Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My friend has been really rude to my DS

162 replies

Greedylittlehamster · 25/01/2016 10:27

My DS (17) owed his friend (18) £10 from several months ago and had forgotten to pay it back. His friend had reminded him once a few weeks ago by text and DS said that his friend could drop round sometime and get the money. DS was hoping to see the friend and spend some time with him if he dropped by as they haven't seen each other in ages. My DS clearly wasn't viewing the problem as important as he says him and all his friends always borrow money off each other and it all evens out in the end as they buy things for each other.

DS's friend's mum is one of my friends and we meet up each week with other friends as a group. She had reminded me a couple of times that my DS owed her DS money and I had reminded my DS and told him to prioritise paying him back as it was obviously a concern. Thinking back I should have just given her the money but I felt my DS should take responsibility.

A couple of days ago, I was out and my DS was in the house on his own in the shower and he heard a very loud hammering on the front door. It must have been loud as he was in the shower at the other end of the house with music blaring out. He ignored it as he was in the shower and then he heard the house phone ringing and ringing so he got out of the shower and answered it. It was my friend at the door. She demanded that he get dried and dressed and come to the door and pay her DS back the money even though it would mean he would not have breakfast and may be late for work. Once he was downstairs and opened the door she really laid into him saying it was a disgusting way to treat his friend and how unacceptably he had behaved and accused him of getting back in the shower and leaving her waiting. She ranted on for a bit. DS did not have the money in the house so she made him get in her car and she drove him to the cash point. Both of her DS's were also in the car watching all of this. DS then had to drive 45 minutes to work and do an 8 hour shift having eaten nothing until his break much later. DS was very upset about the whole thing but kept his temper in front of her.

DS was in the wrong for not repaying the money and he admits that and I hope has learnt a lesson but I feel my friend's reaction was very over the top. If my DS owed someone £10 at 18 years old, I would not get involved. My son (17) has been very shaken by her aggressive manner and I will now have to meet her later in the week and am worried what I say to her and if I should stick up for my son even though he should have paid the money back in the first place. She is bound to say something when we meet as she is likely to feel pleased with herself. She also upset one of the other friends in our group before Christmas when she phoned my friend and told her off for her DS not contacting her DS regularly and how bad it was after all her family had done for my other friend. My other friend was very upset about this as it was the second time that it had happened and her DS is feeling forced into a friendship with the other young man by the actions of his mother.

I don't want to upset my friendship group but I do feel she is overstepping the mark.

OP posts:
PhoenixReisling · 25/01/2016 12:50

She may have banged on the door loudly and got irritated, as she assumed she was being ignored....but, is she twelve?

She sends text messages to other people's children, chastising them because of some so called slight on her adult son....huh Confused.

There maybe are two sides to a story, but you seem reluctant to rock the boat with this women and have asked your son to hold off from messaging her.

I would ask her what happened and spell it out to her that her behaviour was far from appropriate. I would also tell her not to EVER, contact your DS again.

Viviennemary · 25/01/2016 12:53

Your son needs to learn to cough up when he owes money. There is far too much of this well my DC did this that or the other and this terrible rude person actually objected to this. Your son has been reminded over five times to repay this money borrowed several months ago. Tell him to stop being a freeloader.

Greedylittlehamster · 25/01/2016 12:54

Good point...I don't want her to have anything to do with him again. He certainly doesn't want to see her again. His Dad was thinking about calling the police but thankfully didn't because I really don't think what she did would have interested them.

OP posts:
mrsjskelton · 25/01/2016 12:58

Whilst it's a very OTT reaction from your friend - she should have left it between the two lads - your son needs a valuable lesson in paying people back. I'm not surprised it escalated. Paying money back is a serious thing!

BishopBrennansArse · 25/01/2016 12:58

Whilst that's a fair point, Viviennemary, the men involved are adults. Getting their mums involved at any point is just ridiculous.

Throwingshade · 25/01/2016 12:59

I'd phone her and say 'Hello bit of a funny one but ds says you battered the door down and frogmarched him to a cashpoint to pay your son back a tenner! Obvoiusly this must be complete bollocks but can you tell me what happened?'

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 25/01/2016 13:00

She is bound to say something when we meet as she is likely to feel pleased with herself

I think you need to plan very carefully what you say when she does.

Valentine2 · 25/01/2016 13:02

What a mess she sounds to me. You don't need such "friends" I think.

WizardOfToss · 25/01/2016 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SevenOfNineTrue · 25/01/2016 13:04

To be honest I'd ask her what happened. See if the story differs and how she justifies her actions if she confirms what you said.

Did you ask your DS how she made him get into the car?

stealtheatingtunnocks · 25/01/2016 13:04

Yes to getting her side of the story.

Yes to then pointing out that the boys are adults, that the debt is £3.33, that her behaviour is unacceptable and that perhaps, if she finds her emotions difficult to control, she should speak to her GP.

