Step inside the dating thread, 95

[MissPiggySeeksFrogwithGSOH]

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches, and take from it what you will

Velour I find that that insecurity about your 'value' only comes a few dates in, when you think, omg, this might be something, not just another Nearly. I've had so many Nearlys. So I am trying to dialogue with myself here (to use a phrase my psychotherapist used to use) and I'm telling myself that initially in our first meeting, I didn't feel our ''leauges'' were so far apart that it was pointless. There was a mutual attraction, a spark, and early on before there was any analysis whasoever we were close enough in leagues to reveal a mutual attraction. So, with that in mind, I am trying to quieten the voices in my head telling me that he could do better than me. It isn't that easy. I also feel that any random tiny thing could tip the balance, I don't know, a spot, a dodgy hair cut, 5lbs.......

Handy, it's always the way, innit.. Do you feel a connection to him. I knwo it would have been/be torture for me to have a ''fwb'' thing with Bear. Never say never to ''fwb'' (I'm the opposite of cufflinks!) but it'd have to be with somebody else, not somebody on my wavelength.

waving I do remember that thread,and although I thought she was a bit less cautious about these things than I am myself, I still thought she got a really hard time. Mostly from married posters no doubt, who have just never had to face the loneliness, the juggling, the practicalities.

I missed that thread...anyone got a link, or know where I'd find it?

DS still comes into my bed most mornings for a cuddle but Mr2015 never stayed over when I had DS so it wasn't an issue. And when he was there, we stayed downstairs. And now I feel like I am justifying it and I'm not sure why...

Anyway, I am going shopping after work for a new top to wear tomorrow night. We're just pubbing it so will wear jeans but fancy a new top that is both casual and devastatingly sexy. Shoud be easy, right?

Folk, that's the look I'm going for as well. Stripey is a fairly casual sort, so don't want to be too full on.... I've got a nice Oasis vest-top that I'm going to wear tomorrow (with my Eskimo-like hoody as it is going to be snowing!)

Bloody hell! I actually managed it!
First shop I went into (H&M), sale rail, long sleeved cream top, sheer, with a kind of cut out design...much nicer than I'm making it out to be... £5! Not sure if it's quite devastatingly sexy but I look good in it.

BARGAIN! Sounds lovely.

Tanya, are we the same person? My kids are 3 and 6 (well it's his 6th birthday a week today!) They only go to their dad's one night a fortnight and they always come in my bed so a stay over when they're here isn't feasible. I'm not sure I'd even be comfortable with a sneak out in the middle of the night. I've got the dreaded lurgy so actually quite relieved I don't have a date this weekend.

I just had a message from someone in Algeria saying 'hey, you look like to Arnold Schwarzenegger'...even if English wasn't their first language I'm not sure how this is ever a complimentary opening line?

wow. the flattery every woman longs to hear!

Borntofolk, re that thread, I can't remember what the thread was called, but we'd be better off not reading it. There was a lot of judgement on the thread. A lot of posters unable to distinguish between Mum's boyfriend sleeping over as part of a relationship, and Mum not caring that her casual selfish sex life was traumatising her children. There was just no grey for some posters on that thread!

So, quite a number out tomorrow night! who's out tonight? Hope everybody who's out tonight has a great time.

Loo updates are the best, especially on a first date..

Mine's a mid afternoon art exhibition and wine date. I am quite excited. I like his easy going humour and intelligence. And am looking forward to his Yorkshire accent. :)

Wow. It's been a long week. TGIF!

So I have trusted my gut and won't be seeing scot again. I'll let him know over the weekend.
No dates set up with anyone else, the next month is fairly packed out with work/ personal stuff.
Agree with you all re the work involvement. Not going there. Thanks all for reiterating my feelings on that one.

So what did I miss?

born the sex thing is a hard one. I didn't see that thread either.
I think some of the approaches around introducing the DC is really sensible. I'm still a ways off that stage. I'll cross that bridge (and the sex one) when i come to it. I think a lot depends on the age of your kids. And also who the person is. I get the feeling that with the right person, it will be a non issue and will feel quite easy and natural. If it doesn't then I wouldn't do it.
Outfit sounds fab. tanya so does yours.

scarf have you heard anything back?

Lol gast.

Who has dates tonight/ this weekend?

How was everyone's day?

Wow. It's been a long week. TGIF!

You can say that again.

My date is tomorrow night, no weekend full of avocados for me due to other social commitments.

Question, Sparks is an old iron, we were meant to be meeting up this weekend but I had to cancel as I've got the kids. He said for me to let him know when I was free but since then I've heard nothing. Should I bother contacting him again or just let it die a death, seeing as he could at least have messaged me to say hi?

OMG what, a week! Since last Friday morning I've done: a 56hr week incl. one clinical incident where I've been left exposed and complained about (in a roundabout way) - several repercussions there. Separate from today's big meeting. Which was big. As well as party (with bonkers ex best friend), two nights out with colleagues, one parents' evening, choir practice, and, a 7 hour intense (but awesome) recording session (am also of a musical bent) and had a shitty cold - WHAT WAS I THINKING??

I am knackered!!! This weekends plans are to, er, spend much time on the sofa!!! Who's joining? gast? sassy?

Scarftown does your man drive an ice cream van hope he explains himself! Have a great date tonight and don't forget the loo update!

tanya ooh arty afternoon date - how lovely - any date potential with the rather sexy Pasta?? I do like sex-driven in the right context. Cufflinks was the master at this. Mr 'I am horny' not so much...

velour how was that coffee?

