Am trying to make sense of something I don't understand about me.

[Lanark2]

Hello,
I am trying to understand something about me that frankly I can't seem to get right, or get help from family or friends over, and I really would be very grateful for input from people here.

The problem is, that I don't feel appreciated, but its worse than that, it that I don't feel that anybody knows or cares who I am. Its not a weird emotional state, its just kind of true.

By that I mean that I can't remember the last time I had a conversation about things I am passionate about, out one of those end of week debriefs that reset your view of humanity, but on top of this, my e employer thinks I don't have skill in advance of my role, yet I have run projects that are bigger in scope than the department. I have had brilliant relationships, that seemed to just end, either when I was discussed too much by my partner and her friends, or that just fizzled out, and now I am often viewed as 'not boyfriend material' yet I always feel that I am in love with commitment, shared vision, would desperately love a family, and am without exception supportive of my partner, perhaps more than I am supportive of myself.
In my group of friends, I used to be viewed as the successful one, yet in the last six years have been bullied out of three jobs, sometimes aggressively, sometimes passively, and I can't put my finger on why so many things for me go the opposite to the way they go for others.

The relationship thing is the most puzzling, as my last relationship ended up with my partner being in a constant power struggle with me without my playing back, which just deflated everything.

any help or suggestions welcome.

think a bit more realistically.

Scarletforya, which of my ideas haven't come to fruition?

No, I'm not.

I'm saying that the fact you are single at 42 and never had a successful relationship is likely to be related to your idea that you need love to be who you can be and your deep dissatisfaction with your life and everyone in it.

I'm not the one posting a thread in 'relationships' about how crap people I date are and how I need a partner to make me better...

If you know better than everyone else about love and women etc I'm not sure why you are asking on here?

Also, the example I gave was a woman with children who didn't want to commit to sharing finances with a man who says he can't even keep himself. It was not about women who may believe, what you believe, about having money being an important thing in selecting a man.

So you came here saying you to understand yourself, but what you really wanted was everyone to nod, smile and there-there you?

I was one of the posters who asked what you are good at. It was in a post where I also suggested things you could do to fix your position. You ignored the question and instead banged on about how you're so hard done by and nobody understands the wonder of you.

I have to say, the more I read of your posts, the clearer it becomes that the issue lies with you.

No genuine friend is going to tell you that you are right in thinking you're superior or suggest you work out how to get money off "crap people" you feel don't deserve it.

In fact, there's so much wrong with everything you've said in that last post, it's quite worrying.

The reason you're sensing a change in tone in responses is that the more you post, the clearer it becomes that you have some disordered thinking that really needs to be addressed by therapy.

Oh, the head in the clouds thing is weird. But I am ready for that big career, I just can't get to a platform to stand on to achieve it.not because of lack of ability, but because of other people

etc etc

But you know, keep doing the same thing you've always done and expect a different result... Tis the route to everlasting happiness that isn't it?

You also said I really genuinely can't afford anything.. Am currently working only at a living level, which is part of the problem and described as crap

Described your job as crap

Your post about what you believe a friend would say to Offred's comment is really enlightening. And very odd.

You asked. We are answering you. Please trust us that what you have put there is not in any way illustrative of a typical or healthy thought process. This is what you need to work on in therapy.

Yes, and incidentally good friends are honest with you.

Someone who is just around to blow smoke up your arse no matter what is not a good friend.

Hmm, I think my friends' responses would be more along the lines of 'Come off it, you daft sod. Drink?'

Maybe you are struggling to find and keep friends, colleagues and relationships because you have too fixed a view of what their responses should be - a script for them in your own head that doesn't match reality?

The bittom line is that you are unable to see that you are the common denominator here. Both in rl and on here, where you are finding fault with people who are posting, rather than considering that people might have a point.

Can I ask Op, what job do you do and what job would you like to do?
What would my life be like if I were in a relationship with you?

From what you've posted, you seem a strange mix of over confident (better than average worker etc) and needy.
Why are you better than average?
Are your high standards too high for a normal person?
What changes in you when you're in a relationship?

For me, I lack confidence. I am clever and nice but it held me back because I'm not ruthless and I was afraid I wasn't good enough to get ahead. This was pointed out to me and I worked on it and now I'm on my way. I fake confidence until I begin to feel it. Are you working on your issues?

People who give off a needy vibe are often taken advantage of - but feeling you should have a better life can appear sneery. You are effectively telling people around you that their life is rubbish.

I think people pick up on this when they meet you and they don't want to go out with a man who is clearly unhappy with the life he has made for himself, who depends on them to 'be the person he can be' and who expects them to meet his high standards. This would raise red flags amongst my friends and the only way to deal with this is to really look at yourself.
Can you get a new job? Get yourself into a situation where you can pay bills (move somewhere cheap etc) then look at job options. Once that's done, focus on moving up 1 level. At the same time, stop comparing yourself to others. They don't all want what you want so they don't matter.
If you become happy with the life you're making, you give off a happy vibe and will get a more positive reaction

OK, I'll also bite with the random Internet analysis.

Might it be worth seeing whether you could have Asperger's? Your writing style is both unusual and very, very like my (adult) son's; and you clearly have some trouble with rigidity of thought patterns and with interpretation of unspoken social communication from others.

Everyone is the common denominator when they ask for advice.

'You have been stabbed, but don't you see, the person stabbing you isn't complaining and they are not here, do you think it's your reaction to bring stabbed that is wrong, not the person stabbing?'

What does that mean OP?

Ah, cross-post.

You think we're the stabbers, I see.

I'm afraid I think your suffering from Special Snowflake Syndrome

Sigh..I can see you've turned. I'll read this tomorrow and remember.not to keep posting in the evening.. Night all.