The original post here was asking why anyone would be an OW. I've answered, I'm not sure what else those of you who aren't OW on the post are seeking to gain from the thread?
As per my original post I appreciate that other people have a different view to mine. I simply don't sign up to the idea that I have a duty to millions of women I've never met to base my life on whether a decision I make might hurt them.
Once I applied for a promotion and got it. A colleague I worked with never spoke to me again because senior management had led her to believe the job was hers. Was I supposed to turn that job down because she was going to be hurt?
No-one at the time expected me to. It was management that made the promise to her, and management that broke the promise by hiring someone else. How is that different?
That's a genuine question btw...I'm not sure how to word it so that it can't be misinterpreted as sounding goady.
I may come across as unempathetic in this thread however I do think it's a bit of a stretch to take a couple of posts on one topic and assume you know the character of someone in RL. However I will say that I am very 'logical' in my thinking rather than 'emotional' so perhaps I am less empathetic than the average person when it comes to affairs of the heart. I don't see that as a flaw though, there are pros and cons of being more logical and pros and cons of being more emotional.
Not all situations involving an OW lead to the kind of impact discussed on this thread. My Mother was (unknowingly) an OW, she broke it off when she found out DSF (stepfather) was married. He left his wife for her. Everything was completely amicable, his wife knew the marriage wasn't working. We had Christmases with DM, DSF, his son, his ex-wife and her new DP. I had at least two holidays with his ex-wife, his son and me.
Obviously some PP have had particularly horrible experiences...FMrsC in particular has a particularly vile specimen of an ex-H and OW...but that doesn't mean those of us who have been OW in the past would act that way.
When I say that I don't believe that being cheated on is the worst problem someone can have in their life it isn't meant to minimise anyone's specific experience on this thread. I mean 'on average'. Of course there are instances where the level of pain is much higher due to any number of circumstances (nothing being wrong with the marriage, EA, being left to take care of SN child on your own, etc,etc)...however this isn't the 'average' in my experience.
I've only been the OW once knowingly and once unknowingly but I've seen a number of other situations from both sides and there have been no children involved, were painful at the time but people tried to be reasonable/civil/amicable after the initial eruption between the MM and his DW and everyone moved on after a year or so. Of course they're still angry at their exH when they think about it but there was no lasting damage (and I'm close friends with some so we would talk about it if there was).
I would also point out that OW are not a 'separate species' of woman that are different to those that haven't been OW. I've got two friends who are divorced following finding out about their exH's cheating...they were obviously upset at the time and perhaps would have even said some of the things said in this thread by wives....only for them to become OW themselves a few years later.