Financial control - Part 2

[AngryMo]

Just starting new thread. Hopefully can kickstart it with details of my CAB meeting.

Kitty I don't want to involve the police. I just want to get the fuck away from his clutches.

kitty I think Mo has private reasons for having to stay in limbo for a good while to come.

Shit I've done it again, I sent a short angry email Why is that a problem? You're perfectly entitled and reasonable to be cross about him leaving you with insufficient money. He needs to be told.

I have two barriers at the moment to sort out before I can really start acting. One should be sorted very soon, and the other within a month or so. So once that's done I'll have more freedom to figure out how to get the hell away from him.

You have every right to be furious, and the law agrees with you, although I realise you don't want to go to the police. I expect you will get some smug, twatty email back about wasting money. I loathe this man on your behalf.

Yes Clam, you're right. And actually maybe I was right to point it out to him. But I've been lying as low as I possibly can, minimal contact, minimal showing of anger, I've deleted messaging apps and am off social networks so he can't contact me that way or spy on me either.

I hate him too. I hope you've carefully weighed up the benefits of waiting Mo - I'm sure you have - because I think he would be charged as it stands on current evidence. You don't have to be perfect. You are just handling him as best you can.

I think the email on this occasion was fine - albeit would have been better done without anger. However, the point still remains - the money on the card barely covers the necessities. Therefore any delay in it being topped up leaves you without funds to provide food for his children. You've given him three choices. Of course, what you're missing is what you'll do if (actually when) he fails to accept one of them.

I would suggest you start selling his expensive wine. Every time he is late, go round to the neighbours and explain that you are kept so short of funds you need to sell something to be able to get tea in, and offer them a bottle of vino.

That's shit Mo he must be doing it to spite why /how can he forgect to feed his kids? Even if he disnt care a stuff about you?

Your email sounds good- you don't want appear to roll over and please pay as he knows you been getting angryer about this , so options you give are prefect.

Just another nail in the coffin isn't it. Great to hear you have some sort time line for action Now that must be a relief. Even though many hurdles to get there , you will get there. When do you think he will sort money out?

If his pre-payment card works like mine does it takes 3 days to top up through the website. You can do it overnight if you set it up as a bank transfer instead, i.e. set up a payee with the right account number and sort code. If you can find details of that on the card's website you could email him a link, although god knows he doesn't care if it takes 3 days or 1.

The Easter weekend is going to cause all sorts of misery if he's due to pay money in but forgets. But I think you have a worse sort of misery to contend with at that time, i.e. that he will be back in the country?

MIL wants to be involved, you could ask her to have them for the evening, and give them tea as you have no money for food.
Surely this would shame him into action. It would also make him angry that his parents have been made aware of the game he is playing. But, so what ?

It wouldn't shame him. PIL would see this as meaning Mo is unable to budget properly and needs to go and get a job. He is cut from the same cloth as them.

I'm afraid tribpot is right.

About him accusing me of not budgeting correctly.
Re the card, I don't want to give him any suggestions - that would be like telling him how to improve his control! But yes I can see there are umpteen ways to sort it out. No response from him funnily enough.

He's probably annoyed I've pointed out another error. Like when I worked out his exact salary and huge leftover disposable income that he failed to account for.

Maybe. But I suspect he just treats it as more evidence of your profligate attitude to money. I mean obviously you just need to stretch the money further. It's irresponsible of you to have spent it all ahead of the next lot arriving.

Incidentally I know you're not at this stage yet, but if you feel unable to use Food Banks (I don't mean out of snobbery but because you don't want to involve social services in order to get a referral) your nearest Sikh temple will serve food to all-comers.

So glad your timescale is not as long as I was dreading it would be!

He's saying it will probably credit later on - well that's no use to me because he must have forgotten I'm busy in the afternoons looking after our three children and I'd rather avoid going to a supermarket with all of them in the hope the card has credited since I can't even check until I'm physically in the store.
He said he sent me a warning over the weekend saying it might not credit till Tuesday (didn't get it) but what good is that to me on day 6 or 7 if I'm supposed to budget £75 a week and not for eight days. Also I'm busy with something important all day tomorrow and won't have time to shop in the morning but he wouldn't bloody know about that would he because he doesn't care enough to ask.
I'll have to do a really quick dash in the morning for essentials but could really do without it when I have had time today for it instead.
I'm not even going to bother replying to him. I just did the whole draft/delete thing. I was venting to a friend and she offered me money earlier. I could say I'll have to ask a friend he also knows quite well to lend me some money and that might make him twitch a bit. Or I could just bloody leave it.

Well you know the answer is very simple. If you want the luxury to be able to shop when the supermarket is quieter, you just need to go and get a job.

Definitely not worth replying. I would accept your friend's offer of money, she may be pleased to be able to do something, however small, to make this easier for you.

It doesn't matter how I handle it, I'm always going to be wrong anyway. Imagine if I spent even less than the fixed amount, he would just reduce the amount, as the idea of me setting any money aside to use more freely is unpalatable for him. Anyway I'm going round in circles. This type of thing has now happened too many times to mention but at least as Akire said it's just another nail in the coffin and any shred of doubt I may have had has very definitely been smashed to smithereens.

The whole way this thing is structured makes it impossible for me to even borrow money because I can't pay it back as soon as the card is topped up as all the shopping money is tied up in it (you can't even return something and get cashback) so I end up using my money for "other" things instead in emergencies, therefore reducing my money for what that is supposed to be for. It's bloody manipulative.

What would he say if you said I had borrow £20 off friend? Would he give you that cash in your account or would it be your tough luck to sort out? I'd say the baby needed nappies so I had borrow money see if he's even embarrassed. Like you say you budget as carefully as you can relying on money being where it is. Just because he told you few days ago dosnt make it magically easier.

Hang in there mo one more shot day over with is one step closer to FREEDOM!

Have you thought any more about selling anything? I'd be beating few of his nice clothes already!

Shot = shit

Beating = selling!

I wonder what he would say if you just told him, "I am unhappy, I no longer want to continue in this relationship, we need to sell the house and part company"
Would he rush back to the UK to try to mend it? Not believe you? Make life as hard as possible for you until you can leave?
It's difficult to imagine the kind of person who could go off abroad for months on end and leave his partner scratching around to feed their children.
Loathsome man.

Well, I will be saying that to him Grumpy, in a few weeks, before he's due back even, so we'll see what he says. I told him just that though about a year ago after an incident, and that's the only time I've seen him apologise, although looking back it was a bit forced. I've probably said this before, but even if it does hit him that I'm serious and he apologises, I'm sure it will be because he's more worried about image, what people will think and losing his house more than anything else.
If he tries to pin the blame on me for breaking up the family, what would he say? She was lazy? She didn't want to go back to work? Everyone who knows us knows our situation, what I have done in the past and what I'm doing now. So he can say what he likes.