Step inside the dating thread, 95

[MissPiggySeeksFrogwithGSOH]

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches, and take from it what you will

Have you might be having a whale of a time, but just missing you all the same. I think it's sweet.

So late night text exchange with Cufflinks. He is after more than sex, he absolutely also wants friendship alongside. Says hookups with nothing in between don't do it for him. And that we can have as many friendly drinks as necessary in order to feel comfortable. To me this=relationship or at least 'dating but not serious' (to coin a POF phrase) I'm mulling over the possibility that I'm being lured emotionally into something that's not really reciprocated. Or whether it'll be brilliant (I am happy with just dating actually). He messages daily to keep in touch and asks about my day etc. But I'm not sure this isn't just the behaviour of a man in hot persuit!

Morning all

waving how lovely re soho. Are you happy about that? Sorry to hear about work. Can you somehow loop back and repair some damage or will it pass quickly enough?

handy hmmm. Just be really really really careful. So from what I can see, he wants sex. He wants the emotional support and rapport of a friend but no relationship? I'll be blunt and say that he wants his cake and he wants to eat in. All the perks of a girlfriend without the commitment of one. If you're ok with that then fill your boots and enjoy! I don't have the emotional capacity to deal with that.
I didn't do the impromptu lunch, was stacked yesterday. Have also had to cancel my lunch date today because I have a work meeting that takes priority. He wasn't overly impressed, I sense he's used to women fawning over him.
Really looking forward to tonight's date though.

eloquent you looked lovely. Shame it was wasted. NEXT!

gast . Looking forward to your update on ooooo, Sunday afternoon?

Who else has dates today?

waving this one is a new contender. He's been messaging without it being too much and has struck the perfect balance of banter/ setting a chilled vibe about tonight. As a result I think we're both going into it perfectly relaxed. Best case there is a spark. Worst case we have nice cocktails and a fun evening.

I'm actually glad I had to cancel lunch date. That's moved to Monday now.

Cufflinks is Bear. ''I don't want a relationship" but he'll text you while the kettle is boiling with a funny message. He'll tell you about his day. You feel close, you are close! He'll say good night. Good morning. Remember what you were up to that day, make supportive comments, hug you, kiss you..... but keep reminding you, with intransigence, no lack of clarity in his words at all, that he does not want a relationship.. It's very hard to back away from.

Sorry to chip in with that downer on cufflinks

The weird thing about these guys, like Bear, Cufflinks, Popcorn... to me it seems they're more than capable of having a relationship. They know how to chat about the small stuff during the day so that the feeling of connection is maintained. Then when you're with them, they remember those small details and comment/joke/support appropriately. There was some discernment there, you know that there is a rapport, that they don't get on this well with everybody and that they're capable of identifying who the women they get on with are, and winning those women over with a combination of their personality and physical attraction. These guys seem on the outside like natural boyfriends I'll compare with H. He isn't good at this chit chat when we're not together, but I believe him that he wants a more meaningful relationship. He is ready for it and wants it. Now is that because he's just not capable of the same level of intimacy so quickly and so easily? Is a man like H just hoping for emotional intimacy all the time? whereas men like bear/cufflinks/popcorn find it so easy to develop a rapport with a woman that they have to go around reminding every woman they click with ''I do not want a relationship''. {pull the cord in its back}

[DeepInThought]

cufflinks and Bear both sound like my mr builder,happy to text daily.

but want nothing more.

so sad when they are lovely.

good Luck tonight Sassy.

oh my god 314

Your post is 100% insightful and spot on. That's exactly it. They are more than capable of this shit. The rapport, the great conversation, the connection, the chemistry - it's all there. He has his shit together (in many ways, not all, he isn't seeking emotional support) is attractive physically and can make choices. But his choice is to remain on the periphery of the relationship arena and steadfastly refuse to go in.... Lordy.

This is strange! I commented a few times last night... And they've gone! I wore jeans in the end, glad I did. He messaged me. One message. Saying thanks.