Sassy unforgiving re boundaries - yep - that's me to a tee. May explain the zero irons situation haha!

314 re your happiness both upstairs and downstairs - it's marvellous marvellous news and you handled the kids beautifully in my opinion. Beautifully. 6 months my arse. How brilliant when are you going to get it on with him I wonder what the gift is?

folk that top sounds like just the thing. Is it a first date with Birdman?

Waving what's the latest from Soho?

Right... Slippers ON

I think Pasta would jump at the bit, but have been holding him off in favour of Stripey. So maybe he's not the frontrunner? Dunno, they are very different!

My week has also been beyond crap, but ends with a date and a horse-filled Sunday, so all good.

Hi, can I join you all? I've been lurking and very occasionally posting (about 5 threads ago). It's been lovely to see this thread active again, and everyone being so supportive. And some good dates happening.

Reading it filled me with hope, so I logged on to POF, where I have a hidden profile (not yet plucked up the courage to go live with it) and ..... my GOD what happens to a lot of men when they hit 50 (I'm 50)??!! Lots of grim photos with the serial killer glare, and rubbish-y profiles ('just ask me what you want to know'). So I've put it off again ...

Have a couple of little questions though - someone said I should try Toyboy Warehouse (or something like that) because you could set your age preference to just a year younger than you (I'm not a cougar!), and at least the men there don't want to date a woman 20 years younger than them (despite bringing nothing much to the table). Has anyone tried?

And POF - does it work ok as a free site - you can't see all of the profiles, but can you send and receive messages etc? I also have a hidden profile on OKC - is that better?

I live (and work) in London, so hopefully there should be some volume of men around ...

Lastly, like a couple of PP, my therapist positively encouraged me to try online dating - she thinks I'm ready (horrendously acrimonious divorce, still on-going - going into its third year shortly) and that 'male attention' will be good for me. Perhaps she means it will take my mind of the shite the rest of my life is throwing at me!

Oh, and I've found the discussing (and pictures) of date outfits really helpful - I need to go shopping!

Handy the coffee was lovely, thanks! We didn't have that long and we were tired from the night before but she is very nice to talk to :)
56 hour week is crazy well this weekend

MyGast did you reply saying when you were free then? If nothing I would assume = bad day, stress perhaps, maybe send a 'still on for tonight?' type message?

Too hasn't it just.
Good for you for being decisive re: scot, good luck with telling him
thanks, it was fine!

tanya wine dates are so nice aren't they!

Born Thanks! It actually went fine, we just watched a film, although I overanalysed everything when they left...H&M can be so good sometimes:-) enjoy it & glad you had a good night out

Humble do people really notice things like spots and 5 lbs? Aw, don't feel insecure about that! To be honest, if someone wants to spend time with you they don't care what you look like. Which sounds a bit trite perhaps. I think I'm going to calm down about the league thing. I do like my image and comparing makes me feel insecure when I don't have to be.

Scarf i feel your pain re:tenderhooks about replying! Hope he doesn't leave you hanging long

so I saw her again today with the other girl and then we were on our own for a bit, we have vague plans for the weekend and we are talking about a going out date again. I said no thanks to going out with her & others tonight, I desperately need alone time! Have planned stufff with different people next week which should distract. Sometimes I think she must be interested because we have been seeing each other every day since the weekend and then other times I feel like, I'm the one who gets flutters around her, I don't think she does though? Because thought we'd probably DTD again fairly soon but we haven't...

I also have been seeing a very nice guy around, he's in one of my seminars, and I wonder if I want to ask him to go for drinks but I don't think I have the time or mindspace...but it's final year and we're all leavingand won't see each other again!...

sorry MyGast I meant to bold you! (feel bad now)

Batshit hello :)
what shops are you looking at? I'm trying not to spend much at the moment so love clothes chat!
good luck with the OLD!

Hi Bat - I'm on POF and I find that it's decent as a free site. You can send and receive messages...take chemistry tests etc (if you choose to), which will link on your profile, and also set parameters. I have mine set that those who contact me for the first time must be male, have a picture, live within my country, and be under the age of 40 (I think if you're an upgraded user you have more options for your parameters). I believe it has actually blocked people outside of my parameters from contacting me except I have still received the odd message here and there where the person did not have photos. But otherwise it does the job. And you can block people as well :)

Anyway...an update from me - I have not met anyone yet. I have begun a few conversations but they have all died out. One guy who began speaking with me the other day could only fixate on my past relationship (as I have myself listed as divorced and longest relationship over 9 years) and flaunt his money with nothing else to talk about...so I didn't continue writing after that. And this other one told me he used to be an archaeologist/biologist in central America but is now teaching locally. There were about 4 messages exchanged back and fourth between us and then he just disappeared. Think he deleted his profile. I wasn't really sure if he was my type anyway...but I was hoping to feel it out a bit and see, as this one seemed mature and wrote decently. Anyway...onwards and upwards!

Evening all!

Hi Bat! I am only on OKC and finding pretty good. Re male 50-somethings looking for under-30s, I had some of them contact me and honestly they are just there for the ego boost. You are not missing anything, it is that much chaff sorted.

Sassy & Handy, yes definitely second that TGIF feeling. Pheeww.

Good luck on upcoming dates Tanya, red and 314 and anybody else I have missed.

I am so pissed off with IKEA who cannot seem to get it together long enough to sort out the longest-overdue second date ever (first was mid Dec!!). So I took my anger out on my credit card at ... Chantal Thomass. And came back with 6 new ensemble (sale - complete bargain). Including a red leopard print one. Yeah I am that pissed off.