Step inside the dating thread, 95

[MissPiggySeeksFrogwithGSOH]

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches, and take from it what you will

Hope you get the truth, scarf x

Ok, so update and then I'll read up what yall are up to!

Well, I knew (half knew( this would happen. He walked in the door and I was dazzled or glamoured or whatever that thing is. I really enjoyed his company, relaxed, laughed, felt secure knowing he was coming back Saturday. He's a handsome man. I feel it badly downstairs now. Bring it on. I'm ready. My dc were about tonight though and he was friendly and natural with them. Chatted about icecream flavours and the merits of storm trooper over darth vader. DC totally unphased by his presence. He complimented my cooking, asked for more, patted his tummy. Which is says is big but really he's in good shape and he knows it. We had a very uncomplicated very good time. I'm back in under his spell now. And sassy before I left I said that line exactly as you phrased it, it was perfect, I felt so reasonable saying it. He said, noted, taken on board, I can do that! and then at that moment he told me he'd bought me something from his home town and he will give it to me on Saturday.
ok, so, I don't know if this will change things but he also admitted that he's very good at asking questions and I said that I end up thinking, whoah, I told you everthing and I still don't know much about you, so I think he's expecting a few cheeky nosey questions on Saturday.

Happy.

Just back from works drinks.

Now in bed, and seen that a lovely looking chap who I messaged about his music related interests has replied with a one word answer! What's that about!

And MrMovies who wanted to message me him when I returned, has just informed me he is horny. So romantic!!!!

Slim pickings for me at the moment. Someone is trying to tell me something that I need to pay more attention to my career

No time to catch up with stuff as big meeting tomorrow, but will ASAP

eloquent don't feel a tit for goinng to the cinema on your own. In my twenties I used to go to the cinema on my own all the time, Sunday afternoon, Muswell Hill, there i was, I grew really confident seeing films on my own. I still do it now because if the xh flies home and takes the kids for the day,it's my treat to myself to go and see a film on my own. Few chocolate brazil nuts, a coffee, nobody yabbering away beside me! love it.

velour that'd make me extra self-conscious, I mean, it's not like I think I'm not being myself, but somebody you know well watching hoow you interacte with somebody you're interested in... I need alcohol for that.

tanyadm can't believe Bee is on so many dating sites when he's kind of half involved elsewhere. I never really understood how it was you were going to see him through work!

scarftown do you have netflix? I loved damages and the good wife and the sixth series of the good wife has just gone up on netflix, so that's my friday night sorted.

mygast when you have the energy, come back and explain it all. I had psychotherapy about four or five years ago and I really love these little insights in to ourselves that help us react differently to the SAME as before.

When I said to my parents "I need to learn not to react to your lack of faith in me'' they were rolling their eyes at me like I'd just touched down from LAX, with yoga mat under one arm, algae smoothie in one hand.

{wave} to everybody else. I'm sure I've missed loads, these are just quick thoughts.

handy ONE word. /?? He'd be a great conversationalist.........

Some bloke you've never met is Horny. Stop the Press!

waving so Soho's back soon?! Good.

tanyadm I missed that, date with stripey on saturday! good news.

Oooo. Ended up having a fab evening.

Started with a quick drink with a few colleagues, one of whom is just so sexy. There is a chemistry there, unfortunately I just don't do work entanglements. I'll just settle for work flirting instead.

Then moved onto more drinks and ended up shooting the breeze with some lovely ex colleagues. Life is non too shabby

french continues to impress with his romancing skills. impromptu is off the bench as he seems to have copped a strop about my needing to cancel him. scot. Well he just needs to be told he's proper weirded me out so he doesn't do the same to another unsuspecting female. I think it was him joking but the joke fails to translate via text.

Will catch up on all of today's thread tmrw first thing. But from the skim I gather the following.

red is loved up and tired from a night of being loved up

waving soho has asked to see you. Did you accept?

velour is loved up too

gast owes us an in depth playback of why we do this to ourselves

314 is getting a car

sorry to anyone else I missed. Must sleep!

I think Bee is only on OkC but not sure. We talked about commissioning him for a project I am doing, hence the work thing. I have several irons, and really looking forward to seeing Stripey so it's all good!

Pie, that sounds quite relationshippy.

Also, your next username needs to be Macaroni314

Hi

Had a 3 hour Whatsapp chat with Geek last night, none of it was remotely smutty, it was just getting to know each other, very unusual (for me!). Could be a slow burner, who knows?

Basically what my counsellor said was quite personal to me, I'm going through a personal shitstorm in terms of my divorce, having to take my ex to court to get him out of the house, he's fucking with the boys heads to get to me etc...anyway my counsellor said that because so much of my attention is given to the boys at the moment that it's not surprising that I crave attention from other sources, and that my life is totally in limbo right now and it's actually ok to do whatever it takes to get me through 'right now' until things are settled. I just have to be realistic and accept there will be highs and lows. And be honest with other people about what I want.

Does that make any sort of sense? I probably haven't explained it well (what with being up past 1am talking to Geek! I think I might change his name to RD as I think geek is a little unkind).

Good morning thread, some great updates which I won't add to. But, who has a date today? (I've got a 12 hour day at work, so nothing exciting from me).

Not me, but tomorrow. Eek, I have a date tomorrow!

