My friend has been really rude to my DS

[Greedylittlehamster]

My DS (17) owed his friend (18) £10 from several months ago and had forgotten to pay it back. His friend had reminded him once a few weeks ago by text and DS said that his friend could drop round sometime and get the money. DS was hoping to see the friend and spend some time with him if he dropped by as they haven't seen each other in ages. My DS clearly wasn't viewing the problem as important as he says him and all his friends always borrow money off each other and it all evens out in the end as they buy things for each other.

DS's friend's mum is one of my friends and we meet up each week with other friends as a group. She had reminded me a couple of times that my DS owed her DS money and I had reminded my DS and told him to prioritise paying him back as it was obviously a concern. Thinking back I should have just given her the money but I felt my DS should take responsibility.

A couple of days ago, I was out and my DS was in the house on his own in the shower and he heard a very loud hammering on the front door. It must have been loud as he was in the shower at the other end of the house with music blaring out. He ignored it as he was in the shower and then he heard the house phone ringing and ringing so he got out of the shower and answered it. It was my friend at the door. She demanded that he get dried and dressed and come to the door and pay her DS back the money even though it would mean he would not have breakfast and may be late for work. Once he was downstairs and opened the door she really laid into him saying it was a disgusting way to treat his friend and how unacceptably he had behaved and accused him of getting back in the shower and leaving her waiting. She ranted on for a bit. DS did not have the money in the house so she made him get in her car and she drove him to the cash point. Both of her DS's were also in the car watching all of this. DS then had to drive 45 minutes to work and do an 8 hour shift having eaten nothing until his break much later. DS was very upset about the whole thing but kept his temper in front of her.

DS was in the wrong for not repaying the money and he admits that and I hope has learnt a lesson but I feel my friend's reaction was very over the top. If my DS owed someone £10 at 18 years old, I would not get involved. My son (17) has been very shaken by her aggressive manner and I will now have to meet her later in the week and am worried what I say to her and if I should stick up for my son even though he should have paid the money back in the first place. She is bound to say something when we meet as she is likely to feel pleased with herself. She also upset one of the other friends in our group before Christmas when she phoned my friend and told her off for her DS not contacting her DS regularly and how bad it was after all her family had done for my other friend. My other friend was very upset about this as it was the second time that it had happened and her DS is feeling forced into a friendship with the other young man by the actions of his mother.

I don't want to upset my friendship group but I do feel she is overstepping the mark.

Even if the friend had called round for the tenner which he shouldn't have had to do the OP's son didn't have it ready for him. That would have absolutely made me see red. If I saw a relative, adult or child, failing to get their money back, despite asking several times, and getting a shruggy and careless reply, I'd step in. I wouldn't man-handle them into a car, but I'd be pretty angry.

Why isn't your DS asking his mate wtf was going on with his mum and had he got her involved by choice?

You need to stick up for your son now. Your friend was way out of order. I would be furious. Not acceptable behaviour at all

I don't understand why the DS can't discuss this with his friend first.

Phone her up right now and ask her to tell you about what the fuck she was thinking battering your door down?

Then listen.

Then go postal.

Nobody, but nobody would better my door like that unless my house was on fire.

And I have fire alarms, so I'd already know.

Do not allow this. You're letting your ds down by allowing her to bully him.

This was between her son and yours. It's a fucking £10.

Find out what happened first. Then act, if necessary.....not the other way round.

Perhaps people live in a different world to me, but when I read these accounts where people are reporting secondhand the 'unreasonable' behaviour of others, I nearly always think that events probably weren't as they are initially described. In my world, fortunately, I haven't encountered people behaving as extremely as is often described on here. I guess if it is a regular occurrence in your life, then when you read these accounts, you might jump to judge and pronounce on what the OP should do.

But really.....do most of us experience situations as described by the OP? Doesn't it sound a little unlikely,and that on probing more background will be discovered (which perhaps the son hasn't wanted to disclose) or perhaps what happened wasn't quite as described. If the description doesn't fit with your usual experience of human behaviour, surely the first response should be to ask a few questions before making a judgement.

This thread reminds me of the many where a parent rants about how a child has been treated terribly at school - following a small child coming home and recounting events. Frequently it turns out that the small child wasn't such an accurate storyteller and omitted a few crucial details. The parents went in guns blazing because they are defensive (understandably) about their child. However,the message almost always is that things are rarely as simple as they first seem and it is best to find out what really happened. Here, the son might not be the most neutral described of events and it isn't in his interests to tell other background events which might have occurred causing upset with the friends son or the friend himself, and it is in his interest to slightly embellish, and it isn't unusual for a parent to be over defensive. Ask the Qs and find out what happened.

What's going postal?

I suspect, OP, that people are judging your son based on the information that you've given.

What you see as laid back and easy going is someone else's lazy and uncaring. He's 17 and works so it sounds like he's perfectly capable of refusing to get in the car. He has his own transport so was perfectly capable of getting the money back to his friend. He choose not to. A 17 year old missing breakfast is hardly the end of the world. And you're worried that if you don't stick up for him, he's going to bugger off to live with his father to spite you - which sounds like it would be an entirely petulant action on his part.

Yes, it might have happened entirely as he said but this was a problem of his creation and once that he needs to resolve. You can help him more by explaining that there are consequences and whilst these particular consequences might seem to him to be all out of proportion, he has no idea how other will react to any given event that he has to learn to either anticipate them, head them off at the pass or deal with them when they arise. She might have overreacted, he might have exagerated but either way, his behaviour was what gave rise to it.

Why don't you just sympathise with him and give him some pointers on how he can move things forward ? Your relationship with your friend is between you and her.

She sounds completely unhinged.
Yes, your son should have paid the money back but, at their ages, they really could have sorted this out themselves.
She seems a nasty piece of work.

Just marking my place to hear friend's side of the story

I'm 4 pages in and no one seems to have suggested your son could have paid him by online banking!

A mixture of what Throwingshade and Hissy said.

If it IS all true, she needs some serious help.

And she is NOT a friend!