Quite bonkers.

Viviennemary · 25/01/2016 13:05

I agree that they are too grown up for the mothers to be involved. But if I heard about this incident from my son and he owed money to somebody I'd tell him to pay up. And I'd be mortified if a friend of mine told me that my son had borrowed money and had taken months to pay it back. It's just simply not on.

Greedylittlehamster · 25/01/2016 13:05

I quite like Throwing's idea

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 25/01/2016 13:09

Nice drip feed. £10 becomes £3.33. give or take the odd penny.

Namechangenell · 25/01/2016 13:12

The other mother sounds crazy. And like she's singlehandedly responsible for alienating her son's friends.

Her son is 18? So an adult? And she's acted as his unofficial debt collector (for a debt that may or may not have existed). He's going to be an absolute laughing stock amongst his peers. I actually feel sorry for him. How embarrassing. At 18, I'd travelled halfway round the world. I certainly didn't rely on my parents to organise my social life.

I'd distance myself from the pair of them. And if I was feeling harsh, I'd be threatening to contact the police about the way she forced your son into her car and to the cash machine.

multivac · 25/01/2016 13:12

Frankly, no one - and I include most posters on this thread in that - is coming out of this looking terribly good at the moment...

PushingThru · 25/01/2016 13:13

You wrote: "She sent a text to him about a year ago complaining to him that he was not contacting her son enough and I saw the way that that was written. I can't remember exactly what she said but it was "telling him off". This has got very little to do with money, she's an over involved, bizarre person. Sever all contact.

Greedylittlehamster · 25/01/2016 13:13

I think that's a fair point Wizard, he is very relaxed and laid back. He has loads of friends, is generous with them and does a lot of favours for them, e.g. drives them around and buys them things. He just didn't see the urgency obviously because he wouldn't have been bothered himself. It's still not acceptable for him to owe money but I think the boy only asked him once and when I asked him he knew that I had been asked by his mother. In fact, her interference most probably had the opposite effect on him because he really dislikes her interfering in his friendship with her DS and her DS's other friendships. He feels sorry for her DS and has asked me never to do what she does. Although, it would have been much better to pay up straight away and stop her getting involved!

OP posts:
Greedylittlehamster · 25/01/2016 13:16

Vivien - no drip feed intended. As far as my friend is concerned my son owes £10. I just queried the amount.

Multivac - please explain what you mean.

OP posts:
multivac · 25/01/2016 13:18

Which bit are you struggling with, OP?

WombatChocolate · 25/01/2016 13:19

YES YES to getting her side of the story.....and always do this first before wading in with any incident like this.

A couple of things spring to my mind based on the OPs post;

  • she is very defensive of her son. Whilst acknowledging he should have paid up, she doesn't really sound as if she has made it crystal clear to him that debts must be paid quickly. She refers to 5 occasions where the boy was asked to pay back,neither directly or via the mothers - suspect there may well have been more than 5 requests. The concern (over-concern in my book) that he hadn't had breakfast looks like either a Molly-coddling attitude towards an adult, or attempts to make excuses for him.
  • I would query if things were exactly as described....not because I think the son is lying.....but exaggerating is pretty common in such cases. This is why it is so important to ask for the other side BEFORE reacting, and to ask with an open mind to hear what is said, rather than having already made your mind up.
  • I suspect there is more to all of this than £10. It is unlikely for a friend to react towards a friends child (albeit an adult) in such a way over such an issue. I think the OP needs to speak to her son and find out if there is a bigger background to this than she knows about.

Of course, it could turn out that the OPs friend is rather crazy and did behave exactly as described over the £10....but I really think that on closer inspection the story might not be quite as described or there might be other elements to it. There might still be scope for OP to be friends with friend or not.

Regardless, the boy needs to learn to take some responsibility for money. I would be embarrassed if I were him and his friend that their mothers are getting involved.

StuffEverywhere · 25/01/2016 13:31

multivac - you're cryptic!

TheFairyCaravan · 25/01/2016 13:36

Yes the woman was bonkers, but if your son had paid his debts this wouldn't have happened would it?

As for "he only asked once" Hmm he shouldn't have had to have asked at all. Your DS isn't coming across well here, imo, he tells his friend to come round for the money and debt for months unpaid? Sorry, but it sounds like he has a really entitled attitude.

When you borrow something you should go out of your way to return it as quickly as possible.

Jan45 · 25/01/2016 13:43

I can't believe folk, including the OP is taking the word of a 17 year old who clearly doesn't give a shit about other people's money or feelings.

ASK HER op, before you finally rip her up for shreds - get her version instead of slating her on here.

DrMorbius · 25/01/2016 13:44

Star Today's award for the most paradoxical statement of the day goes to Star BishipBrennansArse Star
I'd be asking her fairly directly why she is so over invested in her adult child's life

Comedy gold Smile

Swipe left for the next trending thread