Step inside the dating thread, 95

[MissPiggySeeksFrogwithGSOH]

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches, and take from it what you will

Sassy,I'm still a bit low,when you've been in contact for 10 months,and then nothing,last text was Thursday,he feels he needs to give me some time,as he doesent want to give me false hopes,but I still hope in time we can continue as friends,like I said our date went so well,why wouldent we do it again??he is putting his life on hold for his son,which makes this all a little sad,like i said wrong time...

I've had a horrendous night with DS1 who was basically up all night with bad dreams so am back to sobbing & feeling sorry for myself. I'm going to have a month off from OLD (have hidden my profile and deleted all the apps so won't be tempted) and give myself a chance to regroup. I give myself a week before I'm back on there but we'll see.

Seriously, wtf is wrong with people? I'm talking about the 2 week old baby, and other deceivers, not just Teach.

I think that taking a month is a good idea. Shore up your defences and fill your time with more life-affirming activities.

I'm next seeing MrF on Wednesday and going to practice being single and alone again for a couple of days. At work and got a different hobby event on each of Monday and Tuesday evening too.

Hi all.
Gast, I'm so shocked. I really am. And so sorry.
Why do guys think its okay to treat people like this?

My cousin took me out for dinner and cocktails on Saturday. It was fantastic. Just what I needed. The train journey home alone was hard. But worse than any of this has been London's reaction. I've only told you guys, my cousin and my ex and London.
I messaged him sat. He knew something was up and I eventually told him. He has honestly acted like I've cheated on him... A guy who doesn't want a relationship with me and we'd never met. He didn't even ask if I was okay, it was all about him and how he felt about me sleeping with somebody else and having a one night stand. He has been utterly self absorbed and selfish. I found myself trying to appease him, until I realised I was the one who had been assaulted, yet that wasn't important to him, his hurt was. It was absolutely absurd. And I'm now convinced he is a psychopath in the true sense of the word, not the horror movie stereotype.
I've got 2 Poorly toddlers to deal with today when I want to hide away. Not fun.

I am seeing the guy from last weds again. He is going to take me to see star wars. But all other irons are gone now.
My trust is completely shattered. I don't want to let anybody close.

I hope you're all well.

Sorry, I think that comes across wring re London, he was making out I was having a one night stand, because I went back to the guys house. Because I'd kissed the guy. Anything I said to the contrary was ignored. He refused to even acknowledge the assault until Sunday.

I've deleted Teach's number and our past texts so I can't contact him. I think it's for the best. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't reply if I sent him anything else so what's the point?

WTF is wrong with people? Gast I think that's sensible to block Teach. Anything you say now is just going to fall on deaf ears and, as you say, he's not going to respond, so what's the point? And even if he did respond, what on earth could he say that would make it any better?

eloquent Glad you had a good time with your cousin. Sorry London was such a shit. I don't know your backstory with him but he does not sound like a healthy person to have in your life. Sorry that the DC are not well...just what you need. Can you just do a duvet and Cbeebies day today? Minimum effort all round?

TooSassy "Emotional guards up big time ladies." I couldn't agree more.

Do you think men get hurt by OLD? This whole "sleep with someone and then dump them" is very male behaviour...is there a female equivalent? I see a lot of "no time wasters please" on men's profiles but I always take that to mean "don't bother messaging if you are not going to put out quickly". I'm not saying that women are perfectly behaved and all men are bastards but it does seem to be that women are more at risk, emotionally and physically by the whole OLD thing.

Good job Gast on deleting the Fucker's number. If he wanted to give you an explanation like a proper human being he would have done it already. You are absolutely right in clearing up phone and headspace. And re-read the Rules: it is not your fault Prince Charming turned into a frog, he was probably one all along, you did not do anything to change that! He was just good at concealing his frog-ness.

Eloquent Welcome back. Glad you are doing better! I am confused - have you met London ? I think you better get your thick skin on as he seems to leaving a couple red flags on your way. honestly though, I would run for the hills. Yes he seems a psycho

Re IKEA, he has not texted since I told him 10 days ago I would rather reschedule the date. He replied that he was happy to, and that we should do it when I will be back. I just got back, he did not know my return date, hence why he has until Sunday to make a move. And I feel that is actually way too generous because of the "if he guy wants you he will make it happen - sit back and relax" principle. Flying with MrRightAirways principle?

New iron - going to be MrTheatre - has been regularly messaging since last Tuesday. I like the conversation, he is definitely well read and it is interesting. But in just about 2 messages in has managed to express strong negative opinions about was I was doing that night (eating sushi is "unoriginal", film I was watching was a "lidl version of a great movie") and where I lived ("bougie area" - it is not). Was that teasing?? Or is he just generally angry at life?? I just said "Aouch" and moved on to another topic.

