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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Step inside the dating thread, 95

999 replies

MissPiggySeeksFrogwithGSOH · 19/01/2016 09:44

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin
  3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens
  5. Trust your gut instinct
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
  8. If it's not fun- stop
  9. Loo update is mandatory
10. No dating the thread 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches, and take from it what you will
OP posts:
WavingNotDrowning · 30/01/2016 10:44

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WavingNotDrowning · 30/01/2016 10:51

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HandyWoman · 30/01/2016 10:52

waving I totally think those are fake profiles on Bumble. Sorry you are feeling low. You have so much on your plate, the Soho situation can't help what with the distance/absence. Roll on the rest of the weekend and hurry up Fri morning! Do you get on ok with your mum?

HandyWoman · 30/01/2016 10:53

Definitely get yourself an iron, waving

WavingNotDrowning · 30/01/2016 11:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Humble314 · 30/01/2016 11:53

Yes, I felt like that before H showed up on Thursday waving but luckily within ten minutes it was ok.

parents - Argh. So long as we have a totally fake relationship where we never discuss anything meaningful, I get on ok with my parents most of the time, but this week, after things calming down a bit mid week I ended up having another go at my father when he dropped my son home on Friday.

I started off calmly saying that I regretted I had got so angry with mum earlier in the week, and then this turbo boost of rage came out of me, and I didn't finish how I'd planned to, I felt all fired up suddenly and I reprimanded my dad for giving a martyred version of events (the aborted phone call and me not inviting him in to 'talk about it) to my mother, the two of them ganging up on me, and then me having to enduring my mother pushing my buttons, calling me a "brat", calling me "silly" and telling me I was tantruming. I was furiious and I was openly mad when she said these things to me, but now I look back, wow, what button pressing!

I told my Dad that he was confusing gratitude with obedience and that there were going to be other things I might do in the future that he wouldn't approve of and that I didn't need and wasn't looking for his approval. Then he said with this martyred expression "can I speak?" and I said no. He drove off with a martyred look. He's up on the cross now, and loving it up there. The pair of them will never acknowledge that they created this drama. I just wanted them to back off and stop advising me.

Good job I've just done NMTZ or I'd be even more fired up!!

Humble314 · 30/01/2016 11:54

Oh no, waving the suicide threat Shock that is awful. YOu can't win.

Humble314 · 30/01/2016 11:55

My dynamics seem small fry dysfunction compared to a suicide threat. Brew

tanyadm · 30/01/2016 12:04

Oh, my mum threatened suicide a few years back when she was sulking with us. I am seriously sympathetic with mental health issues and suicidal ideation, but she was attention seeking and trying to guilt me and my siblings.

I went non-contact with her last March when she yelled at me in front of my then sleeping daughters about how I was ruining my children's lives (mostly due to me ending my marriage). And she had earlier dumped my younger daughter on the floor (my eldest is by far her favourite) and said "Wah wah wah" because she was upset.

Probably I should join the dysfunctional family thread too...

Humble314 · 30/01/2016 12:04

Thanks Bean! I'm looking forward to it!
Wine

I agree with Red. I never discuss not having sex early on, I just know that it won't be happening because I'm not going to do anything I don't want to do.... (and I think that that must come across quite strongly somehow in my demeanour and speech and behaviour and body language...... Confused Maybe I've just been lucky so far but I haven't had anybody leap on me. I think my profile and my messages are dare I say it, unapologetic about looking for a relationship not casual sex!)

Humble314 · 30/01/2016 12:06

Oh no tanya!

Mostly my family ticks along. It's only on rare occasions that I think, no, I can't choke this back down and then I am the one who gets angry. So their perception of themselves is that they are generous and reasonable and I am a silly ungrateful brat who loses her temper and ''abuses'' them.

Humble314 · 30/01/2016 12:07

We''' all end up on that thread too. Squeeze up there waving make room for a few noobz on the stately thread :-p

JollyXmasJumper · 30/01/2016 13:03

Bean are you me?? I have the same problem with regards to craving affection and not being able to be alone.. I am starting to realize though that is the main reason why I am single, I definitely come across as needy and men do have a radar for that. The good ones run away and I am left with those wanting a quick shag out of it. I may be blunt but I just have had the lightbulb moment at Xmas time. So I am working on learning to love myself and my life as it is and conveying that message to potential dates. So far, it has really changed the vibe of the conversations and I am starting to feel a lot more confident.

Scarftown · 30/01/2016 13:13

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NaiveBean · 30/01/2016 13:55

Jolly yes, I think I need to stop over thinking and remember to value myself a bit more. It's really sunny here so I'll go out this afternoon, might sit in a café with a book. I've texted this evening's guy and said I'm not comfortable with him coming over but happy to go for a drink. If he says yes to a drink I'll be very surprised, which is my answer right there!

Good luck to everyone going on dates today/tonight. The art gallery one sounds brilliant :)

tanyadm · 30/01/2016 14:08

Never mastered the art of not looking gormless in selfies...

Step inside the dating thread, 95
HandyWoman · 30/01/2016 14:19

Looking gorgeous there tanya Smile

NaiveBean you played that brilliantly - well done. Have a nice afternoon.

tanyadm · 30/01/2016 14:22

❤️ you Handy. My five year old said "mummy, you smell amaaaaazzzzing."

Random overheard thing on bus said by old lady "I know the effects of sin." Actually can't stop laughing now.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 30/01/2016 17:01

You look lovely, tanya - and how cute of your son. Your date sounds great - hope it's going well.

I'm gathering all three photos together for my OLD profile - I'm going to go for it (been dithering for ages!).

SoThatHappened · 30/01/2016 17:08

Would you ever trust someone or go on a date with them, if they had admitted being unfaithful in the past and their attitude right now left alot to be desired with regards to fidelity?

RedMapleLeaf · 30/01/2016 17:58

No.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 30/01/2016 18:44

No, me neither.

Scarftown · 30/01/2016 18:51

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MyGastIsFlabbered · 30/01/2016 19:00

So I don't understand Geek he seemed to really enjoy our online chat the other day, then yesterday I sent him a message saying did he want a chat again, he's definitely seen it and is on line but hasn't responded. Would you bother sending another one or just ignore?

HandyWoman · 30/01/2016 19:09

I'd ignore, gast and try not to overthink it.

Rule 4, my love. Rule 4...