My friend has been really rude to my DS

[Greedylittlehamster]

My DS (17) owed his friend (18) £10 from several months ago and had forgotten to pay it back. His friend had reminded him once a few weeks ago by text and DS said that his friend could drop round sometime and get the money. DS was hoping to see the friend and spend some time with him if he dropped by as they haven't seen each other in ages. My DS clearly wasn't viewing the problem as important as he says him and all his friends always borrow money off each other and it all evens out in the end as they buy things for each other.

DS's friend's mum is one of my friends and we meet up each week with other friends as a group. She had reminded me a couple of times that my DS owed her DS money and I had reminded my DS and told him to prioritise paying him back as it was obviously a concern. Thinking back I should have just given her the money but I felt my DS should take responsibility.

A couple of days ago, I was out and my DS was in the house on his own in the shower and he heard a very loud hammering on the front door. It must have been loud as he was in the shower at the other end of the house with music blaring out. He ignored it as he was in the shower and then he heard the house phone ringing and ringing so he got out of the shower and answered it. It was my friend at the door. She demanded that he get dried and dressed and come to the door and pay her DS back the money even though it would mean he would not have breakfast and may be late for work. Once he was downstairs and opened the door she really laid into him saying it was a disgusting way to treat his friend and how unacceptably he had behaved and accused him of getting back in the shower and leaving her waiting. She ranted on for a bit. DS did not have the money in the house so she made him get in her car and she drove him to the cash point. Both of her DS's were also in the car watching all of this. DS then had to drive 45 minutes to work and do an 8 hour shift having eaten nothing until his break much later. DS was very upset about the whole thing but kept his temper in front of her.

DS was in the wrong for not repaying the money and he admits that and I hope has learnt a lesson but I feel my friend's reaction was very over the top. If my DS owed someone £10 at 18 years old, I would not get involved. My son (17) has been very shaken by her aggressive manner and I will now have to meet her later in the week and am worried what I say to her and if I should stick up for my son even though he should have paid the money back in the first place. She is bound to say something when we meet as she is likely to feel pleased with herself. She also upset one of the other friends in our group before Christmas when she phoned my friend and told her off for her DS not contacting her DS regularly and how bad it was after all her family had done for my other friend. My other friend was very upset about this as it was the second time that it had happened and her DS is feeling forced into a friendship with the other young man by the actions of his mother.

I don't want to upset my friendship group but I do feel she is overstepping the mark.

I would imagine that the OP is taking her son's word for what happened because the OP has had several previous examples of this "friend's" behaviour. It's not a teacher at school, who the OP never sees; it's someone she has a fairly close relationship with, and has done for several years.

And 17yos aren't 7yos.

I don't understand why you are more concerned about upsetting a friend then you are your son.

Your son own words My DS feels that she stuck up for her DS but I won't for him and will just ignore it for the sake of my friendships You really need to readjust your thinking.

What your friend did was demanding money with menaces. The fact she forced him to go to a cash point with her is illegal and yet you are wondering what to do.

Tell under no circumstances is she EVER to behave like that again to your DS and if she does it again you will be reporting her to the police.

Until all of you stop pussy footing around her she will continue to behave like this and worse.

His dad was thinking about calling the police? maybe instead of indulging him constantly you both teach him right from wrong. Although really you should have already done that by his age. He sounds utterly spoiled and quite unpleasantly self centred and you both sound ridiculous. It's all about him. If he'd paid his debt (even if only after being reminded so many times) nothing would have happened. Not that any of us even know what happened. If one of my boys had done this in their late teens or indeed at anytime I would have been deeply ashamed. Not letting him whine about it to me, and discussing contacting the police.

Today 12:26 shazzarooney99

If your son had given themoney back this would not have happened.

Really? Excellent, an ex colleague from 3 years ago still owes me £20 that I lent him. I'll go round to his later and hammer on the door for it back, then I'll shout in his face and force him to get in my car to get the money from a cash point.

Phew. And there was me thinking that was inappropriate behaviour. But as its all his fault that's ok.

Isn't it always good to find out what happened by asking the other party involved, rather than just taking the one side you have heard as the complete and total truth?

As I said before, this isn't a suggestion the son is lying....just there could be a bit of embellishment, or that perhaps the OP doesn't know the full backdrop to what happened. This seems especially likely given the extreme description of the friends behaviour....we all know that most people don't behave like that.....and that in itself should give rise to checking the story out a bit further,rather than assuming the unlikely has happened. The best way to get this information is to ask.

