories of ppl getting revenge /behaving badly. It's great! ]

I'm only introducing caution because of the type of person you're dealing with. Your nastiness may be 'childish' - but his will be DEADLY.

Sad
mix56 · 13/03/2016 13:59

Mo, detaching is not easy, it takes practise & time to stop hurting.
You have been so manipulated & dominated by P, that it is not going to be automatic
I agree with Springy, that he is so vile, that I wouldn't want to give him ANY fuel for his anger, any antagonisation.
infact until you have set up an official separation you need to be as level headed as possible, specifically because anything you do or say will be used against you re children.
btw, I forget, have you had your phone & computer checked for spyware? have you checked your cloud settings? if not it needs doing.
Seen as he is so controlling it is highly likely he tampered with your kit

Original poster
AngryMo · 14/03/2016 21:59

I need help please on what to say, or what not to say...

Without giving too many details, I need to ask him for extra money for something I need to do this week. It's something he knows I need to do and is important, and knew about long ago. Last week however he didn't contact me to agree a time to speak to the kids. I tried at the same time as last week in case he'd assumed it would be the same, but no answer. It turned out he'd actually tried to call a bit earlier, but I only noticed later on. In any case, he tried, we tried, but he didn't actually check with me directly which was the most convenient time, hence missing each other. So the weekend went by without a word from him.

Last time I contacted him, was to ask for money for something for the kids, and since then, nothing. So it basically boils down to this: I'm wary of contacting him again asking for money for something I need, rather than the kids or the house, as I suppose I'm scared he'll get angry and refuse or become shitty about it. I don't want to anger him. But I need the money. And he knows I do. I hate being scared of him, and his silence just makes it worse. It does feel like every time I contact him now, it's like going to a cash machine and I don't know if it's going to cough up or swallow my card.

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RandomMess · 14/03/2016 22:03

Hmmmm

I would just send a straight forward email

"I am just reminding you that I need £x for y. I assume this is sufficient notices as you've known about it for z months/ since 00/00/00 so it won't be a problem for you to transfer it?" Just keep it business like.

DollyTwat · 14/03/2016 22:19

Is it a lot of money AngryMo?
Can you borrow it if he doesn't give it to you?

Original poster
AngryMo · 14/03/2016 22:24

No, it's not a lot of money at all, I'd be embarrassed to even say how much...but it's not the amount, it's the fact I have to ask him, same old story. Yes I could borrow it. But borrowing money doesn't help...
Thanks Random for your suggestion.

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Akire · 14/03/2016 22:25

Sorry you having stress Mo. I think email is best way and easier for you. He knows about it you need it - of course he's going to make you ask /beg/ justify the expenses. Then you can have pleasure of waiting for his mighty judgment on whether it is suitable or reasonable request.

If you really need it you have ask - it hurt him more to give it to you them useable sod. Plus if he refuses request whe he can bloody easily afford it at the same time he's spending loads on himself then perfect time to send the "it's over".

Akire · 14/03/2016 22:27

I'm more sad your worried he will get angry when he's on other side of world :( are you worried of he does say yes then he will conveantly foget to update shopping card next?

Barmaid101 · 14/03/2016 22:50

I would message as above but also add that you need a time for the children to speak to him at the weekend and try to bring that into the email. Then you are not just asking for the money, and you are being the bigger person.

Original poster
AngryMo · 14/03/2016 22:58

This is an embarrassing admission, but before this 'phase' of our relationship but since I became financially dependent on him, if I ever needed anything, I'd have to approach it a bit like a toddler who wants a sweetie - butter him up a bit beforehand, flutter my eyelashes, be a bit cheeky, pay him a compliment, try to make him smile...but obviously now that's impossible (and unthinkable, YUK!) so each and every time I approach him I am on serious egg shells.
Akire, if he gets angry with me, because he feels like a cashpoint...yes, I'm scared of anything he might do.

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Akire · 14/03/2016 23:02

Not embarrassing Mo sounds like that's just how you had to play things. Even before you were clear in your mind how twisted the situation was he had you begging and playing up to be given a hand out.

Do you feel better sending tonight so you have answer tomorrow? Can you not pawn anything from a past expensive gift/something of his.

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