Step inside the dating thread, 95

[MissPiggySeeksFrogwithGSOH]

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches, and take from it what you will

book club!! lol.

I'm just a terrible person, I can't commit to any interested person or even to this thread. Sorry I haven't been back, since my first post, Ive just been so busy and well a little delicate today and just wanted to wallow a bit and not inflict my misery on the world.
I will catch up on everyone's posts later. But am so sorry to those who have been let down by idiots and losers.
The reason I think the Muso is so unsuitable is mainly because we are at different life stages. He is a musician and sound engineer and often works into the night, I have very little spare time, so its difficult to arrange to meet up except for a few hours on a Saturday. To me the entire thing is sex based and he seems to want emotional support from me, and I find that aspect overwhelming. I keep pulling back. It must seem to him that I'm playing hot and cold and he keeps sending me messages such as 'at least you think of me sometimes', which I find suffocating. But the sex, is well, ahem, amazing.
I'm wondering if I'm behaving like a man who can't commit, and he is playing the part of the vulnerable one. It makes me feel awful, but none of it is planned.

Have you told him clearly what you are after and what you can offer? It takes strength to allow yourself to be vulnerable, it's not a weakness.

Morning. Feeling a bit better today, am more angry about what's happened than upset which I think is healthier. All irons definitely on the back burner and I'm going to attempt to deliver less moose burgers. I think I will attempt more lunch/coffee type dates rather than going out and getting pissed dates which will probably help. I still want to message Teach and just ask wtf, but I'm not going to...am just going to try and chalk it up to us being different people wanting different things. And focus on the little niggles that weren't right about him.

I think it's perfectly normal to want to figure it all out gast, that's what brains are designed to do, but I think the fact that you're experiencing anger shows that you're moving forward.

Argh! I am having a little wig-out about Birdman.

I haven't heard from him since we chatted on Sunday night. I've got a free night on Friday and would like to see him....do I suggest it?

I am honestly torn between not delivering moose burgers on the one hand and not playing games on the other. I mean, we both agreed that we'd like to see each other again, I've got a child free night (and won't again for a week) so why not ask him? But then I know if I do I'll always be worrying about how much he actually likes me. I do think he liked me, I just think he's a bit lazy and there's lots of stuff going on with his job at the moment.

You could try, "Hi, could I tempt you with a meal at Xs on Friday?"

Hi all!

Haha Born I had the same dilemma with IKEA two weeks ago. I did suggest the second date and I think it would have worked if other parameters had not come into play. So I say go for it. But looking back I think I should have done it in a more bitchy way - I think the message you want to get across is more "look I am busy we need to do some scheduling" than "I want to see you, let's lock it down" IYSWIM?

In practical terms, perhaps you could 1) get back in touch with something innocuous, 2) ask how his busy week is going, and 3) after he answers tell him that your week is pretty crazy too, you need to schedule seeing some friends and Friday is the only day you could see him? Not sure it is the best approach but that is how I think I should have played it. Good luck!

Thanks! I am actually genuinely viewing it in quite a bitchy way...I'm not moping around after him, I just have a free night after a genuinely busy week and it seems a shame to waste it. Plus that'll be 2 weeks since our first date and if we leave it any longer it'll be a bit weird I think.

Anyway, I know he had an important work meeting today and I have an inkling he may message me later about it so I'm sure I could work the conversation round to something like "I'm free on Friday night if you wanted to do something fun and take your mind off work crap?" That's not too moose-burgery is it?!

Not sure what I'll do if he doesn't message tonight but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it!

OK, wig out over.

gast Glad you are feeling better today. Anger definitely sounds like a healthy emotion in the circumstances! I think sometimes the hardest bit of breaking up with someone is accepting that you are never going to get all the answers that you might want.

314 Did you hear back from H? Are you definitely on for Thursday?

knackeredknitter I agree with others who are saying as long as you are clear about your needs and expectations, then it's fine. He does sound lovely, but perhaps more than you are looking for just now?

waving are you really going to book club tonight? Mine is also tonight. There was some Poke article on FB the other day about how men go to book clubs to pull. Unfortunately, it's not true of mine. It's about 90% female and the blokes that go are either married or old or both!

I was in a book club once and it was 100% female! They also chose books that took me five weeks to read!!
Eg "cutting for stone" by abraham vergese. Lordy. To coin a phrase!!

Gast gladvyou feel angry.. in a corner of teach's mind, he knows he deliberately mislead you. In time, you will let it go cos you did nothing wrong. Behaving badly towards somebody haunts me forever!! Altho, that is my personality type. ..

Born yeh i think it is ok to say I can meet you xxxxday. In a take that or leave that way.

Oh good!! A phon3 call. Is he ok?

Anger has dissipated and I'm back to feeling sad. The kids have been a nightmare on the school run.

Is there anything you can plan and do to give yourself a bit of TLC gast?

Hello, 'iron-less loser' here, checking in. Feeling kinda flat, minus a best friend, no seduction from Cufflinks and not even the slightest whiff of a date = meh.

Mr Flight not messaged since Sat. He does long haul but even so. And he's a bit far for it to be practical. Pie in the sky (haha. Pun intended).

Someone on Bumble messaging once a day ish. Meh. So what.

Actually connected with someone decent on 'Once' but he seems a bit of a senior exec snd prob outa my league.

Need a new app. Am so over POF.

gast I'm really glad to hear the anger has kicked in. That's progress. That's healthy. I'm sure somewhere in the recesses of Teach's mind there is a tiny amount of guilt. He might not connect with it, I'm sure it's there. 100%. Hope the dc are ok.

Folk wig away! So hard to walk the line between moose burgers and game-playing when one has commitments and responsibilities. I think if you like him and you have a rare free night - ask him out? I would.

314 how you feeling about the H situation?

Off to look at buying some cats...

X post with gast

TLC and for you.....

Gast,I've had the anger,then the terrible sadness,that I won't see mr builder again,I'm sure its normal,we have been let down,so its to be expected,I'm trying to fill my time and headspace,I'm sure they must be feeling a little guilty,I'm like you I still want answers,I dont think we will get them,I hope the pain eases soon,thinking of you.
Waving. I hope Soho keeps in touch more regularly on his return,maybe a case of absence makes the heart grow fonder?
Hope everyone else is well,and this thread will be happy,and exciting soon