I've decided on a new strategy in order not to get overwhelmed. One out, one in haha. So I've struck up a conversation or 2 on okc and will see which one gets promoted to my number!
Cufflinks, bear, London. All the same. Only London doesn't even want sex!?

handy just look after yourself and put you first, you're what is important.

So, I've read the book. Sorry to say, I'm not impressed.

He's asked to see me again!?
Wtf!?
It's not like I'm used to guys fawning all over me, but, he was rude!? I didn't imagine that? Could I really have read it that wrong? He doesn't seem interested in sex, it's not been brought up once!?
Confused

Hmmmm, curiouser??

Just listen to your gut. Because the question now is: do YOU want to see him??? You could tell him you're surprised by his reaction and see if he is forthcoming, maybe he was shy/awkward whatever.

But if you don't get a good vibe just politely decline??????

Message from Birdman late last night! Asking how my week was going. I honestly don't think he does have other irons on the go. We spoke a bit about the whole POF experience and he said that he's been on there for 5 years but on and off and in general I think he finds the whole dating malarky a bit of a chore which is a bit of a worry in itself... Anyway, I think I just need to tread carefully and let him do the chasing. I've got a really busy week next week doing lots of lovely social stuff with DS and friends which is both healthy and also makes me nicely unavailable!

eloquent - sorry about your date. Onwards and upwards!

314 - Great post! I've got one of those too. Met him on Tinder. Totally gorgeous and perfect in every way...but doesn't want a relationship. Wants "fun, companionship and sex"...which sounds an awful lot like a relationship to me.

waving - haha at the accidental filming of yourself on WhatsApp. Totally sounds like the kind of thing I would do (have done the accidental phoning, and also the accidental sending a FB friend request half an hour before first date...) Sorry about the work thing but good news about Soho.

TooSassy - have fun tonight!

Yup 314, I completely agree with you. Popcorn actually DID say to me he was naturally going from one LTR to another and has not been single for more than a year straight in the past 10 years or so. And he just got out of one 3 months before judging by her clingy ness I would say less.

So I am tempted to put Popcorn in the "natural boyfriend" camp that has to pull the plug before he finds himself in another relationship. Popcorn even told me he wanted to be single for a while just enjoying dating.

handy and this speaks to me, and helps me even now that I get it reluctantly get it ""But his choice is to remain on the periphery of the relationship arena and steadfastly refuse to go in.... Lordy."
Handy, yes, this is bear precisely too. He could do it, easily.

waving I'm thinking that it's not just about what H wants, or thinks he wants. If he can't pull a bit of communication out of himself in between dates, then it won't be right for me. So I'll try and analyse H less and just ask myself ''am I happy with this though?'' At the moment I'm ok. I get him. I wonder if him showing me his personality type was to tip me off!

Yeah I think I owe it to myself to lay it on the line with Cufflinks. Tell him that companionship, connection, fun, intimacy is a relationship, and if he wants a piece of me then I want a period of monogamy from him even if it's a period of two weeks!!! I am very much enjoying the seduction. But there are land mines. And it will be me that steps on the buggers. I have already called him out on a pretend 'Pilates class' being cancelled which was a date who had cancelled on him (which was why he was free on Tuesday in the end). He was suitably chastened. I feel I can tell him what I want. He can like or lump. Or just come back when he's done fooling around and ready for something more committed.

GO HANDY!

I'm actually ok with Teach not texting much, he can't text during the day anyway and we spoke about it last night & he'd rather chat than text.

Will definitely be trying to find out what he is looking for this weekend. Trouble is, because I have so little free time I feel like I want to spend it with him rather than unknown dates. Definitely not channelling my inner bitch

Wow so much has happened on here since last looking, think I'd better check half hourly from now on. Lots of lovely dates happening for you all.

Update with me and him. Had a really nice chat. I said how I think we are better suited as friends don't want things to be weird at work etc. He took it like a gentleman. Could not have been nicer and def wants us to be friends and hang out with kids and other friends etc.

Think I'd be happy with a Fwb sort of relationship. Could fit in better with my life. Now just to find a man who qualifies for the role.