Morning!

waving am sure you're hugely excited! Yay!
Which rule are you asking about?

gast makes total sense.
I'm having the polar opposite problem in so much that when I look back at STBXH behaviour it makes my barriers go even higher. And I can become quite unforgiving if someone crosses one of my boundaries. I have to step back and make sure I'm not having disproportionate reaction because of my ex.
I agree with your counsellor, but only so long as nothing is at the expense of your emotional wellbeing overall. Sorry to hear about your ex. Also I don't think calling some geek is negative. I think it's a huge compliment.

tanya so what's the most up to date with bee and you? Totally just work related now? Yay re date tmrw. How come pasta is the front runner. Totally missed this one.

handy best of luck in your big meeting today.

314 +1 on the DC's question. How did you position it? I need to take notes.

scarf that is totally weird! Could it be that he drives a horrible car and didn't want you to see it?

velour how was your evening?

eloquent so glad to see you back. How are you?

Sorry to anyone I've missed. Post in a while xx

I have pretty much gone NC with Bee, but will call him when the work stuff comes up.

Pasta was just funny, very articulate, on my wavelength but quite sex driven, but not in a sleazy way of that makes sense.

That said, Stripey is also very on my wavelength, just more gentle and less brazen! Looking forward to tomorrow.

Eloquent, welcome back, hope you are doing ok. x

waving my challenge with the work colleague thing is that work is just that. Work. No messy emotional/ entanglements and that's liberating.
This guy is gorgeous and I have no doubt given half an opportunity he would sleep with me.

But.....

What if the sex is awful?
What if it's not and one of us falls for the other and it's not reciprocated?

I'm also quite well liked and respected at work. Men talk. I'm not sure I want people at work talking about me in that context.

Ideally I just want to keep my two worlds nicely separated. But not going to lie, he is absolutely yummy and I could do rude things to him!

Sassy & waving re the DCs, well I don't know if I've done it right, (and I mentioned to a friend recently that H was going to come over for dinner and she disapproves). She read that you ought to wait 6 months. Well, maybe I ought to but it definitely won't work if I have to creep around for 6 months. Also, maybe that advice is to slow down irresponsible parents who might spend their children's whole lives introducing new partners. That's not me, so I feel rightly or wrongly that just this ONCE (maybe not the next time though) I can ignore this 'rule'. My children are so rarely at their Dads, I need to be very natural about this. So for the last month, every time I've gone out with H I've mentioned his name and said who I'm going out with, which I've never done before. Even when we were taking the Christmas decorations down on the 2nd January I told my DD that I had gone on a few dates with somebody I really liked. I told them H was coming over for dinner but they should say Hello. 13yoDD was in her room but she did come down. My (younger) son was more natural. He appeared to say how many goals he'd scored at school and which flavour ice cream was his favourite. My son was so relaxed, you'd swear I had done this before!

I know my dd must be processing it all, but she knows that H has been about for a while now. I feel bad but H is more child-friendly than Bear who would sit there in a t-shirt with the name of some cool indie band from 20 years ago, disappearing in and out the back door for a smoke every five minutes. H doesn't smoke. I will stand in the line of fire to be told off for being irresponsible here but I don't think my children are going to be damaged by H's presence in the house one morning. Oh I hope not.

sassy with the work colleague, I made some mistakes at work in my 20s, so I hear you. It'd have to be understood by all colleagues to be a relationship before you could even risk sleeping with him I think. That is so cautious I know but men do talk, and even if he privately really liked you, to the guys he might be saying, yeh, slept with her, not sure about her yet, we'll see. So I'd need a colleague to nail his colours to the mast at work quite publicly before I could risk it. I think it'd be the only way to come out of it with your reputation unscathed. People do have work relationships, but what is perceived to be regretted-shagging is never good! And of course, always reflects worse on the woman.

Sassy, that sounded like a warning, not meant to be, just saying I totally agree with you!

It's interesting to read your approaches to blending a relationship into family life. I have my kids 7 days out of 7, and I have no idea how or when I could have someone round - they are nearly 3 and 6. What are the socially acceptable rules?!

It's a tricky thing to manage. When I was seeing that guy last year (who shall henceforth be known as Mr2015 as last year, for me, was all about him...) I was quite open with DS about it. He would know I was going out, ask who with and I'd tell him and say we were dating. I thought that was healthier than suddenly introducing him to someone 6 months down the line. I would also tell him if Mr2015 was coming over in the evening, which he quite often did as I didn't want him waking up and hearing a man's voice and being freaked out! So, 314 I think you handled it fine. Like you say, it's not like there are streams of men going through your house on a weekly basis.

What are people's views on sex with kids in the house? I mean, on the one hand, people do have sex all the time when kids are in the house but it just feels a bit weird in a dating scenario. Not that that ever stopped me though! But then DS is a heavy sleeper and once in bed, never, ever gets out until morning so I was fairly confident of no interruptions...

Anyway, updates. I had a brilliant night out last night with loads of friends. Little bit hanging/tired today though so am actually quite pleased I am not seeing Birdman and can just have a quiet night in. And, we have a confirmed date for tomorrow! He offered to come over to me again (he lives about 25 miles away) which was sweet but I've got to come up with a suitable venue now...so hard.

Sassy I think you're right about keeping work/relationships separate. People do gossip

scarf that's weird about MrC...clearly something going on. I hope he answers your message

gast thanks for sharing what your counsellor said. It does make sense and I do think that geek (I think it's a compliment too!) sounds good for you at the moment. Just having someone to chat to is nice sometimes isn't it?

velour hope last night went well.