social services

[nmakk]

Hi,sw visited me and my children after a domestic incident to have a chat,he was happy with my children and advised I did the freedom programme and said he'd speak to his manager to confirm if the children could see their dad supervised by their grandad.He spoke on the phone to their dad to "see what his attitude was" he said he was happy foe the contact to go ahead and that the conversation went well and he'd told him he'd arranged private therapy as he takes responsibility for his part of our problem.I've heard nothing since and their dad is on bail until the end of the month I'm wondering what happens now? Like should I expect a report should I ask for one?(I'm scared to call to check incase it's seen as bad on me) or will they not do a report until after he's been to court and will the court determine if the supervision is to continue or will sw do a report based on the outcome? I started the freedom programme and it's amazing things o never clocked as anything I am now but it's shown me I do have a good man who doesn't abuse me although we have both been horrid were definitely not abusing each other and we can work through this.please help

OP - is there drink or drugs involved?

Also - what do you mean by the 'wrong colour'? Are your inlaws racist somehow? Is your partner racist?

No drink or drugs no n by wrong colour I mean his dad's majorly racist and took serious offence at our relationship vocally and publicly abusive to him about it firstly then by attacking him and calling the police to charge him fully did his utmost to send him to jail since then our childrens births have changed nothing n the rest of them in my opinion choose to follow as they've also not bothered an see no wrong in the fathers destructive actions over the years

Partners not racist no think he never really expected them to actually dictate his views too as an adult sadly he was wrong

How do you think your little girls felt during this time?

Safe? Happy? Secure?

So - your father-in-law or your partner's father attacked your husband/partner, then called the police and tried to get him sent to jail?

If the father was doing the attacking, how was your husband/partner the one in court?

What kind of question is that really? I know how they felt it was obvious and the oldest I've spoken to the oldest and this him not being here is really troubling her she even said herself I did overreact before listening and sometimes I do that.I feel so guilty I just need to put it right or at very least make sure ice done all I can for them

It's rather a simple question. It requires a great deal of honesty to answer though. Which you have not done. You've just told me that they miss their Dad.

Sorry they were scared I know they were and wont forgive myself for being party to that but it's like I'm being asked to ignore their current feelings and wishes n just write him off as a bad egg

They are children. They need an adult to do what's right for them. I know it's tough because they want their dad back home but you must do what's right. It is obvious that you and your ex are not suited to each other, people who are don't get into physical fights especially not in front of their children.

What happens if you take him back and it happens again and one of you ends up seriously hurt, dead or one of the children gets in the way? It is not worth the risk.

And do you feel it is ok that you and your partner scared your children?

Were they crying?

I have done the freedom program.. I cannot get past the fact your child was so scared they called the police..

The rights and wrongs of the situation you should not be together .. not now ... not ever...

You may well both need help separately.. Have you finished the program because there are lots of ways people respond aggressively to abusers..

This isn't about you now.. this is about your children.. You need to teach them some people shouldn't be together..

Good men do not get physical with their partners. Ever!

Your man is NOT a good man. He is an abuser.

Protect your children because if you don't social services will. 'Failure to protect' will result in your children being taken away from you.

They are children, of course they want their mum and dad together. It doesn't mean it's what's best for them. Your job is to protect them. They witnessed something hugely traumatic that both of you could have prevented.

You say the scuffle started when you misinterpreted him telling off your child. Is she trying to play it down so you two get back together?

Children want both their parents back together and will often minimise abuse or blame themselves because if they see the adult at fault their whole world view changes. Your children may well miss him, but they won't be missing the rows. They can still see him under supervision at their grandads.

Is the grandad doing the supervision the one who racially abused you?

I'm horrified that you describe being on the floor and getting your face stamped on as 'a scuffle'.

Please if you're not interested on reading my posts and what I've said just don't comment because my actual question which remains unanswered was am or am I not to expect a report of the visit people choosing to share their opinions and attack my intent to better myself and their dad when I asked for facts on the matter opinions are fine great we all have our own but if you have no intentions to assist me with my query I fail to see the point responding

Clearly the question "is the grandad who racially abused you?" came from again another who hasn't read my words had you you'd have read it's HIS dad who's racist and my children have NEVER been acknowledged by any member of his family.

I think your being selfish. There is no way you should be considering this a good idea or even thinkable. You are setting your kids a very bad example, they can miss him and see him in contact if they have grown up around this its "the norm" don't normalise violence or abuse.

If he had stamped on my head I'd not be here now logic defies the assumption injury and hospital report proves it had a "stamp" occurred I'd definitely be in a different position and as said I went not because I felt I needed medical attention but because they made out I'd be putting my children at risk by not going

I can't say what I did to him as we've not been able to speak so I don't know. I do know I didn't lay there and get hit . We were fighting - by scuffle I mean grabbing and shoving eachother [ my punctuation ]

Can I just check - you don't know what you did to him because he's not told you ? Why does your partner need to tell you what YOU did ? Do you have memory problems ? Were you high / drunk ?

It's never going to be a bad thing foe me to sort myself and him to do the same I don't want them thinking it's ok to leave things unresolved letting them fester inside you until they're affecting your life.Again my question was about expecting a report or not I have also said many many times the question of us getting back together wouldn't arrises until AFTER we both sort ourselves out again we may not want to.Nobody is born bad everything is learnt and to condemn people as set unable to change for good is sad.To normalise it would be to go on the same and I'm not they've been told how wrong we were and that we need to stay apart to sort our bad things because how we've been isn't right

Because I was angry and hitting out I can't say if I caught him and hurt him bcz I haven't been able to ask nothing to do with drugs or alcohol

The point in responding is that you're posting on a public parenting forum in way that makes it very clear that your children's welfare is secondary to your violent, abusive relationship. You're minimising the abuse in order to justify continuing with the relationship even going so far as making out that it's good for your children to see your abusive relationship develop. It seems to me that your concern about getting the report from social services is so you can see whether or not they are explicitly telling you to end the relationship because you're impatient to get back together.

I have read your posts and am responding to what you have written.

How do you get my children's welfare is secondary from me taking responsibility for my part?? Would you prefer me play the victim and throw him in jail get a restraining order block access etc?