I remain amazed on MN how when people ask AIBU and then describe extreme behaviour which was reported to them by someone else, which is unreasonable, how people just assume that the report given must be full and accurate. Most peoples first response seems to be a knee-jerk reaction to go in all guns blazing, end friendships or demand a sacking of the person involved. Why don't people just take a deep breath, ask a few more questions of the person reporting events and establish the background and detail a bit more thoroughly and then approach the person involved in a calm manner and ask what happened? I really don't understand why posters who have even less information that the OP as so keen for immediate extreme responses, or why they are so sure in their reactions.

Hi op

It might seem Over the top but I think your friend could possibly add kidnapping , coersion sp and loan sharking to her list of attributes.

It doesn't matter if he didn't see the urgency - he took the piss when paying the money back. He should have took the money to the lad he borrowed it off instead of expecting the other lad to keep asking and chasing him for it.

Your friend was way over the top but I guess your poor ickle ds may have been exaggerating a little. Aw and he missed his breakie too

Kidnapping 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I'll go round to his later and hammer on the door for it back, then I'll shout in his face and force him to get in my car to get the money from a cash point.

Based on the over imagination of a 17 year old caught in trouble with his mammy - yeah right.

Exactly Shelagh! I sold a coat to a school mate when I was 14 and she didn't pay me back for ages. I talked to my DPs about it and they advised me but left it to me to sort. I did get the money back eventually. I also have had colleagues that owe me money for buying leaving gifts etc but eventually I write if off. I personally will always pay money I owe although I only borrow if I've forgotten my money/cashpoint isn't working etc and I will always pay back even if the friend says don't bother. If a friend buys a coffee, I remember and will buy next time etc.

I'm interested that my son's character can be so easily summed up with the information that has been given over this one incident! I guess that that is what I can expect by posting on a public forum. I really wanted advice on what to do with my friend as I am sorting out my son. I am not the type to rant and shout at him. He needs to learn how to behave better and not worse, which shouting and assassinating his character will only achieve.

I had no intention of going to the police or discussing it. That was my exH who had thought about it and told me later. I prefer not to get involved in my son's friendships and prefer my friendships to get upset in this way but this has now happened and I am assessing what to do.

Just ask the mum what happened

Just ask the mum what happened

I agree, with the whole taxi twist this sounds like a bit of a mess.

Yes, I will do Cleansheet.

Oh for Christ's sake, it was £10. All of you saying how despicable it is to owe a friends money need to get a grip. OP the woman is clearly unhinged and you need to back your son 100%. Yes he owed the money but he had offered to pay it back. He did not deserve what happened, he made some poor choices but as a teenager that's what they do.

Did she know you weren't going to be there? If so it's very sly, contrived and bullying of her to wait until she knew he would be alone.

I would have to talk to her about that and the way she treated your son.

Valuable lesson in the importance of paying back money you owe IMO.

Well quite why you can't ask a question directly of a person who has MADE it your business by causing a public disturbance outside your home I don't know..

Oh and fwiw my stance is that yes the OP's son should have paid back what was due long before now.

The sons should have sorted it out themselves, though. Neither mother should have got involved at any point.

I don't think she knew I was away. I probably said something a couple of weeks ago or maybe last week but she wouldn't have known my exact movements. I really wish I had been in as I would have just handed her DS the money there and then. I only missed her by 10 minutes or so.

I agree a valuable lesson in repaying debts.

I'm confused by your pronouncement, too, MultiVac, FWIW.

Particularly the bit about most posters not looking good.

Pray, how would you tackle this complex, far from cut and dried, situation? I look forward to benefiting from your superior wisdom.

OP you seem determined to do nothing. The only lesson your son will take from this is that you are more concerned about your 'friends' than in looking after him! You ought to have dealt with her the first time she sent a text to your son, telling him off.

multivac either spit it out or swallow it.

I can well understand why she's avoiding a confrontation with this woman. I wouldn't fancy my chances much either.

I guess if your son doesn't like the way she is, he has a choice whether to knock around with her DS or not.

From what I've read, you don't actually know what happened, you only have your son's version of events, you haven't spoken to her yet. You keep saying what a mature wonderful young man he is, but from what I'm reading he may not be and he sounds as though he knows exactly what to say to pull your strings and get you involved. If my 18yr old DSS owed money and I'd been asked to remind him a few times I'd work out that the other family were bothered and nag him to get it paid back and sorted. That it was the right thing to do.

It sounds such an erratic and unusual reaction that I can't quite believe it happened. I suspect that she knocked loudly while he was upstairs, he looked out of a window, saw it was her, and ignored her, causing her to bang louder. I wonder if, when he realised she wasn't going to go away and went down, he was slightly cocky about not paying or having money, hence why she dragged him to the cash point. I'm not saying that she was right, just that I can't quite believe this story. I think that you need to speak to her, sooner rather than later so your anger and all the indignant replies agreeing on here don't cloud your judgement. None of us know both sides, so how can you decide yet??