Step inside the dating thread, 95

[MissPiggySeeksFrogwithGSOH]

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches, and take from it what you will

This dating thing is hard but people like Red's MrF shows they aren't all bad

There's time yet.

Over 2 months and 6 dates I hadn't DTD with Tree but given another 2 dates it would have happened.

Thank the Lord it didn't.

No one is getting near me for 3 months / 12 dates minimum!! .

gast stay on the thread, please! this group is a godsend for me. I came on just because I was feeling meh and didn't know who else to say that to (who in real life wouldn't then worry about me).
Of course teach has set you back. It would any one of us. He played a cruel game and I'm sorry to say I don't think you did anything to change his mind. I think he just wanted some fun and said what he thought you needed to hear to have that fun. It's a grown up/ fucked up version of the crap that 18 year olds tell girls to get them to sleep with them. 'I love you' = sex.
The fact that he hasn't grown out of that reflects so badly on him and not on you.

Sorry. The blow up doll came from me and what I would have replied to him.

But don't we release chemicals after orgasm which encourage us to fall in love? so if the sex is shit, we don't fall for him?
Where as with guys, it's the moose burger analogy again, the longer they chase the more prized the moose head is....or something like that? Help me someone?

I think that leaving it a bit before you have sex gives you a chance to wheedle out off-putting characteristics and increases the chance of a player losing interest. I think that there's nothing you can do to prevent somebody lying and treating you like shit after having sex.

I think it is better to wait to have sex so you can evaluate a man by his actions for a while. Most men who just want sex will not wait it out and so will be gone after a few dates if you don't do the deed which indicates that was all they were after in the first place. If a man shows through his actions that his feelings for you are growing and hangs around to wait for sex it is more likely that he wants a relationship.

Yes, stay on the thread. I was having a boo hoo poor me moment after Bear communicated to me (again) that he didn't want a relationship. It was the 2nd time I'd heard it but it was the first time I'd absorbed it. So I told a few friends in rl and their advice was to give up OLD. "It should be fun!" said the women who last dated about 15-20 years ago, in their 20s, with no dc. It's all different now! I like my friends in rl, honestly, but they haven't had to contend with what we have to contend with. Circular dating, whatsapp notifications! Figuring out what to do with DC!

RedMapleLeaf I'm also not forgetting that you met this guy in real life!! A friend of a friend. The holy grail. ???

I agree with toosassy and I think the only way to beat their game is to be upfront about not wanting casual sex and to say it, mean it, stick by that, so that the 'game' would be terribly boring with us. I'm sure plenty of men will not date me a second time because of what I make clear (in an unapologetic insouciant) way on the first date. Well tbh it's communicated in my profile.

Five dates minimum? and they have to pay for dinner at least once. A few drinks isn't enough imo. Honestly, if I went out for dinner on the fifth date and the bill was split, he'd have failed my test. I am a feminist btw. But this isn't about a longer term division of finances. It's about generosity, respect, effort, romance...

gast I just wanted to add that I hope you're okay and agree that he has been a total wanker!

Re the abstaining from sex for a while, I've been guilty of being the instigator with Mr Diamond but I'm not feeling overly emotionally invested yet (does that sound wrong?). I'm of the attitude that I'm not getting any younger and if I want some fun, then what the heck!

Humble I seriously can't believe that me and MrF have found each other. I wasn't really looking for a boyfriend, and wasn't taking men up on the offer of dates, but this man was just something else.

I expect to go halves, or every other meal, from the off.

Question for the thread at what point would you become boyfriend and girlfriend?

Yeh, that's the bermuda triangle for me. I never come out the other side!!!

Red I don't sit on my hands, and while ago I would have just gone 50% all the time but after the fake buddist, I think that it does indicate respect and generosity. The night I went to see a film with H, he paid for the meal & wine, and I paid in to the cinema. So he paid more than I did but when I got home I had to pay the babysitter (which is not his problem of course)

gast It was nothing you did and he didn't change his mind. He's just a dick. I think the way he did it shows that. If he was a decent guy who had second thoughts about a relationship with you, for whatever reason, then he would have told you face to face. He's just a shitbag who probably had this all planned out. Which is fucking low, but not your fault.

Five dates minimum sounds like a plan. I agree, if someone is going to be a shit, they will be a shit...I was with ExP for 12 years, and we had lots of sex during that time but it didn't stop him buggering off with someone else did it?! But you do stand more chance of weeding out the shitbags by holding off a bit.

OLD is a funny old thing. When it's working and you get lots of lovely attention and flirty messages it can be a massive confidence boost. And then it can be a horrible heartbreaking painful experience when you get rejected. And I find it really hard to take a break from because when you get rejected, you immediately want the attention and flirty messages back and so go straight back to it.

I think that it does indicate respect and generosity.

I think that's what I like about taking turns. You get the chance to receive and express generosity.

Think I've been needing the counselling too,Gast I think for someone that hadent of been hurt in the past,this wouldent hurt,but as we are fragile,its worse,that's where my mistake has been I'm the past I do get on that horse far too quick,and then the hurts happen,then we are back there again,I've said 6 mths but my friends all roll their eyes and say yeah yeah!

"I think that's what I like about taking turns. You get the chance to receive and express generosity." Yes, that's my true feelings, but dating and wariness has made me long for a 60/40 split or something. I find it comforting. That's just me.

So obviously the worst thing in the world for me to do would be to date a broke man. With fake buddist, I never received any of his generosity. It reined in a bit of my generosity. Not only did we never go out for a meal, ever, but one time, our date was to go on a walk. It was mid September at this point so it was getting dark at about 9 ish, 9.15 I was happy with these walks in the midst of summer but less happy when I was paying a babysitter so we could go for a walk. Then, he turned up late! I already owed the babysitter about £6 by the time he showed up. And we set off on our free date. I felt a bit wrung dry!! It ended very shortly after that. That was 2014! I'm over it now. :-|

Born that's exactly it, I love the attention from OLD and whilst it doesn't mean anything it passes the time. I just feel so lonely right now, now that I'm not expecting to hear from anyone. I did have 2 potential irons and I don't know whether to bother with them even if I'm not looking for any new irons.

Totally agree with the give and take.

I picked up lunch today (at my insistence). Agreed it on date one when he wouldn't let me pay half. He thanked me afterwards and said he hadn't been treated to a meal by a woman for as long as he could remember. Although pre DTD I'd expect to be romanced and seduced in style. All by him. High maintenance when I want to be!

Re how many dates to wait. It's a fine balance. I don't think making them wait puts the 'hunters' off. They can totally get into the chase (plus they most likely have other irons they are putting in the fire so to speak). Increasing the number of dates is more for you. To listen and look for red flags and deflections (avoiding questions). The majority of men have very bad recollection of what they've said and reveal more after a few drinks. After 3/ 4 dates, if things don't quite add up, you know you have a player.

After 2 dates tree had his story down to a patter, no red flags. By date 4, something was off and not adding up as he wouldn't answer a few questions directly. By date 6, I called him on some stuff and it all came out. So the dates for me is to spot the holes.

I'm not a scrounger I've probably given more than I've taken, and this is a new awareness for me, to watch that, and to accept generosity when it's offered. I've paid for cinema tickets, rounds of drinks, I haven't paid for a whole meal though. But H is going to get a lovely meal Chez Humble314 on Thursday. I want to do that though.

I agree wrt to listening out for things not adding up. It does take a few dates. I took H to a really good Beer bar and he ordered a muller light. I was like 'ah' {lightbulb} it's bear that loves weird beers! :-p