I am reading the excellent replies Gast could have sent to teach. Like Sassy a few days ago, I'm feeling a bit weighed down at the moment. Does it pass sassy!?!? Maybe I'm pre-menstrual as I was crying walking along earlier. Not because of any one man. It's not that I need support, I always do it all, get it done, everything's ticking, I'm not in debt, I have a plan, I have savings....... it's all fine. I just need somebody normal to be close to. I had, well, not an argument with my father, but a frank exchange of views where it ended up with him saying ''well, I can't prevent you from driving'' and I said ''I find it absolutely baffling that you'd want to prevent me from driving''. After that discussion I walked to a halfords type shop on the high street and got L plates. I will deal with this. I had psychotherapy years ago so I know what my parents are like and how I react to it (if I don't watch myself)

Also, I will do another mock theory test on line now.. Also, I am having a medical procedure which is, ahem, incompatible with having a boyfriend (for a while). Also, I'm getting braces on my top teeth next month which i haven't mentioned to H. I'm wondering what the fuck am I doing even trying to find this closeness with a man. It seems like pushing water uphill.

H hasn't texted me since he got back and I know I could text him, he wouldn't think it was inappropriate. I think I'm just taking a step back. Maybe it's not to be. If he texts, I'll be relieved, but I'm trying to make myself take a step back. I want a real connection, not a bar that I have to reach or a hoop that I have to jump through. Feeling his charisma when I'm with him once every five days............ that's not the closeness I need right now.

jolly no. Not met him and I have now blocked him and deleted everything. He always claimed to really care for me. It seems that care came with specifications.

My cousin thinks its possibly misplaced anger at himself for not being able to help me in a practical way and that he is directing that at me because he feels inadequate.
But if I'm honest, I really don't care. This was actually worse than Friday.

Netflix is on and toys all over the floor. But I dgaf.

And Gast I feel for you. He pulled a shitty move on you there. He did lie to you and mislead you and then just sent a ''let's be friends'' text the next day. I'd be so angry. I hope you're OK. @ 11.31 yes, sod diet coke :-p

Mmm Jolly the 'unoriginal' and 'lidl' comments would put me off this early on. He is not trying to pave the way for easy conversation, is placing himself slightly 'above' you and showing himself as uncompromising. Would be nice to think it as 'teasing' but I'd say not at this stage. But then I'm pretty uncompromising also!!

So Cufflinks. He sent me a message saying no he's not monogamous right now and said not to apologise or worry about requesting monogamy because requesting it is normal, and if I'm not comfortable about what he wants that's fine. He said I'm very perceptive about him (damn right mate). I told him if a relationship is ever what he's after to look me up! All very respectful either that or he's trying to wedge that door firmly open which is a pleasant surprise. We'll keep hold of each other's numbers but not keep in touch unless I change my mind about non monogamous shagging

gast cbeebies and day on sofa for you.

eloquent I would block London ASAP.

Anyone dating ce soir? Or are we all just trying to figure what the hell is going on and where the emotionally available men actually are????

Hi Eloquent Glad you're feeling a bit better. You don't need crap from a man you haven't met. Your assessment is spot on there I think. (How he is focussed on his reaction when YOU were assaulted!) Another one to block. Glad your cousin made you feel better.

How could he "really care for you" if you'd never met eloquent?

(I've just bumped in to the ex. He doesn't look well. I told him about MrF).

Yeh handy, sounds like the right decision wrt cufflinks reminds me of Bear. So articulate, so emotionally communicative, so understanding, acknowledging that what you ask for is normal and reasonable! but still the t&c are no to what you want / yes to what I want - or see ya.

handy my fake buddist broke artist bf lived in a room in a rented house. He had the nerve to call my terrace house in an estate (that I own, outright) ''a box''. It's hilarious now when I look back. I met him in real life though, so I can't blame OLD for that one!
I was a little bit embarrassed telling friends that he lived in a room in a rented house (a nice house, not a box)

waving I would go for a walk and take a vitamin C tablet.

H hasn't contacted me yet. Yesterday afternoon, I sent a long one, he sent a long one back, and I sent a short thanks. So, I'm not responding now. After missing 2 days of work last week he's probably at code red business. I'll text at about 9pm if I haven't heard from him. Or will I? I do find him a bit ''dazzling'' and what I long for now is a bit less dazzle and a bit more closeness. I am ashamed to say it but I thought about messaging Bear earlier. He'd reply. If I texted him now and told him I felt down, he'd come back with a reply really quickly and it'd be something wise and uplifting and appropriate to the situation. But I'll remember what handy observed, don't, don't, don't do it because it's his choice not to be with me. Attractive, emotionally literate men have choices.

I have a date in 45 minutes that I am totally NOT in the mood for.

Help me to get in date mode! What the hell is wrong with me??

Yes. He had a two week old baby over Christmas when he was messaging me every few days.
Who was then a month old when he tried to make me stay in a hotel with him.
Who was 6 weeks old when he texted me on my work phone saying he missed me.
I told him that I would be reporting him for harassment if he didn't leave me alone.

waving not the best to do a hard work out with a cold. You need fluids and rest with perhaps gentle exercise.

Wow Sassy. What a stand up guy
Just go natural for the date. Jeans, nice top, bit of make up. Luckily for the day, how much glamour can really be expected!

Just whatsapped H and invited him for dinner tomorrow night. I don't want a man I can't text. Don't want a man I don't feel close to. I feel like I want to blow it apart if it's not right. That's part of why I went ahead and sent that text. I thought, well, I want to know sooner rather than later. So instead of treading some fine line, I'm going to wobble a bit.

Looking forward to your lunch update Sassy!

Good luck for the date Sassy whatever happens I hope he's good company.