Step inside the dating thread, 95

[MissPiggySeeksFrogwithGSOH]

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches, and take from it what you will

Re-joining this thread after a while away and gradually reading through all 23 pages of it

I have a few goals this year, dating is not the top priority but I'm 'drafting' a profile.. do you find it hard to actually write down your identity, or anything that sounds normal-yet-a bit different to everyone else's, using the word count they allow? Do you change your profile regularly or keep it the same and if you change it does it make a difference?

I've been single since I got pregnant with DD (almost 3 years ago). There is one guy on the horizon. I slept with him once or twice in my 20s (so, about 9 years ago) and he's made sporadic contact since, more so after I had DD. On the one hand he's dropped in to my house a few times, sat on my sofa, made light conversation. He came on a day trip with me and DD once last year to the zoo. Seemed to be making a bit of an effort. On the other hand, since I moved here with DD as quite a new baby he's tried multiple times to 'drop in' by saying he's just up the road quite late at night (I've said no every time), and his texts/messages are very directly asking me for sex, and to the point of saying he already has hotels booked for work and if I want to go out to let him know and we can go to one. I haven't had a night out in 2 going on 3 years so it would be nice to gout out, but not just to go have sex in a hotel, I'd want a little more lead-in than that. As I recall, the sex wasn't that great.

For those who don't live in or near a city - where do you go on a date? - ideas for interesting places that are not some local old mans pub? (just so that I have a few suggestions when it comes up!) For anyone who is a LP with a tight budget for dating, do you drink and then pay for a taxi, or go alcohol-free and drive yourself home? I can potentially go for a coffee in the middle of the day too, 2 days a week.

Matthew Hussy, that's a blast from the past, he was doing the rounds when I was in London a few years ago, wish I'd taken better notes he had some pretty useful stuff to say!

Yes, you're right, the ones with their privacy really really carefully locked down are very cautious!

Can you help me phrase a text that is nothing to do with men!? My Dad's perception of me as a spendthrift, irresponsible, needy daughter upsets me. I got angry with him the other day when he was so negative about me driving. literally mocking me for believing I could afford a car/to run a car, and then saying after a heated exchange like a profit of gloom "well i can't prevent you from driving''. He said this as though I were going to drive a bus the wrong way up the M6, after 4 bacardi breezers. I don't know why his perception of me is so different from my perception of me. Anyway, now my mother is being a bit pissy with me. I asked after a funeral she went to earlier and I got a one word reply. How can I communicate in a non-accusatory way that it is difficult for me to remain 'buoyant' in the face of their lack of faith in me. I am not in debt, I have savings, I can buy a car. There's no obvious reason why the entire rest of my acquaintance has achieved this but I will be unable to
Sorry for the downer. It'd be good to say ''what you think of me is none of my business'' but, actually, I didn't live by that as I did get upset knowing they've got this inexplicably low opinion of me. So what I need to say is please don't make your low opinion of me so apparent to me. or something like that in language that won't get their backs up. If I use therapy-speak at all they'll roll their eyes.

sassy have you tested out those terms (his place/open FB) and had success? - just curious!

Lacoba personally I wouldn't be staying in a hotel on the third date, but I think it's a very personal thing.

314 I agree with you to some degree, but like myself, unless you know what they do & if there's a reason why they might 'lock' down I am the same. That doesn't mean I'm dodgy.

If I met a guy and he said "hand over my phone and my keys and here's my surname and details" I would say a lot more then fick off to be fair!

So I wish you ladies well, but I am gonna bow out, because I'm struggling a little with some of the theme. I honestly think it's a fab thread, but not for me . X

THANK YOU. Really. you guys. This thread is definitely the missing permanent WMLB Q&A. ----

I am trying to write IKEA a mashup of your suggestions that is in line with our conversations so far. Will update with answer and clinically dissect it to verify the T&C point. Love playing dating scientist.

That'd really annoy me Eternal!

humble the sex pesting? Yes it does me, I don't reply when his messages turn that way. It's why I think I have to get out somehow and start dating again, so I don't feel he's my only option, as good as it's going to get etc.

thanks waving I work three days a week and they mind the younger one those days. The annoying thing is I will be choking back down frustration at being beholden to them for looking after the younger one as they drive him home too, but I will be more independent if I can drive. I really don't know what their problem with me driving is. I'm trying not to let it upset me, and failing. My being upset is angering them. I should just accept their opinion.

But you're right, avoidance is the best policy right now and I won't send any more communications. I will see my dad tomorrow though.

