Financial control - Part 2

[AngryMo]

Just starting new thread. Hopefully can kickstart it with details of my CAB meeting.

Deo - it's already a tenancy in common agreement so one thing less to worry about.
I have always been the main carer, quit my job two years ago to be at home with them and now have a period of six months effectively as a single parent so I hopefully don't have anything to worry about in terms of my children staying with me. It's a terrifying thought that if things got really ugly he could try to take them from me (and then dump then on his mother). That's why I am doing my utmost to be as calm and diplomatic as possible, and when I do see him face to face it will be through gritted teeth. Easier said than done though but I think going through this process alone has really helped, particularly to disregard emotions and focus on the practical side.
I am frustrated as hell though, I am ready for the next stage but can't act yet. I want to move on desperately.

That's great Mo. Do you have time scale in mind for step 2-3. Giant calendar help? Started sorting out any boxes stuff to
Keep in the mean time?

That's good (TC) and also that you are in effect a single parent for 6 months as courts tend to go with the status quo. My children's father spent a bit more time with them (teacher, although I paid a daily nanny and he worked in many of the holidays - we are both very hard workers; give him credit where it's due) than I did so before I even issued the divorce petition or had decided I paid a solicitor to advise for an hour on my chances of keeping the children - as the teenagers would choose me (they asked me to divorce their father even , very rare situation) it was fairly cut and dried.

By the way I stayed in our house as did he right through the time when we were divorcing. It was not a fun 7 months but we both had a legal right to stay there. It was only when I remortgaged, did a house transfer to my name, had court sealed financial consent order and the money hit his account that he moved out. If he had not at that stage then we could have obtained a court order to have him out. For me it felt a very very long 7 months. For him it was very fast (as he didn't want a divorce at all).

Mo, its already a great improvement that you can see your situation clearly.
I almost feel that he will be relieved you tell him the game is up. He doesn't love you or even like you, the main real complication is "his" money.
He may even have found an OW where he is ? & be waiting for you to be the 'bad guy' & start the separation. so that he can still hold his head up to his parents & impress his friends

My heart LIFTED when I read about the house around the corner!

Sorry if I'm being dense but can you just move out? No need to face him then.

Oh joy joy joy at the thought of you being out

Happy Friday Mo one more week closer to freedom!

Springydaffs - on closer inspection, the two gumtree properties I saw both say "no housing benefit applicants", which I'd been warned about. When it comes to it, do you think it would be worth contacting them anyway to explain my situation or not? Surely if I have a deposit, it shouldn't make any difference? What would they do about references in my case, as I've been a private home owner for many years? Character reference? Or just a credit check? Or just give them the full sob story, I don't know. Benefits doesn't mean you're unreliable, do landlords really think like that? Or is it just they are warned against it?

Barriers 2 & 3 should pretty much be sorted around the same time and that's before his return so I am getting very tempted to just tell him my plans in as matter a fact way as possible as soon as I can, even by email. I honestly don't think I can wait much longer. I don't know if it matters whether I tell him before he comes back or in person. I'm still going to get a blank emotionless response so why procrastinate any longer? He can't turf us out, he can't stop paying for the house and if he stops the money then I will claim benefits right away to see us through. I can't stand living this limbo life any more, I just want my life to start again, on my own without any restrictions from him.

Springy - I could just move out but it's my house too and I've no reason to leave until it's sold (especially since he's not here) and I also need full agreement from him to sell. No way I'm letting him have the house to himself because I've chosen to move out.

I'm glad to hear that barriers 2 & 3 will be sorted soon and understand completely the wanting just to get it over with.

Yes, he could stop paying housekeeping but you will get benefits (check to see how long you would have to wait to receive them though, as it may take a few weeks maybe?).....he will get a short, sharp, shock when he ends up paying you more in child maintenance!

It's an old article, but explains some of the issues that landlords perceive with those reliant on benefits.

www.theguardian.com/housing-network/2012/may/02/tenants-housing-benefit-private-landlords

As soon as you tell him it's over you get on the phone and start claiming Tax Credits as a single person and CMS (assuming child benefit is resolved).

I'm sure he will continue to pay the mortgage - I just hope he keeps up with the household bills too!

On HB many many mortgages landlords have prohibit them from letting to HB claimants and if they go ahead they risk losing the house so it is definitely not a non - issue but some specialise in letter to HB claimants. If you jointly own the house it may be possible you can stay in it whilst your soon to be ex ultimately has to move out and continue to pay the mortgage.

Hey Mo, one step closer to freedom. You are making huge progress and seem to have made up your mind it is over.
Still radio silence from him?
It can never hurt to approach landlords about your situation, they can only say no.
I hope you have a peaceful weekend knowing that the barriers are falling down.
All the best to you

That's the buy to let issue isn't it? Could be a huge problem for me, even with non-agency private landlords.

Hang on then, why are you looking at properties to rent (though I may be confused bcs I'm emotionally invested in your story and want you FREEEE).

IF you are thinking of moving out (bear with me), I wouldn't tell him. Just do it. You don't owe him anything. Mr Punisher/Jailer/Patriarch/Controller.

Some landlords own outright, I imagine? so are not constrained by mortgage terms...

It's not looking good - how many of them can there be, Pussycat?
Springy: I'm looking around to see what the market is like. Pretty shit. This is my biggest worry right now - not him, not money, not the future, but finding a place to live! I need to get talking to people I know with properties...or people who know people with properties. Or an enormous stroke of luck or who knows where we will end up?

I don't know, but at least not zero. Lots of people on HB do rent. There are some nice people on Property/DIY, maybe they can offer advice?

That's the buy to let issue isn't it? Could be a huge problem for me, even with non-agency private landlords

There are very few modern mortgages with the HB clause in them. The main restriction seems to be letting directly to the council for them to let out, not letting to HB tenants.

So the way to get around it if possible is to offer standard deposit (as deposits don't stay in possession of the landlord) and as many months in advance as you can to allay the fears of payments in arrears and the sudden stop/start of HB claims.

Oh, and Gumtree landlords are your best bet. There are more of us on there who are willing to take a chance and help those who wouldn't qualify through agents.

Thank you so much Joy for that. All this info is very helpful.
Meanwhile, the bastard, on his six figure salary, is sitting there drinking beers and planning his next child and responsibility-free trip and is completely oblivious to any of this.

Mo
Have you plotted figures into the child maintenance calculator?

Three children?
Assuming he has them one or two nights a week? In a best case scenario.
Six figure salary so the least that could be at £100k

£275 a week maintenance. A week.

Why wait?

Well, he's not firing on all cylinders, is he? Something missing with him.

Yes I've worked out all the figures. But looking at the rent/council tax I'd have to pay in my area and that's assuming I could find something - I'll be in a similar position I am in now until I can work FT that is. I HATE that I am so bloody tied in all of this. I can't just say sod it I'll get a FT job and look after myself - I simply can't until I reach a certain point. And P knows it. Hence why he has absolutely no belief that I'd actually be able to leave him.

Prove him wrong.

Who is he anyway?

I worried so much about money Mo when we split.

I think you should consider a lower paid job.... Or part time.

My tax credits pay the majority of my childcare. I realise there's an element of the scrounger in that but it's not forever, just while they are little. And like me, you've paid in for years.

You're doing great.