Eternal He's not your only option! YOu say you have other goals so obviously being single is an option! I think what I've learnt, from this thread and from my own experiences is to be completely unapologetic for having your own needs. I'm not saying it's always easy to VOICE that mind you.

ps, waving, I read the book years ago but I can't really remember the specifics. I only know it helped me feel it was ok to admit what I want.
If somebody who has the book in their hand wants to summarise the t&c part, that'd be fabulous

ps, that'd have been a great book for book club. Much easier to read than Cutting for Stone. And I might have ploughed through it read it in the four weeks before the next book club! I think I got about 4/5ths of the way through every book we read. Another one was cloud atlas. I only got about 2/5ths of the way through that.

thanks Waving, but I reckon I'm done . Good luck folk. xx

oh Lacoba, hope you're ok. xx

Humble very true. The last time I had sex I got pregnant - so getting on for 3 years. And I'm still not interested in what he's offering. The thing is, if he just suggested we go out for a drink, and then we could hold up a semi-intelligent conversation, have a laugh together.. it might naturally lead there. But to just agree to go to a hotel because that's what he wants - there's nothing in that for me. I doubt the sex would be good and I'd just feel cheap. Surely a guy can try a bit harder than just messaging 'I want to * you 10 different ways', it's uninspiring.

humble I swear I have that book hanging round the house somewhere.. if I find it will post the t&c (probably worth a re-read anyway at this point)

oh thanksEternal

Oh Lacoba, I think I get it now. You're leaving because the zeitgeist of the board is a bit wmlb-y? & checking fb/asking to see a man's house seems a bit much? At the moment I'm going by my instinct and just trusting that but I can totally see why for sassy, hoping is not enough!

ummmm,my six month sabatacal,is going well,till e harmony offered me a deal,this site any good??/

slap me hard!!!

So, I messaged Birdman and asked him about Friday and he totally bitched me! Said he has tentative plans with a friend for Thurs or Fri but he's going to find out tomorrow. Well played, sir, well played We ended up having the nicest chat and I am in danger of becoming really quite smitten. It's just so nice to have someone to say goodnight to. Anyway it's all good, I am glad I asked even if he can't make Friday.

Aww good work Folk it's good to just stop the overthinking if you can, hey.... Nice Bitchin from the Birdman!

Having T&C and setting them out right at the beginning is at the end of chapter 3. There is no specific theory about that, I guess it just resonated with me. I may be overthinking it, but I never had thought of the beginning of a relationship of any kind in those terms and I can really see now that is part of my problem. But then I am the nice girl concept personified.
This OLD thing is definitely a learning curve for me, on so many levels. Step 1 was no more accepting shit. Step 2 now is saying out loud what I expect. Being a prize certainly does not come naturally to me.

Morning all

lacoba and others. Am a little that some of my ideas may have come across too strong.
Sorry if that is the case. Lacoba I hope you have a fab time and that you come back and post an update.

All I'll say is this. I think this is a really supportive thread. If someone wants to swing from the chandeliers with their knickers on their heads on the first date, Go for it! Sounds like a great first date to me and I'll be a tad envious that someone has the self confidence and emotional capacity to go out and do that. The rest of the thread will be here whooping you and cheering you on. But if you ask for advice from the thread I think we will give you our honest opinions. At the end of the day as with everything on mnet take it with a pinch of salt and live your life!

For me, I know that sleeping with someone makes me vulnerable and right now I don't have the emotional capacity to deal with rejection. So I have to protect myself and if come up with batshit crazy ideas to do so, then that's all on me. Call me crazy but if I'm about to get naked with someone I think they can show me their Facebook. It's a fair trade!

Right back to the thread

red hope you had a fab night with friends!

waving how's the pining going?

jolly I'm with you on the learning curve.

eternal yes to the Facebook. No to the house, yet. My new theories may not work but let's see. I'll be the threads experiment and will report back with total honesty!

handy what are you going to do re your friends husband. Have you decided? You do know you stand the risk of being shot as the messenger if you tell don't you?

born lol at being bitched. Keep us posted.

dee do you feel ready? I've not tried any of the paid for sites so I have no clue.

314 would this tack work with your parents?

I love you both and I know more than anything you have my best interests at heart. The car thing is so so important to me for xyz reason. It would mean the world to me if you could support me on this. Could you both please support me?
Mum/ dad - we could look at cars together? I'd really appreciate your advice.

Now to be fair the above would have worked on my mum. It would have also worked on My dad but he would have strode off muttering something about emotional females. Then a few days later he would offer to take me car shopping.

I find if you confront then more barriers go up. If you ask for emotional support it's harder for them to do that.

Right date roll calls. We're having a quiet week!

Who's next?

I have two dates tomorrow......anyone else?

waving I've been up since 5. Am looking at holidays though. I love these quiet morning hours pre the DC madness and noise!

Lol @ writer is he still messaging?